Author Notes: Finally inspiration hit and I was able to complete the next chapter, from start to finish, in one night. It's amazing how quickly a chapter can be written in, it's getting the motivation/inspiration to write that's the problem, sometimes. Thanks, as always, to everyone who has commented, favourited, etc. you all make this more enjoyable and though I'd want to write even without your feedback, it's always great to get some.
The moment Jane re-entered the room, Maura's eyes drifted towards her. She turned back to one of the morgue technicians and apologised, ending their conversation prematurely before skirting around the small crowd gathered in the living area. Toby sat on the floor in front of Frankie, his eyes transfixed on the brightly coloured train that Frankie moved through the air. The desire to correct his interpretation of trains came and went, leaving regret in its wake. She'd spent half the party serving drinks and talking to their guests and not very much time with her son. She noted the number of people who dealt with death on a daily basis, not the image she'd had in her mind of babies smushing cake into their mouths. When her eyes returned to Jane's, she saw the sadness lingering in her pupils, or more, the excess fluid coating her eyeballs. She glanced back at her son; Toby wouldn't remember the day anyway.
"Come with me," Maura said, slipping an arm around Jane's and dragging her in the direction of the utility room. With the door closed behind them, she grasped Jane's hand and pulled it up to her lips.
"What are you doing?" Jane asked, the hairs on the back of her neck spiked at the physical connection between them.
"Tell me...what happened," Maura said, wrapping both hands around Jane's fingers.
"We talked." Jane shrugged. Telling Maura what happened would involve telling her how she felt, and no matter how close they were now, Jane still wanted to put it all in a box and lock it away. "She needs time."
"Time for?" Maura asked.
"I dunno. Just time. The way I needed time." She sighed, then let her chin drop to her chest. "I opened up and she shot me down."
"I don't want to upset...you," Maura said.
"But I did the same to her," Jane finished. She knew her mistake. She knew how much it hurt. Now she didn't know how else to fix it but give her daughter the time she asked for.
"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura said, sliding her hands around Jane's back and letting her lips brush against her mouth. She closed the gap, holding them tightly together until Jane relaxed into her embrace.
"Why do I have to be such a screw up, Maur?" she asked, resting her chin against Maura's shoulder and breathing in the scent of her perfume mixed with deodorant. In that moment she wanted the ground to swallow them whole, to drop them into another world where they could just be together. No complications. No problems.
"I promise you, y-you're not a screw up...you screwed up. T-There's a difference."
"Is there?"
"Definitely."
The door opened abruptly. Jane flinched, letting go of Maura and stepping backwards as though she'd been burned by fire. The lines drawing sadness across Maura's face only grew more pronounced and Jane knew that she'd disappointed her too.
"Your son is crying for his Ma," Frankie said, holding up the baby. His lack of reaction made Jane wonder what he saw when she and Maura were together; two friends sharing a comforting hug, or two lovers attempting to share an intimate moment at a party? Her mind drifted back to parties she went to in junior high. She'd played seven minutes in heaven with three different boys over a couple of years and not one of them she really wanted to be locked in a closet with – only one she'd dared allow to kiss her. In hindsight, if she'd met Maura "the Bore-a", she hoped she'd have changed her world then the way she did now.
"Why don't you t-take him, Jane?" Maura asked. "Sit with him and...help blow out the b-birthday candles."
She scooped him up in her arms and he settled into them in the way only a son would settle in his mother's arms. Maura brushed back his soft blond locks, his hat long since discarded during play. Frankie disappeared the second he'd handed Toby over to Jane.
"You should blow them out, Maura," Jane said. "You're his mom. This is your day, too."
Maura ran a hand along Jane's cheek, quickly glancing over her shoulder as she stole another moment of intimacy. "You're his mom, too, Jane. I hope you know that. H-he is something you've definitely n-not screwed up."
The words lingered in the air as Maura walked back in to the party. Jane watched her disappear around the corner. She felt it every single day, the bond forming between herself and Maura's son, but she'd never felt she had a right to claim any ownership over him. She'd screwed up with her biological child, so much so that she couldn't really call herself a mother. Then there was Toby. He wasn't even related to her by blood but he felt more like her child than Ashley did at that moment. She pulled him close.
"I love you, Tobes," she said, kissing his cheek. "Don't tell your Mama I called you that."
He stuck out his tongue and moved his hand across his skin, as if wiping away the mark her lips had made. She chuckled, lifted him up into the air and followed Maura back to the party.
x
Once the candles had been blown out, cake had been divvied up and more snacks had been consumed, the room slowly emptied. Party-goers left Toby to play with his new toys on the floor. Jane stacked the dishwasher, adamant that they would have to hire someone else to host the party next time. Somehow she'd ended up with the boring job of tidying away the glasses, whilst Maura saw one of her colleagues to the door. Even Angela and Frankie got the pleasure of playing with Toby.
"You should come over for dinner, Jane," Angela said, carrying an empty wine glass across to her.
"Tonight?" she asked, her brow creased. "It's nearly Toby's bedtime, and I don't think Maura slept well last night because of the party."
"Not tonight," Angela replied, holding out her phone to Jane. "Tomorrow, just you."
"What is this?" Jane asked, taking the cellphone. "Who is this man?"
"Benedito Sorrento. I met him at church. He was helping his elderly grandmother; he brings her every Sunday like the good Catholic boy that he is."
"Your point is?" Jane handed the phone back and slipped a dishwashing tablet out of the box under the sink.
Angela pushed the phone back towards her. "He's a nice Italian boy."
"Again, your point is?" Jane placed the tablet into the compartment and set the machine going.
"I've set up enough blind dates for you, Janie," Angela said. "I thought I'd try setting you up on ones you know about."
"I'm not dating this man, Ma," Jane said, pushing the phone back into her mother's hands and walking across the room.
"But I already promised him a date with you."
"You shouldn't be promising anyone anything without asking me first."
"I don't see what the problem is. It's not like you're dating anyone," Angela said.
"I think it's time we left, Ma," Frankie said, standing up. "You're about to outstay your welcome."
"Nonsense," Angela said. "I'm her mother, there's no such thing."
"Yeah, there is," Jane said, forging a smile of thanks for Frankie.
He retrieved Angela's jacket from the now empty pile by the door and pushed her towards the entrance hall. Maura embraced them, thanked them for coming, and closed the door behind them. It had been a long day, a tiring day, and all Maura wanted to do was curl up on the couch with Jane and her son. By the time she reached the couch, Toby was already dozing on Jane's lap, her long fingers trailing through his locks. She stood and watched them from the sidelines, knowing that she'd made the right decision when she'd informed Jane that she believed her to be as much a mother to him as she herself. For a long time she'd thought blood mattered, that the problems in her own family were caused by the lack of a shared bloodline. Being with Jane, even before, restored her faith in families made up of people who chose to be there. Jack may come to visit from time to time, and she had no doubt that he loved Toby. But Jane was there for him, for both of them, in a way that Jack had never been.
"I think I'm g-going to get an early night," Maura said. "Do you…want to j-join me?"
Jane's lips curved at the corners, her eyes lit up with anticipation and hope. Toby was asleep, they had the house to themselves, there were so many possibilities and yet only one. She wrapped her arms around the sleeping boy and lifted him up against her shoulder.
x
She found Maura in her bedroom a few minutes later, carefully pulling the pillows from the head of the bed and redistributing them on the chair by the window. Jane didn't much like the decorative feature, had always hated having to idea of having to move them off to go to sleep and put them back again the next morning. But she helped Maura do it anyway.
"Angela wants you to go on a date," Maura said, more a statement of knowledge than an accusation or assumption. Jane nodded and tossed a small rectangular pillow onto the pile. "Are you going to?"
"Why would I?" Jane asked. Maura pulled back the top of the comforter.
"Your mother knows n-nothing about how things…h-have changed between us."
"No."
"Nobody does."
"No, just us."
"Will you tell her?"
"And face the wrath of Angela Rizzoli?" Jane's eyes lingered on Maura's torso as she unzipped her dress and carefully stepped out of it. If her mother knew the things she thought about when she was with Maura, she would probably send her ass straight to church. "I think not."
"She loves you, Jane. Being h-honest about who you are won't…change that."
"I wish I had your faith," Jane said, dropping her jeans onto the floor and stepping out of them. She pulled her t-shirt over her head and climbed across the bed, making her way to the other side where Maura sat watching her. Her eyes as filled with anticipation and curiosity as Jane's. "Forget about faith, I just wish I had you."
"You do have me," Maura said, her eyes darted between Jane's lips and her eyes, staring deep into her orbs, then finding her attention slipping down to the curved mounds of skin disappearing underneath her bra.
Maura leaned forwards, closing the gap between them; her tongue moistening Jane's lips, her fingers hungry for attention as she felt the goose bumps on Jane's skin through her fingertips. She lifted her knees up onto the mattress, falling forwards, her body pressed against Jane's as she attacked her with her mouth.
"I want you now," Maura said, lifting her lips away from Jane's long enough to speak before recapturing them.
The tips of Jane's fingers travelled down Maura's stomach when the gentle cries of Toby came through the baby monitor and Jane groaned loudly, falling back onto the bed, her goal abandoned.
"I knew he wasn't really asleep," Jane said, banging her head against the pillow. "That kid has a sixth sense for when his mom is trying to have sex."
"Jane," Maura said, laying down beside her. "Please don't talk about sex and my son in the same sentence."
"Why not?" Jane shrugged. "It's why he's here."
x
Maura stood in the nursery, gently rocking Toby back and forth as he fussed in her arms. She kissed his head, swaying back and forth. She wanted to fulfil the sexual element of her relationship with Jane, she needed to satisfy her desire to share the most intimate moment with the woman she loved. But she couldn't. Whilst it bothered her in some ways that they were yet to find a period of time alone, it bothered her less knowing the reason they couldn't be together was the other most important person in her life.
"I don't know wh-what's going to happen," Maura said, more thinking aloud than talking to Toby. "I just…know that Mommy and I, w-we have something special. She's s-so special that we both chose her to be ours. I…just hope she doesn't get scared and r-run away. I don't know if I can handle that…and you shouldn't h-have to."
By the time she got back to the bedroom, Jane lay on her side, her eyes closed and her chest rose and fell with each gentle breath. Maura lifted the comforter up over her shoulders, and slipped in beside her. She pulled herself in close, the barely audible sound of Jane's exhalation reached her ears, settling her worries in an instant. Life was messy but they'd had a good day. Not perfect, not the imagined dream she'd pictured, but a good day nonetheless. As Maura drifted off to sleep, all she could think about was how perfect didn't matter anymore, as long as she had Jane by her side.
