Chpt 9
Callie's POV
Bang Bang Bang
"Torres. Open up, I know your in there" The instance in Mark's voice, along with his persistent fist against my door finally woke me up. I was so emotionally drained when I got home last night, that I didn't even make it to my bed.
Bang Bang Bang
"Torres if you don't open this door right now I'm gonna beat it down" Mark wasn't giving up. I dragged my still scrub clothed body off the couch and made my way across the living room.
"Owwwwwwwww" I look down to see my keys had obviously not made it to the end table last night, and they were punishing me from the floor.
"Torres are you okay? Open the door. NOW"
I kick the keys out of spite and finally get to the door before Mark was able to go postal on it.
"What is your problem Mark?" I let him in and quickly make my way back to the couch, landing face first into my jacket. I managed to get one thing off when I came home last night, and in the process learned that my jacket does not double as a pillow.
"You have to tell me that its true Cal." Mark bends my knees to sit down, letting them flop back down on his lap. "Did you really do it?"
"Do what Mark?" I knew he had probably already heard about me ending things with Erica. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it, especially after I didn't tell him first.
"You know damn well what I am talking about Torres" He seemed more pissed then I had expected. "And to top it all off, you went to Roller Girl for counsel"
"How do you know that?" He had my attention now. I practically rolled off the couch and was punished again by my keys. "Owwwwww"
"Karma" He muttered under his breathe.
"I'll show you karma now in a minute if you don't spill. How did you know I talked to Arizona? And how did you find out about Erica?" I pulled my self back up and sat on the coffee table facing him. His expression lead me to believe that he was actually angry that I didn't talk to him first.
"Do you actually work at Seattle Grace Cal? I 'm pretty sure the nurses and interns knew you were calling it quits with Hahn, whileyou were doing it" Mark snickered while his foot made contact with my keys, sending them further away from their normal spot on the end table.
"Who pissed in your coffee this morning?" I can't help but laugh at how immature he was being. He was my person, yes, but for whatever reason, I only wanted to see Arizona after making my decision about Erica.
FLASHBACK
I could feel her heart beating against my chest. Even though it was racing, it made me feel safe. Knowing that she was lying there behind me, as nervous as she must of been, she made all the hurt I was feeling dissappear. I didn't really give her a choice in staying there with me, pulling her to lie down and forcing her to wrap her arm around me. Her hands were soft. I couldn't help but rub my thumb against her skin, causing her to shiver against my body. I had never felt this way with Erica. Arizona was the complete opposite of my now ex-girlfriend. She was very much the opposite of most of the people in my life, including me. Her head was flush to the back of mine and feeling her breathe against my neck sent shock wave right through to my core. I was overcome with feelings for her, but couldn't process how one person could have that effect over me. I had dated lots of people in the past, but never felt so alive, so in tuned to every part of my body and soul as I did lying there with Arizona. The sound of a pager caused her to jump up from the bed.
"Oh no" Arizona straddled my waist to get up, hestiating slightly with her body and eyes. "I..ahh..." Her hand was on my cheek, pushing my hair away from my eyes. "I'm sorry Calliope, but I have to go. The transplant patient" She spoke almost with a whisper, letting her hand linger for an extra second on my face. All I wanted was for her to kiss me. All I wanted was to kiss her. I knew she wanted the same, but instead, she pulled her hand away and backed away from the bed. "If you need me..."
END OF FLASHBACK
Remembering those minutes with Arizona almost made me forget that I was in my apartment being interrogated by my best friend.
"Nobody pissed in my coffee, but somebody sure did in yours. When were you going to tell me that you were planning on breaking up with Erica?" Mark was now standing and following me to the kitchen.
"I didn't really plan it Mark. It just happened" It was nine o'clock in the morning, so I fought the urge to reach for the tequila and instead pulled out the juice from the fridge.
"And did it also just happen, that Arizona came to your rescue?" Mark was taking two glasses down from the cupboard which gave me time to sit and put my head onto the cold surface of the island. "What is going on with you and blondie anyway?"
"Nothing is going on Mark. Arizona is my friend and I really don't know why I wanted her to come. I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. I just ended my relationship and I don't know whether to cry or jump for joy" I feel him push a glass against my arm and I raise my head up to meet his eyes.
"Well I for one think you should jump for joy. Erica is a great surgeon, I'll give her that, but as for being your girlfriend, she failed miserably" Mark was right. He had been telling me for months that Erica was not deserving of me, but I chose to ignore him and try and make our relationship work. I looked past all the negative, putting it in a box and throwing away the key. I was grasping at any little thing that Erica did right and making it out to be more than what it really was.
"We started out so great you know" I felt the tears on my cheeks before I even knew they had formed. Of course I was upset. Erica and I had started out as great friends, which turned into something more. She was the one who made me realise love and commitment wasn't strictly meant for the opposite sex. It was about the person, and how they made you feel. I was full on crying again and Mark was now holding me in his arms.
"I know Cal. Some people just aren't meant to be. But you'll take so much away from this relationship. Its all about learning what you want and don't want in a partner." As much of sarcastic ass that Mark was sometimes, he always brought his A game when I needed it.
"I don't even know if she really believed I was breaking up with her Mark" I pulled away from his chest, realizing it was now soaked with my tears. "Sorry about that" I wiped his chest with my hand.
"That's why I'm here Cal, to be your human kleenex" He always knew how to make me laugh. I picked up the glass of juice from the counter and started to take a sip when the door opened.
"We're not broke up 24 hours and your already gone back to men hey Cal?" Erica's voice not only made me nauseous, but it caused me to spit orange juice onto my life size tissue.
"Erica" I jump up from the stool, rubbing Marks juice laced chest and trying not to look at her. I didn't want her to see that I was upset, it would only show weakness.
"Or are you still playing the bi-sexual card" Erica sauntered in the apartment with a box under her arm. "Or maybe your just being promiscuous. Cardio god one day, Peds surgeon the next, now Man-whore himself today. Your not wasting any time making your rounds are you?"
"Thats enough Erica" Mark was now standing between Erica and I. I knew he was angry, seeing his hand twitch while he spoke. "I dont know what you think your doing here, but last I heard, Callie sent you packing"
"I don't think Callie knows what she wants right now Sloan" Erica moves towards him but kept her gaze on me. "I think Callie is just confused and doesn't know whats really good for her. That good thing, being me"
Her arrogance contiued to take center stage. I couldn't believe that she thought she could come into my apartment, tear me down, and then try to tell me that I made a mistake breaking up with her.
"If you knew what was good for you" Mark shifts to block Erica from my view "you wouldn't of come her Dr. Hahn"
Mark was really riled up now. Referring to Erica in a professional manner could only mean he was getting ready to pounce on her.
"Is that a threat Dr. Sloan?" I felt Mark's body move back towards me, meaning Erica was not backing down. Instead she was moving forward, literally.
"I suggest you take a step back before I have to physically do it for you" Mark's hand was now on my waist and I knew he was only trying to protect me, but I was tired of him being my bodyguard.
"I suggest you..." Erica's voice had gone up a notch and I couldn't take the tension in the room anymore.
"Will you two stop!" I pushed my way out from behind Mark and was now standing between the hotheaded surgeons. "Mark, back down. Erica, what the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry Cal, I just came here to try and talk" Her voice softened and she reached her hand out to try and make contact with me. I jumped back almost immediately, surprising her and myself. I had never once flinched under her touch, or shyed away from it. Her expression said it all. She knew I wasn't confused.
"I don't know what you think we need to talk about Erica, but if you think coming in here and placing judgement on my sexuality and telling me I don't know whats good for me is gonna win me back, then you are sadly mistaken" I was now standing toe to toe with her, Mark not far behind me.
"Callie" Again Erica tried to reach out to me, this time I had no where to go, thanks to the bodyguard at my back, and her hand grasped mine. "I'm just confused. I don't know what went wrong. I know you were mad about how I treated Peds the other night, but I apologized to you for that. Hell, I'll even apologize to the blond roller derby girl myself it that will make you feel better"
"The name is Arizona, thank you"
Erica's frame shot around to face the door, Mark's hands were now on my shoulders, and I had lost all feeling in the left side of my body. Arizona stood in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, cheeks flaming red. I didn't know how long she had been standing there, but it was obviously enough time to hear how Erica referred to her.
"Actually..." Arizona starts making her way into the apartment. Her eyes never left Erica and her arms stayed firm against her chest. I felt myself starting to get turned on by the way she was attempting to dominate my ex. "Its Dr. Robbins to you"
I couldn't believe that the same girl who left the bar in tears the other night because of Erica and her comments, was now standing face to face with her, ready to do battle.
"Ok Dr. Robbins, now care to explain what you are doing in my girlfriends apartment?" Erica was delusional, calling me her girlfriend. Arizona looked to me for the first time since she had arrived at my door. A look of confusion came across her face, and I shook my head, hopefully letting her know that Erica was bluffing. She smiled and looked back to my ex.
"First of all, Calliope is not your girlfriend anymore." Arizona continued to hold her own " And frankly, its none of your business what I am doing here, is it?"
Erica looked Arizona up and down, then looked to me. It was a look of pure disgust and Mark definitely picked up on it too.
"I think its time for you to leave Dr. Hahn" It was the first he had spoke since I interrupted his earlier assault on Erica. "Now"
She didn't even try and retaliate at that point. The box she had been holding was quickly thrown to the couch as she made her way past Arizona and to the door.
"Anything that belongs to me, put in there" She pointed to the cardboard coffin which was soon going to be hold what remained of our relationship. "Bring it to the hospital"
"No problem" Mark practically snarled at her.
"And Callie..." Erica looked to me one more time "You can't kinda be a lesbian"
The door way was now empty as the Mark, Arizona and I kept focused on it, almost anticipating Erica to come back with another jab at me.
"Are you okay Calliope" Arizona was the first to break me out of my trance. I didn't realize how close she was standing until her hand was on my arm. I looked to her but didn't see her. The words Erica spoke had done what she had been trying to achieve. Tear me down further. Make me feel small and weak.
"If I didn't have a "NO Fighting Women" policy, that bitch would be mine right now" Mark had never been that vulgar around me before. I was almost frightened by his tone, and actually scared as he picked up the box and threw it against the wall.
"Mark" Arizona yelled at him. Her arm was now around my shoulder and her other hand was rubbing the arm that fell between our bodies. The words Erica had spoke seemed to fade a little, feeling the heat coming from Arizona's touch.
"I'm sorry Arizona" Mark turned to face us "I'm sorry Cal. That woman just makes me so mad" His fist were clenched and I think he was even starting to scare Arizona making her grip around me tighten. I wanted to cry. I felt the tears forming in my eyes, but I didn't want to break down in front of her again. I didn't want her to see me in that weakened state anymore. I wanted to show her I was a strong woman who could fight her own battles. I was failing, as the tears flowed down my cheeks.
"Oh sweetie" Arizona's lips were on my head. "You know she was out of line."
I was crying harder now, my breathing was getting faster and I couldn't control the sobs that were now audible to both Mark and Arizona. The tears weren't out of rage or sadness anymore. They were my release. I was letting Erica go and wanting to let Arizona in. She was letting me in, as she took me into her body with both her arms. I wrapped my own arms around her small frame and let myself feel everything about her. Her head against mine, her neck on my shoulder, her arms pressed tight against my back, her hands squeezing either side of my rib cage, the way her chest felt against my chest. My head was buried in her blond curls, knowing they were now wet from my tears. I could feel her heart beating again against my chest, making my own only race to keep in time with hers. I almost forgot Erica's words, I had almost forgot Erica. I heard the door shut and didn't have to look up to know that Mark had left. He knew that I would always need him, but I needed Arizona more in that moment. Arizona's head was now shifting and I was overcome with desire for her. As much as I thought she was going to move her lips towards mine, she only shifted a little and instead brought her lips to my ear.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" Her voice was full of passion as she whispered in my ear words I had only read before. There are moments in your life that get burned into your memory, etched in your mind for eternity. The way she said it, feeling her breath against my face as she finally pulled back from my arms, was one of those moments.
Arizona still had her hands on my sides and I only wished she would keep them there a little longer, but I knew that my self control was very limited at that point. I knew she was feeling the same lust I was, and without words, we agreed we weren't going to give in. Her eyes told the story, one in which we didn't let the intense sexual craving take us over. Instead, I let my arms fall back to my sides while hers followed suit. Whatever was happening between us, I didn't want to risk breaking it by feeding my need to be inside her.
"I think I'm late for work" Arizona slowly backed away from me, stopping only when her body hit the closed door causing her cheeks to flush and her eyes hit the floor. She was so cute when she was embarrassed.
"Well you should probably get going" I know I shouldn't of laughed, but her expression when she came up solid was a kodak moment for sure.
"Are you laughing at me Calliope Torres?" Her tone reminded me of the night at Joe's when she had pulled her little temptress act, biting her lip with her hand on my leg. "Oh right, I almost forgot"
Her hand was in her back pocket, and as innocent as it was suppose to be, the look in her eyes as her hand lingered there, was a definite tease. She now showed me a piece of paper, folded in half, which she layed on the table next to where she stood.
"I came over here this morning to give you this. I think you might recognize it, but I want you to still have it all the same" Her dimples appeared with her smile. "I guess I'll just be going now. My tiny humans are going to be wondering where I am. I'll see you later?"
I didn't answer her, and I knew she didn't need me to. Of course she would see me later. I wanted to see her later, tomorrow, and the next day. I didn't want to stop seeing Arizona. As the door shut, I walked to pick up the paper she had left for me. I opened it up and like she had said, I did recognize the words that were written.
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall"
Don't be afraid to fall.
A
The written words were just as intense as when Arizona had spoken them. The effect that those words had on me was undeniable. All my life I strove to be the best. I needed perfection. In school, in my relationships, in my surgeries, I never wanted to fail. And now, with Erica, I had fallen. Arizona wanted me to see that it wasn't the perfection that made me great, it was how I dealt with the adversity, how i dealt with the break up. She knew I would get thought this, and coming out stronger on the other side was life's real reward. The quote didn't scare me half as much as what Arizona had written after that. I knew there was an underlying meaning to her words, and the fact was, I was already falling. I was falling for Arizona hard. She didn't want me to be afraid of that, and suddenly, I wasn't scared anymore. I knew then that when I rose from this, it would be my greatest glory, because Arizona would be rising with me.
