The dinner table was an awkward two-second-stare shuffle. Spike who had welcomed himself to yet another Scooby sit down set an eye on Sam and refused to budge it since he'd rudely given himself an impromptu welcome-to-dinner invite. Buffy tried not to let the color creep back into her cheeks.
Ever since the night they had spent together in the cemetery Sam had been a tad shade short of green around Spike who he had previously not been introduced to. But Spike's demeanor toward Buffy had immediately implied TAKEN in neon brights. It had only been two days since Spike had returned from his own 'Find Dawn Detail' empty handed yet in the Summers home it had felt like a lifetime. Things were getting cramped with Spike's new constant presence and it was wearing on Buffy more than she'd like to admit. That vampire was one solid stare away from being dusted under the rug.
"Okay," She started suddenly clattering her Mother's good china as she stood quickly. She covered it with an awkward smile and clutched at the plates for balance as she back away to the kitchen for a reprieve. "Who wants dessert?" She asked pleasantly through gritted teeth, as Sam and Spike simultaneously got up to help her in the kitchen.
Buffy frowned at their pause and twin looks from her to each other and back to her again, almost as if they awaited an answer from her. A small groan escaped her as she turned to the kitchen solo and emptied the plates into the sink with a shade less grace than she possessed.
Xander cleared his throat gently from the hall leading into the dining room. "Do you want to talk about it?" He offered.
Buffy turned with a hand pressed against her closed eyelids. Her hands flew to the sink behind her and fidgeted there as she let out a huge sigh. "I don't know Xander. I just…" Her voice trailed off as she seemed to compose herself. "It just seems like one annoyance too much right now. I know everyone is here to help but with Willow and Tara MIA and Dawn still…" Her voice cracked as she fumbled over her sister's name. "I think I'm just one female short of sanity right now."
"Hey you know I never claimed to be of Willow's advice-giving caliber, but I'm not completely blind to these things either. Something happened between you two didn't it? You and Sam?"
Buffy sighed again and rolled a fist back over her neck. "Maybe it was a mistake Xander, maybe I'm not thinking clearly right now, maybe maybe is one too many maybes for me. I just can't deal with all this correctly right now. I'm making mistakes. I know it. But I can't seem to stop myself from making them."
Xander crossed the space between them and put and arm around her. "Hey look, there is nothing wrong with how you are coping. He's a nice guy, he's helping you out, so you helped yourself to a little something right back. Doesn't work for every poor chap to cross your path but hey you win some you lose some right?" He joked.
Buffy slid him a frustrated glance and added an eye roll for good measure.
"Thanks Xander. I'll learn and grow from these talks we have."
They both smiled hoping this wouldn't have to come up again. Talking to Xander about boy troubles was just one too many things she didn't have the heart for right now. If anything her heart stopped working altogether since two nights past. The ride home had enveloped Sam into a strange sort of silence Buffy felt compelled to match and by the time they reached her house it was a bit too late for a goodnight kiss. They had been business as usual ever since. And even though she knew she couldn't afford another weight on her heart or her mind right now it did weigh on her. She wanted back into that feeling he had given her. That place of peace she had flown too where just for a moment nothing mattered more than the minute they existed in. Yet she couldn't even conceive of how to get back there. It seemed like every second they were alone he was a lifetime away from her.
Could she just reach over and touch his hand like they were meant to be that way? Could she sink into his arms again like that was where she belonged? She didn't want to scare him away. Time was fragile for them both right now. And the more time that slipped away since that night the more of a wedge she was allowing between them and she knew it. If she didn't do something to drag him back to her she would lose him too. That she wasn't prepared to do.
"Knock knock." Spikes English drawl sounded from the hallway as Xander moved past him with a warning frown.
"You know what Spike? Let's keep the Buffy-gazing to a minimum tonight, there's only so much a man can take before he goes a-dustin."
Spike gave Xander an answering lift of his brows and followed his retreat to the dining room to finish cleaning up. He swung his head back around to Buffy and gave a relaxed stance against the side of the paneling, half perched inside the kitchen, half ready to flee at any real sign of annoyance.
"I think Mr. Brawny tough and clean in there has a bit of a thing for you." He teased. When she blushed he cocked his head to the side in a bit of confusion over her reaction. "No witty puns or comebacks?" He offered as a verbal sparring stick.
She sighed and turned from the sink. "Spike, tonight…let's just not do this. Please." A pleading note entered her voice and Spike could only nod as he took the back door into the night.
Buffy retreated to her bedroom without a word to the bustling bodies in the dining room and prayed no one would follow her. Rest mocked her lately yet tonight it seemed to be drowning her. She knew Giles still had work to do and would be off somewhere with his head in a book, and Xander knew better than to stay here tonight. The awkwardness of their almost silent dinner would drive him home to his own cellar. Buffy could only settle her mind on one thing…that this left her and Sam alone in this big house. Her life was void of so much lately, peace, love, laughter. It all evaded her time and again. Even when she found a moment to be herself the guilt came crawling back to the surface. Her Dawn was still gone, yet even though they hadn't heard back from Willow just yet there was a deep seated possibility wedging its way into Buffy's mind that sang out that Dawn was alright. Maybe she didn't have a body to come back to, but then again maybe she did. Willow had brought Buffy back when her insides must have been shattered on the rocks below her fall. All her eggs were in Willow's basket with this one and Willow knew it too.
But none of that really affected her. She trusted Willow, knew her power was strong albeit too powerful for someone who shouldn't be dabbling as much as she was lately. But that was one worry she would let rest until Dawn was back safe in her arms. If anyone could put her there, it was Will.
Buffy ran the bath and set about getting back into her old routine for bed. Giles had urged her to do so after Dawn disappeared but she had never felt she could actually do so until now. All the pieces were falling into place and her hopes were reaching an all time high which put her mind at ease.
After a long soak she found herself crawling under the soft sheets intent on a long nights rest without some major crisis propping up for once. But her nerves rattled in time with a knock at her door. She sighed as she crawled over to the door expecting to see Giles book in hand and prophecy on his lips, or Spike with another prodding remark. The last person she expected to see interrupting her was Sam. Who just happened to not even let her blink before surging forward and grasping her face gently in his hands and leading his lips down over hers. Instinct took over Buffy's body and she melted against him giving into the urgency to be one with him again. Warmth crawled through her veins as she pushed a leg past him and kicked the door shut. This is happening, she regaled herself. But she allowed the feelings good and bad this time. Guilt surfaced but was killed by his sudden presence in her mind, his closeness filling her thoughts. His body pressed hers forward onto the bed and she gave into him. When his lips trailed down her neck they left a path of fire in their wake. Shudders wracked her body, hardening her nipples as his hands brushed over the cotton of her night shirt.
She pulled her hips forward meeting his and hoping the magic of this moment would last forever. As soon as the thought came to life it ended just as fast with the ringing of the phone on the nightstand beside them. Sam pulled back from her a reluctant look on his face as if he was battling not to simply press her back into the sheets and never let her go.
She scrambled out from under him and reached for the phone. She hadn't even lifted the receiver to her ear when she heard Willow's voice calling her name through the ear piece.
"Willow?" She asked in confusion, "It's late is everything alright?"
"Buffy," Willow stated in a rush of words. "We did it, we found Dawn Buffy. Get your ass over here right now. I'll text you the address."
"What? Willow let me talk to her!" Buffy's heart pounded against her ribs, as if trying to break them down. Dawny?
"Buffy no, that's the thing, we know where she is, but we can't get to her. The only way a mortal can go where Dawn is if they die first Buff. Don't freak out but-Dawn's in Hell."
Buffy's heart sank to a level she never knew existed. She felt as if her soul had been wretched from her body and she watched herself down below, paralyzed by a world where poor innocent Dawn was trapped in the polar opposite of all the wonder she had felt in heaven.
Buffy pressed her lips together and refused to blink, letting the unshed tears pool in her eyes as she slowly came to grips with Willow's news.
"How did this happen, Willow?" She whispered into the mouth piece, trying to sound calm.
"How? We don't know that yet. But she is definitely there."
"Can you get her out Will?"
"We tried many times hun, that's not an option from this end, but Buffy I got you one better, I found a doorway into there. The people around here call it a Devil's Gate."
Buffy felt Sam stiffen on the bed beside her but she focused on Willow's words.
"And you can get in it-um get it open? Get Dawn out?"
"Like I said it's a one way street for mortals, only demons can come and go, we've seen it. But Buffy, that means you get a free ride in and out. You can get Dawn out of there."
Buffy's heart leap in her throat. Her hand drooped from her ear and she let the phone slide down to her chest. Willow was right. Her power had come from a demon, its darkness calling to her while she always tried to hold that side of her away from the rest of her life. She was part demon. One girl in all the world, made from demons and called to fight them.
She returned the ear piece to the side of her head as the sound of Willow's irate "Buffy's!" pierced through her conscious thoughts. She tried to steady her hand as she whispered one response. "I'm on my way Willow. Get that gate ready."
