Lavi's POV
I searched everywhere after I got off the boat. I burst into his dorm hoping that I could talk to him but he wasn't there. The cafeteria was empty and so was the library. I talked to Komui about it but he just said not to worry, that Allen would show up when he was ready. This hurt me more than I let on. I just let Kanda see the bright side of me for the next few days while I searched for him.
I never really felt like my relationship with Allen was anything more than friendly. But the way he looked at me before he left, like his heart had been shattered into a thousand pieces, made me feel like…like everything that had ever happened to him was my fault. Even though it wasn't, I felt like it was. His eyes had tears in them but he didn't let them fall, for he was like that. But I wanted them to fall to show me how much he really cared for me. I hate myself for that and letting it go farther than necessary. He loves me but I can't love him.
Kanda put his arm through mine and brought me out of my thoughts, "Stop worrying about him." he stated firmly, "Moyashi is tough I'm sure he'll be fine. Plus he can't go anywhere except here. He's told you more than enough times that headquarters is his only home."
"That's not the problem. I worry for him because this is his only home and if he wants to get away so badly then he can't just run to his parents. He might still be out there and not safe inside of headquarters."
OxOxOxOxOxO
It was a week and a half later and Allen still hadn't returned. Lavi was scared out of his mind and Kanda was doing all he could to comfort the clearly stressed Lavi. Allen's birth day was in two days, even though no one had seen him Komui made arrangements for the party to continue. They had been decorating for two days already and Komui decided to build a new robot that helped with the decorations but ended up exploding and setting all the streamers that were already up on fire. Sadly everyone had to pitch in and clean up just in case Allen did return before the party started.
Lavi had been pacing up and down the hall for hours. He racked his brain for any place that Allen could be. But the problem was that he was always paying too much attention to being in the now and didn't really care that much for other people's past. Now that his best friend was missing he wished he'd paid more attention.
"Usagi, making a dent in the floor is not going to help find the moyashi. He will some back when he is needed and until then you need to stop worrying so much." Kanda tried to soothe his distressed boyfriend but the comment only made him angry.
"What would you know about Kanda. You've apparently no need for friends so you stay distant from everyone…even me… and don't tell me not to worry for Allen it's been a week and the organization still hasn't sent out a search party to look for him. You think that since he's the destroyer of time he might be important to keep close." His voice fell flatter and flatter. He had no life left to yell at Kanda for being insensitive. He knew that the swordsman would be like this the day he fell for him.
"What do you mean that I keep distant from you. I've tell you everything Lavi! You're the first that I have ever felt so deeply for and your accusing me of being distant." Out of all the things he could have started an argument on.
"That's not what I'm say- never mind that's exactly what I'm saying. You may not distance yourself from me by telling me things I already know. You keep me at a distance when it comes to more personal things, like, let's see, your past. You've told me nothing of it. I mean it's not like I've asked but I didn't want to pry. But you're not exactly the type of person who just comes out and says, 'Hey there's a lotus in my bedroom because….' Or we never have sleep in your room. How come Kanda? Why do we always have to go into my room? The only time I've ever been in your room was when you forgot to bring mugen with you to the freaking cafeteria, seriously, you had to bring your sword with you? And hell–" he was cut off by a pair of lips that crashed down on his.
"You know you are the most adorable thing when you rant?" Kanda chuckled and Lavi blushed pink.
"That's so unfair." He whined, "You can't just cut me off when I'm about to get to the good part. Besides we will talk about this later, you are not getting out of this that easily." Lavi tried to put on a stern face but the blush was making it very unbelievable.
"Fine we'll talk about it later, but right now I need food and so do you." Kanda grabbed Lavi's hand and rushed him to the cafeteria.
OxOxOxOxOxO
While the two lovers were enjoying their meal Allen was out in the freezing cold rain. It pelted onto his skin, drenching him and making him shiver. He didn't notice too much, he was too busy lost in his own thought about how his life could have gotten so bad. The young teen stared at Mana's grave, the only place Lavi had not checked, with sadness in his eyes. He thought about Lavi and wondered why he was so in love with such an ignorant person. For being a bookman he should have vast knowledge of people's feelings and when people are dropping hints or not. But he guessed Lavi was just ignorant by nature.
Tears threatened to spill over his eyes. He knew that he would never be able to have Lavi as anything more than a friend and that wasn't okay with him. He had realized that a long time ago, but pushed it to the back of his mind hoping for more than he was going to get. He saw how Lavi treated Kanda and knew the boy was in love with him but ignored that too. Maybe he was the ignorant one, blatantly overlooked Lavi's infatuation and tried to pull the bookman towards himself, in a selfish ploy.
Now that he knelt at his father's grave with a knife in his hand, he thought over his miserable life. He realized that he should have died long ago at the hands of the Earl. He bent over and pressed the cool blade to one wrist slicing in deep enough to cut straight through the vein. Then put the blade in his other hand and did the same to his other wrist. The hot blood felt welcome on his freezing skin, dripping through his fingers and onto Mana's grave. What a fitting end? He thought with malice, to die where I should have died all those years ago… his thoughts trailed off as he lost more blood. He fell sideways into the grass, cheek touching the rain drenched stems. My only regret is that I didn't get to see…Lavi's smiling face one…last time…. A tear ran down his cheek and for the first time in his life he regretted doing something, he realized a little too late.
Name: Allen Walker.
Known As: The Destroyer of Time.
Age: Seventeen.
Profession: Exorcist
Cause of Death: Suicide.
Reason For Death: A love that only one person, the most important person, knew about.
His Name: Lavi.
