My Life

Chapter Nine: Answers

Cool whispers flew in and out of my ears, all of them calling my name in breathless gusts. I was floating, drifting through a black sky, all light fading away into nothingness. And I was so very cold, the chills racking through my body so fierce that the shivers felt explosive. My teeth chattered silently as I tried to wrap myself into a tight, warm ball. But I couldn't move. All I could do was endure the off-season winter, and hope no snow would come.

Remi… a voice, one I recognized, floated past me with a worried tone. I tried to turn my head towards it, but I was frozen.

Remi … don't leave … come back …

Yes, I wanted to think, but not even that seemed possible in this black void. I felt restrained against something, tightly clamped and unable to break free. I was too weak.

Remi … wake up, Remi … wake up …

Open your eyes.

And I did. Surprisingly enough, I managed to do that one little action, and it didn't even take much effort. I was staring up at a dark sky, the stars invisible behind the clouds. The sun must have set, I thought. How long was I out for?

"Remi?" a new voice, still laced with concern, was right by my ear, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

I turned, and my breath caught in my throat. Greg was there, his beautiful face inches from mine as he propped me up against his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. I stared, wide-eyed, as his pretty maroon gaze examined me closely, pure anxiety clear in his features. What had happened that made him like this? I couldn't remember much, I'll admit. We were on the beach, Greg and me, Darien and Syrus…

Syrus.

It all came back in a flood.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, my hands reaching up to touch my throat. It was wet, dripping with water. As was my face … and hair … and clothes…

"You started breathing evenly about five minutes ago," Greg explained in that musical tone of his, "You weren't out long. Maybe ten minutes."

I found myself looking at him again. His eyes were clearer, brighter with relief as he realized I was in decent condition. I struggled with his grip on me, but it was like pushing against stone. I shot him a glance, hoping he got the idea I was trying to portray.

He did. A moment later, he was helping me gently to my feet.

"Where's …?" I couldn't really say his name yet. Not because it caused me emotional trauma, but because halfway into the sentence, my throat suddenly grew hoarse, and I could speak no more. I coughed briefly, hoping I didn't look too pathetic with the trio in my presence.

"Over here," Darien's voice called, and I spun around to see the chocolate-skinned boy pinning Syrus to the ground. The liquid-controller's strength was no match for Darien's physical superiority, so his struggles were futile.

"Ge'off me!" Syrus mumbled, his face half-buried in the sand. A sudden blast of water shot out of the ocean, and Greg stepped in front of me protectively. But I didn't even flinch, surprisingly so. I just watched as the water split into three spiraling bullets, flying across the ground and preparing to knock Darien off his feet. I knew shouting out a warning would do no good.

But Darien looked up, his face concentrated. Something I didn't quite expect followed after that. The sparks I had once seen emanating from his arms now flung furiously from his face, his eyes, shooting out farther than I could've imagined and hitting the bullets before they could get close enough to even splash him. Electricity did travel at the speed of light, after all. When the two elements made impact, a small cloud of mist burst out as the water evaporated into thin air. The fog slowly settled down to the ground, then began to fade away, blowing to the side from the cool sea breeze.

"Nice try," Darien smirked, his eyes teasing even though Syrus couldn't see them. He was facedown in the dirt, the thunder boy on his back, gripping his hands firmly in a cross behind him. It almost looked like Darien was a cop, there to arrest him, put him in cuffs. The fitting irony was almost laughable.

"What the hell were you thinking, dude?" Darien asked, the new frustration clear in his deep sound. "You could've killed her!"

"Were you thinking at all?" Greg snapped, more irate than I would have suspected. Did it really upset him that much if I got hurt? I was still in shock from the attack; I didn't feel the confusion or disbelief as I thought of the possibility.

Syrus said something inaudible, and Darien permitted his head to free from the sand. He spit out a couple grains before speaking again. "I was testing her. I wanted to know if she had a strong defensive power. The curiosity was driving me crazy."

"You couldn't have waited? You couldn't have restrained your stupid impatience?"

"Do you really place me as a patient guy? Seriously?"

Greg hesitated, and I knew the answer was no. But I was starting to get mad myself. Syrus had drowned my lungs in water, blocking off my airways and nearly killing me, just to test the abilities I don't even have? The situation was so absurd, I was going to be the one going crazy. My fists clenched by my side.

"Dare, I'm not gonna hurt her again. Get off," Syrus growled, and after a few moments Darien got to his feet. Syrus followed, brushing sand off the front of his pants when he was upright again. I noticed a freshly burned hole on the front of his shirt, and also on his right sleeve…

"Greg, man, you didn't have to shoot at me," the dirty blond grumbled irritably, gesturing to the singed ends. My eyes flew to Greg, who was still standing in front of me. I could only see part of his expression.

"Yeah, right, because what you did was completely necessary," Greg replied sarcastically, and I saw him roll his eyes. "You could have just asked."

"I did."

"You could have asked again."

"I think my way was more effective," Syrus looked from Greg's face down to me, his eyes mocking. "Now I know how weak that sap really is. No defense at all. Not even an ounce of retaliation."

Hello? Where have you been? Did you not see me thrashing around on the ground, moron?

I would've said it out loud, but all that would've come out was a throaty whisper. I tried clearing my throat again. Greg turned now, his curious red stare hitting me with full force. I was in trouble now.

"You don't have … any defenses?" he asked, and Syrus grinned devilishly as if he had just converted Greg onto the dark side of pure evil. Which might be possible.

"I don't …" I paused to clear my throat for the umpteenth time before saying, "I don't know what you mean by 'defenses'?"

"I mean your powers. You don't have any way of protecting yourself with them?"

I hesitated, looking like the real idiot I was, before I dropped my eyes to my feet. This was the moment. All my dread, all my fear, suddenly increased ten-fold, making my heart pump frantically.

"I don't have any powers." It was just a whisper, so faint it could've been mistaken for the wind. But they all heard me as clearly as if I'd shouted it to the sky.

The moment of truth; how would they react to the shocking news? To the fact that a weak, insignificant, powerless sap, as Syrus had called me, was going to be a Titan in training? It was half and half, really.

Syrus scoffed, crossing his arms matter-of-factly. "Knew it…" he muttered, his arrogant pose never changing. I so wanted to kick him below the belt, which surprised me a bit. I wasn't a very violent person. I guess people change.

Greg said nothing, just watched me with careful, expectant eyes. It was almost as if he thought I was lying, like I was about to shout, "Just kidding!" and burst out with all the potential that I don't even have in my system. Would he accept me if this was his reaction? Did I honestly care?

"None?" Darien asked, genuinely shocked. His eyes were wide as he stared at me. "Not even a little bit? I would've thought … with Raven as your mom …" He let the sentence trail, because I already knew the meaning behind it; Raven was indeed my mother, and a powerful empath with an incredible variety of abilities, and here I was, her only daughter, not a single ounce of power in me. Except…

"Well, that's not true … exactly," I started, but instantly regretted my words. Greg straightened his posture, looking me in the face with pure interest. Darien took a few steps forward, and Syrus scowled, thinking of this as bad news. I hesitated, and then shook my head.

"What, Remi? Tell us?" Greg's voice was so soothing, so inviting … how could I deny him what he wanted to know?

Tell them.

I sighed inwardly. Glad to see you weren't damaged in the drowning process, I muttered sarcastically.

Yes, and it's great that you're okay, believe me, the voice said in a rush, but they're waiting, Remi. You have to tell them.

I thought you said to leave that in my past? I argued.

They don't need the whole story. Just talk about the part with your power. They'll understand.

I sighed again, this time on the outside, and with defeat. They waited as I thought of how to put the words together. I also took this moment to collect my bearings, and by the time I was ready to talk, my voice was cold and emotionless, my face deadpan.

"The whole reason I'm even here right now is because of a couple days ago," I started, "There was an … accident, near my school. I got caught in the middle of it, and ended up … bleeding to death. Almost."

"Wait, hold up!" Darien interrupted, and I turned to glare at him as he spoke. He flinched slightly but didn't stop. "What kind of accident? What happened to you?"

"I … I got stabbed. With one of those spikes you always see in the construction areas, you know?" I glanced around me fleetingly, taking in all their reactions. Darien looked just about burning with curiosity, Syrus had tilted his head to the side, and Greg looked mortified … maybe even disgusted. His blazing eyes never left me, though I didn't dare look into them.

"Those things are huge!" Darien said, acting as the awed voice of my audience. "How could you get stabbed by one of them? It would've gone straight through you!"

"It did," I whispered, the memory of it involuntarily widening my eyes in fear. Greg gasped almost silently, so quiet only I heard his intake of breath. Darien was trying to picture it in his mind, shivering, and now Syrus took a step forward. I was the true center of attention now, no going back. But I suddenly didn't care.

"So how…?" Greg's musical murmur was pained, and I shuffled my feet awkwardly.

"When I got off the spike, all I wished was for my death to be swift, that the pain would go away. The next thing I knew, it was hours later … and I was fine."

"What?" Greg burst out, his eyes wide in confusion.

"What do you mean, 'fine'?" Syrus asked, speaking up for the first time. His voice was still sharp, but not as accusing as before.

I opened my mouth to answer, but Darien beat me to the punch. "Don't you see?" he said, crossing his arms and smiling to himself. He was smarter than I gave him credit for if he figured it out already. "She was fine because she was healed. She healed herself. Right?" I nodded, confirming his words as the truth; but my curiosity gave out and I asked him how he knew. "Raven can do it, too," he explained. "Heal people. That's how I guessed." He shrugged almost modestly.

"Only, I didn't know what happened until my mom explained it to me at home," I continued. "That's when this whole Teen Titan mess began."

"The Teen Titans aren't a mess," Syrus said, his brow furrowed in what might have been bemusement, or frustration. "What are you talking about?"

"I didn't mean a mess as in general, but just a mess to me."

"If you think that way, you really shouldn't be here."

"I didn't–"

"Save it for someone who cares."

"No, I just ... I meant…" It was too late. He had taken my words the wrong way. He thought I just insulted his lifestyle. Um, a little help here?

Sorry, I'm just as tongue-tied as you are.

I sighed, aggravated, inside my own mind. This is why I never talk.

I don't know what to say. Honest, I don't.

Great. Now what am I supposed to do?

I was preparing to walk back inside the Tower, alone, when Greg suddenly said, "If you can heal yourself, then why did you say you had no powers?" I looked at him, a bit taken aback by his tone. It wasn't quite angry, but maybe a little … exasperated? "Healing is a power, even if it's a bit neutral."

"Because I don't know what I did to heal myself. I was never able to do it before that, and I was half unconscious during most of whatever process went on." I sighed, appalled at how much I've already said. I should've stopped yesterday, at, "Okay."

"So … you have the ability, but you just can't harness it?" Darien prompted, eyebrows raised. I nodded again, clamping my mouth shut at last. He snickered. "That's why you're here, silly! To learn how to use that ability to your advantage! I bet by the time you're done here, you'll know how to heal not only yourself, but other people as well!"

"I'll take that bet," Syrus muttered, scowling again. Darien didn't seem to hear him; he was on a roll.

"It's a lot to consider, I know. But I've been through what you're going through." I highly doubt that. "And I can help you with learning control."

"We all can," Greg suggested, smiling now. He was close – a bit too close for my own being to sustain sanity. I shifted the weight on my leg so I was leaning away from him, hoping he didn't notice my cringe. I wasn't used to nonviolent close contact with other people, especially boys. The feeling of being pressed against Greg's hard chest was still fresh in my mind.

"That's a very sweet sentiment. I'm melting with emotion, I swear I am."

My heart sank into my stomach as I recognized the voice, the iciness clear through that same harmonious tone I learned to admire. Only a split-second after she spoke, Jory came into view, but not from the angle I expected. She came from above, flying through the air just as her mother did before dinner, the resemblance between the two still as striking as ever. Her ginger hair was even more noticeable in the fading light of night; it seemed so radiant, almost glowing in the dark.

"What are you doing here?" Darien demanded, crossing his arms. "I thought we denied your invite, Blue–"

"Don't start, man," Greg warned, holding up a hand to stop him from saying anymore. "I don't want to have to clean up something we could avoid altogether."

"You're just afraid," Jory said to Darien, ignoring her brother. "You don't want to get your butt kicked by a girl." She came to a graceful land in front of everyone. I didn't want to seem like more of a wimp than I already did, so I took a few slow steps out from behind Greg. That way, it didn't really look like I needed protection.

"Oh yeah?" Darien smirked, a challenge in his face. "Wouldn't a mouse be more of an appropriate term?"

"Dare…" Now Greg's voice was threatening. Was he protecting Jory? Or Darien?

"Relax, Greg. I'm just messing around."

"Yeah," Jory added, "I wouldn't waste my time on Stone anyway." Her blue gaze took my direction. "This one, on the other hand…"

"That's gone too far, Jory," Greg stated. I looked at him, noticing how his red gaze seemed to light up in the darkness, a bit like a cat's would. When I glanced back at Jory, her eyes were doing the same, only blue. An idiot could make the connection, but why did it happen in the first place? Why were they so different from the rest of us?

"Yeah," Syrus added, seeming off-hand, "You wouldn't want to attack someone defenseless like the queen dweeb over there. Take it from me, it's no fun." Queen dweeb? Now, isn't that taking it a bit far? I'm not some nerd with an acne problem who likes to paste her glasses back together with duct tape. I'm better than that, at least.

"Defenseless, eh?" Jory snickered, again examining me in that same daunting manner. "I would've thought, being a child of a Titan…"

"Nightwing doesn't have any powers," Greg pointed out, and I was surprised he spoke of his father by the name.

"Dad's different," Jory sniffed, "He's better at what he does, being the leader of the Titans since forever and all. Though, people nowadays seem to ignore his pigheadedness."

"Funny. I would've thought you to be the pigheaded member of the family," Darien chuckled, shaking his head at the irony. I almost laughed … almost…

Jory ignored him, now staring at me again. "So what can you do?" she demanded. Hadn't we gone through this already? She peered closer at my face, and her head tilted to the side slightly. "Wait, why are you all wet?"

I'm getting a bad case of Déjà vu, the voice complained.

I sighed. You and me both.

This time, Greg came to my rescue. "It's getting pretty late," he hinted, interrupting whatever crude comment Syrus was about to say. "You still have some unpacking to do, right, Remi?"

I nodded, trying to keep the gratefulness off my face no matter how fiercely I felt it.

"Well, it's been a long day for you, I'm sure," Jory said, her voice suddenly so sweet it was dangerous. She walked up to me, right to my face, and smirked. I noticed that, for once, I was the same height with someone else here. I had started to feel like a dwarf. "I'll see you at the training session tomorrow, won't I?" she asked innocently.

A training session? So soon? I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.

Jory raised her eyebrows at my hesitation.

"Or you could just watch?" Greg suggested, coming up beside me. Jory glared at him, obviously wanting a different answer. Did she want me to participate just to beat me up? Like ... like Lexis? It was too strange a coincidence that this younger girl could remind me of my ancient enemy, and even stranger that she would actually invite me to my doom.

"Is it impossible for you to let the girl speak for herself?" she asked, some hidden hint in her voice I couldn't depict. Greg's lips tightened in embarrassment.

It was my turn to rescue him. "I'll be there," I said, almost mumbling it. Jory snapped her gaze on me, so fast I swear I heard a click as our eyes met. My own eyes narrowed. "But you shouldn't expect much, just to warn you. I'd probably sit and watch, like Greg said."

"Oh, completely understandable!" Jory suddenly laughed, waving her hand as if dismissing some irrelevant piece of information. Very quickly did I grow cautious, and I could feel Greg's body stiffen by my side. "It's your first day here! I wouldn't expect anything more than that. Of course, if you were so special, it wouldn't be such a problem for you…"

I was already backing away, my hands slipping into the dripping pockets of my jeans. Greg followed me. "I'll see you there," I stated simply, ignoring the rest. Glancing quickly from Jory to Darien to Syrus, I spun around and started back to the Tower's door. I was unbelievably aware of three pairs of eyes staring me in the back. Only three, because Greg was still at my side. He was walking me in, like the gentleman he had proved himself to be.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, and I glanced at him in puzzlement to find remorse written all over his face. I waited for an explanation to his regret, but I got none.

"For what?" I couldn't help asking.

"For tonight. I didn't mean for that to go so … terrible. I mean, the thing with Syrus … that was completely inexcusable. He shouldn't have done that."

Greg looked like he was about to run back to the group behind us and force the apology out of the teen, but I wouldn't have it. In my mind, the bees of curiosity were beginning to buzz again, perhaps even louder than before.

"It's okay, really," I assured him, not sure why I even bothered. It must be his eyes again; they were smoldering into mine, and I couldn't seem to find the latch that kept my mouth shut. Where's that damn key? "Syrus just has a ... different way in discovering things. I understand … sort of."

Greg gave a sober laugh. "Right. But most of the stuff he does is only to grab attention. He tends to lash out, that guy."

"And you? You don't like to stand out?"

"Not really."

"Huh." I paused, listening to the soft squish of the sand become a harder crunch of rocks and pebbles beneath my feet. I couldn't see them in the darkness, but I could feel them. "Why is he like that? Syrus, I mean."

Greg sighed. "I'm not sure if I should say the whole story. It's not my business, after all. But in my opinion, I think he's trying to grab his dad's attention. He's never around, and Syrus hates how ignorant he is to him."

"Who's his dad?"

"You may not have heard of him. He's a member of Titans East, in Steel City. Aqualad?" I shook my head; the name wasn't familiar. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Aqualad raised Syrus until his mom died about nine or ten years ago, I think. Then he had to go back to Titans East, and Syrus stayed with us. After that, he kind of never left."

Oh, how dramatic, I thought sarcastically, hoping for a sadder sob story so I could maybe feel pity for the arrogant fool. I think I might actually tear up over here. Weep, weep, sob, sob.

Be nice.

If he won't, I won't.

That's very immature, Remi.

I ignored the voice and asked another question, straying off the Syrus topic for now. "What about … your sister?"

I couldn't see his face – just his glowing red eyes, which seemed to narrow a teensy bit – but I imagined from the resulting silence that his expression might have darkened. I felt him stop next to me, and I halted as well, suddenly realizing we had reached our destination. Greg slipped his palm over the scanner and waited, both of us listening to the quiet beeping noise it gave off. "We'll have to scan your hand soon," he mumbled, "That way, you can come and go from the Tower just as freely as the rest of us."

I could tell, while the tall door groaned open, that he was trying to change the subject. I let him off the hook this time around, but only because he was so nice to me. My shoes squeaked all the way to the elevator, and once we were inside, he suddenly asked, "And what about you? What was your life like before the accident?"

The doors glided shut, and a strong sense of claustrophobia suddenly overtook me. I started to get nervous, my feet tapping and my fists clenching involuntarily. Why, you may ask, would I act this way now and only now? Alone, I would've been fine; same thing as if I'd been in a group. But just me and Greg, a teenage boy who I still didn't fully trust, trapped in an elevator for more than a minute? That drove me crazy, paranoid. And that question

"Are you okay?" Greg asked, and I saw in the reflection of the shiny doors that he was looking at me with concern. I also noticed the look on my own face, how scared and exposed it was, and I struggled internally to wipe the expression away. It took a couple seconds, a few deep breaths, but I succeeded.

"I'm fine," I muttered, my voice impassive again, no longer friendly.

"Did I offend you somehow?"

I shook my head, waiting impatiently for the doors to open. When they finally did, I forgot all about the questions bouncing around in my skull and focused on getting away from Greg. I should've been more careful! I shouted at myself, my feet taking me swiftly through the main room. I should've stayed on my guard, locked up like I always am. Why did I think of opening up to some guy I barely know?! I was through the large room and starting down the next hall before Greg could even say good-bye. Or maybe he did, and I just didn't hear him. My mind fighting with my memories, I recalled the directions I'd taken with my mother earlier today – a time that seemed forever ago – and quickly took the route.

Calm down, Remi. Your heart rate is through the roof.

Oh yeah? You can tell that, huh? Because you obviously know everything about me! You're so smart, why do you even stick with a stupid idiot like me?

Well, it wasn't my choice…

Thanks. That makes me feel sooo much better. Really. You should be a guidance counselor. I was so ticked off, at both myself and .. well, just myself. I needed to take my rage out on something, and the voice's timing was all too perfect.

You're overreacting, Remi.

No, I'm not! I should have never agreed to go down with them! I should've never got sucked into their perfect little world or seen their wonderful powers – powers I'll never be able to have, because I'm too different! I'm always different, even to them! All it did to me ... it made me even more envious, and it just made them more probing! They'll poke me apart! Two of them already hate me, and one tried to kill me! Really, I swear, the night couldn't get any worse. And I don't need you in my head, telling me what to do and what to think, because you shouldn't even be in my head in the first place! So just SHUT UP and LEAVE ME ALONE!!

I gasped, stopping right in front of my door, clutching my head at the temples with both hands. A sudden surge of pain shot through my nerves, making my knees buckle under and my body slump to the ground, limp. My stomach lurched, flipping up into my heart, which jumped to strangle my throat. It was so agonizing, so incredibly excruciating, that for a moment my vision blurred. And yet so random! Where did this come from? What was happening to me?

As the pain slowly began to fade, I waited for my frantic gasps to return to normal breathing, and then stood in a daze. The anger was wiped clean of my system, leaving me feeling numb. Did that pulse of unexpected migraine have anything to do with this?

Remi… please, be careful…

Or, was it the voice? Ignoring everything, I plundered into my room, dark from the lack of sunlight outside. Not bothering to turn the lights on, I carelessly changed out of my wet clothes, slipping on an old T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

Confusion … hatred … anger … they were all weak against the numbness. Even the voice was faint, much so that I couldn't even hear what it was saying. Just whispers. I slid into bed, underneath the thick covers despite the heat of the summer. I could barely feel comforted by its luxury; my head throbbed painlessly.

What was happening to me? Was I really so much of a freak … like Syrus and Jory said I was? This probably didn't happen to them, not having to deal with painful memories and an irritating voice in your head all day.

I didn't want to think about it anymore. I didn't want to think, period. All I wanted was to sleep, to drift off into my own imaginary world … where I was loved by all, and nobody cared to bother me with anything. And I didn't have any messes to clean up.


But God didn't love me that night. Nobody did, not even me.

I couldn't sleep. No matter how hard I tried, how evenly I breathed, or how much I yawned, sleep never came. The numbness from earlier was beginning to ease, leaving me with a much smaller headache than the brain blast I so suddenly received before. Occasionally, while time passed as slowly as molasses, I heard soft footsteps approach my door. I kept expecting a knock, or perhaps an intercom call, but as soon as they came, they left. The footsteps faded into the distance, leaving me in the dark.

Now, I lay curled up on my side, my knees pressed up against my chest and encased in my arms. It had gotten a bit too hot underneath all those blankets, and I kicked most of them away a few hours ago; I was left with a soft, silk blanket, so thin and fine that it fell upon my body with poise, fitting to my every curve no matter what position I was in. I was disappointed that the glossy fabric did not soothe my mind like it did my skin.

As the numbness subsided, the voice returned.

Are you alright, Remi?

"No," I whispered out loud, glad nobody could hear me. I was alone, and my head hurt too much for me to think. "I honestly, seriously think I'm going insane."

Come now, I really wish you could see things in a better perspective. The voice was actually trying to comfort me, though the tone didn't really change. It never did. That's why I couldn't tell if it was male or female, young or old, friend or foe. I'm your friend. How many times must I tell you this?

"At least a thousand more."

A sigh. What am I going to do with you? Should I lock you up in a cage and take control? Perhaps show you how much your life actually makes sense if you just opened your eyes a little wider?

"Can you do that?" I asked, afraid. My voice shook. "Can you really take over my body? Lock me up?"

No, Remi. And even if I could, I'd never do that to you. It seemed sincere, but how could I tell if it was lying or truthful?

I let out a nervous breath, still uncertain. How powerful was this little voice in my head, after all? Strong enough to take me over like some sort of puppet? To block me inside my mind and force me to watch all the dreadful things it made me do as ... me?

"Okay, voice, I want a straight answer, now. And I mean it." Taking a deep, quivering breath, I said, "Tell me what you're doing inside my head. Tell me how you can talk to me, how you can know everything about me. I want to know what's happening to me. My life went from somewhat normal to upside down in a matter of seconds. I just ... I want to know why. Why all of this? Now?" By the end, my voice was shaking so much that I could barely recognize a single word coming out of my mouth.

But the voice understood.

Remi ... It paused, and I wondered if it was trying to think up another lame excuse to blow me off with. But instead, it said, I'm not sure if you should know that yet. I don't think you're ready.

"Hell no, I'm not ready!" I nearly shouted, then, with a lower, deliberate voice, I added, "I don't think I'll ever be ready. But I also don't think I want to live out my life thinking I'm a complete nutcase. I need a rational explanation to what's happening to me."

Another sigh, but I was glad to hear it in defeat. Very well, my friend, very well. I shall tell you the truth. But perhaps ... you should get some sleep first. It's been a long day, and –

"Don't patronize me."

But –

"I'm not going to sleep until you tell me. So spit it out. Now."

Fine. You see, Remi, I'm ... well, I guess you could say I'm your –

"Please tell me you won't say 'conscience'?"

Will you let me speak, Miss Persistence? I'm trying to give you the info you so desperately desire, and here I'm stuck with interruptions.

"Sorry. Old habits die hard."

Tell me about it.

A few moments passed in complete silence. I barely managed to suck in a breath, I was so anxious. The clouds up in the black, night sky parted and the glow of a pale golden moon shone down through my wide window. Ghostly white light pooled across my floor and furniture, casting long shadows that looked more sinister than they were. Was this an omen, telling me not to be deceived by the outlook of things?

I'm your mind, Remi.

I started, almost bolting upright in my bed. "What?" I whispered, so silently I merely mouthed the word.

I'm your mind – your memory, in particular. Everything you've ever learned, everyone you've ever met, I know about. I'm like the little chip you download information into, like computers.

Panic. "Are you saying I have a microchip in my brain?"

No, Remi. That was an analogy.

Relief – somewhat. "Wait, so ... you know everything that I know? That's all you are?"

I'm Knowledge, your most powerful emotion thus far. I outweigh all the others, for I influence you the most. Your thirst to learn, your curiosity to discover things you aren't supposed to know about ... that's me. I'm your intelligence, your smarts. Your inquisitive nature.

I absorbed this, slowly realizing that I had, indeed, moved to a sitting up position in my bed. The light of the moon vanished again, behind the haze of a brewing storm. I heard thunder in the distance, but there was no lightning. Odd.

"You're my intelligence?" I repeated, and my eyebrows rose in spite of myself.

Knowledge, the voice corrected.

Huh.

"God, I should've known. I mean, it was so obvious, with the way you talk. You sound like ... me!" Feeling sudden adrenaline pump through my veins, I swung my feet over the side of the bed and stood, not really sure where I was going. I ended up pacing in circles around my bed, my eyes fixated on my moving feet, muttering incoherently under my breath.

Are you in shock? The voice – Knowledge – asked me as my pace quickened. 'Cause honestly, Remi, you were on the verge of guessing the truth anyway. Why so surprised?

"I'm not surprised," I snapped, shaking my head. Then my feet slowed to a sudden stop by the bay window, and I fell down onto the cushions. My voice dropped again to a whisper. "Am I? I mean, you probably know my mind better than I do."

Yeah, probably. But I like to help you out now and then, like I did with the accident.

I froze, my throat blocking up so I couldn't speak. I had to think again. That was you? You're voice, encouraging me? My jaw clenched. Were you the one who healed me? Is that it? Is that why I don't really have any powers, like the other Titans?

So many questions, it sighed, and I imagined it shaking its head. Yes, it was me. That situation unlocked my voice, Remi, and released me into your mind. I had only a brief time to explore the hopeless chaos of your brain before I had to pull you together. You didn't make it easy.

I supposed I should thank you, then.

You're welcome. However, I didn't actually save you, Remi. I couldn't conjure up the healing powers. That was all you. I had nothing to do with it, and quite frankly I think I was more surprised than you were.

Just then, something registered. Something I didn't catch before, that I should have caught right away. I cleared my throat, bored of using my thoughts.

"You said you overshadowed the others..." I started, speaking calculatingly. "What ... what others did you mean, exactly?"

I haven't said yet?

"Um, no! Why else would I be asking?" My mutter was sarcastic, a sign that I was returning to normal – whatever that was.

I meant your other emotions, the ones who haven't been unleashed. You may not hear them, but I do. And believe me; you got the good end of the deal.

"Other emotions..." I pondered, leaning my head against the side window pane. The clouds broke again, and pale moonlight washed over my face. I stared up at the sky, through the glass of the window, while I thought. "So, other emotions are snoozing in my head somewhere? What are they waiting for, another big accident so they can make a grand entrance?"

It's not that simple. They can only be unleashed at the time where you feel them at their peak.

"Huh?"

See? Not simple to understand, is it? What I mean is, if you felt the saddest you've ever felt in your entire life, you're Sadness would unlock. Only then would you hear its voice ... but trust me when I say, you don't want to. Sadness is a bit of a downer.

I almost giggled. "I suppose so, yeah. So, you came because I felt ... my intelligence the most? If I was dying and in pain, wouldn't my fear be released or something?"

You were being stubborn to nature, refusing to die no matter how deep the wound. You were searching for a way to survive, and that's where I came in. It gets a little bumpy after that. I don't understand it myself, really. You're lucky I could explain this much.

"Lucky, huh? For some reason, I don't find that term appropriate."

Knowledge sighed. Get some rest, Remi. I've told you all you wanted to know, and I know better than you do that you're exhausted. Today was the last day of school, but also the first day of your new life.

I replied with a quiet groan, but I didn't get up from the window. So many secrets uncovered, so many answers exposed. I learned a lot tonight, but as I mulled over my new – ahem – knowledge, more questions started popping up in my brain. I still didn't know ... why me? Did it have something to do with my mom? Or my dad, whoever the hell he is? Why would this happen now, sixteen years into my life?

I felt my eyes drift close, the lashes fluttering together like the wings of a butterfly. One question in particular was flashing in the front of my mind, so obvious I couldn't ignore it.

Which emotion will be unlocked next?


A/N - I AM SO SORRY! Now I know I said I had a laptop, but ... it just didn't work out. And, again, I'm not to blame. My mom is. *scowls in her general direction* Yeah. Take that, Mama.

Well, I hoped you liked the update. And I have a new system. I'm now going to update new chapters on my friend's computer, so there won't be any more misunderstandings as to why I am "delaying" my chapters.

Make sure to post a Review!

- random -