A/N: So sorry for the wait but been busy with work and well….life. Thank you for the reviews as always they are very much appreciated. Here is Chapter 9…..Enjoy.
Bella's POV
One would think it was absolutely freezing inside my apartment. It wasn't though; it was a nice and toasty 75 degrees. But as I sat on my couch with my arms around myself, I was shivering, so hard that you could possibly hear my teeth chattering.
Jacob Black was on his way here. And I had no idea how I was going to face him…again…for the second time.
Some part of me was hoping that Ang came home early, at least that would give me a reason to push this back until I was half way ready. But as luck would have it, it wouldn't work out that way because no sooner had I thought that very thing there was a very heavy knock on my door.
I hesitated, hoping that Paul had come back. But I knew he hadn't, this knock had Jacob written all over it.
"Bella"! He said from the other side of the door. "You have two seconds to open this goddamn door before I knock it down".
Yup, that was Jacob alright. I bit my lip, took a deep breath, walked over to the door and opened it.
Jacob looked just how I remembered him. Tall, dark, and incredibly handsome. I wanted to go to him, my heart calling out so strongly for the man in front of me; I'm surprised he didn't hear it. But there was one thing that stopped me. His eyes. Jake's eyes were always so dark and beautiful, but there was so sunshine coming from them now only clouded anger and sadness.
I did that to him. I turned him into something that he was never meant to be and his only wrong doing was loving me too much.
I continued gnawing on my lip and dared to meet his eyes. "Hey Jacob". I said tentatively.
Jake said nothing and stared at me for a minute with a frown on his beautiful face. I was starting to feel naked under his gaze.
"Paul was here'? He asked after what felt like forever. He didn't greet me back, I hadn't really expected him too but it still hurt. We were almost like strangers, actually we were strangers. We were no longer Jake and Bells. We were Jacob and Isabella.
I felt the tears starting to come and I forced them away. I had no one to blame but myself for this. I gave Jake a small nod.
"Yes". I whispered, almost too nervous to speak any louder. Jake snorted.
"When did you two become close"? He asked and I looked up at him again.
"Some things change Jacob". I answered and he stared at me with a smirk on his face. It wasn't friendly.
"And I see some things don't'". He replied. He took in a deep breath. "May I come in"? He asked, gently, surprising me with his tone.
I scurried out the way and beckoned him inside. As he walked passed me, I was struck again by how tall he was. I hadn't seen him for a year and his height was something I was always amazed by. He was a beautiful being and seeing him up close reminded me of that.
We stood awkwardly in my living room for a few seconds before I cleared my throat.
"Would you like anything to drink"? I asked, already moving towards the kitchen.
"No I don't, I came here for one reason Bella and I want to get the answers I need so I can go home. I have someone I would like to get back too". Jake said bluntly and my heart sunk a bit.
He needed to get back to Naomi. He needed to get back to his imprint. An imprint that I caused because I had hurt him too much, made him vulnerable.
"Jake". I started softly, moving towards him. "Don't you think it's better if we didn't open that hole back up again? Maybe this is for the best ".
Jacob laughed and shook his head.
"Always thinking about yourself huh Bella? I can't remember much but I remember that". He said and I flinched.
"That's not true". I said quietly and that caused Jake to laugh again.
"Not true? Well then tell me Bella, if it's not true why are you here? Why did I have to come all the way to New York to find you? Why do I constantly have to hunt you down for answers? Why can't for once you actually be my friend"?
His words hurt and this time when the tears came I couldn't stop them.
"I don't want to hurt you again Jake". I said softly.
Jacob rolled his eyes. "Why is that? It never mattered before how much you hurt me. Why should this time be any different"?
I took in a shaky breath and almost wanted to pull out my hair.
"IT WILL BE"! I yelled, catching him off guard. "You think it didn't kill me seeing that kind of pain and betrayal on your face Jake? It hurt me to my core and I can't do that again….I just can't".
Jacob looked at me before he heaved a sigh and sat down on the couch, his head in his hands. It was a long moment before he spoke again.
"And you think that by not knowing this time around it will be easier for me"? He raised his head to look at me again. "You think I'll be better off not knowing why I left everyone that I cared about for a year"?
I moved closer to him, shaking my head vigorously.
"Don't you see Jake, what I told you was the reason behind you turning into this angry, bitter person. It was the reason you left your pack, your Dad…Naomi. I turned you into someone unrecognizable".
I paused. "I can't do that to you again".
"Dammit Bella". Jake growled and I jumped as he got up abruptly. He turned towards me.
"I'm not asking for your damn sympathy, I'm asking for answers and you're going to give them to me, I don't care how much it hurts you to tell me again".
I was crying steadily now as I shook my head.
"I can't do it Jake…I'm…..I'm sorry". I sobbed and Jacob grabbed a vase from our kitchen table and flung it at the door, it shattered and I shrieked. I looked at Jake and he was shaking violently, taking deep breaths to calm down but it was working, his frame was blurring around the edges.
I didn't know what made me do it and you could probably call me stupid because without thinking I rushed towards him, wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and kissed him. I heard him growl and I held on tighter. His hands were at my waist and he pushed me away.
"Bella, you have to get away from me". He said through gritted teeth. "I'm not safe".
I ignored him. "No". I said and kissed him again, my arms snaking their way back around his neck.
Jake didn't respond and I could still feel his body shaking heavily against mine. But after a while, it started to subside and I felt his lips moving softly with my own. It wasn't long though before I felt him removing my arms from around his neck, holding my wrists in his hands and pushing me backwards a bit.
"You shouldn't have done that". He said quietly, not looking at me.
A sense of rejection was coming over me and tried to ignore it but it was hard. "I know and I'm sorry". I said and Jake stepped away from me.
"Stop saying that Bella". He said but this time there wasn't any anger behind his voice, just frustration. "After a while that sorry doesn't mean a thing".
"I don't know what else to say Jake". I answered honestly. Jacob sighed and sat back down on the couch again.
"How about the truth"?
I knew he wasn't going to let this go but it was already bad enough that the truth is what turned him into this dark monster and if I told him again what happened between us, I'm not so sure that it wouldn't set him off again.
"Why do you want to know so bad Jacob"? I asked, almost angrily. "Why can't you just let it go and live your life? This is how it was supposed to be, with you happy and with me out of your way".
Jacob looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time.
"Do you really think I can be happy without you in my life Bells"? He asked and my heart almost stopped.
He had called me Bells. I hadn't heard him call me that in so long. He wanted me in his life? Of course he did, now. But when I told him about what tore us apart, I knew his feeling would change.
"Please Bella". Jake begged. "I need to know what happened to us. I need to know what stopped us from being happy". He paused and looked away from me for a second. "When I started to remember things, I thought you were going to be there, but you weren't and that hurt more than anything".
I could feel the emotions starting to rise back to the surface. I walked over to the couch and took a seat next to him. I wanted to reach for his hand but I didn't. I took in a deep breath. It was time to tell him what happened almost a year and a half ago. It was time to tell him what completely blackened his heart. It was going to break him all over again.
"We were together and I couldn't have been happier Jake". I smiled to myself at the memory. "You were right, it was as easy as breathing us being together. It was natural".
Jacob was quiet and didn't utter a word. I continued.
"Edward and his family were contemplating leaving Forks when they saw how happy I was with you. I had never really gotten over Edward leaving me and when I had returned from Italy with him and Alice, I just couldn't shake off the things he said to me, even though he told me they were lies, I couldn't help but feel that there were some truth to those words".
Jacob was hanging onto my every word and I had a hard time looking at him so I stared at the floor.
"You helped piece my heart together in his absence Jake and made me feel whole again. You became my best friend and the longer I was around you I began to feel something other than friendship but I was scared, scared of getting hurt again so I held back".
A smile came to my face then as I plunged myself back into these memories.
"Of course I always knew where you stood about us exploring something deeper, you were very confident in your decision". I laughed. "Eventually you told me to just take this jump with you and I did. It was the best decision I ever made".
I sighed and braved a look at the man sitting beside me. His eyes were so beautiful and mesmerizing. This time I didn't look away.
"Being with you Jake, I was the happiest I ever been". I said quietly. "I was laughing more, I was smiling more, and I was gaining back all the weight I had lost because you were always making sure I ate three square meals a day". I smiled. "I was living life and it was all because of you. I experienced everything with you. I knew what it felt like to kiss someone and not be pushed away but pulled closer. You opened me sexually to things I would have never known, pleasures I would have never felt. We did those things a lot, you were somewhat insatiable and so was I for that matter". I laughed. "You made me feel wanted and beautiful and I loved it…I loved you".
I frowned a bit then and got up from the couch making my over towards the window. I could feel Jacob's eyes on me the whole time but he never uttered a word.
"Then everything came crashing down with one single phone call". I said quietly, closing my eyes. "Do you remember anything about the Volturi"? I asked without turning around.
Jake was quiet for a minute before he spoke. "No, not really. What is that"?
I opened my eyes again, still staring out into the parking lot.
"The Volturi are sort of what the government is to us humans except to vampires. They govern vampires' laws and keep them invisible to us. If a vampire were to break their law, let's say for example expose themselves to humans, they would be presented to the Volturi and killed. They take this very seriously. No human is to know that vampires exist".
Jacob cleared his throat. "But what does that have to do with you Bells"?
The tears came to my eyes and I let them fall.
"Because I saw them in Italy when I went to save Edward". I said shakily. "And the only reason they let me go was because the Cullens promised them that I would be turned into a vampire before I graduated high school".
I heard Jacob get up and then I felt the heat from his body at my back.
"But you're not one of them; I would have been able to tell". He said and I shook my head, still refusing to turn around and face him.
"No I'm not. I use to want that, you know, turning into a vampire when I was with Edward". I said and finally turned around to face Jake and was surprised to find him a lot closer than I thought he was. "But then I was with you and didn't want that life any more. I saw the value of life and I wasn't that willing to let mine go".
Jacob grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the couch and sat us down. "What happened"? He asked gently.
"I got a phone call from Edward. He told me that Alice, you know the one who can see the future, had a vision that the Voluri were coming to Forks to see if I was still human. Of course this was maybe two weeks after graduation and a week from the Cullens leaving for Alaska. He told me that in order for me to be safe, I had to leave. I had to leave with them".
I looked at Jacob then and he had a slight frown on his face. I was coming to the part that I knew he wouldn't like. But I continued anyway.
"It was my fault that these things were coming here. I couldn't let them come near the people I love, Charile…..the pack….Billy….you, I couldn't have it so I had to leave".
Jacob got up then and started to pace the room.
"I don't understand Bells". He said. "Why didn't you just tell me? I could've protected you, protected Charlie. I would have fought for you".
He said that with such passion my heart skipped a beat.
I got up and stood in front of him, stopping his pacing and trying to get him to look at me.
"That's exactly why I didn't tell you, I knew you would want to do just that but Jake the Volturi are not vampires that the pack were used to dealing with. They are ancient and very powerful. If anything happened to you or the pack I would never forgive myself for it. I wanted to keep you all safe and away from the shit I caused because I was obsessed with a lifestyle I had no business being in".
Jacob shook his head at me and back away and took a seat at our kitchen table instead.
"So what then"? He asked. "You just up and left Forks"? He swallowed. "Left me"?
I bit my lip. "Yes". I whispered. "I left for Alaska with Edward, hoping to draw away the Volturi and it worked.
Jacob still refused to look at me. "But didn't they want to check and see if you were a vampire? Wasn't that the whole reason those bloodsuckers wanted to come to Forks in the first place"?
I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.
"Yes. That was the reason and they did try to come and see if I was still human but Carlisle intervened. I don't know exactly what was said or what deal was made but the Volturi were going to leave me alone. They held Carlisle to a very high standard and respected him. They trusted his words and I haven't heard anything since".
I paused and Jacob was still staring down at the table that frown still on his face.
"This meant that I could go home. I could go back to my life and what I knew before. I was almost done with my first year up there and I reluctantly stayed to finish it out but I almost couldn't wait till the end of the semester so I could finally come home".
The smile on my face vanished and I was quiet for a long minute, causing Jake to finally look up at me. He didn't urge me to continue but I had already come too far to stop.
"I called Charlie to tell him that I was coming back". I said hoarsely and coughed a little to clear my throat. "Of course he was excited and when I told him to let you and Billy know as well that's when he got quiet. My Dad was always against my decision to leave and like I said before I couldn't tell him exactly why I had to leave but the change in his voice told me something back home had changed".
My voice caught a second time and I had to cough again to clear it.
"My Dad told me you had met a girl". I said quietly. "He said that you guys had only known each other for a few weeks but anyone who has around could tell how much you guys liked each other. He told me that you looked at her Jake as if she was the only woman in the universe".
I felt ashamed when I felt the tears stinging my eyes again.
"Of course my Dad didn't know anything about imprinting but by what he told me I knew you had finally met your imprint. I knew that you were finally happy".
Jacob banged his fist on the table and looked at me so hard I thought I would explode.
"Don't you get it Bella"? He said, biting his lip roughly, shaking his head. "That should have been you. We should have been happy. I always felt you were the one I should have imprinted on and I could feel it was going to happen but then you up and left with that fucking bloodsucker and ruined everything".
He stood up again, knocking the chair out from under him. He had one fist balled up tightly and I almost thought he was going to punch a hole in our wall but he just leaned up against it. He shook slightly but it wasn't from anger.
"I loved you Bella and it was almost like you pushed me into the arms of someone else". Jake said, his voice shaking with emotion. "I love Naomi too but I don't know if it's because of the imprint or if I really do. With you Bells I don't have to guess, I already know".
I stood in the middle of my living room, crying silently because Jacob Black had just told me that he loved me. Still loved me after all this time. I wanted to jump for joy. But I still hadn't told him what I had done. I still hadn't told him the reason he became this dark monster nobody recognized.
"I know Jake and I am so sorry. I've ruined everything. We could have been happy together; I know we would have been. It's my fault you became what you were, it's my fault because I allowed myself to be led astray by Edward and Alice and not think for myself. I should have trusted you…..you had a right to know, I shouldn't have allowed them to take that from you".
I was rambling now because Jacob had turned around to look at me. His face was confused.
"Bella, what are you talking about"? He asked. "What should I have known"?
I could barely talk now because I was crying so hard.
"They lied to me". I wailed. "They told me you were getting married, that Alice had seen it and that you were happy. I would only be making things more complicated by telling you, it was the best decision for us".
I knew I wasn't making any sense. Jacob had come to stand in front of me and steadied me on my feet, his hands on my arms.
"Bella I don't understand. What are you trying to tell me"?
I looked at Jake through blurry eyes. He was going to hate me forever for this.
"I came back to see for myself. I needed to hear it from your own mouth. Of course you wouldn't speak to me because of the way I left before. You were still upset but I was persistent. I finally caught you late one night at the shop. There was yelling and arguing and I finally asked you were you getting married and you told me no".
The tears just wouldn't stop coming. I wish Jake would let me go.
"I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest because of what I did. Once you said that I felt like the most horrible person in the world. I remember falling and you catching me asking me repeatedly what was wrong".
Jacob let me go then. His eyes slightly unfocused. "You kept saying that you were sorry". He whispered. "You kept saying that you had made a mistake".
He was starting to remember. His eyes went to mine and I could see the pain in them.
"Bella". Jacob started, his voice shaking. "What did you come back to tell me that night"?
I hugged myself tightly and looked into the eyes of the man I loved.
"I didn't leave Forks just by myself Jacob". I said softly. "I took a piece of you with me".
He wasn't getting it, his whole face read confusion. "Bella…..I don't…."
"I was pregnant Jake". I cut in. "I found out right after I arrived in Alaska. You were going to be a Daddy".
Jacob struggled with his words, tears beginning to cloud those beautiful eyes.
"Were….? Bella what did…..what happened"?
I didn't want to look at him. I wanted to turn away, because I didn't want to see how much my next words were going to kill him.
"I got rid of our baby Jacob". I said, crying silently. "I got rid of our baby because Edward lied to me. I took away the life we made and never gave you a choice. I stabbed you in your heart for the last time".
And with that, I watched as Jacob's heart broke and bled all over again.
A/N: Please Review
