Ava-Kane's Revision Timelog for Chapter 9
8/25/13-The chapter's original post and original author's note.
8/27/13- FOOTNOTES INSERTED. The symbol [#] does not exist within the context of the story but will mark areas where I integrated your reviews and clarify the implied responses in the below-citations. The footnotes will mainly cover aspects that were influenced by the reviews rather than what was planned earlier.
Note by Ava-Kane,
CHAPTER 7 & 8 are UPDATED to involve Tulley's critique for each prompts. A timelog has been inserted in these chapters, according to updates.
This process was an experiment as close as I can to stimulating "real time" events as Terry completes works as Tulley thinks out his critiques. The content of the critiques are semi-modeled after reception of the chapters, particularly from my sole reviewer (and my respected Beta-reader), UntoldStories113.
So bear in mind, that any feedback in the future, from overtly analytical to small and concise, are welcomed. And I will integrate them the best I can into the story.
End of semester final portfolio
Revise your drafts. Disregard old guidelines and revise them however you want them to be.
Contents for Portfolio
1) Revised prompt 1
2) Revised prompt 2
3) A revised poem
4) End-of-semester reflection paper: Write about the writing experience.
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Slipping into the Human Shape
impossible to replicate their
lungful of scream
but to achieve its shape is not impossible.
but the privilege of this ability is limited to a few mons,
who can distort appearance of biological build
wedged tentacles in into humanly limbs.
only in shadows can this be executed.
caution the shadow dimensions of the window light the nightlight,
the human-shaped entity
initiating the comforting image until the mon
unfurls from its homo sapient shape.
its candid, fearsome form emerging in dim light
shattering the illusion of its former appearance
eliciting a child's potent shrill screams
while lodging its polluted cries within its throat
its old perceptions fooled.
:::
The entity departs,
as itself.
Terry Perry
Reflection Paper: Toying With Experience and Ideas
I found myself stealing from other's lives more than my my own. When writing someone else's story, I had to compromise between truths and fiction. The intent of prose can be like the motive for derivative works, coined as "fan-works" or "fanfiction," an inherent expression of self-pandering and/or contemplation (typically preferred and challenging): inspiration to write that missing scene and unspoken introspection in the novel or film to stave your curiosity.
Both my first drafts required further inspiration for improvement. "Cyclops" might have started as underwhelmingly biographical and "Champ Victor" was too blunt to tell a story. I worked on the "Cyclops" draft the least, finding myself more devoted to "Champ Victor." I simply essentially edited over "Cyclops," copying it, sprucing the sentences, and adding new content. I rewrote the entire Champ Victor because it needed drastic revision. The protagonist, Champ, began with generic origins, a pop bully-antagonist, the bully who could exist in real life, yet generally too one-dimensional to be appealing in storytelling.
In "Champ Victor," I knew very well I ran straight the bias route and vilified the protagonist. Considering your critique, I sought to demonize him less. He might even be a classic role-model sometimes. At the end of the day, it is the same jerk, but with an addition of grayer morality. He simply was so sure and sincere of his finer qualities, that he mentally downplayed his heinous deeds. I settled on making his internal thoughts more sympathetic but his deeds blatantly cruel. Still, the trouble was concluding his arc. How do you close a story when a protagonist never grows up? But then it occurred to me that, yes, he may grow up, but not in a productive or progressive way. I searched for an ending where Victor improves a shred less than he should.
Discovery is imminent. New story contents form along the way. Discovery emerged while writing the middle of "Victor Champ." Little did I know that I would allow a background character in the first draft to emerge and have a role in Victor's new ending. It happened in the poetry assignments as well, being unrestricted by my chosen free verse format. Despite my initial aversion to poetry, an assigned obligation, it helped me to arrange fragments of thoughts into meanings. Poetry turned out to be a liberal exercise in structuring meaningful sentences and the spontaneity of ideas. Plot points or ideas appeared in the spur of the moment, as if every following sentences and ideas come forward on paper.
Some ideas are rooted in life experiences rather than originality. Whenever I was at a loss for idea, sometimes I can turn to my own personal experiences. The "Cyclops" draft was lifted almost directly from a friend's story, but I layered the account with elements outside of the actual events. I integrated my experience at Monsters Inc. to vivify the environment. Characters, based on mons I knew in real life, appeared, as spiritual cameos. I found myself alluding to my own childhood memories to spruce up the cyclops's character and conscience, allowing my experiences to bled over his story. [1]
When I only know a fraction of the reality, what do I need to fill in the gaps of the unknown and unwitnessed? The point-of-view of someone who was present for something I was not there for? How much I should distort or exaggerate based on the point-of-view? It is the balance of the life of someone else, the life of mine, the imagination that emerge in the moment. How do I remain true to real-life when fictionalizing it? The exhausting part is that the answer varies, depending on what story I want to tell.
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It's been an honor to have you as a student. And thanks to your brother, who has gotten less fidgety in class. Thank him for being a source of inspiration.
You're among the few students who openly admit to engaging in the carthasis-driven works. Perhaps I may recommend you to Dr. Audrey Reynolds as she still has openings for her Short Story Memoir class. She can teach you how memoirish techniques make a fine short story, whether fictional or nonfictional.
Don't be shy of sharing them to others' as they might offer useful input for the improvement of your writing.
Professor Tulley.
"I've never thought of it that way," mused Terri as he pursued through the Portfolio contents.
"Never thought of what?"
"Well, just the idea that Worthington can have good thoughts while doing bad things. How do I put this?"
"I know, it's hard for me to put that on paper."
"That guy, um, Mike's old pal, the lizard in (or used to be) Roar Omega Roar, Ran...Ran... Randy?"
"Randall? The guy, the ex-roommate Mike rarely mentions?"
"I thought you said you despised that guy. And here you..."
And Terry, moved that Terri had paid close attention to his writing, had an instinctive response: "I still loathe them all the same. Randall. Worthington. Maybe Worthington deserves most of the rap... And so... " A sigh. "If I was writing a story where Worthington got some resemblance of a sympathetic depiction from me, it's fair that Boggs guy should get the same treatment from me." [2]
But Terry made no attempt to bury the bitterness in his voice.
Note from Ava-Kane,
This chapter is dedicated to my Short Stories professor, for being a patient teacher to me and assigning the reflection paper that inspired this chapter. The mention of Dr. Reynolds is NOT lifted from the monstersuniversity site as she shares the surname of my professor.
Citations
[1] In the previous review for chapter 8, UntoldStories113 observed that the Mike-avatar in the "Young Cyclops" draft mentioned "sisters." Those who know their Pixar trivia, know that Mike as at least one extra-canon sister according to an MU deleted scene mentioned by Billy Crystal. However, the paragraph regarding how Terry incorporates his experience IS the subtle allusion to the "sisters." UntoldStories113's speculation about the "sisters" can be found in her review for this chapter, but the actual answer is clarified in the next chapter.
[2] The question about the treatment of Randall (named "Rex" by Terry) in the "Champ Victor" drafts is NOT to be publicly seen in the Reviews page. In a Private Message discussion with UntoldStories113, she mentioned that she felt that Terry treated Randall a little too impartially considering his mistreatment and betrayal of Mike. While this effect was intentional from the start, during the making of this chapter, I inserted the Terry-Terri discussion about Randall's and Worthington's character to further develop and clarify the intention.
Influences/sources/allusions
- Dan Scanlon's Blu-Ray commentary that Worthington was modeled after the "80s pop villain."
