Thanks for the names, Cupcakes!

Ch. 8 (continued)

When Steph finally got the door open and stepped into the house, a roomful of people shouted "surprise" at her. As if that wasn't shocking enough, as Steph took a quick perusal of the room it seemed that a penis party-favor factory had exploded in her living room. No, not a factory, Steph silently amended, the Pleasure Treasures. Someone had bought out the entire stock of Pleasure Treasures and brought it to her living room. Never in her life had she seen so many penis themed items in one room. Steph was flabbergasted. Shocked into speechlessness, Steph had no alternative but to stare at her surroundings with her mouth wide open and wonder why her house was filled with penises. The room had become silent and nobody was offering any answers.

"Prob'ly been a while since you've seen a penis, huh?" Lula said, breaking the silence. "Understandable how you can be so stunned and everything."

Steph snapped to attention at the barb. "Hey! I may not be able to see my own feet anymore, but I still see plenty of penis!"

Steph winced as soon as the words came out of her mouth. That was WAY more information than she wanted to share. Especially when she noticed Grandma Mazur was present. Of course, Steph needn't worry about Grandma Mazur's sensibilities, which she realized as soon as Grandma Mazur yelled out, "Good for you, Steph. I always knew you were a chip off the old block!"

Steph scrunched up her mouth. At this point, Steph figured Grandma Mazur was entertaining delusions of grandeur on the penis front, but her announcement was still conjuring up a mental image Steph didn't want to have. To distract her errant imaginings, she turned her attention to Lula.

"What in heaven's name is going on here, Lula?"

"What do you mean?" Lula demanded, her hand on her hip. "This here's your baby shower."

Steph almost lost the remainder of her composure. This penis display was her shower. "Uh, I may be new to this whole baby thing, but isn't a baby shower supposed to have baby things around? Ya know, little tiny…whatevers. Maybe some balloons?"

"Huh!" Lula snorted indignantly. "We got balloons."

Steph glanced around and sure enough, hovering in the corners of the room were foot long balloons, complete with two attached circular balloons at the base that would make a porn star blush.

Steph raised her eyebrows. "Did they run out of plain pink?" Steph deadpanned.

"Now, you need to improve your attitude. This here took some planning. Me, Mary Lou, Val and Connie worked real damn hard."

Steph flinched inwardly as she realized Lula was right. Putting aside her shock from the decorations, Steph was touched that her friends had gone to the trouble to make her a shower. At quick glance, she had seen Joe's sisters Mary and Cathy, and Mooch's wife, Shirley. There were several of her old friends from school here, including Carol Nadich, Sue Ann Grebeck and Loretta Beeber. Joe had obviously had some part in this, hence the forgetting of his pager and then his wallet and sending her into the house to get it. And especially his insistence that she dress up today. Joe knew Steph would have hated meeting a roomful of her friends and family looking nothing but her best. Everyone had worked hard and gone to great lengths to do their part and to be here with her today. And she was certainly surprised. Sure, this was by no means a conventional shower, but with Lula in on the planning that should be expected. Besides, Steph wasn't a conventional person, so she figured she'd go with it.

Steph's face broke into a grin. "I'm sorry you guys," Steph said, turning to address the other hostesses as well. "It's these damn hormones. Really. Thank you all for doing this and for being here. I genuinely am very grateful." Steph gave Lula a hug, then one by one the other accomplices came and hugged her in turn. After that, Steph began mingling and greeting her other guests.

The food was arranged in the kitchen, buffet style. Tables and chairs were arranged around the rooms for the guests to sit at. A punch bowl sat on the kitchen counter opposite the food and contained Mary Lou's famous Fruity Punch. Floating in the punch were ice cubes depicting people in various sexual positions.

After a while, the guests began making their way into the kitchen to get food. Steph waited until all of them had served themselves before going into the kitchen herself. As Stephanie began to ladle herself a glass of the punch, chuckling at the obscene ice cubes, Mary Lou came up behind her and told her that they had set aside a special glass for her. Having seen some of the other "special" decorations at the party, Steph was almost afraid to look. And her fears weren't unfounded. The ladies had made Steph a large penis ice cube, perfectly…and realistically…formed in a rubber mold. It had been tinted with red food coloring so that not only did each detail stand out, but it had an accurate "flesh tone" quality as well. Mary Lou graciously added punch to the glass containing the ice cube and handed it to Steph.

Steph was determined to act civilly after her less than gracious entrance, so she didn't say a word as she took the glass with the giant penis sticking up and attempted to take a gulp of the punch, continuously meeting up with nothing more than an icy penis against her nose. Mary Lou allowed herself the indulgency of a few belly laughs at Steph's expense before handing her a straw for the drink. Steph plastered the best grateful smile she could come up with onto her face and set Mary Lou in her sights.

"Did you have to let the penis parade take place?" Steph inquired with a slight trace of exasperation in her voice.

Mary Lou shrugged. "Sorry. Val and I got food, Lula got decorations."

"Uh-huh," Steph said, unsmiling , as she artfully dodged another nose full of icy penis. The straw was barely working as a defense against the phallic ice. "I guess I should be grateful you got food since I love your cooking, but what about Connie? What was her role? Couldn't she have played Jiminy Cricket to Lula's finer intentions?"

"According to Connie, she was laughing too hard picturing your reaction to say much of anything."

Steph closed her eyes and counted to ten. "I'll just bet," she grouched.

Mary Lou laughed. "I guess Lula was going for more of a celebration of what caused your pregnancy, rather than the pregnancy itself. I say you just relax and enjoy the party."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Connie and Lula love hounding me about my sex life." Steph sighed. "I guess it is somewhat amusing in a kinky sorta way."

"Yeah, it is. I'm enjoying myself immensely." Steph frowned at Mary Lou's continued hilarity over the state of affairs so Mary Lou schooled her features and decided a change of subject was in order. "Anyway, aside from the little surprise we've given you, how are you feeling?"

Steph heaved a deep breath. "Like none of my internal organs are where they're supposed to be, or functioning the way they're supposed to be. Tired and cranky--as I'm sure you can attest to," Steph said with a tiny smirk, "—sore. But yet, so amazed that I have this little person inside of me that's part of Joe and part of me blended together, and who I already love so much it overwhelms me sometimes."

Mary Lou wrapped her arms around Steph. "Welcome to motherhood, Steph. A true adventure with all its high's and low's."

"Thanks," Steph sniffed as she brushed tears from her eyes. Smiling at Mary Lou, Steph worked to compose herself. "Hey! Speaking of mother's, I'm kinda surprised mine isn't here. I'm relieved in light of the decorating scheme, just surprised."

Mary Lou averted her eyes. "Uh…she…uh," Mary Lou sputtered. Steph's mom had told Mary Lou that she and Angie Morelli were planning on throwing Steph and Joe a family party, thus giving her the green light to do whatever she wanted to do with this one. But no way did Mary Lou want to be the one to break it to Steph that she'd be attending a Morelli party. It always made Steph edgy. Joe was great at handling Steph, she figured he could tell her.

Steph and Mary Lou had been friends forever and read each other like books. Steph knew Mary Lou was hiding something. "Spill it, Mary Lou," Steph ordered.

"Nothing! It's nothing. It's like you said, we just knew the plans would be more than the mothers could take and your mom understood. She wants you to have a good time. Of course, there was no talking Grandma Mazur out of attending a party. She's a spirited one!"

Mary Lou was babbling, so Steph knew there was more to it, but she dropped it. She had a houseful of guests to chat with, a baby to celebrate. Whatever Mary Lou was hiding could wait. She and Mary Lou grabbed some food and left the kitchen to join the others. And so the next hour passed pleasantly as guests ate and chatted and Steph mingled among all of them accepting advice, and congratulations, and more advice, with the occasional birthing story thrown in for good measure.

When everyone had finished eating and the hostesses had removed all the dishes to the kitchen, Lula announced that it was time to play some games. Steph groaned aloud and was emphatically ignored by Lula. Lula explained that everyone would be given some dry beans and a plastic cup. Everyone was then to close their eyes and Lula would ask some sexual questions. For each question that applied to someone, they would drop a bean in the cup. At the end of all the questions, whoever had the most beans in their cup was the winner.

When Steph leaned over and mentioned to Lula that this didn't seem like the type of game that was supposed to be played at a Baby shower, Lula just harrumphed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day and told Steph that everyone already knew the pertinent facts of the pregnancy, like when she was due, what she was having and what name they'd chosen, so she thought it'd be fun to do something that would shed light on the events leading up to the pregnancy.

"My sex life is not a conversational gambit," Steph hissed. She felt it should be her mantra around Lula.

Lula nodded her head. "I hear ya. And you'll be able to keep your anonymity on account of other people will be answering too. Just that at the end of the game when we count up them beans, the real fun's gonna be seeing just how freaky you and Officer Hottie are and figuring on which of those freaky moves put that bun in your oven."

Steph threw up her hands in surrender. She had promised herself she'd be a good sport no matter what her "friends" threw at her today. This was a party, so she figured there had to be cake around somewhere. She'd just hurry up through this latest round of embarrass-the-hell-out-of-Stephanie and she'd be rewarded with cake. With that thought, she took a cup and some beans from Lula and turned back on her chair. Lula asked questions relating to any and all sexual positions and acts, as well as when's and where's. Steph admitted to herself it was rather funny to hear beans dropping in the cups but not knowing who was answering the question. With the exception, that is, of when Grandma Mazur would present verbal confirmation of a question with comments like "Yeppers," and "OOH Boy, that's a fun one" which were then followed by a high five slap Steph assumed was coming from Lula. Steph would laugh to herself and rub her stomach for a moment, hoping that her daughter got even a small portion of Grandma Mazur's spirit.

Lula had removed herself from the competition as she had done some "freaky ass shit" in her former life as a ho, so as it turned out the game ended in a tie between Steph and Connie. They both endured some good natured ribbing until Mary Lou eventually announced there was one more game for Stephanie to play as the guest of honor. Mary Lou had brought one of her kids' baby doll's from home, and Steph was going to have to put a diaper on the doll while wearing thick winter gloves. Mary Lou said it would prepare Steph for the challenges of motherhood. Steph wasn't too confident with the whole diaper changing thing in the first place, so adding gloves to the mix seemed an unfair challenge. She certainly didn't think she needed anything additional to make her feel any more inept at motherhood than she already did. Amid raucous laughter she failed miserably in getting the diaper on the damn doll and sat back down in her chair defeated. On the bright side, her guests had been vastly entertained.

Blessedly, the time had come to serve the cake. Steph was put in the kitchen temporarily while Val and Connie ran upstairs to get the cake from where they'd hidden it from Steph. Someone could've knocked Steph over with a feather when she saw that the cake was normal. Not a penis in sight. Instead, it was beautifully decorated with a baby carriage in one corner and a tiny pink dress in the opposite corner, with yellow roses around the perimeter. Printed on the cake were the words 'Congratulations, Stephanie, on the new addition to your family.'

Tears involuntarily sprang to Steph's eyes as she looked around at all the people assembled to share in this special occasion with her. She really wished she could control these emotional reactions. Just part of the wonders of what this day was about though. Steph took a deep breath attempting to bring herself under control, but it was no use. All in all she had had a wonderful afternoon and she was having a hard time overcoming the emotional overload.

"Thanks, guys," Steph managed to choke out finally. It was the best she could do. Mary Lou nodded in understanding and the rest of the crowd burst into applause. Steph laughed and stepped away from the table as Mary Lou and Val came to slice the cake up for everyone.

Grandma Mazur walked up to Steph and, taking Steph's hand in hers, patted it gently. "You're a good girl, Stephanie, and you'll make a great mama. Don't think any different. You're special and that baby of yours will be too. Remember, you're a..."

"I know. I'm a chip off the old block. And proud of it, too. I love you, Grandma." Steph covered Grandma Mazur's hand with her free one. "But listen, if I don't get myself pulled together I'm going to cry in my cake and ruin the icing and that'd just be a damn shame," Steph said with a watery smile, nodding her head for emphasis. "What do ya say we can the mushy stuff for now and get ourselves some cake like the true Plum women we are."

"Right on, Girlie. Let's get a move on."

After everyone had finished indulging in the cake, it was finally time for Steph to open her gifts. Steph was thrilled to see what she and Joe were getting, since they needed just about everything. They had gone clothes shopping right after they'd found out they were having a girl, but hadn't bought anything else since then. The one time they'd tried to do some shopping, they'd found the new array of baby gadgets daunting. Bathtubs, strollers, baby monitors, car seats, all proclaiming different "must have" features. Not to mention the various items designed to make your baby the smartest baby, the happiest baby, the most content baby. Steph thought it was a wonder any child made it to toddlerhood the way these products marketed the pratfalls of infancy. Steph and Joe felt like they'd failed as parents before they even started, so they'd left the store without buying anything. Of course, they had planned on going back eventually, but this was even better. Now the decisions had been placed in other people's hands and Steph and Joe could blame them when their child became an unhappy delinquent.

In actuality, though, Steph was delighted with each and every gift she opened. Among the gifts were bibs, bath, feeding and sleep accessories, diapers, a diaper bag, toys, and a vast collection of the sweetest little outfits and sleepers. Steph wondered if she could get out of doing laundry forever, there were so many clothes. Mary Lou gave Steph a combination car seat and stroller. Connie gave her a bassinet for Carrissa to sleep in for the first several months. Val gave her a changing table. Steph was touched by the tremendous generosity of everyone. But Steph was most overwhelmed when she opened a card from Grandma Mazur and read that she and Steph's parents were giving Joe and Steph a crib and that Steph's dad would be delivering it personally so he could help Joe put it together. Steph warmed at the thought of that male bonding session.

Meanwhile, Joe had returned to the house after his plans with Mooch came to an end. Judging from the number of cars parked around the house, he knew the shower was still going on. He should leave, Joe thought. Find something to do to kill a little more time. But the lure of seeing what was going on inside without anyone knowing he was there was too strong and he couldn't think of anything more fun to do at the moment. Through the back door, Joe could hear the clamor of female voices so he quietly eased the door open and stepped inside. After making his way through the kitchen, Joe peered into the living room and watched Steph as she cheerfully opened present after present. She was in high spirits and her smile was infectious, as Joe quickly found himself smiling right along with her. After Steph had opened Grandma Mazur's card, there was only one gift left, another card, and Joe was curious as to its contents.

Steph knew the card was from Lula and she had a good guess what she'd find inside. Sure enough, she opened the card to find a gift certificate to Pleasure Treasures. When Joe heard what the gift was, images of Steph in a sex shop picking out edible undies and flavored massage oils immediately pummeled his brain. Unfortunately, Lula's suggestion that followed the opening of the gift chased those images away.

"I figured you could pick yourself out something real nice. I'm thinking you might have to start using the self-serve station on account of the fact that your disposition has gotten a little ugly lately and your hubby might be too afraid of you now to give you what you need."

A vibrator? Lula was suggesting Steph get a vibrator? Joe wasn't about to let anyone think Steph needed help in that department. It was a matter of pride. Joe forgot he wasn't supposed to be in the house and charged into the living room.

"My wife doesn't scare me," Joe said, his voice tight. "I can certainly hold my own with her, and I can most definitely satisfy her. And since being with her is the highlight of an otherwise usually crappy day, I positively do NOT need some piece of plastic in my bed replacing me and taking away all my fun."

Unfortunately, Lula overlooked the signs of Joe's irritation and addressed his words instead of his demeanor. "Uh-uh. Plastic is outdated. These fine new models are made of genu-wyne latex. Looks and feels as good as the real thing."

Steph tried hard to bite back her hysterical laughter at the steam emanating from Joe on a hot wave of male indignation. But she just couldn't. It bubbled up from deep in her gut like a spring, spilling out until tears were rolling from her eyes. At least they were happy tears this time. Lula had an opposite reaction. She finally caught on to Joe's disposition and rarely had the urge to laugh when his temper was piqued. In fact, she tried to avoid his wrath when at all possible so Lula promptly plucked the certificate from Steph's hand.

"Looks like I might have been wrong and could use this more than you can. I'll just owe you something, OK girlfriend?"

"Sure, Lula. No problem." Steph shook her head and placed her hand on Joe, where he stood stoney faced, his arms crossed. "Come on, stud. You've got some 'splainin to do."

Steph turned back to the guests, thanked them for the gifts and apologized for the interruption. The snickers coming from the assembly suggested to Steph that they hadn't minded one bit. A little display of hot, Italian temper was common in these parts and often a source of amusement. Bringing her attention back to Joe, Steph gently pushed him back into the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" Steph asked sweetly. "I'm assuming you knew what was going on."

"Of course I knew. But I was finished with Mooch so I took a chance the party was over. When I saw it wasn't, I couldn't resist a peek. Good thing, too, or right about now you might be thinking you didn't need me." His voice was still tight, but Steph could see the twinkle in his eye that said he was teasing her.

Steph gave Joe a dumbfounded stare. "I would never think that, Joe. The party should be wrapping up soon now, and maybe when it has I can show you how much I appreciate you. Like you helping the girls arrange this surprise for me today." Steph slowly walked toward Joe until they were toe to toe. "That was very sweet," Steph added in a sultry voice before trailing a line of kisses along Joe's jaw.

Joe had some plans of his own for after the shower ended, and now that he'd seen the decorations and some of what was going on at this shower, he'd be damned if he was going to leave. It was all way too amusing to have this look into the world of all-female gatherings. Joe smiled down at Steph.

"That sounds like a plan. In the meantime, though, I think I'll stick around."

Amused, Steph patted Joe's chest. "Suit yourself. I need to mingle." She gave a little finger wave as she toddled back into the living room.

Joe decided to grab some punch and settle in for the duration. He laughed when he saw the illicit ice cubes and looked forward to Steph telling him all about what had happened that afternoon—after he surprised her with what he'd been doing that is. In fact, Joe was anxious to get on with it so he left the kitchen to find Steph in hopes of ascertaining approximately how much longer the party would last. As he wandered around he got quite an eyeful. Laughing to himself, he spotted Steph talking to her cousin, Shirley the Whiner. Joe waited for Shirley to walk away before joining Steph. As he came up behind her, he noticed the drink in her hand and a slow smile spread across his face.

"Interesting ice cube," Joe commented wryly, tilting his head to the side and perusing every detail. "But I'm guessing I don't have to worry too much about you being disappointed."

Steph rolled her eyes. "As if you would ever worry about that."

Joe flashed Steph his sexiest grin in response to her statement. Steph knew Joe was well aware that he didn't have anything to worry about in the size department. Steph loved that arrogance, though. It was part of what made him so sexy. But a lot of her fun came from teasing the hell out of him and she couldn't pass up the opportunity now.

"Still, it'd be prudent to note that it has melted quite a bit. It used to be a LOT bigger. Longer…and thicker. Rather impressive."

Joe continued to grin. One look at that grin and Steph knew he wasn't buying any of it. Not only that, his hot stare was going to have the rest of the phallic ice cube melting into nothingness in the next two seconds. She walked away from Joe quickly before she did something completely stupid like rip off all his clothes in front of everybody. Behind her, she could hear the melodic sounds of Joe's knowing laughter.

Not long after, the party started breaking up. Steph stayed busy saying goodbye to everyone, while Joe hung back and watched Steph with tenderness in his eyes, enjoying the sight of her so happy. Her goodbyes to Mary Lou, Val, Connie and Lula came last and took the longest. As Steph thanked each one in turn, Joe carried all the dishes Mary Lou and Val had brought out to their cars. When everyone had driven off, Joe asked Steph to wait for him in the house while he retrieved something from his truck.

"What are you getting?" Steph asked, curious.

"You didn't think I'd show up at a shower without a gift did you? I do believe that's tacky," Joe said with a teasing glint in his eye.

Steph laughed and wondered what Joe had up his sleeve this time. Anxious to see, she let him know that she'd wait for him in the living room. A minute later, Joe returned with a large bag. In succession, he presented Steph with a beautiful music box that played lullabies, a soft pink blanket to wrap Carrissa in at the hospital, and a large stuffed teddy bear for her room. Whenever Steph thought Joe couldn't get any more wonderful, he proved her wrong. Not only were the items he'd chosen thoughtful and beautiful, Steph couldn't believe two guys with a whole afternoon to do with as they pleased would choose to go shopping.

"You and Mooch had an entire afternoon off together and you went baby shopping?" Steph's voice broke and tears pricked the backs of her eyes yet again. Uncontrollable, but warranted.

Joe attempted to look sheepish, when in actuality Steph's reaction charmed him. Obviously, Steph had expected him to undertake more manly pursuits. "If it makes you feel better, Cupcake, we had a couple beers with lunch afterward."

Steph shook her head. "You're the most wonderful husband and father in the world and I love you." And then the tears started falling in earnest. Whereas the sight of Steph in tears used to distress Joe, he had become quite adept at handling them over the course of the pregnancy.

Joe simply pulled Steph into his arms and rested his cheek on the top of her head. "I love you too, Cupcake."

When Steph had cried herself out, she pulled out of Joe's embrace and looked up at him. She drank in the sight of his handsome face. Her eyes roamed down over his lean, muscled frame invoking images of both strength and gentleness. She had been the recipient of both over the time she had known Joe, and now their baby would be as well. Life with Joe couldn't be better and, more than ever, she couldn't wait for Carrissa's birth. She had a sudden urge to start some of the preparations right then.

Steph took a final swipe at the tears in her eyes and cleared her throat. Looking around the room at all they'd gotten for the baby today, Steph asked, "What do you say? Do you think you can get some of these things upstairs and stored in Carrissa's room?"

"Oh, I think I can handle that. Then after I'm done, I'd like to invite you to another shower."

Steph raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you crashed enough showers for one day? Have you already forgotten they're women only?"

Joe smiled conspiratorially. Leaning close to Steph, he whispered, "I have a special in with the mother-to-be. I'm guessing she won't mind very much if I crash her shower."

"Are you sure, Joe? All joking aside, I mean look at me." Steph gestured to her protruding middle. "It's going to be a damn tight fit."

"That sounds perfect to me. We probably won't be able to help rubbing up against each other." Joe's lips tipped up in his hungry grin. "How about we meet in 10?" Then Joe looked around at the mound of packages bestowed on them by friends and family. "On second thought, make it 20."