Crazy - Chapter 9

Rated: T

Alleviation

Chapter Summary: April tends to Raphael's wounds as well as his bleeding heart.


In celebration of the movie being released next/this Friday (technically Thursday for the midnight premiere, which of course I'm going to because I like to torture myself), I'm submitting a longer chapter as a thank you to all my readers for your continued support.

Y'all have no idea how happy I am to read all of your comments with every single update! You're the reason I'm still writing this and I hope you'll continue on this journey with me even in lieu of the new movie (and the outrageous amounts of Capril it's going to have...) *bleck* Oh well, as much as non-OTP couples suck, that's what fanon is for, right? :-)

Enjoy, y'all. xoxo


The joy of seeing Raphael for the first time in days was shattered upon seeing the horrific amount of blood staining the crude gauze covering most of his left shoulder.

How this guy always managed to get himself injured made it seem like he wanted to.

Raphael's recklessness apparent in the way he seemed to be sporting new scars on thick emerald skin, cracks on his carapace and plastron nearly every other time she saw him; which was more times than she cared to count.

April was well aware that Raphael's strength far outweighed most enemies he and his brother's confronted on a regular basis but it still scared the crap out of her; especially upon recalling that devastatingly brief brawl between him and the Shredder she'd warily witnessed almost a full two years ago. It came as a shock to the brunette when she realized just how much she already cared about the massive terrapin after knowing him less than 24 hours. Watching him getting hurt/almost killed pulled brutally at her gut and now, two years later, any injury he acquired added another scar to her own heart. Sensing worry and fear whenever he'd be out on patrol or getting into fights with multiple new enemies whom were seemingly stronger than the last. She dreaded the day the enemies would be too strong... Shaking her head at her troubling thoughts and focusing on the current moment, she found herself in the bathroom with him standing there looking awkward and huge in the doorway.

Ordering the terrapin to sit on her toilet with only a simple gesture of her hand, she was rather surprised when Raphael did what she'd asked with barely any hesitation and no complaints (it was the latter that shocked her the most).

In the light of the bathroom, she finally absorbed his appearance for the first time since having breakfast together more than four days ago. Normally golden eyes looked like dull honey; the whites bloodshot and dark shadows cast underneath. It was devastatingly obvious that Raph hadn't slept in days and any questions as to why had to remain unanswered as blue eyes gravitated toward his massive shoulder.

Raphael had unsurprisingly patched him up himself in a hurry. The wrapping was crude and hastily done, not tight enough to staunch much blood, hence the large amount crusting on the once-white gauze. Blood leaking upon his bottle green with hints of olive-colored deltoid; the large scales and its groves filled and stained with the nearly burgundy substance that had long since dried. Looking back to his stoic face, his burnished gold eyes were trained on his feet and she knew admonishing him about being so utterly reckless right now was not going to help anyone, especially him. A deep sigh left her mouth as she took in his injury; her only goal at this point was to patch him up and she better take advantage of it while his guard was down and he was actually allowing her.

April got to work quickly for something inside told her this uncharacteristic calmness wouldn't last.

Stepping to the side, she reached underneath the sink to retrieve a first aid kit and gathering everything necessary in order to bandage him up properly. A beige rag was under the faucet, the warm water saturating it as she worked to remove the bandage; untying it and unraveling the cloth with as much care as possible. April held back the desire to flinch every time it got caught on his dried blood and ripping up the new growing scabs but Raphael remained still as a stone and silent as night. The reporter bit her lip as she finally removed the crusted gauze, dumping the dirty, bloody remains into the trash before washing her hands and setting to work on repairing the egregious amounts of damage. A part of her wanted to call Donatello to make sure there wasn't a serious underlying problem but the more logical side of her realized Raphael probably wouldn't let him.

With this thought, she continued.

Dainty hands worked methodically as she cleaned the wound with the warm rag, trying her damnedest not to get squeamish at the amount of blood and the puncture wound itself that had dug deeply into his muscle. A rebellious sigh left her throat as she desperately wanted to admonish his behavior; a recklessness that far outpaced any of his brothers in the obvious discrepancy in injuries that he seemed to get the most of. Ignoring her own anger in lieu of patching him up, she silently rinsed off the rag in the sink; heart twisting in her chest at the blood that now stained the porcelain.

Cleaning it as best she could, she removed the remaining crimson from his shoulder until just the open puncture remained. She'd dumped the ruined rag in the small trash can before retrieving a bottle of alcohol, allying a generous amount onto a new make-up sponge, she pressed it firmly onto the open wound.


Sitting awkwardly on her toilet as she cleaned up the new wound on his massive shoulder was not how he planned tonight going whatsoever.

Hell, he didn't plan coming to her place at all.

It was almost an instinct at this point; the all-encompassing need just to be near her was debilitating and he hated how easily he was as a moth to her flame. All he wanted to do was apologize and leave; sleep already pulling at his system but when she grabbed him to pull him into the warmth of her homey apartment, it was apparent he'd never be able to say no to her. How utterly pathetic he felt at caving to her every whim; just the touch of her hands on his skin; how easily it would be to pull away from her touch yet so utterly impossible; she may as well have him in shackles and cracking a whip and he'd be helpless to refuse any and all demands...and fuck, she didn't even have to try.

The pain of the alcohol she began applying stung like ever-loving hell but he remained quiet. He'd experienced far worse pain after all; his shell tingled at the ghostly sensation of Shredder's foot upon his carapace that still remained. The impression it left was powerful and the overwhelming scent of alcohol was nothing compared to the touch of her dainty hands on his scales; so gentle yet firm at the same time. The scent of her skin and hair over-taking over every single one of his senses; her close proximity causing his head and heart to ache fiercely; every fiber and nerve alight with her touch.

God, how he missed her these past few days...

Presence more soothing than he cared to admit, the warmth she exuded in her kindness and willingness to continually welcoming him into her home after he'd been such an asshole was insurmountable. The guilt manifesting in his chest akin to a physical pain worse than the agony lacing his shoulder. So tempted to look at her as she worked was nearly overwhelming...but he didn't.

Amber eyes focused on anything but the brunette. His heart already twisting from hurt pride and a broken heart than having to take in her beauty and getting lost in another insecure battle with himself over why he came over here at all. He felt so fuckin' stupid coming over uninvited at three in the morning, with a hurt shoulder no less, and allowing her to mend his wound rather than letting her get much needed rest for a long day of work ahead of her. His own selfishness just to be near her stifling; filling him with utter confusion of the levels of her hospitality and kindness toward someone who treated her like complete shit these past few days.

Raphael did the unthinkable to someone who'd been nothing but kind to him these past few years; ignoring her many calls and texts in lieu of stewing in his self-pity and grief that she would never look at him the way she did at Casey. Bottling down the truth he didn't want to accept that it was purely jealousy that he'd never experience a normal life; stuck in a monstrous form April would never accept as anything more than a strange friend, when he should be damn grateful she allowed him a place in her life at all. Feeling almost nauseous at that fact, Raphael was desperate to mend whatever was viable of this "relationship" he had with April... In other words, beg for her forgiveness even at the risk of his own stubborn pride.

Yet he could not find himself able to look at her, let alone speak.

Eyes seeking out anything to focus on before he attempted to open his mouth, he noticed something new, shiny and red in his peripheral; the item casually leaning near the front door to her apartment. It was a bicycle, but not the old blue and black model that she frequently used as a transport to and from work when the weather permitted. For the life of him he couldn't recall seeing it before. Definitely not at the lair because if Donnie was upgrading or working on it, he would have noticed it at some point in the many instances he himself was in and out of the lab (to Donnie's dismay most of the time); either working on his motorcycle or grabbing a tool for chores around the house.

Long story short, this was something he knew nothing about.

"...Where'd ya get that?" The question left his mouth before he even had time to think about it.

"Hmm?" April asked, hiding the shock at hearing his voice suddenly ring out; peering up from her work to over to where his gaze was studiously trained.

"Oh. Yeah! Casey hooked me up with it!" April said and Raphael's heart plummeted at just how her voice raised an octave when mentioning his name. Not aware of how it affected the stoic terrapin, April continued, "He noticed my old bike was getting pretty old and beat-up so this guy he works with runs a bike shop and offered me deal to repair it with all new parts. Case just dropped it off a couple nights ago. I would have loved to try it out by now, but with the weather, I still haven't had the chance, but isn't it awesome!? All it cost me was fifty bucks and look at it, it looks brand spankin' new! Anyway, he got me a great deal, don't you think?" April finished her story with a smile in his direction even if his eyes never left the bike.

A sensation of relief that Raphael had never believed he'd ever experience washed over his body, the feeling akin to a warm summer rain, as he absorbed the news. The "date" her and Casey supposedly had was nothing more than for her goddamned bike!

At this moment, a viable relief lifted a heavy weight compressing his chest and if anything, he felt like a complete fuckin' idiot as it dawned on him that he was petrified for absolutely no reason at all... Something akin to hope filled his chest as he finally allowed his eyes to meet hers. Thankful she was looking away for he was well aware his eyes probably beamed with the unbridled joy and relief to showcase to her; the last thing he wanted her to see is that he was a self-conscious, jealous, creepy basket-case.

"Y-Yeah, that's a steal." he replied absentmindedly as he looked at her profile.

"I know, right?" she replied with her eyes remaining on his shoulder. The brunette was enamored with her task, her bottom lip clenched between her pearly white teeth as she worked on applying stitching material for the wound to suture it closed. It was still unbelievable at how gentle she was; himself used to enemies doing everything in their power to try and end his life, he was unaccustomed to being treated in such a tender manner.

It still blew his fucking mind...

Swallowing back a lump trapped in his airway, Raphael finally allowed himself to stare at her for a moment as she worked. As much relief as he felt toward the instance with her and Casey, it didn't quench the guilt at how he'd treated her leading up to this moment. Bailing on her when she made him breakfast and ignoring her calls and texts. Shutting off his phone just so he didn't have to hear the many notifications that symbolized that she actually gave somewhat of a fuck about him. A part of him wanted rejection; wanted her anger because it was what he accustomed to experiencing; not this kindness and forgiveness he had no business receiving.

For a long while, he watched as she finished stitching his shoulder, washing her hands before going in for a thick fresh gauze. Silently reminding himself to replenish her first-aid kit; Lord knows it probably wasn't cheap. He focused on her hands as she lopped the white fabric over and under his massive deltoid, the brush of her fingers as she did so causing his heart to be soothed and remain frantic all at once.

It was a strange, albeit pleasant, sensation.

It all ended too soon; tying off the bandage, she flashed him a tight smile before going to clean up the area and wash her hands again. Raphael's cheeks flushed when he realized that he'd been staring. Returning his attention to rolling his shoulder to test the validity of her suturing skills and he wasn't surprised by how good of a job she did. There was no uncomfortable pulling or itchiness that usually accompanied that stitching material; she was as good as Donatello - maybe even better - mainly cause she didn't have three massive fingers to her disadvantage with the careful detail treating such wounds required.

"So, I see you've been busy these past few days; spending time kicking ass and adding another impressive scar to the collection?" she asked to fill the ever increasing silence and the massive terrapin was certain his heart gave out when she suddenly reached for his face. Her fingers brushing over the scar on his chin and the other tugging lightly at one of his mask tails almost absentmindedly.

Downturn face lifted to look at her; realizing with his forward-leaning seated position that they were nearly eye-level. He wasn't sure how to react, while she gave him hugs and touched his arm on occasion, she'd never touched his face or dared touch his mask (not while she thought he was awake anyway). The fact she was touching him so brazenly and without prompting was quite shocking but he didn't dare deter her from doing it. When a flash of realization dawned over her blue eyes at exactly what she had just done, he was quick to smile back, appeasing her nervousness at her uncharacteristic action.

"Yep," Raphael replied with a breathy chuckle, "Don't know how much of a scar it'll leave since ya did such a good job bandagin' it." he said, bravely brushing his chin firmer against her fingertips, which only caused her smile to widen and her cheeks flush a soft pink hue. The sight of her reaction had his stomach in knots and heart pounding so frantically against his plastron that he swore she could hear it.

"Hmm." she hummed in reply, lightly ghosting a small finger across the thin scar before her hands slowly retreated; lowering to her sides where she nervously began toying with her shorts and the arms of the long-sleeved plaid shirt she had cinched around her tiny waist.

There was a long silence and before his mind even caught up with what he was doing, he spoke, "...sorry." his smile and her own falling as a result of the sudden topic change.

"...For what?" she asked, the uplifting of her manicured brows showcasing her confusion but hid her shock at the words Raphael rarely, if ever, spoke.

"...Jus' showing up at this hour. I shoulda told ya ahead a time."

"It's okay. I was getting much sleep anyway; just tossing and turning mainly," the brunette responded with a light shrug and for the first time, Raphael took notice of light purple bags underneath her bright eyes. Work must have been hell but if he'd only known the actual truth...

The terrapin remained silent for many long moments before he knew it was necessary to do what he came here for in the first place, "...also, fer not callin' ya back. I was a total dick to do that to ya," he ignored the surprise that came over her face at his words, "I jus'...had a lot of shit I was dealin' with and I know it ain't right ta do that but I jus'-"

"It's okay." April tried to quell the nervousness that Raphael had begun showcasing in how he began nervously tapping his heel and wringing his hands.

"No, it ain't. I was a total asshole!" he replied much louder than he intended; eyes falling to the floor for a moment, lifting after a second to see the contemplative look upon her face.

Raphael wasn't one to announce his own faults verbally; he usually left it for his own self-doubting mind so for him to say it so suddenly and unprovoked surprised her. She said nothing for a long time; her plump bottom lip wedged between her teeth as she looked at him; a sudden sigh left her lips and the breath brushed lightly over his face.

"Well...I guess I can't argue with you there. Truthfully, I was a bit upset when you didn't call or text back...and took off that night I went to go visit you guys..." she spoke with eyes gazing into his own; Raphael's desire to curl into his shell increased when his many transgressions were laid out so plainly in front of him, but his obvious nervousness was ignored as she continued, "...but mainly, I was...worried. I didn't know what was going on with you and wondered if it was somehow my fault...but if all it was is what you just wanted to be alone for awhile, I understand that, Raphael. I mean, there's days I just wanna be alone too. We all experience that sometimes." April responded with a light shrug and the large terrapin hated how his stomach clenched at how easily she disregarded his unforgivable behavior.

"April, I-" he tried to argue but she shook her head at his words and they died in his throat.

"Nope. Enough of that." she sighed with a resolute gesture of her hand, "It's late, I'm tired, and I need some hot chocolate - and you're joining me." April said with a resolute smile, not even awaiting his answer before suddenly leaving him alone in the bathroom with his troubled thoughts.

Raphael wanted to argue, wanted to get her riled up and yelling at him just to validate his own-self loathing at this whole situation, but he was too damn tired. Standing to his protesting, wobbling legs, he took a glance at himself in the mirror and cringed at how fucking awful he looked.

Even more than usual...he thought with a mirthless chuckle escaping from between his thick lips. Taking a quick glance to make sure she wasn't there, he quickly removed his mask, turned on the faucet and splashed his face with massive handfuls of water to at least make himself somewhat presentable.

Once his face was dry and mask tied back securely around it, he walked into the living room. Depositing his weapons onto her low bookshelf before making his way to sit down on the couch. His heavy weight causing the springs to protest but he melted into the worn, comfortable fabric nearly instantly.

"Sorry, it'll be a couple more minutes. The only decent pot, to boil water in, is filthy!" April complained from the kitchen with an overly dramatic sigh. The sound of it had Raphael smiling despite himself.

"S' okay." he responded quietly, not even noticing that when he spoke his voice came out a bit slurred.

Instead, he tried his damnedest to ignore how fiercely his eyes were burning, concluding he must have just gotten some soap in them. The terrapin was sorely tempted to flip on the television to fill the deafening silence and quell the ringing in his ears but before his mind could fully process the thought, he rested his head on the back of the couch in hopes to clear his mind of rampaging thoughts. Raphael silently focused on the few cracks marring the white canvas of her ceiling; his chest felt light for the relief of what had just occurred and the realization his worry and anxiety had all been for naught. For the first time in his life, he'd never been more grateful to be wrong. His heartbeat quelled and uplifted for first time in days, Raphael didn't even notice how his eyelids began drooping and body relaxing further into the worm leather.


"Dammit, I really need my landlord to fix that stupid dishwasher! I told him three times and yet the jerk keeps putting me off, but not anymore!" April ranted, walking out of the kitchen with two steaming mugs filled to the brim with dark cocoa and snowy white marshmallows, "Not only did I have to scrub whatever crap brunt in that pan, I had to wash these cups by hand and of course, I'd forg-" It wasn't until she was right next to the couch when her voice stopped cold and her blue eyes widened in shock (she was overwhelming grateful she didn't drop the cups in the process). The previous anger at her useless appliance dissolving like snow on a summer sidewalk; a bright smile instantly lighting up her face as she took in the sight before her.

Raphael was fast asleep. His head resting on the back of her couch, hand comfortably atop the armrest and his other limply curled in his lap; chest riding and falling with long, deep soothing breaths.

April was certain she'd never seen a sweeter sight.

There was just something about seeing this tank-framed, lethal ninja warrior sleeping so peacefully that warmed her to the very core.

All the shit she'd been dealing with these past few days of him avoiding her melted at seeing him in this way. He'd further surprised her tonight; admitting his wrongs and apologizing was not anything she had expected from the massive terrapin. She constantly had to remind herself he was only 19 and had very limited human interactions; which had taken her by surprise given his maturity which exceeded many thirty year olds. Yet, she supposed he still didn't understand how avoiding her had hurt her, but some part of her thought perhaps he did, for it was obviously affecting him as well. Willing to apologize and in person no less was a strength far beyond his physical and she appreciated more than he'd ever know.

Feeling a bit awkward when she caught herself blatantly staring him as she slept, she quietly placed the mugs on the table with a soft click. She stared at him a few moments more; blue eyes scanning him to see if perhaps he was deeply sleeping for she did not want to disturb his slumber.

"...Raph?" she whispered, "Raph?" she said louder and let out a sigh of relief when he didn't move a muscle. Assured that he was indeed dead to the world, she reached out a hand, brushing it over his uninjured shoulder and the chill of his skin had her flinch away. Task in mind, she retreated to her linen closet to retrieve an old comforter and as gently as possible, she maneuvered it over his form to where it lay from half-way down his chest and draping over his legs. Thinking it was enough to stave off at least some cold, she retrieved the mugs and was intent on leaving but she froze for a moment but her blue eyes gravitated toward him again; roving his face and not noticing how her heart hammered quicker in her chest as she took in his peaceful visage.

"Goodnight, Raphael." she whispered before retreating to her own room where she slept well for the first time in days.