A/N: This chapter is my favorite. I love the way I wrote it, with important things happening in here. Please let me know what you think! Your opinion is important even if it's just 'great chapter' or 'i like it.' it only takes a few seconds and leaves me happy!

THANK YOU FOR THOSE WHO FAVORITED AND FOLLOWED THIS STORY! THANK YOU FOR THOSE -you're so few but I still love all anyway- WHO REVIEWED LAST CHAPTER!

While I'm having tones of people favoriting and following this story, I'm getting almost nothing in my one-shots, so please go and read them, their not big and are easy to read... And -of course- please let me know what you think of them! This story is almost in the end, but I hope you're enjoying the ride. For those of you who are reading this after the story is finished, I still want reviews, I like to know what people think, despite the end of the story, just knowing people liked it or not is enough to make me happy!


Chapter 9 – The Story of How I Fell In Love

*At the entrance examination day*

I was standing in the hallway, watching strangers pass by me. I could see some nervous face wondering around, but the only face that I got fixated on was the face of a young boy.

He was looking to the walls, as if wondering where he was and where he should be. He looked lost. I went up to him, and talked to him. He was lost, and really nervous, so I tried to make him relax.

He followed me to the classroom where he would be taking his exam.

"Well, I'll be looking forward to you coming to this school… So until then, see ya."

I turned around, hoping the boy would feel better after that. When I reached the corner of the hallway, I looked back.

The boy was smiling as if he felt more motivated to take an exam than ever.


*The day of the entrance ceremony*

I was looking forward for today. I wanted to see who got in, and more importantly, if –he– got in.

Our headmaster was speaking to the school when I had the opportunity to look around. I saw the freshman standing next to each other, not really knowing each other, so most of them just kept shut.

I saw him standing in there and started breathing again –I didn't even notice I was holding my breath– normally.


*beginning of the school year*

I would search the hallways, trying to find him there, and in no time, he was starting to talk to the guys from his class or joke with the girls. They all seemed to like him… but then again, who wouldn't.

As time passed I started following him with my eyes more often than not. And that was when I found about his love for books… He went regularly to the library.

I knew it would be strange if I just asked permission to become 'Library Monitor' but I couldn't care less. I just wanted to watch him from –not that far- not to close.

I got the position and we started making more contact. That was when I found out his name… Castiel… We would talk every day, but he didn't remember me. He often checked in and out books, and after a few months of this routine, he still didn't remember me.

I know I'm saying so myself, but it was as if he wasn't interested in me at all, even though I do stand out from the crowd.

He was always absorbed in his books and not even look me in the eyes… He only looked at those books. Those beautiful blue eyes (that he always was so self-conscious about) of him… I wanted him to look at mine with them. And without me noticing, the desire for that to happen grew stronger. And when I noticed, I went and talked to him.


The library was quiet that day, we were practically alone –but as usual, that would only last a few seconds, my admirers would be getting there soon.

He was looking for a book, as usual. He spotted it in the top shelf, and I took that opportunity.

I went to talk to him.

"You want this book?"

And that was the moment those blue eyes finally looked at me.

I couldn't bring myself not to ask him do 'Meow' and I almost stabbed myself. My thoughts were mainly 'Way to win his heart! Ask him to meow! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!' The boy looked confused and I couldn't bring myself not to smile, as he tilted his head.

At that moment those girls entered the library, to talk to me. I went to talk to them, leaving Castiel alone.

Castiel sat alone in a chair, with his book on the table, and started reading.

Those girls must have noticed my interest in him, because they started talking about him, as if he was a bad person, just because he was looking at them, they would think bad of him, and I didn't want that. I heard them talking about his eyes and I saw the way he looked, he was a bit frightened and a bit confused, so I stood up for him.

Slaaam. A book got closed real quick. And I realized it had been me who closed it.

I looked at the girls who suddenly stopped talking.

"Just why did you come here for?..." Castiel looked up. "…You see… I'm here because I'm the library monitor. I'm most definitely not here to talk to you, because this ain't a chat group! So if you're here to chat go away. A library is supposed to be quiet! Although… if you want to come to the library, please read some books first."

I told those girls what I've wanted to say for so long, but I never had the heart to do so. This had been my way to snap and get away with it. I was angry at them, they had no right to talk bad about Castiel… They don't even know him!

"Also. While I'm on the subject… Cas… I really like his eyes. They're super blue and cute… Like a cat."

Every time I remembered those blue eyes looking at me… I was lost. I was so lost, and I held to Castiel like to an anchor. I wanted those blue eyes to stare at me and only me.


And then, that day, I was in the library, and went to look for a few books, and I saw him. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful… so perfect… as he slept and without even thinking, I kissed him. I didn't know what I was doing, I kind of just felt like kissing him and did it, but I was trembling pretty strongly myself. When I realized what I had just done I quickly left Castiel alone in that side of the library and went to hide near my desk.

I thought it was pretty coward of me to selfishly steal a kiss from a sleeping boy like that… It seemed totally impossible. I thought he would try to find out who had kissed him, and almost at the same time, I decided to lie about it. And, by coincidence, there were other possible guys at the library at the same time. So conveniently… It all started with a kiss.

'Accidentally' I let a pile of books fall to the floor from my desk… I needed a cover for myself.

BOOM

"DAMN IT! THE BOOKS FELL OVER!" I tried to sound annoyed, but I was actually pretty happy... I had just kissed the guy I was crushing over, and I wanted to make him search for me…

With all four of us in there it would make Castiel feel uncomfortable –he had never been the center of so much attention- and would make him run away from the library. I knew that, so when he walked near my desk, I looked at him, to see what I had done, to see if he was panicking, to see if he was disgusted, if he was alright.

But looking at him… Looking not only to his eyes but also to his lips, I licked my own. Cas face was so adorable (all painted red, making his eyes even more blue than normal) that it made my heart speed even more.

"Excuse me, I have to go" he said running away from the library.

I didn't know if he was alright and so I followed him, he looked lost, he looked ashamed… And my stomach decided it was a good idea to release the butterflies. I saw Castiel fall to his feet, and I couldn't take it seeing him in such a state.

"Hey Cas…" Castiel froze, his breathing pattern all messed up. "You're making a face like you're in love… or something… What happened?"

I tried to be subtle, but I couldn't but ask it… I needed to know… I… I was dying inside because of not knowing what he felt.

"Love?" Cas questioned, he tried to hide his face from me, as if he was trying to hide the red from his face. "It's nothing like that…" Castiel said while taking his arm to cover his lips, my heart shivered, and I fought the urge to take his arm from his face and kiss him again.

I wanted to help him feel better, and I only knew one way to do it. I sat on the floor and hugged him, trying to make him come as close to me as possible. I couldn't bear seeing him as broken and lost as he looked. He also looked adorable, and I didn't want anyone else to see him looking as adorable as he was. I wanted to be selfish and keep him all for myself.

"When you make a cute face like that... People will come and attack you."

"D-Dean… What are you…" Castiel started, but I interrupted him, I needed to let him know, I needed him to see… to understand…

"I'm protecting you, so that you won't be attacked by anyone other than me."

I could almost see the question in his face, even though I couldn't really see his face very well. He was asking himself if it had been me. I was proud of his thinking, but as I had decided before, I wouldn't tell him. I wanted him to love me for me, and because I kissed him.

Castiel backed off from the tight embrace and looked up to my face.

I smiled upon seeing his cute face, and his ever-so-blue eyes.

"So cute! Like a kitty that's lost its way."

I guess it wouldn't be so bad. He's already come out… So he wouldn't have a problem.

He started looking asking me if it had been me, and I wanted so badly to just kiss him again, but I couldn't.

"Dean… Back there..." Castiel started but fortunately some girls decided to show up-

"And then he said 'Are you ok?' he's so cool!"

I heard them talking and I felt Castiel panicking in my arms. My instinct was to grab him closer and squeeze him, to make him feel that I understood him. And also because I wanted to hold him… I wanted to hold him close and whisper sweet words in his ear, but that was not the moment, so I just held him close.

"Hey! Dean, what are you doing? Who's that guy?" It was Lisa and her friends.

"Yeah! What are you two doing?" The other girl, Cassie, asked.

"We're making out." I said casually with a smirk, because that was all I wanted to do.

"I want to make out with you too!" Lisa said, trying to seduce me, but I was too absorbed in the boy in my arms to notice.

"Yeah! Me too!" Cassie said.

I wondered how they could be friends, if they both liked me. I would never be friends with someone who could steal Cas away from me. Unless that was what would make Castiel happy, then I would suffer in silence, letting him be happy for both of us.

But, of course, no one could know that, so I shrugged.

"Sure! Next time."

Both girls smiled happily and went away.

I felt that I could held Castiel forever, but he would think it had been me who kissed him, so I started letting him go.

"NO!" Castiel started once the girls were too far to hear him. "I'm not in love!"

I knew he would deny it. How could he just fall in love with only one little kiss? But it still hurt to hear it.

"I see…" Despite the fact that I only wanted to cry, I smiled. I still wanted to make him fall in love with me, so I silently accepted the challenge, while Castiel got up and started running away from me, leaving me alone in the floor.


A few days passed, and Castiel tried to find who kissed him. And the while I waited, I was getting desperate. My heart yelled at me every time I saw him, every time I thought of him… My heart demanded me to kiss him. But all that time, I knew that I had to wait. Again, I had to remind myself that I didn't just want Castiel to think of me as the person who kissed him once.

I knew he had found out Benny wasn't the one who kissed him, and I got jealous when I heard Benny talking to him, saying that he had been the one who did it.

"If you want some proof I can kiss you again." Benny knew what he was getting himself into, of course he knew…He just wanted me to see it, so he said those things when he saw me entering the library. He wanted to provoke me… He wanted me to react. And without thinking, I did as he wanted.

"Hey! That's my kitten!" I reacted just as he wanted me to. "Just what are you trying to do to him, Benny?!" I looked into Castiel's eyes, trying to make him see it hadn't been Benny who kissed him, trying to make him see it had been me. And most importantly, to make him look at me. "I wouldn't like if you were to let yourself be tamed, Cas…"

Then, the confession Cas said, made me shiver, first because I was proud of myself, for kissing him first, but then, I got guilty over the fact that his first kiss had been stolen from him while he was asleep. I tried not to sound too ashamed nor jealous… I just wanted him to look at me again, after hearing the desperation in his voice begging Benny to tell him who kissed him.

"Cas…" Castiel turned around, and stopped right in front of me, I forced a smile trying to make him feel better. "… You wanted to grab a book right?"


A few days passed, and Castiel tried to find who kissed him. And the while I waited, I was getting desperate. My heart yelled at me every time I saw him, every time I thought of him… My heart demanded me to kiss him. But all that time, I knew that I had to wait. Again, I had to remind myself that I didn't just want Castiel to think of me as the person who kissed him once.

I knew he had found out Benny wasn't the one who kissed him, and I got jealous when I heard Benny talking to him, saying that he had been the one who did it.

"If you want some proof I can kiss you again." Benny knew what he was getting himself into, of course he knew…He just wanted me to see it, so he said those things when he saw me entering the library. He wanted to provoke me… He wanted me to react. And without thinking, I did as he wanted.

"Hey! That's my kitten!" I reacted just as he wanted me to. "Just what are you trying to do to him, Benny?!" I looked into Castiel's eyes, trying to make him see it hadn't been Benny who kissed him, trying to make him see it had been me. And most importantly, to make him look at me. "I wouldn't like if you were to let yourself be tamed, Cas…"

Then, the confession Cas said, made me shiver, first because I was proud of myself, for kissing him first, but then, I got guilty over the fact that his first kiss had been stolen from him while hewas asleep. I tried not to sound too ashamed nor jealous… I just wanted him to look at me again, after hearing the desperation in his voice begging Benny to tell him who kissed him.

"Cas…" Castiel turned around, and stopped right in front of me, I forced a smile trying to make him feel better. "… You wanted to grab a book right?"


Before the girls' bathroom incident, I decided he had been played with enough. But of course it wouldn't go as I planned. All the way to winning Castiel's heart, I tried to deceive him… to make him believe it hadn't been me, and all that time I tried to leave an impression on him, tried to make him fall in love with me –and I fell even more for him–. I was the one who put the card in his locker. But things just couldn't go as I wanted, the card I put there was different when he saw it.

After the bathroom incident, when Cas was getting his stuff from his locker he was quiet, and I thought it was because of that card.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked, as if I knew nothing, I ended up asking, Cas was quiet for quite a while.

And since he didn't answer me, I did the only thing I could think of doing, the only way I could know what it was without actually confessing it was me. I took the piece of paper and read it out loud.

"'If you want to know the secret of the kiss come to the station at 10:00 on Sunday.' What… on earth?" I was genuinely intrigued. I wrote it differently, why was it different? The way things were going, it looked like the culprit was playing with him.

Castiel took the piece of paper from my hands and started walking away. I didn't want to let him go just yet, my heart ached from being so close to him and not embracing him, not kissing him, not forgetting the world and just think of him… So I stopped him.

Castiel tried to get free from my grip on his arm.

"I'm going home. Let me go!" He demanded.

"How are you going home?" I asked.

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. Which was as adorable as usual.

"By train." He answered.

It was late, and ridding a train late at night is pretty dangerous, so I thought that would be the best excuse to give him a ride.

"No you're not. It's pretty late, today you're going by car."

"But I can't ask my mom to come get me." Castiel replied confused.

I smiled when he frowned, confused.

"I can give you a ride. This way you can meet my Baby." It was my best way to put it, the best way to get him to ride home with me, the best way to have him near me just a bit more. Specially now he had remembered me.


Sammy and Balthazar are good friends, and that proved to be the best thing ever. He kept bragging about going to take Cas to an amusement park, so I took everyone there… I knew Gabriel was going too, because Sammy would shut his mouth. So I took Sam and Benny there too.

While it seemed that the culprit was playing Cas, Cas was the one toying all of us around. But keeping a poker face with a smile had always been a specialty of mine. In that amusement park I had fun, riding so close to Castiel.

When I saw Sammy and Gabriel talking to him, I opened the doors of the carriage and kicked them out.

"You can go home with them, I'm going to play with Cas." Despite wanting to be the one to take Sammy home, I knew about him and Gabriel, and I also knew Gabriel would keep him from danger.

The other boys left, leaving us alone in the carriage.

I saw Castiel swallowing when I sat next to him, I could see he wasn't uncomfortable, that he was just nervous, so I shrugged it off.

"Let's take one more ride!" I said with a smile and a wink to Castiel, trying to make him feel a bit better.

He still looked nervous, and –again– he blushed.

Trying to lighten the mood, I grabbed Castiel's hand and squeezed it.

"You like high places?" I asked Cas, getting closer to Castiel.

"Yes." Cas answered. "I feel like I'm flying! I love it!"

I smiled at Castiel's response, he looked so happy talking about what he 'loved' that my heart skipped a bit when I heard the word. But I was nervous, I'm afraid of heights and being in the Ferris Wheel probably wasn't the best idea, but I had to come, I had to be with Castiel when my body ached for him, when my soul begged me just to be in his presence a bit more.

"Glad someone likes it, then." I said quietly.

Cas did what I had been waiting for, for so long… He looked at my eyes, yet I couldn't bring myself to look back at them. He probably could see I was nervous, but I didn't care, I wanted to be there, next him, alone, for the next few minutes.

"Are you alright?" He ended up asking.

I hesitated before speaking. I didn't want to reveal my weakness, but I was with Cas, and it had been Cas who asked, so I answered him.

"Yeah… Just don't like to be so high."

I got closer to Castiel, so that I could concentrate in him, instead on concentrating on the clouds, that looked so close to us. I squeezed his hand, trying to relax.

Castiel's cheeks were still bright red. I could see them from the corner of my eyes.

"I know a way I can make this better." I said, getting up.

Castiel watched me, as I approached him. He had absolutely no idea what I was going to do.

"Wha-What are you doing?" Cas asked as I sat in his lap.

I grinned at Castiel. And got himself comfortable in Castiel's lap.

"I'm making this better. If I sit here I'm not stressing about how high up we are. You're my escape."

The blush in Castiel's face had started to disappear, but it came back as I said that.

"You're welcome… I guess." Castiel replied.

Our hands had our fingers intertwined in the other's made me smile.

Castiel looked flustered, with is face so red, and his eyes locked in mine. I couldn't think, I could only do what my soul begged me, what my heart demanded, what my skin wanted…

I got closer to him. Only one word in my mind. Only one word in my heart.

"Cas…"

My face kept going closer and closer, until there were just a few inches between us.

I saw Cas close his eyes, expecting my lips on his, and I remembered my purpose, I remembered that I couldn't have what I lingered for just yet.

I needed an easy way out, and so I did the only thing I could remember.

I squeezed his nose with my fingers.

"Oww!" Castiel barked out, getting his nose free from my hands.

"Cas…" Again, he looked at my eyes, and I wanted to give in, I wanted to give in so bad. But I knew I couldn't. "…Don't make this easy." I told Cas with a smile and a wink.

Still confused, Castiel took his own hand to his nose.

"What?" Castiel asked, as I stared at him.

Wooosh.

The doors of the carriage start to open.

Castiel forced his way out of under me and stood up. He walked to the outside of the carriage.

"Cas?" I started following Castiel close behind, while calling him.

"Good… Good Bye!" Castiel said and started running.

I felt every bit of me burn when I noticed Castiel was in the verge of tears. His eyes were so watery and I wanted nothing more than to comfort him in that moment, but Castiel choose to run in that moment… So I started running after him.

A few seconds later I caught up with him

"WAIT! CAS!" I yelled at him.

People were passing by us fast, and I almost knocked a few of them down, but I couldn't care less. All I could think about was the almost crying boy that was running in front of me.

"Leave me alone!" Castiel replied, trying to run even faster.

But I got closer and closer to him, and eventually I grabbed Castiel's hand.

"Cas… You can be mad at me as much as you want, but I'm not letting you go home alone. I'll take you home." I said, between breathes, I needed to have him next to me a bit more. My heart needed to feel his presence, and I cared about him, I didn't want people to see him crying like that… He would be better with me.

"As long as you don't talk to me, and leave me at my place, fine!" Castiel agreed.

"Then come with me." I said, with a smile in the tip of my lips, some might call it stupid… I called it progress. He didn't argue with me, he just let me take him by the hand to my car. And during the half an hour of that ride, I could hear the soft sobs Castiel was trying to keep to himself. I could also hear my heart breaking when I thought I had been the one to make him like that.

And with that I left him home. And cried on my way home, because it hurt too much to know I made him suffer like that.


Every time I got the chance to speak to him and redeem myself I did it. I gave him my umbrella when he forgot his. I tried to speak to him. I asked why he had run away, I needed to hear him say those words.

"About yesterday… Why did you run away?"

A car was passing by us, just a few step beside us, and it was about to run through a small puddle. With one simple motion, I took my umbrella to the side, to avoid the water wetting us. It made me feel cool, because I kept him dry.

"It's just - I mean…" Castiel started.

"Well… The way you got up and started running… I like it, though… You remind me of an untamed cat." I told Cas, beaming… He was so special. Castiel was like my little kitten. The kitten I grew to love ever since I laid my eyes on it.

"I wasn't feeling very well." Castiel said. "I mean… Yesterday. I started running away because I wasn't feeling too good. I didn't want to get sick in that place."

I smiled at Castiel and nodded. I knew it wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't entirely a lie… I caused it. I made him feel sick. And now he was opening himself a bit more to me.


That day I did all I could not to think about him, but I simply couldn't… Everything that I saw reminded me of Castiel. I entered the library and waited for Cas to show up.

As soon as he entered the library, I couldn't look away. I saw him sitting in his chair with a book in his hands and he started reading.

I grabbed a chair and sat near him. From this close, I could see that he wasn't really reading, his eyes kept staring at the page, and he didn't seem to realize it.

"Cas… You know that you haven't read a single page this whole time?" I asked.

Castiel slowly raised his eyes up from his book, and he found me sitting in front of him. I could see him wondering when I got had sat down in front of him…

"Dean!" Castiel said. Hearing him say my name was amazing. I loved the way he said it, with affection, with confusion… He was probably just thinking when he said it, but it still amazed me.

I grabbed the book from the table and started flipping through the pages until I found what I was looking for.

"Oh! You're reading another mystery! Awesome! Since you can't concentrate, I'll just read the last chapter out loud for you." I tried to distract myself from him, I always wondered how he could read so many mysteries and never get tired of it…

"Huh?!" Castiel was a bit in shock.

I continued to flip through the pages back to where Castiel was before, and I started to read it out loud.

"'And for that night's events, Naomi then…'" I started reading.

Castiel blushed slightly, and my heart stared beating even faster. I continued to read even when he tried to interrupt me.

"Whaaaaa! Stop!" Castiel said, almost begging.

"'…But I wonder why I didn't notice it…'" I continued reading despite Castiel's protests.

"WAIT! PLEASE!" Castiel begged me. "STOP!"

"The one who murdered him was…" I said with a smirk on my lips, Castiel looked so adorable trying to fight me… I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but then again, it was not the time, so I teased him a bit more.

"STOOOOOOOOOOP!" Castiel screamed.

I glanced up and started scolding Castiel.

"Honestly… Can't you just stop screaming?! I'll tell you in a second!" I sticked my tongue out to him.

Castiel saw the opportunity and took it. He grabbed the book and pulled it. I realized what he was doing and so I pulled it to myself too, Castiel almost let go of the book, but he still had a page in his hands and wasn't about to let it go. So he pulled the book again.

SHREAD

The door opened and a teacher walked in.

"Why are ya making so much noise?! The library is supposed to be quiet!" Luckily, it was only Mr. Singer, my homeroom teacher. He looked inside the classroom and saw me with a book in his hand, and then noticed Castiel had half of a page with him. "Did ya idjits ripped that?"

I grabbed the book close and took Castiel's hand.

"Sorry sir. It was an accident." Then I started running – away from the library and the now mad teacher –, pulling Castiel with me.

I heard Cas scream 'Sorry' to Mr. Singer, while we ran.

I took Castiel to the first empty classroom I found. It was the school's 'Earth Sciences Prep Room'.

I sat on the floor the patted a spot near me to make Castiel sit on the floor too. I examined the book for a few seconds.

"We sure did rip it up!" I said, with a grin on my face.

Castiel glanced towards me, his eyes looking at me made my heart jump faster and faster…

"We didn't have to run away like that!" Castiel said.

I grabbed the cover of the book and its content fell to the floor.

"Eh?" I managed to said, processing what just happened.

When I realized the cover was still in my hands I started laughing my ass off. Castiel was laughing pretty hard too. His laughter was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

While laughing, Castiel hit the cabinet behind him a bit too hard than it was supposed to. It didn't hurt him, so he continued to laugh happily.

"Oh my god! Honestly! Wha-What do you do now?" I said in between laughs.

Castiel still laughing, hit the cabinet again, this time with a bit more strength.

I saw Castiel hitting the cabinet and looked up, which was pretty lucky for us.

I saw the globe starting to lose its balance and I saw that Castiel didn't notice it.

"Should we glue it?" Cas asked, still laughing. "We still need to apologize though."

WOOOSH

In that moment, the globe started to fall towards Castiel's head. I knew only of one thing to do. I screamed his name, trying to gain his attention, and I jumped over him.

"Cas!"I got my body between Cas and the falling globe, and hugged Castiel's waist and to pull him closer to myself, not just to protect him, but also to ease the pain my heart was feeling for not touching Castiel for so long.

BONK

BAM

The globe hit my head, and then fell to the floor.

"Dean… Are you… OK?" Castiel asked hesitantly. I could hear his voice, he sounded worried… Worried about me.

Dean got up and wondered to a corner. I pulled my hand to my head and started rubbing it slowly.

"OWW! IT REALLY HURTS! A DIRECT HIT! I THINK I HAVE A PART OF MY BRAIN STINKING OUT!" I cried out loud.

"De-" Castiel started.

"OWWW! I'LL GO BALD…" I cried out loud, in my defense, it really hurt like a bitch "I'LL DIE!"

Castiel forgot what he was about to say and started giggling. Slowly it turned into a laugh he couldn't hold, so he hugged his tummy and bent over, laughing as hard as he could.

I looked at Castiel, Cas' response was not what I was expecting… It hurt me to see him laughing of my pain… My chest hurt.

"You think it's funny?" I tried to hide the pain in my voice.

Castiel started trying to talk, trying to explain himself.

"It-It's just that you're so funny! Your personality… You look like you always do everything so smoothly… I thought you were just going to show off and ask me if I saw you 'protecting me' while smirking… Obviously not hurt!" Cas said, a bit flustered.

I smiled at him. He looked so cute and adorable when he was flustered.

"Not even I can do that! It really hurts." I assured him, still holding my head.

Castiel giggled a bit more. The sound was so perfect… All the hurt from before dissipated.

"You know… If it means I can see your face lit up like this, I'll rip up any number of pages…" I said with a mischievous smile plastered on my face. I always liked to flirt… It was my instinct.

Castiel stopped laughing. I noticed it, and decided to do something, to try and make him laugh again. I ripped another page from the book.

"Hey, Cas…" I called out for him. "Could you laugh for me one more time?" I said, while showing Cas another ripped page.

Then, Castiel decided it was a good moment to ask it to me.

"Dean… Did you kiss me?" His cheeks were completely tainted red.

I moved my neck to face Cas. It hurt me more to say those words than anything could have ever hurt. It was like my soul was being ripped in front of me, my heart was getting chattered at the same time, and it was only because Castiel still couldn't know.

"Why… And just why… Would I necessarily want to kiss you?"

Castiel was caught by surprise. I could see his brain trying to understand what I said.

"Eh?"

"Because I like you?" More pain hit me. I don't know how I did it. I just know how much it cost me to say it.

"Eh?"

"Even if I did like you, I wouldn't want to do it for that reason… Arrogant!" I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to whisper 'I love you'… I… I… I wanted Castiel…. But he was not ready yet. So I had to lie, and hurt myself, to prepare him, to make him understand… It needed to be done. Even if I had to be put under such a pain.


Not ever, in my wildest dreams, I thought those words would hurt Castiel too.

I thought it was okay when Castiel refused to look at me, but then I saw his hand grabbing Benny. And I got jealous. When Cas ran away, I felt my world chattering, because this time he was running because of Benny.

"Oh… Yeah! You forgot this back there." He was so close to Cas… He was where I wanted to be.

Benny place the tie around Cas' neck gently. I wanted to do the same. I wanted to claim that body. I wanted to kiss every inch of Castiel. And seeing Benny being so gentle made me really jealous.

I moved a bit too fast and tapped a book in Castiel's chin lightly.

"Remember that book we ripped a while ago… I went to a shop a bought a new one."

Cas looked at my eyes, and when before I almost squeaked with joy, now it only hurt, because Castiel was still thinking about what Benny said and ran away.

Both me and Benny went after him.

Benny started to get closer to Castiel than he should and so I lost my head, I tried not to sound hurt, confused, heartbroken... Betrayed.

"Oh… I see, the reason I get mad is because it's just foolish." I smirked, and looked at Cas. "And since when did you two become so close with each other?"

Benny shrugged. He grabbed Castiel by his waist and got him closer to himself.

"Ever since the day you made him cry."

My eyes widened in shock, in fact my hole being widened in shock. I made him cry… Again… And again it broke me even more than it should.

"Eh?" I couldn't say anything more than that.

"Wha.." Castiel said. He gave a small breath. "I wasn't crying! That was all my own misunderstanding!"

I saw he trying to make me feel better, but it wasn't working. It wasn't going to work, because I knew Benny was saying the truth.

"Just… a misunderstanding." Benny repeated.

Cas looked down, with his face burning red.

Benny sighed, his face close to Cas'.

"Well, I'll be! You're not crying." Benny continued.

"I won't cry…" Cas said softly.

"When I look at you, it definitely annoys me. But I can't help but to wonder why whenever you run away, I wonder how you're doing?" Benny said, softly.

Hearing the one who was supposed to be my best friend say such words… If it was someone else… Someone I wouldn't have to speak to everyday… But no. It was Benny. And while I needed Castiel to be mine, I also needed him to be happy. So I shocked everyone –even myself– and spoke to Benny.

"Isn't that because you're in love with Cas?"

Castiel looked at me. Benny was still facing Castiel, and he turned his eyes a bit, so that he could see me from the corner of his eyes. If my head wasn't clouded with so many emotions I would have been able to see what he was doing, but at that moment that wasn't possible.

"If that's it…" Benny said, turning his eyes back to Cas. "Would you like to come with me and see the fireworks? I guess I might have fun if I go with you…" He asked.

I felt the heat coming to my face, and my eyes widened even more.

Benny smirked.

"Dean.." Castiel said, when he saw my face, he probably saw the hurt in there, the pain that was breaking me, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop those emotions from creeping in.

None of them were expecting it.

I moved as fast as I could. I grabbed Benny's shirt with a fist and started screaming at him.

"YOU! ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL CAS AWAY FROM ME?!"

Benny laughed.

"Ahah!"

He slapped my fist so that I wasn't grabbing him anymore.

He composed his shirt and spoke.

"Don't flatter yourself. Which one of us is really stealing Cas, brother? And which one of us is being up front? I think the one to decide that is Castiel… Don't you think?"

Both of our heads turned to Castiel.

He was standing beside us, watching us, with his face still burning.

I was a bit flustered too. I didn't know what to think nor what to say, so I just walked away from them. I was too hurt to stay. I was afraid to get even more hurt.


On the day of the fireworks show I was at school. At the only place I felt a bit better, despite everything. I was at the library. I had my head resting in the desk. I was almost asleep when someone opened the door. I ignored whoever it was. This was the first time I was feeling better ever since Benny saying he wanted to take Cas to the firework show.

Since the person didn't seem to leave I tried to make them leave. I wanted to be alone.

"There's no school today." I said, not turning my head up.

"I know." Castiel replied.

There was silence. I didn't know what to say. Probably Cas was there waiting for Benny and thinking of that broke my heart even more.

"Aren't you hot? It's summer, after all… How long have you been in here?" Castiel started asking, trying to make conversation.

"I read one of those mysteries you like so much." I interrupted him.

"Who are you waiting for?" Castiel asked.

"To ask that is arrogant. You're the one who came here." I told him, still not rising my head.

Castiel snapped.

"YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR EITHER! IT WAS WRONG OF YOU TO BE SO NICE TO ME AND MAKE ME FEEL THAT WAY!" Castiel calmed himself down. "Because you're the one who makes me think it would nice if you were here."

My jealousy won over my rational head.

"Benny…" I said suddenly, lifting my head just a bit. "…Aren't you going to see the fireworks with him?"

"No. I'm not." Castiel said.

"Oh…" My face got down again. I felt a bit better knowing Cas wasn't with Benny but I still was hurting.

"I won't ran away anymore… SO PLEASE SHOW ME YOUR FACE! I thought it was you who kissed me in the library… Because I love you, Dean! Because I thought it would be so nice if it had been you who kissed me!"

After saying that Castiel turned his face around and took a step back.

"..It's so hot in here." He said.

His cheeks were painted red. Even from afar I could see that.

He was about to leave, when I got up from my seat and grabbed Castiel.

"My heart…" I started, trying to speak but the words wouldn't come, our faces were so close that I was whispering to Castiel. "…The one who kissed you… Was me."

I turned Castiel around, so that we were facing each other. Castiel looked at my face, he saw me all flustered. His blue eyes searching for mine.

"So please tell me you love me again!" I begged.

Castiel's face was just as red as mine. His mouth slightly open and he looked a bit shocked, not really believing that I had actually said those words.

"…Then why did you lie? Why did you say you didn't kiss me?" Castiel asked.

I blushed a bit, but shrugged my embarrassment off with a movement of my head.

"Actually… I never said I didn't kiss you."

"What?!"

"What the..? But.. I mean… Because…" Castiel blurted.

I suddenly became more serious than I ever thought possible.

"That was because I wanted you to honestly love me… And not whoever had kissed you. I wanted you to really look at me." I confessed a bit embarrassed, since I almost never talked about my feelings. I couldn't help it this time, my face came closer to Castiel's, our lips only a few inches away from each other. "Hey… I want to kiss you. Is that ok?"

I wanted to be sure Cas wanted it as much as I did. So I waited for him to give me a signal, anything that could close the distance between us.

As Cas said nothing I started to think he was playing me when he said he 'loved me' but then he moved his face closer to mine and I closed the gap between us. My body was screaming with joy for finally being able to kiss Castiel again. To feel his lips against mine. My hand moved to behind Castiel's neck so I could trace soothing circles to make Cast feel loved. To make him understand just how much I've longed to feel him against me. Our kiss was full of passion and full of sweetness… All of those things I denied myself were now possible and so I gave my all in trying to please Cas and do what I've been needing to do for such a long time. A few seconds later, Castiel let out a soft moan, and I took the chance to enter Cas' mouth with my tongue. At first Castiel looked unsure, so I went slowly wanting to make him like what was happening as much as I was. When I felt him relax against me and he started moving his tongue against mine. I couldn't think of anything else except Cas. I finally got to kiss him. I finally got to held him…

I soon remembered Castiel wasn't used to kiss people and I realized he was out of air, so I –reluctantly- pulled back. Letting him breathe, but not without licking Castiel's upper lip before he pulled back.

I looked at his eyes, searching for answers… Did he like it? Was he good enough? Could…

"I knew it… It really was you, Dean." Castiel said, with a smile harboring in his lips, his cheeks a bit red. He looked so happy that my heart swelled from pride… Pride of being the one who made him this happy.

BOOOM BOOM BOOOOM BOOM

"Oh! They fireworks started!" I said, smiling brightly. I always loved fireworks, but I usually only saw them at 4th of July with Sammy, so it was a good change to see them with the person I wanted the most. Standing next to Castiel made them look even more perfect. "Fireworks are beautiful…"

We went to the open window and watched the fireworks together. I could feel Castiel right beside me and I wanted nothing more than that. Our hands were intertwined together and we were both beaming. Our shoulders were brushing against each other, and that simple thing was sending shivers to my spine.

Suddenly I started noticing there was a lack of warmth next time. I noticed the shivers had stopped so I looked to my side and saw Castiel a few feet away.

"Wha… What's with the distance?"

Castiel blushed. As usual, he looked adorable, but I was a bit hurt to think he moved away from me to notice it.

"No.. Nothing!" He said a bit too quickly. There was definitely some problem. No-one should answer this fast, while stuttering.

I went closer to Cas and whispered in front of his lips, I wanted him to say it to me. So that the pain I felt would leave.

"You didn't say 'I love you' again."

"I… love ya!" Cas said, moving towards the door, and added quickly… "Bye."

I couldn't think. Hurt was clouding my mind and heart, because after all he didn't say it like before. It shocked me to know he hadn't said it… But on the other hand, I knew Castiel was shy… So I kind of understood it.

But understanding it, didn't make it hurt less.

"What was that…"


A/N: So... What did you think? Good? Awful? Did it give you feels? -it certainly gave me!- please let me know what you think of this chapter. It's big, and intense. There are about 2 more to come. I'm going to participate in NaNoWriMo, my name there is 'sofia-sama' so feel free to add me as a writting buddy! Maybe I'll post the next chapter this wednesday! It's a pretty big day... My birthday! :D See you all Wednesday!