"Lucas called again," Julie says as she pokes her head into Rachel's office.
Rachel groans and closes her eyes. "How much more clear do I have to be with him? It's like he doesn't get it!"
Julie scrunches her noes. "Well, you did let him take you out a bunch of times and have sex with him."
"Julie!" Rachel shouts. "Say it a little louder, I don't think Mr. Chambers heard you!"
"Whatever." Julie rolls her eyes. "Not like he's gonna make you partner anyway." Rachel's jaw drops. "Seriously. You've got a kid now. You're dead to him."
It hurts a little more than Rachel wants to admit to know that she's completely off the radar just because she's now someone's primary caregiver. But then she thinks of all the added responsibility that would come with being appointed partner, and she thinks she might not want it anyway. Not that it was going to happen any time soon - not within the next couple years anyway. Then she thinks about Violet as an adorable little four year old, and she smiles to herself, because she can't wait for that, and she knows she wouldn't want to work more hours and have more responsibilities that would take her away from that little girl.
"How do I make myself dead to Lucas? Because apparently breaking up with him just didn't do the trick."
Julie gets this wicked grin on her face that Rachel knows will work out for her. The girl is an evil genius.
"I'll block his number through the switchboard," Julie says.
"You know, there's a gleam in your eye that would be mildly terrifying if you weren't doing this for my benefit," Rachel says.
Julie flicks her wrist and leaves, pulling Rachel's door closed again.
The only personal calls she wants anymore are basically from her family. And Noah.
... ... ...
Puck's a little embarrassed when Rachel gets home during the middle of one of the very rare and even more secret displays of his juggling talent. The fact that he's juggling a Raggedy Anne doll and two stuffed cats doesn't exactly help his bad boy image, you know? But whatever. He's got a little sister, and this shit used to entertain that brat for hours. Vi's been fussy all day, so he busted out the bug guns and she's been quietly giggling on the sofa for the past 15 minutes.
The look on Rachel's face? Well, it's kind of cute, her little smile and the way she obviously wants to tease him about this. She probably will later. He'll probably let her.
"How's my girl?" she asks, walking over to the sofa. Violet tries to stand up, and Rachel picks her up before she can fall.
"Your girl?" Puck raises his brow and she rolls her eyes as she lets Violet play with her necklace. "She's good. Well, now she is. She's been batshit all day."
"Noah," Rachel laughs. "Please." He just sighs. Really, one curse a week around this kid who still can't say apple properly isn't going to stunt her development or whatever. "What was wrong?"
"Dunno," he says, shrugging his shoulders. He flops down against the arm of the couch so one foot is still on the floor. He thinks Rachel looks at his crotch, but he's going to go right ahead and ignore that. "She's just been all moody."
"She doesn't look moody to me," Rachel coos, looking at the baby. She sits down on the sofa so she's kind of between his legs, leaning back against his knee.
Yeah. They're supposed to not be as close as they were. Pretty sure her arm being two inches from his dick doesn't really fit that plan. But he doesn't move or anything, because he doesn't want her to be embarrassed or, you know, move at all. (What? Is it really a shock that he likes her all close to him?)
"I was thinking of grilling up some meat."
Rachel laughs and glances at him. Violet is resting her head on Rachel's shoulder like she's tired, which is basically impossible because she slept for over two hours in the afternoon once he finally got her to stop wailing.
"You can count me out of that meal idea."
"I picked up some soy junk for you today when we went shopping," he says. She smiles at him like he's the man for thinking of her. Really, they've been living together for months and he's very aware of how much she complains if he doesn't get all that bird food and shit she eats. "Whatever. You want?"
She nods and nuzzles her nose against Violet's hair. God, she's adorable. They both are. These two girls are basically the cutest things he's ever seen.
And really, he'd get up, but it's nice sitting there with Rachel. And she's not moving, so he can't really get up without drawing attention to the fact that she's sitting all close to him and stuff.
"I suppose I should go change," she says. She looks down at the baby, who doesn't appear to want to move. "I'll take her with me."
"Cool."
He lifts his leg to get up, and she moves at the same time. It makes his knee graze her ass. He doesn't hate it. She doesn't either, he can tell. She glances at him and he'd swear she was smiling if she didn't turn her head too quickly for him to confirm it. Once she's upstairs and he's in the kitchen, he realizes he's just as fucked as he was two weeks ago when he laid in his bed with his hand in his boxers because she's so goddamn gorgeous that it might actually kill him.
The idea that they're just a few months into this 'lifelong' commitment is freaking him the fuck out.
... ... ...
Rachel plans a day trip for the three of them. She's actually really excited about it, and she doesn't care what Noah says or how many times he rolls his eyes, he's definitely excited, too. They're just going to the zoo, and Violet is a little young yet to understand or learn much of anything, but Rachel doesn't care. The younger the girl is when she's exposed to these types of things, the better. It certainly won't hurt her. And for whatever reason, Violet is kind of obsessed with monkeys right now. Maybe because Noah bought her a stuffed monkey with long, multi-coloured legs. She's been dragging the thing around for weeks and she won't go to bed without it. Admittedly, it is adorable to hear the girl say 'monkey' all the time. Violet has a beautiful little voice. Rachel thinks maybe she'll be a singer.
Noah has already shot down the idea of toddler dance classes, but Rachel fully intends to convince him of it yet. She thinks about showing him photos from her competitions when she was just a little older than Violet is now. She was adorable at that age, and there's no way he can deny it. She's not going to let him.
She's used to getting her way. She thinks he's the only person she's ever met as stubborn as she is.
Anyway, Violet is in bed for the night, and Rachel is on the sofa with her laptop on her knees. She's been asking him all week to print out a Google Map so they don't get lost on the way. He's sitting next to her and rolling his eyes with every click of her mouse.
"I like direct routes, Noah," she insists. "It's ridiculous to just assume you know how to get someplace you've never been without checking a map first."
"Who says I've never been?" he asks. "Remember, I've got a younger sister. I used to take her when she was little and cared about that shit. I know where I'm going."
"It's two hours away." She turns to him, doesn't care that it makes her leg brush against his. They've been doing well with these invisible boundaries lately. But then still spend time together without it being awkward.
"I know. I've been there," he says in frustration.
She pokes at his thigh with her index finger for no reason, and he laughs and turns back to the television.
"Is there gas in the car?" she asks.
"How the fuck could there not be gas in the car?" he asks, annoyed. He's glaring at her. She thinks it was a perfectly valid question. "You really think I'm dumb, don't you?"
"I do not," she says, waving off his concern. He raises his brow. "Noah, clearly I don't think you're dumb. You're very smart, and you're..." She stops talking when she sees his lips curve into a grin. Laughing, she says, "I'm not going to sit here and feed an ego I'm sure doesn't need feeding."
"I dunno," he says, still smirking. "I'm all vulnerable and shit now 'cause of all the doubt in my abilities."
It's ridiculous - absolutely preposterous - but she wants to kiss him. They've never kissed, obviously, and she's not going to do it. This just feels like a couple's bickering argument that could be ended with a peck on the lips and a mumbled apology that doesn't really even need to be spoken at all.
They are not a couple, and she's not going to apologize.
"I'm sure you'll survive," she laughs, turning back to her computer.
"What's with you?" he asks. She shrugs her shoulder. "Seriously. You're being all weird."
"I am not," she insists petulantly. "I'm just...I guess I'm excited."
He smiles, leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees so his face is right next to hers. "How come?"
"It's been a while since we all went somewhere together," she tells him. It's true. Weeks, maybe. "And with all my dance and voice lessons and competitions, I never went to the zoo as a child."
He looks like he doesn't believe her one bit. "You've never been to the zoo?"
She shrugs sheepishly. "Once," she admits quietly. It's not a good story, but she feels like telling him anyway. "Fourth grade. But I wasn't...I wasn't exactly likable when I was younger. The other kids thought I was weird and practically tortured me." He looks sympathetic. She knows, however, that if they'd gone to the same school, he would have been one of the ones drawing on the back of her shirts in marker or dipping the ends of her hair in paint. "When it came time to choose chaperones, I was dead last and all the groups were full."
"That blows," he says.
She laughs softly. "Yes, well, the 50 year old chain-smoking bus driver wasn't exactly the best guide."
"Wow," he says, turning to her a little more. "You were the loser kid who sat alone in the front of the bus."
She laughs again and looks at him. "That was me. I'm really not exaggerating when I tell you Quinn was my first real friend."
For whatever reason (she's not about to ask) he reaches over and runs his hand up and down her back a couple times. She can't possibly let herself think about how much he's changed since she met him, or even since they moved into this house, because it's staggering. Six months ago, if she'd told him this story, he'd have been laughing and making note to torment her like everyone else used to do. Now he's comforting her and she's letting him, and it's all working a little too well.
"Anyway," she says, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I haven't been to the zoo since."
She goes back to reserving parking online (how brilliant is that?), and he goes back to watching sports highlights (honestly, how many highlights can one person watch in a day? she's sure he's going to meet the threshold). She's barely paying attention to him when she feels him slide a little closer and look at the screen over her shoulder.
"What's your favourite animal?" he asks, completely out of nowhere.
"Pardon me?" she laughs.
"Your favourite animal. What is it?"
She smiles because he's smiling, bites her lip and thinks of an answer. "I've always really loved polar bears," she says quietly.
He claps his hands and rubs them together a few times. "Done. Tomorrow, we're going to see the polar bears, no matter what. Rain or shine, you're getting fuckin' polar bears."
She turns to him, elbow resting on her knee, cheek in her palm. "You know, you really are incredibly sweet."
He shrugs his shoulder, attempts to give her a charlie horse on her thigh, and announces he's getting up to get a beer.
His phone rings on the coffee table a few moments after he's disappeared into the kitchen, and she hesitates when he asks her who it is. Does she really want to know who's calling him at 10:30 on a Friday night? Not exactly. But she won't be rude, and the questions she'd have to answer if she didn't check his caller ID are simply not worth it.
"Santana," she says, holding the phone in her hand.
She doesn't necessarily love the way he runs back into the room, but she ignores it because jealousy is not a becoming trait for a woman to have.
Besides, what kind of name is Santana anyway?
(She knows. She thinks she heard Finn toss the name around once or twice. Actually she knows from Quinn that Finn lost his virginity to...)
Her head snaps up as she hears Noah take the call. He paces for a moment, then sits back down next to her. She knows, because his mother told her, that he and Finn have shared a few girls. She just wasn't aware that he was still in touch with any of them. And is he still hooking up with his old high school flame?
"I can't," he says seriously. "'Cause I have plans tomorrow...No, I'm not doing that." Rachel goes back to her laptop. He'll know she's listening anyway, but she doesn't need to stare. "Because I'm not driving all the way out there, then driving home early in the morning. I need sleep." He looks at Rachel and she shoots him a sympathetic smile. "I have responsibilities and stuff...Whatever...Be a bitch, then...Yeah, San," he laughs. "You do that." He ends the call and drops the phone on the table again, saying a word under his breath they both know Rachel hates. "Seriously, that woman..."
Rachel doesn't know whether to be happy he's turned down what can only be described as a booty call, or upset that he seems so affected by this other woman.
She's being ridiculous.
"Is this the same Santana who took Finn's virginity in a seedy motel room?" she asks.
Okay, so maybe she's being a bitch, too.
"The one and only," he mutters. "Thank god." He takes a long sip of his beer and shakes his head. "Here's the thing about Santana. She thinks everyone wants to bang her. If she met you, she'd think you were, like, two seconds away from ripping her clothes off. Doesn't matter that you're straight and a total tightass."
"Noah!" she cries. "I am not a tightass."
He gives her a doubtful look. "Whatever. She just thinks everyone's gonna come as soon as she calls, like it's some kind of privilege to fuck her. It'd be more believable if she didn't spend more time on her back than anyone I know."
Rachel laughs despite the truly terrible things he's saying about another human being, clearly one he's been with before. "That's not a very nice thing to say," she manages.
"'S'the truth," he insists. He takes another sip of beer. "Anyway, she's not as good as she thinks she is, and it's not like I'm gonna drive an hour for a quick fuck, then drive back and go to a damn zoo tomorrow with an infant." He points to himself with his bottle. "See? Even I have more morals than she does."
There are so many questions she wants to ask, but they're all ones she has no business asking. And she doesn't want to put any stock into him choosing her and Violet over sex. He's got his reasons, and they seem to be good ones, and that's more than enough for her.
There's just one thing.
"If we didn't have plans tomorrow?" she asks, looking at him, because playing coy right now would give her away.
"I'm over it," he says simply. "More to life than sleeping with your ex, you know?"
She laughs harder than she should.
She learned that lesson, too. No, Lucas wasn't her ex, but she thinks the rule still applies.
"Yes, I've come to realize that, too."
The line of his jaw goes rigid and he looks back at the television. She knows the mention of her tryst with Lucas obviously still makes him feel like she did at the thought of he and this Santana woman. For some reason, it makes her feel better.
... ... ...
This trip to the zoo could be done in, like, an eighth of the time if Rachel didn't insist on letting Violet walk everywhere. They have a stroller, and he's the one pushing it. Yup, he's one of those losers who pushes a fucking stroller with no kid in it. He always made fun of those douchebags, now he is one. Rachel's holding Violet's hand and picking her up to see the exhibits and stuff, and he's schlepping all their shit around like some kind of pack mule.
The crazy thing is? He's not the only guy here doing it. Hell, he's not even one of 100 guys doing it. It's like women are zoo crazy and men get completely forgotten and ditched for elephants and hippos or whatever. It's kind of bullshit.
When he's standing back from the alligator pit (fuck that shit; he doesn't do gators) with his arms crossed and his aviators on, he realizes he's smiling as he watches Rachel with Violet perched on her arm. She's all excited and talking to Violet, trying to get her to say the names of the animals and stuff. It's cute. It'd be cuter if he wasn't sweating his balls off. Why is it always so goddamn hot at the zoo, no matter what?
"Yours?" some dude beside him asks.
Puck looks over to see the guy with an empty stroller and a bag slung across his chest. He doesn't really know how to answer that question. He supposes Violet is his, but Rachel isn't, really. She glances over her shoulder at him and smiles, so he says the first thing that comes to mind.
"Yeah."
"Cute kid," the guy says. "She's like, a year, huh?"
"Yeah, just over 13 months," Puck says. Until he became Violet's caregiver, he never really got the whole age-in-months thing. Now he realizes there's actually a big difference between 12 and 13 months. Shut up. It's true. "Where's yours?"
"The little boy in the overalls." He points and Puck follows his line of sight. What he sees is a little kid, maybe 2, with dark hair and denim overalls on over a plaid shirt. And a smokin' hot blonde in tight jeans and a tee shirt Puck suspects is this dude's wife. "He's all about gators right now. Those things freak me out."
Puck laughs and nods in understanding. Rachel walks back over and smiles at the stranger before handing Violet to Puck and shaking her arm out.
"She's getting so heavy," she comments. Puck smiles. Vi is barely even 20 pounds. Rachel's just all tiny and she has these skinny little arms. "Do you want to have lunch now?"
"Heck yeah," Puck says. He winks at her when she smiles and rolls her eyes. "Good talkin' to you, man."
"You, too. Take care," the guy says.
He smiles at them again and Rachel takes over pushing the stroller. "Who was that?"
"Dunno." Puck shrugs his shoulder and Violet wiggles in his arms to be put down, but there are a million people around right now and he doesn't trust any fuckin' one of them. "Some dude. Said she's cute."
"You should have gotten his number." He looks down at her like she's insane. "What? It would be nice for you to know other fathers."
"'M'not a father."
"You know what I mean," she says, smiling at him again.
"Whatever," he mumbles. He hoists Violet up so she's draped over his shoulder, and she lets out a squeal. "Think they got Mountain Dew?" Rachel rolls her eyes. She's always telling him it's amazing how many tactics he can employ to dodge a serious conversation. "I'd kick a puppy for a Mountain Dew right now."
"Noah!" Rachel squeals, laughing as she shoves at his arm. He laughs, and Violet giggles. He pulls her down so she's sitting on his forearm and the kid laughs out, "No!" like she's mimicking Rachel or something. It's fucking adorable.
There's no Mountain Dew, but Rachel tells him water is better for quenching thirst than soda is anyway, so he buys five bottles and tosses them under the stroller while she asks him if he's really that hot. He raises his brow at her and their eyes lock for a moment, like instead of saying the comment out loud, he's sending it to her telepathically or something. And she blushes. She totally wants him, even if she's not allowed and he's not allowed to want her to want him. Yeah. That feels like it makes sense.
The picnic for lunch, and he swears he's gonna bring a slingshot next time they come to this damn place and start picking off seagulls one by one. Those things are disgusting. He watches one pull a french fry right out of some kid's hand, then declares they're finished eating and Rachel looks so grossed out that she agrees.
Violet falls in love with the otters, so they stay there a while and he puts her up on his shoulders so she can see into the tank easily. She giggles any time they duck back underwater. He's not imagining it when he feels Rachel's hand low on his back, sliding over so it's curled around his hip. He drops one arm around her until she realizes that means he's only holding Vi with one hand and freaks out about it. He pulls Violet down and hands her to Rachel, which kinda sucks because she stops touching him so she can hold the baby, but whatever.
After they've seen the polar bears and Rachel is absolutely positive they've seen every species of monkey in the entire goddamn zoo, they head back to the parking lot. Violet is asleep in her stroller, and Rachel is yawning about every thirty seconds. Puck knows exactly what's going to happen once they get into the car.
They're not even on the highway when he looks to his right and sees Rachel sleeping. A glance in the rear view tells him Violet's still out.
He turns the radio up a notch and listens to classic rock as he drives with one hand on the wheel and the other on the console between he and Rachel's seats. Seconds before Rachel wakes up, she grabs onto his wrist. He looks over at her and watches her eyes open, then she pulls her hand away.
"Sorry," she says. He smiles and she looks over her shoulder to check on Violet. "Where are we?"
"Almost home," he tells her.
She shifts in her seat and smiles. "Today was great," she says sleepily, looking over at him again.
He can't help it. He grins and shifts his arm so it's touching hers. She doesn't move hers away. "Yeah," he admits. "We should do shit like this more often."
She doesn't say anything, but she's got this really sexy little smile on her face as she turns and looks straight out the windshield again.
... ... ...
Rachel is in so much trouble. The problem is that after their big fight and falling out, they made up and now things are almost better than they were before. It's probably stupid, but she trusts him more now, and she thinks he trusts her more now, too. She knows if he has a problem with something she's doing, he'll come out and tell her, and she can do the same with him. They don't need to beat around the bush. It's like as soon as they yelled at one another, they realized they don't want to do it anymore, so they can express things before they pile up and threaten to make a huge mess.
And he was so good with her and violet when they were at the zoo. He's amazing with that little girl, and it makes Rachel's heart swell. Really, she can feel it. She loves the way he holds Violet and kisses her cheeks or her hair, no longer caring who sees him doing it. She thinks it's adorable that he talks to Violet in his regular voice, but says the silliest things. They'd decided to pick up what Quinn and Finn had done and ban the use of baby talk in their house and around Violet. She thinks it makes sense, too, because the girl is talking quite well and saying more and more words all the time. She got Violet saying 'bird' yesterday when they were in the yard, and Noah taught her to say 'swing'. She blows kisses and giggles and claps her hands. She's happy and well-rounded, and Rachel thinks she and Noah are doing an amazing job, really.
And yesterday, the three of them spent the entire day in the back yard, from before noon until after dinner, and Rachel honestly doesn't know what she'll do if and when Noah gets a girlfriend, because the idea of sharing him with another woman makes her jaw twinge.
The voice in her head is getting louder and louder. It's starting to scream that all that jealousy is because she wants to be with him. It's very hard to ignore something when it becomes such a nuisance.
She's walking back to the office after a morning session in court when she sees a familiar man coming towards her on the sidewalk. He's wearing a grey suit and a white shirt, open collar, and he's got his eyes fixed on his BlackBerry in his hand.
When she gets closer, she reaches out and touches his arm. "Matt," she says, smiling when he looks up at her. "Hi."
"Hey!" he says, reaching his arms out to hold her. She lets go of the handle of her rolling file box and hugs him back. "How are you?"
"I'm doing really well actually. Just coming back from court," she tells him, smoothing out her jacket once she's in front of him again.
"D'you win?" he asks.
She gives him a coy grin and tilts her head a little. "Of course."
"Atta girl," he says. He tucks his phone into his breast pocket as she smiles. "Hey, how's that hot tub treating you? That was the last time we saw one another, right?"
"I think it was," she admits. That seems like an embarrassing amount of time for them to go without seeing one another, considering she's living with Noah, and Noah is close friends with Matt. "It's great. Actually, there's nothing better than slipping in there with a glass of wine after Violet goes to bed."
She can't read the smile he gives her. She figures it out when he speaks. "Yeah, Puck said you looked really good in a two piece." She's a little taken aback for a moment, not only because Puck has spoken to Matt and said she looks good in a bikini, but because Matt is almost certainly flirting with her right now. "We should get together soon."
She doesn't know, now, if he means she and him, or all of them. She answers as diplomatically as possible without giving him the wrong idea. "You're welcome at the house any time. We'd love to have you for dinner. Noah's quite the grill master."
He laughs a little and nods, then looks to the ground. "It's weird to hear you call him that." She looks at him questioningly. "He's never let anyone other than his mom call him by his first name."
She lifts her shoulder a bit. "He's never complained when I do it," she says.
"Why would he?" he asks, eyes locked with hers. A beat passes, then his phone rings and he reaches for it. "Sorry. I don't wanna be rude, but it's my boss, and..."
"It's 10:30 in the morning," she laughs. "Shouldn't you be in an office somewhere anyway?"
He's laughing when he answers the phone and he holds his finger up and looks at her pleadingly as he tells his boss to hang on a second. "It was really great seeing you," he says sweetly, holding his phone to his palm.
"I'm serious about dinner. Just call Noah and invite yourself."
"He'll love that," Matt laughs. "But I will."
"Great," she says quietly. He brings the phone to his ear again and shoots her a wink before he walks past her and continues down the sidewalk.
It's been a while since someone actually flirted with her. Lucas was direct, or completely clueless, one or the other. Noah's comments are more exaggerated and joking; they don't hold weight. Matt was just seductive and clever and she could see his intentions rather clearly.
Perhaps if she wasn't dwelling on the fact that Noah clearly likes the look of her in her bathing suit - enough to tell his friends about it - she'd pay more mind to what Matt was really trying to accomplish.
And if she goes home that night and slips into her smallest bikini, walks through the house with her towel draped over her arm instead of tied around her body like usual, it's just because she's had a long day and she wants to get into the hot tub as quickly as possible.
She grabs a beer from the fridge and she can practically feel Noah's eyes on her as he stands there talking on the phone to his mother. She turns to him and hands him the beer (she never can get the cap off herself) and smiles at him when he passes it back to her.
"Coming?" she mouths, gesturing with her head to the sliding door that leads to the back yard.
She'd laugh at how quickly he tells his mother he has to go if she didn't think it would give her away.
