Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. Also, hope you had a Happy New Years day. I had to calm my 8 pound chi/rat terrier mix because of all the fireworks…at least I hope they were fireworks…my parents garage isn't too too bad, except at the peak of the day. Thank Talos for fans otherwise I would live in the fifth ring of hell -.-

Before I say anything further, this was not my fault. I tried to stop all this madness, granted, calling an undead dragon in the middle of Whiterun wasn't the best of ideas. And trying to explain to the guards that I "accidently' sneezed his name didn't work either. But it is Lydia and Serana's fault that we are in this mess. Mainly Lydia's.

But I suppose I should start at the top. It started a couple weeks ago. Me and Serana stopped by Whiterun like I wanted to and we stayed for a few days till shit started feeling right again, what with my injuries, that and on the way back a Skeever popped out of a bush along the roadside and bit me in the right ass-cheek. Little shit had some sharp ass teeth too.

Not only did it manage to make it through a space in my Nightingale armor, but it got all the way into the muscle of me arse. Little cunt. Anyways, I managed to limp back and of course had Lydia check out both of my new injuries, which she seemed alarmingly keen to making sure the one on my ass was "properly" tended to.

And then she noticed Serana. Now, she didn't say anything this time around. She did look a bit agitated at first, but then when Serana noticed what she was doing and looked away abruptly, Lydia had this smug look on her face. I guess she thought me and her were together or something along those lines.

In which case, I quickly told her no and when she started crying about it I did start to apologize, but she kind of went running out of the house. I assume she went back up to Dragonsreach, because I couldn't find her anywhere in the square or in the Bannered Mare.

I did run into Ysolda again, but she kind of scoffed and walked the other way when I tried to ask her if she had seen Lydia. Remembering that I didn't have time for my housecarl's one-side affections and issues because a crazed vampire was trying to steal the sun and what have you, me and Serana went back to my house grabbed our belongings and left for her father's castle. Don't worry; I left a note for Lydia.

We managed to get there and looked around her mother's courtyard. This led up to a secret passage to an equally secret laboratory her mother used to hone her necromancy skills. There was this weird symbol on the ground that was apparently her mother's portal to the Soul Cairn (according to her journal).

It required a handful of ingredients to open and to my dismay, because I am mortal there would be a toll, a toll that just had to be part of my soul to gain entrance. Serana offered to turn me into a vampire, there by negating the toll, but I passed for obvious reasons, well, obvious to me.

She got all mad and stuff about my distain toward vampirism and I broke down, yes in her mother's creepy lab, and told her exactly why I would never become a vampire and why I joined the Dawnguard in the first place. She asked me to describe the vampire responsible and when I did I rang a few bells in her head. Turns out the rat bastard belongs to Harkon's court.

So now I get a double reprieve for destroying all that resides in Castle Volkihar. I get to free Serana from her father (and of course save the world) and I get revenge. Who wins? This chick.

Anyways, after our little heart-to-heart, I gave up part of my soul (which I got back once we were in there by the way)and we entered the Soul Cairn. We met up with her mother, who was trapped in this strange prison so we freed her. And along the way saved the soul of a horse (don't judge, it wasn't the poor things fault he was there to begin with) and took out multiple baddies along the way.

After freeing her mother though we had to fight an undead dragon named Durnehviir. He was fairly easy to defeat (and I mean defeat not kill, he's already dead for Talos sake), after which we grabbed her mother's Elder Scroll and proceeded to high tail it out of there.

I was stopped outside her mother's prison however by the same dragon we just kicked in his scaly ass and he politely asked if when I was back in the world of the living if I would be so kind to call upon him to allow him to feel the sun on his wings and the wind in his face. I know he's an undead dragon, but how could I refuse? I may have a twisted sense of humor at times and can be a bit of a flirt when it comes to women, but I'm not heartless.

Anyways, we make it out of the Soul Cairn and ALL the way back to Whiterun so I can check on my house and Lydia (and also to get a drink at the Bannered Mare and then sleep it off in MY bed for once) and the two start having a spit right in the middle of the Plains District. I try and get them to stop but I guess in my frustration I called upon Durnehviir, and then everything went to hell.

People were screaming, guards were shooting at him, and to top it all off Serana had Lydia in a choke hold. It was at this point that I Fos'ed them and sent them flying that their attention finally turned to the problem at hand. Durnehviir finally went back to the Soul Cairn but by then the damage that had been caused was put on us.

We sat in jail for three days till everything was sorted out and I used my last 2000 gold to bail us out. And by the way, Serana and Lydia haven't looked at each other since. They kind of just ignore each other's presence now. I don't think Serana had a problem with her to begin with, but now. Sheesh. And I am of course stuck in the middle of all this madness.

I think I need a break from women for a while. Maybe go to High Hrothgar for a bit without telling anyone where I have gone. Speaking of which I did say I was going to go up there a couple months ago didn't I? Whoops.