Yes, I know how I said I wouldn't post anything until tomorrow or whatever, but I had a great day of writing and couldn't resist. (By the way, if you're in the mood for a random and funny fic starring Ash and Misty, go read "A Trip to Washington, DC. They visit the Capitol Building, stupidness ensues... okay, done plugging my other fic...) But seriously, it's been a good day, and why make y'all suffer now? You will have to this weekend, though, because it may take some time. I have a lot of work to do!

Oh, and yunadance6, glad that you can sum up my fic in a positive word. Thank you!

All righty then, fic-time!

DISCLAIMER: Nothing says "I don't own Pokemon or the song 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved'" like that just did.


Chapter Nine: Wednesday: Return of The Old Woman

Drew was walking through a forest on his way to the next Pokemon Contest, when suddenly the earth gave out from under him, dropping him into a pit. He looked up, disoriented, to see May and Brendan peering down at him.

"Tough break, grass-boy," Brendan sneered as he draped an arm around the smirking brunette's shoulders. She giggled and drew the crimson-eyed boy in for a kiss. Then, together they hefted shovels and began to bury Drew alive. He tried to escape, but his legs were already encased in soil. He screamed, but no sound came out. Now the dirt was pinning his arms down, covering his mouth, ears, eyes-

Drew opened his eyes, but the darkness persisted. He was trapped! Clawing at the blackness, he cried out in fear. He was suffocating!

He heard shoes slapping the pavement, and the darkness gave way to the brilliant sun, blinding the green-haired teen. Once his sight returned, Drew sweatdropped when he realized the darkness was due to a large black umbrella, now held by Max, who was watching him with concern in his eyes.

"Sorry, really bad nightmare. Being buried alive, then waking up and it's not any brighter…" Drew trailed off, embarrassed. Max nodded sympathetically.

"Um, breakfast's ready for everyone, unless you're not ready to eat," Max ventured.

Drew grinned. "Okay, yeah, I am a bit hungry." Actually, he was more than just a bit hungry. He'd slept later than usual, due no doubt to the umbrella which had blocked out the sunlight. He forced himself to relax, then called out his Pokemon for their morning meal.

Once breakfast was done, the boys sat against the wall once more, lost in their own thoughts. This silence, however, was broken by a mad cackle.

"Bwahahah, I have you now, brats!" Drew and Max looked up, startled, to see a familiar wrinkled face, contorted with hatred.

"You!" Drew gasped. It was indeed the same old woman who had been harassing him two days previously. But this time, instead of one little Snubbull, the grannie was flanked by four snarling Granbull.

The hag smirked. "Yes, me. It's payback time, whippersnappers!" Her Granbull escorts were foaming at the mouth, clearly excited by the chance to fight something - or someone.

Just as she was about to call out an attack and have the two torn apart, a police car came racing down the street. Officer Jenny jumped out from the passenger side door, whipping Pokeballs from her belt. "Go, Units 2 and 7!"

Out of the baseball-sized capsules sprang two Arcanine, who glared at the old woman's pack of Granbull, who flinched, Intimidated. Meanwhile, Jenny was advancing on the old woman with handcuffs grasped in her gloved hands. The old woman looked terrified and feeble.

"Oh, officer! I'm so glad you've come, these hooligans were about to attack me with these vicious Granbull!" she rasped in a 'look-at-me-I'm-an-innocent-old-lady' voice. However, Jenny slapped the cuffs on her.

"Nice try, but we traced that 'anonymous' call you made yesterday. Not to mention the seventeen other 'tips' we've received through the years. We have some young people in juvie just waiting to speak with you, ma'am."

The old woman dropped her innocent act. "But they're useless punks who won't help me cross the street!" Everyone blinked.

"Um, ma'am, perhaps you should have considered getting a hobby," Jenny observed.

"But that WAS my hobby!" the woman wailed.

"Hah, so you admit it!" the teal-haired officer shouted victoriously.

The old hag looked horrified. "Wait, no, I- wait a sec, you can't do this! You're the cop; you're supposed to read me the Miranda warning!"

But the officer just shook her head, grinning pityingly at the senior citizen. "Ah, but this is the Pokemon universe, there's no such thing, so you just incriminated yourself. Take her away, Uncle Bob!"

Drew looked for the 'Uncle Bob' Jenny was calling to, but then he realized someone must have driven her there; she'd been seated on the passenger side. At that moment, he also noticed a big blue blob sitting in the driver's seat of the squad car. A window rolled down, and with some difficulty an enormously overweight middle-aged man stuck his head out to peer at Jenny.

"Uh, just put her in the back, would ya, 'Fer? Oh, and put those purple monsters in their Pokeballs. Dogs make me sneezy."

Jenny complied, muttering, "My name is Jenny, not 'Fer. I'm not a bleeding Furret coat or whatever," as she unceremoniously forced the hag into the squad car and recalled the still-Intimidated Granbull back into their Pokeballs, which she had taken from the woman's purse. That done, she went over to the driver's side window.

"I'm just going to visit with these two, okay, Uncle Bob? And make sure she-" here Jenny gestured vaguely at the back row of the vehicle, "-doesn't get into trouble."

"Okay then," he mumbled, rolling up the window and cruising away down First. Jenny waved goodbye, then turned to Drew and Max.

"So, yeah, that was my uncle Bob. He's not really a get-out-of-the-car kind of cop, but he's an excellent driver, so he basically has the perfect job, wouldn't you say?"

Drew and Max grinned, imagining Jenny's uncle chasing after criminals on foot. Jenny read their minds and giggled. "Exactly, he's not exactly built for running, now, is he?"

"No, not really…" Max agreed, feeling a little awkward about poking fun at a police officer, but Jenny didn't seem to mind. She walked over to the pair of Arcanine, telling them what good law enforcers they were ("Yes you are, yes you are!").

"Oh, that's right, you haven't met my team," Jenny realized, turning to face the boys. "The bigger one is Seven, and the little one's Two." The two dogs approached Drew and Max, allowing them to say hello. "They've been my best friends since they were Growlithe, you know," Jenny went on. "Brother and sister, fighting crime together…" She smiled dreamily, lost in memories of K-9 law enforcement.

Max glanced at the Pokemon. "Hey, Officer Jenny, why do you call them Two and Seven?"

Jenny snapped out of her reverie. "Oh, uh, because it's their names," she replied in a 'duh' tone.

Drew raised his eyebrows. "So they were just born as Two and Seven?"

Jenny shook her head, this time understanding the question. "Oh, you mean like what are their real names? Well, those got changed when they went into police work, all or K-9 units get numbers, but, hm, I think his name was Agent Perry and she was Fluffy. And, no offense, Two," Jenny added hastily to her teammate, "but 'Fluffy' isn't exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of criminals." The Arcanine appeared to shrug; of course, being on all fours, shrugging was made rather difficult, but she managed.

"Okay, so apart from the dog talk and crazy senior citizens trying to mob us with Granbull, what else are we going to do today?" Max asked the group at large.

Jenny appeared to have suddenly remembered something. "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot! So, Drew, I was thinking about your whole thing here, and wouldn't it be a good idea if May knew you were here? Just call up the news people, they always love this kind of stuff, set up an interview-"

Drew raised up his hands in protest. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. News interview? Bad idea, seeing as May refuses to watch the news anyways."

Jenny looked deflated. "What?"

Drew nodded. "Yeah, whenever the news would come on at a Pokemon Center, she'd start ranting on about how there's never anything happy on the news, just people dying and horrible accidents and other awful stuff. So, yeah, she wouldn't see it."

"Hm. She kind of has a good point," murmured Max thoughtfully.

Jenny sighed. "Well, that's one idea down. But there is something else…" The police officer trailed off, suddenly looking nervous. "Um, first of all, Drew, don't get mad."

Don't get mad, Drew thought. Have you ever noticed how nothing good ever follows that sentence?

Jenny continued. "Uh, well, you see, Drew, I have this cousin, a Guitarist, and he's in a band and stuff."

"Okay…" Drew said, wondering where this was going. Don't we all have some cousin who's 'in a band'?

"And, so, I told him all about your whole staying-here thing, and-"

"YOU DID WHAT?!?!" Drew exclaimed, horrified.

Jenny held up both hands in a please-don't-kill-me way. "And, he wrote a song about it-"

"THERE'S A SONG ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE?!?!?!" Drew shouted, even more horrified. It was bad enough that someone he barely knew had told someone he didn't know about him, but a song about it was ten times worse.

Jenny rushed out her words, trying to finish before Drew did something drastic. "And now it's on the radio, and people really seem to like it!" She waited for Drew to attempt to destroy something, but Drew was too surprised to do much of anything.

"So, um, just thought I'd tell you that, bring you up to speed, you know?" Jenny finished, seeing as Drew was frozen. "Uh, I gotta go and file my report against the crazy old hag, so, bye now!" With that, she hurried off, yelling over her shoulder, "Stay warm!" or something like that.

What Drew didn't know was that, in addition to filing her police report, Officer Jenny also made a call to the local news station, scheduling an interview for Friday. She had a plan, too. Sure, it had to be tweaked, seeing as this May girl wasn't big on watching the news, but she already knew how to make it work. It would only take another subtly-threatening phone call to her cousin, but hey, all's fair in love and war...


Ooh-boy, how would YOU feel if YOUR love life became a song - without your knowledge or consent???? And, yes, no duh, that was waaaaay too fast for a song to be written, recorded, edited, produced, and aired on the radio. Yeah, and putting an Onix in a Pokeball is equally likely. So chill, my dears.

Couple notes: HoennShipper (yeah, that's right, YOU), don't you dare yell at me about Brendan being evil in this chapter. It's a nightmare. Like May would ever bury anyone alive, let alone Drew. It's a nightmare; bad stuff happens in 'em. Real Brendan will stay on the path we discussed...

Next, I referenced a children's TV show twice this chapter. It was done kind of subtley, so if anyone guesses it correctly, I'll write their names in bold letters at the beginning of chapter ten in a dedicational kind of way. Special-ness!

Finally, let us take this time to think on what we have just read, and, oh, I don't know, review??? Yeah, wouldn't that be just lovely, delightful, et cetera? Answer: You betcha.

Bye now,

CarpeDiemEveryday (I'm spicing it up today, but then again, I posted two things AND put up an avatar on my profile! Today's been good to me; no reason to fear Thursday the Thirteenth...)