The winner of the poll is...Haku! To be honest I felt she suits a Magus Naruto better than the timid Hinata...maybe I'll pair Hinata-chan with Gaara instead...

Naruto watched with half-lidded eyes as the brats filed in and came out with their shiny new forehead protectors.

Hinata had hers around her neck, which was by far more vulnerable than the forehead.

Naruto patiently waited for his turn, and this time produced the amount required to pass, to Iruka's pleasure.

Iruka tried to act like an older brother for the orphan, and Naruto allowed that as he rather liked the man who was a very good teacher. The fact he had the sense to look past the deaths of his parents caused by the nine-tailed fox only gave Naruto all the reason he needed to at least trust the man to a point.

Mizuki glared at Naruto for passing this go around, and Naruto could see the cogs in the man's head come up with a half-cocked plan to dispose of him.

Naruto had already learned what the man had in mind and planned to make a double of the Forbidden scroll for his own private use. He would not, however, employ the jutsu so many of his alternates used.

Amusing or not, Illya would have murdered him had he ever actually made such a thing, and he had no desire to die by her hand anytime soon.

Speaking of the little Snowstorm, she and the others were due to come to Konoha for their yearly visit.

As far as the Hokage was aware, she was his 'older' sister of the family who had healed and taken him in. Shiro was the 'older' brother and Rin was Shiro's girlfriend.

Sakura was usually left behind to keep Taiga from asking questions. That and she was working especially hard to find her own style of magecraft since she had been brought back to the Tohsaka clan.

As far as the Magus community was concerned, Naruto had taken her as 'spoils of conquest' when he wiped out the Makiri line. When asked by some of Naruto's friends, they had immediately approved of the entire thing when informed of the truth.

Which was a good thing as he had no desire to have Altrouge come after him with her pet.

Naruto walked outside and found his arms full of a very happy Illya.

"Chibi Fubuki! Glad you could make it!" said Naruto happily. He saw his little sister far too little for his liking.

"I'm not little anymore remember?" said Illya with a mock-frown.

Indeed, ever since Zelretch placed a good portion of the Juubi in her, she had sprouted like a weed. It was like her body was catching up on lost growth, as she was now almost at the height Naruto would be at once this nonsense was over.

At the moment she was however at eye level with him.

Illya noted Hinata's glare in her direction.

"What's up with her?" asked Illya in German.

"Hinata-san is the heir of a prestigious shinobi clan, and of good breeding. She apparently has a crush on me because I tend to ignore the crap the village spews. She finds someone who can persevere through adversity attractive," said Naruto dryly.

Illya eyed Hinata with a critical look. She would have to see if the girl was worth cultivating into a wife for her brother.

Naruto would never dare make such a decision without her, as he knew Illya would maim him at the very least.

"Feel free to talk to her, but be warned she's a bit shy about the whole crush thing and her family dislikes me because of the demon," said Naruto, waving Illya's idea off.

"Noted. Now, about your party?" said Illya with a grin.

Mizuki appeared at the minor party at Ichiraku's and cornered Naruto in the bathroom. If Naruto hadn't already planned to make him suffer, the way he tried to con him into stealing the scroll would have convinced him to do that anyway.

Illya and the others were already aware of his plan, so they would stay in full view of the ANBU the entire time.

"Naruto what are you..."

"Sorry old man," said Naruto. He activated his Mystic Eyes and the Hokage blacked out. Tamamo caught him before he made a sound and they went to the spot where Mizuki told him to go.

Naruto opened the Forbidden Scroll fully and had his clones copy it to the last detail in half an hour. He spent the rest just keeping in motion so he could play the part of the smart, but not so bright village idiot.

As far as the villagers were aware, he was a smart shinobi, but his interpersonal skills outside his small family sucked.

Iruka showed up five minutes before the scheduled meeting time, and his familiars informed him Mizuki made a big scene about Naruto stealing the scroll.

He was so pounding that bastard's face in.

Iruka acted as his witness, and Naruto booked. Once he heard Iruka's real opinion of him, believing the boy to be a simple victim of Mizuki's treachery, Naruto came out.

"I always knew you were an idiot. But making such a racket, alerting the entire village to the fact that it was the most important sealing scroll in the Hokage office? That was just stupid," smirked Naruto.

"What are you..."

Mizuki turned to find the entire woods filled with red-eyed creatures staring at him hungrily, all in different colors from red, green, brown, and the odd blue.

"A true shinobi would have kept quiet and allow panic to set in before killing off the patsy and absconding with the scroll to whatever master they belonged to. They would have given better misdirection as well," criticized Naruto.

He stalked towards Mizuki, who was really freaking out now.

"A good shinobi would have known better than to chose someone so public that someone would have definitely have tried to capture them. But you wanted to be sure that the scroll was actually taken rather than to have some bumbling civilian student ruin everything. Too bad for you I already knew that you were a traitor...which is why I called in my minions," said Naruto coldly, holding up his right hand that had an odd gauntlet on it.

"Minions?" asked Iruka. His voice was shaky, but he clearly didn't view Naruto as anything but a loyal shinobi at that point.

"Think of them as summoned animals, only without having to expend chakra to keep them here," said Naruto for his benefit.

Naruto had the feeling he would have a new accomplice in learning magecraft once Iruka came for an explanation.

He cracked his knuckles menacingly, and Mizuki fell back in fear.

There was no remorse, no sympathy, no hesitation.

"Real shinobi...are subtle," said Naruto flatly.

Mizuki's screams were what brought the ANBU to them, and Iruka was swapped with Naruto to avoid them asking awkward questions.

As far as the report went, Iruka was alerted by Illya that Mizuki gave Naruto his 'mission' since he was the Rookie of the Year, despite the teacher's efforts to give that to Sasuke, since it was tradition to give the best shinobi in the class his first mission.

The fact Iruka happened to be in the stand a few minutes after Mizuki had been seen leaving it, and Illya had chatted with him for a bit out of the chef's hearing would only solidify their cover story.

Naruto had learned the shadow clone as Mizuki had instructed, being his 'reward' for completing the mission, and Iruka had shown up to beat the crap out of Mizuki once informed of his treachery.

They even added that Mizuki had told Naruto of the Fox, and that it was only Iruka's doing that Naruto hadn't freaked out.

Iruka was a good enough shinobi to keep his mouth shut, and not mention the truth to the Hokage, who had no idea how Naruto had gotten past him.

Considering Naruto had recreated the scene where the Hokage passed out from a nosebleed, it was unlikely he would figure it out.

"Team Seven will be Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, and Uzumaki Naruto..." said Iruka, while he waited for Naruto's head to stop banging on his desk.

Naruto had never gotten along once with Sasuke after the day he supposedly left the boy unconscious in the training ground while Itachi murdered his family, and he hated Sakura Haruno outright because of her voice.

When Shikamaru kicked him, Iruka continued.

Naruto knew Kakashi wouldn't be there for hours, so he brought another magecraft book out to kill time. Sakura had tried to read over his shoulder, but couldn't understand a word of it.

Not surprising, considering that it wasn't in any of the Japanese writing forms, let alone the few cryptograms that Konoha used in the Academy.

When Kakashi came in, he found a bored Naruto reading, an incensed Haruno looking ready to yell at him, and a stoic Uchiha.

Before he can even say an excuse, he feels something brush past his left ear. Turning, he sees a hole where his head would been had he been a little to the left.

He looks back at the kids, and sees Naruto with his finger pointed in his direction without looking at him.

"That's your first warning. If you don't have a decent excuse, then don't bother," said Naruto without looking up.

Sakura and Sasuke gave Naruto an odd look. How had he done that?

"Rooftop, five minutes."

Naruto calmly walked up to the roof using chakra control. Sakura and Sasuke gaped before running up the stairs.

Kakashi stared at Naruto, still reading his book.

"Interesting?" he asked finally, as it would take the other kids a minute on the stairs at least. Shinobi buildings were made so that intruders couldn't simply go up two stairs in a row, no, they wound around the building. Unless you took the direct route like Naruto just did.

"More of a refresher actually. It's about the finer details of moving souls into inanimate objects such as dolls. Problem is I could never get the hang of it like the little Snowstorm could," said Naruto dismissively.

"...What?"

"I mean I know the theory, but I'm fairly sure that having a high-class demonic Mythical Beast is the reason why I have such an annoying interference rate, because my control is rather good for someone attempting it," said Naruto without looking up.

"..."

"I suppose it's nice to know that there are some things that would require intense preparation for my circuits to do what I want, but really, why bother other than as a hobby?"

Having ranted and thus given Kakashi all the reason he needed to conclude Naruto was somewhat insane, he completely missed Sasuke and Sakura coming up.

"How did you walk up the wall Dumbass?" demanded Sakura wheezing.

"It's called chakra-control exercise you pink-haired harpy. Had the Academy properly done their job you would remember that chakra can stick to most substances, like walls for example, instead of just giving you that ridiculous leaf-spinning exercise which is really just for beginners," said Naruto dismissively.

Sakura looked like she would shriek, so Kakashi deftly cut her off. Out of the three, Naruto was the only interesting one. Like it was just a game that he was playing.

"He has a point actually. Walking on the walls is an application of the tree-walking exercise that you should have learned ages ago, because leaf spinning is more of a trick to raise your reserves," said Kakashi.

Sasuke and Sakura sat down, as far away from Naruto as physically possible. Kakashi inwardly winced...how the hell was he supposed to teach teamwork when it was so obvious they couldn't stand each other?

"Why don't we introduce ourselves?"

"Like what?" demanded Sasuke.

"Likes, dislikes, dreams," listed Kakashi.

"You first," said Naruto, switching out his book for something less boring. This one appeared to be about seals, if what Kakashi read was right.

"My name is Kakashi Hatake. My likes are a bit above your age level and I don't feel like telling you my dislikes. My dreams are far too mature for young audiences," said Kakashi flatly.

"You like porn and many X-rated things, you don't want to give us an edge against you, and your dream is to actually get laid by someone who doesn't mind that you openly read that cheap smut," said Naruto without looking up. Kakashi blinked twice. That...was by far more accurate than he would have gotten.

"You next," said Kakashi, pointing at Sakura.

"My name is Sakura Haruno. I like (giggle). I hate Naruto and Ino pig, and my dream is (giggle)."

"Sakura Haruno, rival head of the Uchiha fan club. She hates me because I can't stand her obnoxiously loud voice and think she should dye her hair before it gets her killed, and Ino because they both happen to like the same boy. Her dreams are to jump the bitchy emo," said Naruto, going to the next chapter.

Somehow Kakashi had the strangest feeling Naruto would be more informative than the other two.

"Duck butt, you're next."

"Sasuke Uchiha, I like tomatoes. I dislike Naruto and my dream is to kill a certain man and restore the clan," said Sasuke bluntly.

"Uchiha Sasuke, second son of the last Uchiha clan head. Has a minor affinity towards fire that's genetic, but is not his major chakra affinity. Is noted to be a tomato addict, though he buys instead of growing his own. Hates me because I knocked his ass out and kept him from seeing his older brother Itachi killing his parents last. His dream is fratricide and to possibly restore the clan. Though the fact he's quite possibly gay could ruin that particular plan."

"And you?" asked Kakashi.

"Uzumaki-Einzbern Naruto. I like my sister Illya, my brother Shiro and Tamamo, and I have a minor addiction to ramen and explosions. I dislike people who don't understand the word subtle, those that would abuse their own families out of a twisted sense of superiority, and fan girls. My dream is to one day complete that annoying Zelretch's task and take on the mantle as the heir of the Einzbern clan, who took me in when I was five."

That was as much information as he planned to give. Judging by the look Kakashi gave him, he would try to get the info later. Good luck with that.

"Tomorrow, training ground seven. Don't eat breakfast or you'll puke," said Kakashi.

Naruto looked at his prospective teammates.

"Right, I'm off to find someone better at teaching than Mr. I-have-never-passed-a-genin-team-once. Ciao losers," said Naruto bluntly.

A very unusual scene played out in Konoha that night. Multiple versions of Naruto went to any jonin without an active genin team or who were free and begged them for help, namely an apprenticeship to get off his damn team.

Most, who already knew about the fox and only ignored him out of professional respect to the Hokage who would throw them in jail if they tried anything, slammed their door or a kunai at him.

Some openly laughed at him when they heard who his sensei was.

Only five people didn't turn him down outright.

Anko Mitarashi, Hayate the sickly swordsman, Uzuki Yugao, a man who liked to chew on senbon named Genma, and Ibiki.

Unfortunately Ibiki, Genma and Yugao were taken out of the running. Ibiki because he was the head of the torture department and Naruto was considered too young, Genma because he was often away on missions and couldn't spare the time, Yugao because she was an ANBU and didn't want to be removed from duty because she was training someone.

Anko was more than mildly impressed at his argument for why he wanted to be her apprentice. It went along the lines of...

"For the love of Amaterasu, get me off that damn team before I kill them in their sleep! If I end up having to be around that damn Uchiha and the fucking harpy, they'll be dead before we ever reach a C rank mission!"

Anko had openly laughed at his argument, but understood his reasoning. It wasn't a secret that the last Uchiha hated him and that Naruto despised fan girls with an unholy passion. Add to the fact that Kakashi would never get off his ass to train them until they could show that they could function as a team, and Naruto would be a genin for life. It was near impossible to have teamwork when you openly despised the people you were working with from the start.

Which was why she had a counter offer. If he passed the bell test, he could train with her after team exercises. If he failed because they couldn't get along at all, not even to get a bell, she would take him on as her apprentice.

It was somewhat creepy to see Naruto openly hugging her at her favorite dango shop, with tears of joy running down his face.

Hayate agreed to spar with him between missions, once he realized Naruto at least knew how to hold a blade and use it without cutting himself. Between him and Anko, the chances of surviving outside the village went up.