A/N: Again, I'm so sorry the wait between these chapters. I'm pretty slow and I like to write more than one thing at once because I'm an idiot, so it ends up being months between my updates. But fear not, as I am not giving up on this story, and it's summer now so hopefully more time to write.
I've messed up with the order of things here, as I've included some things that happen in Clockwork Prince, but I don't want this to drag too much but I wanted to include these scenes so yeah.
Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you thought.
For a moment, there was nothing but stillness and silence. Jem still had his hands under Will's shirt but he was looking at Tessa, at the shock that was evident in her grey eyes.
After that moment, it was as though they all let out the breath they had been holding, because he and Will quickly sprang away from each other, and there were words flying out of their mouths but Jem wasn't quite sure what they were saying.
Tessa interrupted their rambling by saying, "Stop." Despite looking vaguely scandalised and having raging red cheeks, she didn't seem angry or disgusted, which Jem took to be a good sign. He knew that a relationship between two men was highly frowned upon by the society they lived in, and wouldn't have been surprised if Tessa had started spewing profanities at them.
Instead, she simply said, "Stop. I don't want any ridiculous excuses and lies."
It wasn't like they could try and hide what they were doing: it was as clear as glass. All that they could do was wait for Tessa to make her opinions known. Jem held his breath as he waited for her to continue.
"I shouldn't be so shocked, as now that I think about it, it's perfectly clear that the love you share runs deeper than friendship. The thought never even crossed my mind, but it makes complete sense." Though her cheeks were still rosy, she seemed calm and accepting, which was a combination Jem wouldn't have anticipated.
Will raked a hand through his dark hair. "You won't tell anyone, will you, Tessa? Not everyone will react as nonchalantly as you about this, and though I hate to ask you to keep our secret we would be extremely grateful if you would keep this to yourself."
She nodded slightly, and Jem could feel both him and Will release some of the tension they had been holding. At least they knew that Tessa would not report them, that they were safe for at least a little longer.
"You have both shown nothing but kindness to me, and I know that I have turned your world upside down and asked you to keep secrets on my behalf. So I am more than willing to keep this one for you. You have my word. I will not judge you based on your preferences."
Jem knew that they were lucky, knew that things could've easily gone the other way. He let out a long breath and smiled at Tessa.
He couldn't help but remark at what on odd and slightly awkward situation they were now in; he and Will were leaning away from each other in a conscious effort, and Tessa awkwardly standing over them, not entirely sure what to do with herself. After a silence that seemed to stretch on for aeons, Tessa excused herself hurriedly and before either of them could respond she was walking down the stairs, leaving him alone with Will once more.
The silence hung in the air for a few more moments, but Jem was the one who shattered it. "I can't believe that just happened. It feels surreal; someone knows about us."
Will took his hand, his clammy fingers brushing against the back of Jem's cool hand. "I am glad that it is Tessa that knows, though. She is trustworthy and a good friend, and also an astoundingly compassionate. I will admit that I am glad that we don't have to keep secrets from her, despite not knowing her for very long."
Jem nodded in agreement. He liked Tessa very much, and this had only made him like her more. Also, the idea that someone else knew, and could see how much he adored Will, it made it more real somehow. As though it was not just a fantasy shared between the two boys, but a real, tangible thing that was not invisible to the outside world. Despite that thought being slightly scary, it was also equal parts thrilling.
"As am I." He looked away from Will for a second, and Will immediately zeroed in on it.
"I know that you're concerned about others finding out. Honestly, so am I, but not enough to ever cease our relationship. Whilst I will admit that perhaps we need to be very careful, even more so than we were being, I'm never going to stop loving you, Jem, and I never want to stop showing you just how much you mean to me."
The words flooded Jem with that tingling feeling he got whenever Will admitted that he loved him, and they resonated within him as whilst he was worried about the potential implications of their relationship, he knew he would never be able to give it up.
"Everything is going to be okay, Jem. You'll see."
That was when Jem's heart broke just a little bit, because whilst he desperately wished that everything was going to be okay, he knew that it wasn't. He was dying, and his descent into death became more rapid every day. The glimmer of hope that magic may save him was slim, and even if it did, he and Will would forever be living a lie to the rest of the world, to their friends even as they continued their secret love affair.
But he quickly banished these thoughts from his mind, and forced a smile at Will, who smiled back. Jem couldn't tell whether either of them truly believed it.
Tessa wasn't entirely sure what to make of this development she had discovered between Will and Jem, but looking at the two of them with the knowledge that she now had, it was glaringly obvious that they were in love with each other. In fact, it was almost sickening how much the two boys cared about each other. She knew that if one of them had been a girl, everyone would already be inquiring about a date for their wedding.
As it was though, Will and Jem did their best to be subtle about the whole thing, and managed to pass of as the best of friends to all others. She couldn't help but give them knowing glances, however, when the two of them excused themselves from the table together. A light blush coloured Jem's fair complexion, which made Tessa smile a little.
She spent the day with her brother, but Nate was distrusting of the people of the Institute. He had revealed very little about what had happened to him when he had been held by De Quincey, which Tessa understood, but it was nevertheless slightly frustrating. Even though it may be slightly selfish, she wanted to get back at the Magister for what he had done to Nate, and to her.
She knew that the members of the Institute didn't entirely trust Nathaniel either, but it still stung when she overheard Will arguing with Charlotte about her brother. "He has been uncooperative and unhelpful and quite frankly annoying despite the hospitality shown to him. We need to be more forceful with our questioning; if he has information we need to find out what it is." Will's voice was sharp and harsh, and it reminded Tessa that though Will's eyes became soft when he looked at Jem, he was hard and jagged when it came to anyone else.
Her anger welled up within her, and she burst into the room, unable to hear Will talking down about Nate. The only response that she got from Will was a small sneer. "So, you were eavesdropping?"
"My brother has been through a traumatic experience," she said hotly. "He will bring forth any information he has regarding De Quincey in his own time."
Will opened his mouth to respond, but Tessa had already turned away. "Stay away from me and my brother," she said as she walked out of the door. She was aware of Charlotte and Jem both glaring at Will, but she didn't care. She had just been beginning to consider Will a friend, particularly after he seemed as though he trusted her with the secret of his relationship with Jem.
She concluded that she would never understand William Herondale.
To her surprise, Jem found her as she sat on the stairs, cooling off. He joined her, pulling his knees towards his chest.
"I'm sorry about him." Tessa got the feeling this was not the first time that Jem had had to apologise to someone on Will's behalf. "I know he can be abrasive but I promise that he does mean well. He is simply misguided."
"How do you put up with him?" Even quieter she added, "How do you love him? He seems insufferable around everyone else, but around you he melts."
Jem shrugged. "In truth, I couldn't tell you. Will is complicated, but don't be put off by that. I can assure you that whilst it sometimes doesn't seem like it, he does care. He just seems to have a tendency to not show it and to brush people off. Honestly, even I don't know why he does it."
Although it was slightly reassuring to know that it wasn't just her that Will seemed to be confusing towards, she wished that she could see the side of him that Jem saw. It was clear that Jem got through to Will in a way that no one else could.
"Would you like to see one of my favourite places in London?" asked Jem abruptly. "To cheer you up, as I know that you've been too busy to see much of our city."
Tessa smiled, and it was genuine and real. Jem's kindness was so natural, it wasn't forced at all. It was rare to find people as utterly selfless as James Carstairs.
"I would love to. Lead the way."
Jem was out with Tessa, and Will couldn't ignore the small spark of jealousy that had ignited within him when he had found out.
He knew that it was totally irrational, that Jem was just being kind and trying to be a friend to Tessa after he had been anything but a friend to her, but nevertheless he couldn't control his surge of jealousy.
The truth was that he was almost unsure of who he was jealous of. Despite wanting to spend every living moment with Jem, he also knew that he could let himself be free and relaxed around Jem. He would never be able to let his guard down around Tessa, to become her friend even though he wanted to, because of his curse. With the words of that blue demon looming over his head he would be limited, he would be perceived as cold and unlovable. And that wasn't an image that he particularly wanted for himself.
And so, leaving the quiet corridors of the Institute behind him, Will followed the pair out, intent not on enjoying a stroll down Blackfriar's Bridge, as Will was certain that this was where Jem was taking Tessa, but instead on seeing if there was a way of ridding himself of his dreaded curse.
Magnus's cat eyes widened when he opened the door to find Will at his doorstep, but this didn't deter Will. He knew that it was probably a long shot, but he was desperate at this point. Magnus was the only one who could possibly help him removed the curse, so he had to try.
"William Herondale, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Magnus's voice was smooth, and showed no signs of surprise.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Magnus, but I have a bit of a problem, and you're the only one who I could think of that can help me."
Magnus's eyebrows quirked up. "Right…"
Aware of how stupid that had sounded, Will quickly amended himself. "I mean, you're the only magical person that I know that might be willing to help."
Magnus had led them into a drawing room with couches and chair and sat down. Will awkwardly followed him and sat down too, letting out a long breath.
After a little prompting from Magnus, it all came spilling out. About the box in his father's study, the blue-skinned demon that had emerged from it and ruined his life. About Ella, about his curse. He'd never told anyone before, and it felt odd to say them now.
"So you want me to try and take the curse off you?"
Will nodded, and Magnus sighed. "Unfortunately, it's not very simple. I can't just wave my hand and lift the curse. I would have to summon the demon that cursed you as only it can remove the curse, but the tricky part will be finding it. There are thousands of demons out there that could be the one that you encountered."
He would be lying if he said that he didn't feel crushed by these words. He's had hope that had been slowly burning inside him that this would work, that Magnus would be able to fix everything. Even though he knew that it was probably naïve to think like that, he'd still wanted to solve his problems quickly now that he knew that magic existed. But magic, apparently, didn't always hold all the answers.
"Would you be willing to try, though? Would you be willing to attempt to find this demon? Please, this curse is ruining my life. I can't bear to live the rest of my life knowing that I'm killing the people who love me, the people I love." He knew that his words had a hint of desperation laced in them, but he was desperate. Jem was not going to die because of him.
"Ah," said Magnus, understanding lighting behind his amber eyes. "There's someone who you want to be able to love freely, someone who you want to love you back. Tell me, is it Tessa? I wouldn't be surprised."
Spluttering, Will managed to stutter. "N-no, I'm not in love with Tessa. What makes you think that I'm in love with anyone?" He couldn't believe that he'd been so obvious, that Magnus had picked up on the fact that part of the reason he was asking him for help was because he was terrified of the curse affecting the person he was in love with.
Magnus smiled knowingly, as if all the pieces of the puzzle had finally fallen into place. "Of course. It's not Miss Gray that you are in love with. It's Jem Carstairs."
At that, Will's head began to spin. How had Magnus figured it out? He hadn't even known them very long, and they were careful, weren't they? And why was he so calm about it all? Even Tessa, who had eventually been relatively okay with their relationship, was shocked when she had first discovered it.
"N-no, that's not…I—I—what?"
Acutely aware of his face burning and of the fact that he had become a stuttering mess, Will wanted nothing more than for the floor to envelop him. He knew that his reaction must've done nothing but confirm Magnus's suspicions, because the warlock let out a laugh.
"It's okay, Will. I'm not going to judge you for your preferences; that would be highly hypocritical of me. I think it's actually quite adorable, the way you and Jem so clearly care for each other."
Will paused for a minute. "What do you mean, 'highly hypocritical'?"
Shrugging, Magnus said, "Over the years, I've had relationships with men as well as women. Although society does not yet accept it, that doesn't mean it's wrong, or that you need to be ashamed of it."
Will hadn't expected Magnus's response, but hearing it sent a wave of comfort washing over him. Two people knew about him and Jem now, and they had both been accepting of them. Even if not everyone may react like this, it was good to know that he did have people who he could trust as well as Jem.
That fact made him want to get rid of this curse even more, as much as he wanted to be free to love Jem and have Jem love him back without constantly fearing that he was cutting short Jem's already limited life span, he also wanted to have real friends, like Tessa and Magnus, who could actually care about him rather than being stuck as awkward acquaintances.
"I wish that we didn't have to hide, though. I wish that I could've told you without feeling like you were going to judge me."
"It's sad, truly, that people can't accept love just because it is between two men, or two women. It is one of the saddest things about the world we live in."
Will looked straight into Magnus's amber eyes, no longer feeling unnerved by the inhuman quality of them. "You understand, then, why I am desperate to be rid of this curse. I love Jem more than I thought possible, and I know that he loves me too. His years left in this world are already cut short, by the drug yin fen which he was tortured with and is addicted to, but is killing him. I want to give him the best and longest life possible, and I won't be able to live with myself if I know that I let him die earlier than he was already going to because I was selfish and let him get close to me."
Their eye contact didn't break. "Let me guess, you also wish that I will help you to find a magical cure for him too, and then you can live out the many years together?" Will couldn't determine what Magnus's words or tone truly meant, whether he was being sarcastic or not. But he was not going to stand down.
"I love him, Magnus. I would do anything to give him the life he deserves. I'll give you anything, but please, help me to save him. If anyone deserves to suffer, it is me, not him."
Magnus's cracked into a smile, and Will knew that he had said the right words. He let out an internal sigh of relief, and hoped that Magnus would be willing to help.
"You're certainly determined, Will. It is glaringly obvious that you are doing this for him, that you love him more than you love yourself. And I must admit that I admire that. It's no secret that I'm intrigued with you, with all of you. And I want to help you as much as I can, but I'm afraid that I can't heal Jem. Yin fen is actually a drug that has some magical properties, and none of my spells will be able to heal him."
He had to admit that it was a blow. He had been hoping that maybe magic would be the cure to all of their problems, that somehow Magnus would click his fingers and everything would be okay. And he knew that Jem had been hoping too, and that broke Will's heart even more, because he would have to tell Jem that despite such fantastical things existing, there was still no cure for the drug that was killing him.
This hurt must've shown in his eyes, because Magnus picked up on it and said, "I'm sorry, Will, I truly am. But, even though it will be hard as I said before, I am willing to try to help you find the demon that cursed you, so that you can remove your own affliction."
It was a start.
And any steps mattered, because Jem deserved to live the best and longest life that he could, and Will would do anything to ensure that happened.
A/N: Find me on tumblr alecliqhtwood and twitter alchemyhowell
