"You really don't have to do this," Ray said.
"Don't talk him out of it," Donna spoke up.
"I'm with her," Quentin chimed in.
"So, everyone's staying for dinner then?" Diggle asked. "That's ten people. Someone might need to make a store run."
"I've got officers for that."
"While we're waiting for food, we get epic stories. Right, Uncle John?" Alex asked.
"You always DO have the BEST stories," Clara enthused.
Felicity smiled as she stood in the hallway and just listened to them. She'd slept the entire day away, but she felt so much better, though she was starving now. Currently, she was out of everyone's line of sight and she was so happy for it. Hours before she'd been out of her mind with worry and fear and so much emotion. Years before she'd been so good at balancing two lives and sleep deprivation, either it was a skill she was rusty at or she was just getting old. Felicity refused to give in to the latter.
John was there.
Her call to him days before had been completely forgotten. She hadn't expected him to jump onto a plane and show up. Felicity had even told him that they were expecting to go to Switzerland, but she supposed that with all of ARGUS' technologies that pinging her and Ray's phones as well as checking on the status of their private flight was easily done.
Team Arrow, she realized.
The original three.
"Hi Mama," Liv whispered as she tugged on her pant leg. Felicity looked down at her daughter and her head full of blonde curls. "I had shower," she went on. "Wear princess nightgown," Liv told her as she pulled at the side of the very princess-y nightgown.
Grinning, Felicity scooped her up and kissed her like crazy. She'd missed the whole day and she found that she was a little sad at that thought. So much time with the girls that she'd lost, including tea time with Liv and one of her favorite things ever…watching Liv use her power of being adorable to make every person who was currently in the kitchen wear something princess-y and having pretend tea with her.
"How's Mama's princess?" Felicity asked as she kissed Liv up and down one side of her face.
Liv hugged Felicity tight around her neck and kissed her cheek. "Mama MY princess," the two year old said before giggling. "Mama was sleeping, now Mama awake."
Felicity carried Liv out so that everyone could see that she was alive. "Now Mama IS awake," she told Liv and then looked towards everyone.
"How you feeling?" Quentin asked first.
"Much better," Felicity told him as she set Liv down. Everyone seemed so happy crowded around and in the kitchen while John was pulling things from cupboards and seemed to be setting things up. She moved towards where everyone was and kissed Etta and Clara's cheeks and then Alex's forehead. Moving towards Ray, she hugged him tightly and then gave him a quick kiss. "How are you feeling?" she asked as her hand ran down his arm.
"Much better too," Ray told her with a smile. "You can ask everyone… I haven't even fallen over. I even let Quentin feed me."
"It was a turkey sandwich, nothing fancy," Quentin spoke up quickly. Waving it away like it was no big deal. There was some quiet for a moment. "You know what, I think Donna and I will run out and get the supplies if that's okay with everyone?"
"PLEASE let us go, too!" Alex pleaded. She looked towards Ray and Felicity. "Please Mom and Dad? We're going to go stir crazy in here!"
"Oh please!" Clara joined in a moment later.
All of the adults were sighing. "You two are a handful sometimes," Quentin told them. "There's still crazy people out there…"
"But we'll be with you," Clara pointed out.
When Quentin looked in their direction, Felicity and Ray looked at each other before looking over to Quentin. "You know what," Ray said. "If you want to take the girls…go for it."
"I'm going to stay here," Etta spoke up even though she hadn't asked to go before. "I think I'm going to try to pass the next level on my game and then savor having hot water before everyone else decides to shower."
Hot water really wasn't something to be worried about. They had the highest tech tankless water heater, but they had made a point once and turned it off (and had never told the girls about it) to teach them that they didn't need to take hour long showers. It was mean, but it had been quite effective. "Okay."
"Fine, but you two have to listen," Quentin told the girls. "Go get your coats."
"You sure about this?" Ray asked once the girls were out of earshot.
It was a valid question.
"Yep, they'll be fine."
"Threatening their tablets is always a good play."
Quentin smirked. "Maybe I should just hold their favorite books captive."
"That would work, too," Donna spoke up.
It took about five minutes for Clara and Alex to gather their coats and for John to hand over the grocery list to Quentin and Donna. "We won't be too long," Quentin told them as they headed out.
Etta had already left to go prepare for her shower, which was leaving the kitchen area a lot less crowded and quiet. Ray kissed the side of her head. "I'm going to take Liv and go read to her for a while, " Ray said. "I think it's been a while since the three of you have been able to chat."
Felicity held onto Ray's arm for a moment. She wasn't sure about being left alone with Oliver and John. It wasn't that she didn't trust them because she did. No matter what she'd thought earlier, she trusted them both with her life and the lives of those in her family. From the day she had met Oliver Queen, she'd trusted him, even when he'd supplied her solely with laughable lies. "Thanks," she whispered as she looked up at him and then finally released him. She watched him pick up Liv. God, Ray was such a good dad to every single daughter they had.
"How about we go and read?" Ray suggested as he carried her off towards her room.
"Arrow story," Liv requested.
"How about an ATOM story?"
"No. Arrow."
"How about 'Where the Wild Things Are'?"
"Okay, Daddy," Liv finally gave in. "Wild Things!" she cheered before giving a small roar.
Felicity just watched them go and it was a little odd not to be following them. Tucking in Liv was something that they always did together. It wasn't because Liv was the only one that was biologically theirs, but rather she was at the right age for bedtime stories and spending time with parents. Etta, Clara, and Alex preferred being checked on but spending their own time reading what they wanted independently.
"They're good kids," Oliver spoke up, breaking the silence.
Turning back, Felicity smiled and nodded. "They are," she said. "And I'm glad that you've gotten some time to get to know them." It felt like Oliver and John were both staring at her, waiting for her to set the tone of things, to make the first move. Five years ago, they were so close. They had known each other better than they knew themselves. They were a team. They were family. As she stared at them, she knew that nothing had really changed. She was quiet for a moment as she tried to quell the swish of emotions inside of her. "How are you feeling?" Felicity asked Oliver.
As the Arrow, she'd patched him up plenty of times. John had helped to resupply Oliver's blood far too many times and they'd always been cautious to keep a stock on hand in the Foundry. Far too many times, Oliver had 'died' or come far too close to dying on that metal table. She knew that Oliver was never one to let anything, not even death, keep him down. There was no doubt that he likely hadn't changed that much over five years' time.
"Doesn't even hurt," Oliver replied and John scoffed. "What?"
"You don't change, Man," Diggle half complained. He shook his head. "I got shot last week and I took great advantage of the pain pills and sleeping in my own bed."
Oliver gestured to the couch. "That's the closest I've come to a bed in five years." He smirked for a moment, like remembering something. "I actually really remembered that bed that you had bought me, Felicity."
Five years before, Oliver had lost everything in his life. His family's home. His family's company. His family's money. That didn't mean that he was homeless or completely broke, but Oliver had gone through a long stint of sleeping in the Foundry. Felicity just hadn't been able to stand him sleeping on the floor or anything uncomfortable, even given what Oliver had become used to.
It was like a floodgate had been opened within her. Tears fell from her eyes and all she could think about was the last moments she'd shared with Oliver. The last times that they'd all been together. Felicity closed the distance between her and Oliver and flung her arms around him. She hadn't really had time since seeing Oliver again to be able to completely think straight and to come around to the facts that she could still love him and be close to him. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
Slowly, Oliver wrapped his arms around her. It seemed like he was not only reluctant, but he was shaky…like he was scared. Oliver Queen was not one that Felicity ever thought of as scared. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered.
"I shouldn't have let you go to Nanda Parbat," she whispered as tears fell. "I should have fought for you to stay—"
"No," Oliver silenced her as he pulled back. His hands on her arms as he stared at her. His voice was quiet, but still stern. "I wouldn't have risked Thea's life…or yours…or anyone's. The League would have started to kill innocents. It was the only way."
"There was always another way."
"Not that time."
As she stared at him, there was something so different suddenly. It was like he was momentarily transformed into the Oliver that she remembered as he smiled at her and the back of his fingers caressed her cheek lightly. "I missed you. Everyday."
"Me too," Oliver whispered.
"Okay," Diggle interrupted. "You two remember that you're not alone, right?"
A smile crossed her face and she looked over at John, who had just been watching them. He was such a good friend. Felicity moved away from Oliver and immediately embraced Diggle. He was amazing for showing up. Felicity wasn't sure if this would be this easy, her reunion with Oliver, if Diggle hadn't shown up. It hadn't been her intention at all when she'd originally called him. "I missed you, too."
"I'm sure you do," Diggle replied as he gave her a good squeeze. "Even though I have been slacking on returning your e-mails?"
"Even though you've been ignoring me," she teased lightly as she moved back so she could see both men.
Somehow, things had felt like they had five years before. She, Diggle,and Oliver had ended up with sitting in the living room and chatting about things. It had mostly been Diggle and Felicity talking about life since he'd left, especially their families, and then Oliver commenting here and there. They'd been laughing when Quentin, Donna, Clara, and Alex had returned.
"Are we all friends now?" Alex questioned as she carried a bag to the kitchen counter.
Felicity didn't miss the look that her daughter was giving her. There was so much that Alex just didn't understand. Her heart and soul still hurt because of Oliver…because of those five years. When Oliver had gone off to face Ra's al Ghul and never came back, she'd lost a piece of herself… She'd thought that her world had gone black, but Ray had been the one to pull her back. He'd kept her from completely drowning in the sadness and devastation of it all.
There was so much in the past.
There almost didn't even seem like a good place to start with it all. In five years, so much had changed and yet…nothing seemed to have changed between the three of them once they sat down together. How could she really ask for more? Oliver wasn't dead. As much as she loved him, that was all that she had always wanted. For him to come back. They didn't have to be together, he just had to live.
"No matter what's happened, we're always friends," Oliver spoke up looking from Alex and then to her. Felicity just stared at him for a moment. "Family, even."
Family.
God.
There was so much that Oliver had missed.
It wasn't just with her or with Diggle, it was with Thea and Roy. She was obviously the only one left in Star City. Everyone else had moved on. Some because of family obligations because of work as it was for Lyla and John, but Roy and Thea… There had been different reasons there. Different things had motivated them to get out of town. Felicity felt a little sick thinking about it. The whole reason that Oliver had left was in order to protect Thea from Ra's al Ghul, but there was still the rest of the world that seemed to be gunning for all of them at some point in life. Thea wasn't any different.
John got up and headed towards the kitchen. "Better get to cooking before there's some kind of mutiny."
Staring at him, she tried to work through how to tell him everything that she needed to tell him. Felicity knew that there was just so much that they needed to talk about and it didn't seem like there would be enough time to cover it all. Plus, their conversations just didn't seem to be ones that they needed to talk about in front of the girls. Felicity still wanted to protect them, even if she couldn't completely. That world, Felicity's involvement with Oliver and Team Arrow…that was all buried in her past.
"How's everything?" Donna asked them.
"Fine," Felicity replied, almost too quickly. She closed her eyes for a moment and then shook her head before opening her eyes again. "I just…I think I need to get out…go for a walk—"
"Not without someone looking out for you, you're not," Quentin chimed in.
She knew that was coming.
"What's going on?" Ray asked as he entered the room with Liv running out with her princess doll in her hand. He didn't even wait for an answer as he scooped up the two year old and carried her the rest of the way to where Felicity and Oliver were sitting before setting her down between where Donna and Felicity were. "Going for your walk?" he asked Felicity.
Liv almost immediately hugged Felicity's legs, letting her head full of blonde wild curls fall on Felicity's lap. "My Mama…"
Jealous.
It wasn't the first time the two year old had shown that she could be jealous, but Felicity was certain that a large part of it had to do with how many people were in their home and how many people were grabbing her attention. Liv just wasn't used to that. Normally, Felicity and Ray solely focused on the girls when they were home and up until the point that they were all tucked into bed. That was just how it worked, it was being a parent.
"Hi Baby," Felicity whispered and then dropped a kiss into the mess of Liv's curls. She ran her fingers through Liv's hair before looking up at Ray. "I was just thinking about it, but I know that there's still a danger out there—"
"If Oliver thinks that he's up for it, take him," Ray said with a slight shrug. "There's no way you could have caught up on five years in an hour, right?"
The look on Quentin's face, Felicity knew that he didn't agree with it. Quentin was always so protective of her, but the thing was…she was still an adult. She might not always be able to protect herself, but she still could. Felicity wasn't without that skill, it just wasn't as good as Oliver or John's. After everything that had happened, Felicity was actually a little surprised that Ray was okay with her leaving (even if he'd asked her to take Oliver along). He'd never been possessive, but he'd definitely been protective at times.
"You can't be serious," Donna started to argue.
"Have we all forgotten that Felicity is an adult?" Ray questioned.
That was pretty much the end of the discussion.
"You should have seen her shoot the bow," Alex spoke up. Felicity really wasn't sure if it was helping. Alex imitated Felicity shooting it. "It was pretty badass."
"A bow?!" Donna exploded and looked like she was going to pass out at that thought.
Felicity sighed and then a moment later. "Language," Ray and Felicity spoke quietly and yet sternly in unison.
"Sorry, but let's be honest…is there really a better term?"
"Terrifying?" Clara supplied. The two teens were sitting in the kitchen watching Diggle cook and chatting occasionally.
"You were laying in the van the entire time, you didn't even SEE it," Alex defended. "You'll just have to trust my judgement on this one."
"I guess I will," Clara countered. "Because I was trying to keep from being shot."
"Okay, okay…" Ray broke it up quickly.
Maybe they ALL needed space. She supposed that these were times when having a huge place like Queen Mansion would have come in handy. Even though they had the money, she and Ray refused to splurge unnecessarily. They didn't need some kind of mansion or palace to prove anything. They just needed enough space for them all to have a room and have just enough personal space within the confines of those walls.
"Go ahead," Ray said with a tilt of his head. Before she could get words out, Ray was nodding. That was the thing, after being married and then together as long as they had, Ray had picked up on knowing exactly what she was going to say before she could say it. Sometimes that was hard or even annoying, but right now…all she was…was thankful.
"I will go change then," Felicity said as she got to her feet. From what she'd seen of Oliver, he seemed fine. From what she knew of him, even if it was in the past, was that nothing or anyone kept Oliver Queen down for long.
"You sure you can keep her safe out there?" she heard Quentin ask, but she didn't stop.
"I was survived five years on an island…I was the Arrow for three…and I trained with the League of Assassins for the last three years," Oliver responded matter of factly.
"You what—?!" Donna exclaimed.
Oh boy.
At least she didn't have to stick around for that conversation.
"I think he's qualified enough," Ray responded.
"You've only let me talk about myself," Felicity told him. "Tell me something about you…about what you went through…"
"I almost died," Oliver said simply.
Felicity nodded and looked over at him as they walked. "I'd imagine…multiple times…"
"You'd be right."
There was a long stretch of silence between them.
"I killed," Oliver finally admitted, his voice quiet and his head down. "Too many people."
It hit her. Felicity had no idea why she hadn't thought of it earlier. "You stayed with the League because of me…Thea…the city…" she said as she stopped and stopped him in turn. "That's why you didn't come home, isn't it?"
The look in his eyes as he lifted his head told her everything and Felicity felt sick and heartbroken all at the same time. "I waited… I kept telling John that you were out there. That you would come home…I held out the longest," she confessed as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I—I don't know what to say—"
"You don't have to say anything."
Felicity almost felt guilty. For so many things, even though she KNEW that it was useless and silly. Feeling guilty wasn't going to change things. It didn't change how things worked. She looked away for a moment and pushed away the tears, sniffling a bit. "I—I kept telling myself that what we were doing… Cleaning up the city… Changing it, it was for you…even if it was Ray who helped do it."
"He's a GOOD man, Felicity."
"He is," she whispered and turned back to look at him. "When you were in Nanda Parbat, did you keep track of things here?"
"No. Whenever I got close to home, I'd try to pick up on news from the area," Oliver told her. "You were easy to find information on."
It was actually far too easy to find information and pictures of her online and in the media ever since she'd agreed to work with Ray Palmer in Palmer Technologies. It was even MORE readily found since she'd married him. Felicity wondered if that was hard for Oliver, even after the five years that had passed. His last words, though…she couldn't let them go now that he was back.
I love you.
And she'd never returned the words.
"Thea…I can't find anything on her or Roy," Oliver said.
"They're together," Felicity told him. She wondered if he'd thought about that. Roy and Thea had been together before, but they hadn't been together when Oliver had gone off to face Ra's. "Because I thought you were gone." She paused for a moment, almost swallowing the memory of his departure. "I started to keep track of Thea. If you'd been here…no matter where you and Thea stood, I knew that you'd keep an eye on her." She shrugged. "So, I have."
Oliver just stared at her.
"What? Too weird? Ray likes to call it 'stalking', but I prefer 'covertly keeping tabs on family'." Felicity paused for a moment. "Okay, so I guess that still sounds super creepy."
"Are they happy?"
"Thea was going to school for a while, but she got bored of it," Felicity explained. "Walter had made sure that she had the money and a place to stay, but she decided that she'd rather dedicate her life to give back," Felicity explained. "So, she and Roy travel around the world building houses and doing whatever they can in third world countries." Her voice was a little sad as she thought about what she was about to say next. "Since neither of them really have any more family…they tend to stay away… No one tends to come back and visit…"
"E-mail?"
"Occasionally I'll get a post card," Felicity explained. "Which…I'm surprised they still even have those things…" She was trying to think of how to break the rest of the news that she had to Oliver. Would he take it well? Would it make him want to seek them out? Would it change things for him. "Thea's pregnant," Felicity whispered. "She actually called me a couple of weeks ago. Very early. First trimester. She didn't want me to tell anyone." Thea never called, but Felicity was happy for them and she was happy that they hadn't completely forgotten about her. "They're happy, Oliver."
"That's good…"
"Are you going to go look for them?"
"Would I really have to look?"
"No," Felicity said slowly. "I could tell you exactly where they are."
They'd walked a whole block in silence and questions were just spinning in her head. It was just a matter of which one to ask first. Would he tell her? There had been so many years of Oliver not telling her and Diggle so many things, not until they absolutely needed to know. Oliver Queen had never been a man to open up to her, except for that one night…when they'd gone on an actual date. He'd told her about Hong Kong. It hadn't been a lot, but at the same time…it had been.
"Tell me more."
"Like what?" Oliver asked.
"Ra's almost killed you…Merlyn said that you were in a ravine…your body unrecoverable…" Felicity stated. She needed to know if that was all real. Had Oliver actually died? Had he been brought back? Was that possible? Or had Merlyn just been spinning lies and trying to use them all?
"It was true," Oliver whispered. He stopped and sighed. "Ra's sliced my side," Oliver said and gestured to his left side and Felicity remembered there being a scar there. "He plunged his scimitar through me," he continued as he motioned to his torso where she remembered the other scar. "He pushed me back…" his voice suddenly trailed off and he looked like he was suddenly staring off into space. "That's what I remember… All I can remember, really. It's more vivid than the searing pain of the blade through me." He paused again. "It's what I dream of…what I can't escape…"
"What is?" Felicity asked slowly as she reached out for him, trying to anchor him.
"The fall…" Oliver finally told her in a hushed whisper as he looked to her. He stared at her for a long moment as Felicity tried to rein in her emotions. "My last thoughts…I was okay with dying…but the fall…it was like I never stopped…" He shook his head and looked away from her. "I obviously stopped. I just only remember that I kept falling and falling…and I thought as I fell, that I had failed you…Thea…that I would never see either of you again."
Tears fell from her eyes and all she wanted to do was to hug him and tell him that somehow…somehow things would be okay. For a moment, she reminded herself that that might be inappropriate. She loved Oliver, yes, but he was a friend, too. Standing before her, was a friend that was suffering greatly…and she couldn't just stand there and do nothing. It just wan't in her. Felicity took a step forward before flinging her arms around him and holding onto him for dear life. He tensed immediately. It was like hugging was something completely foreign to him, or at least it was unexpected. She didn't care, though, she just held on.
Closing her eyes, Felicity thought about all the years. She wondered if she and Diggle sat down and told him everything that had happened. Everything that they'd done. Where each and every one of them were, if he'd be proud of them. If it would ease his burden at all. Was that selfish? Was that wrong? Felicity knew Oliver. He was so good at carrying everything alone. he was good at keeping things inside. This, though, the five years that Ra's had made him kill again…that couldn't be solely carried by him. He couldn't think that that was all that those five years were made up of.
They needed to do something.
In that moment, when Oliver still just stood there, Felicity felt like they needed to save him. To save his soul. To try to piece together everything that had been taken from him. Felicity wasn't sure exactly how they were going to do that, but they definitely were going to do it. They all owed it to him to try. They owed their lives…for so many reasons and in so many ways…to Oliver and the Arrow. They owed so much of who they'd become to him. They couldn't let him go down like this…to wither away…or to step back into the shadows and disappear.
She wouldn't allow it.
"You're home now, that's all that matters," she whispered. Felicity hugged him tighter and finally his arms loosely held her. She lifted herself up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I know that it's different…it's not what you expected…"
He stared at her. "It's better," he confessed. "You and Diggle, you're happy, right?"
Felicity nodded slowly.
"Thea and Roy?"
"Happy," Felicity checked off.
"Laurel and Captain Lance—"
"Good."
"Everyone made it out better than I expected," Oliver confessed. "I was worried that Roy had—"
"I couldn't lose anyone else," Felicity confessed. "I did some things to keep them safe that they still don't agree with…but they're alive and I still stand by those decisions."
"And the city…" He sighed as he turned towards it. "It's better than I could have ever imagined."
"It's still home," Felicity pressed when she felt like there was a 'but' coming and noted the almost sad tone in his voice. It almost felt like he already had his foot out the door. She couldn't let that happen. Not yet. Not so quickly. Not when he'd just come back to them.
"I don't know if I have one of those anymore," Oliver confessed.
"You do."
"Felicity—"
She held tight to him and stared at him. "Promise me something."
"Felicity—"
"For me. Promise me something."
She knew him.
Oliver let out a sigh. "Promise you what?"
"That you won't just leave…that you'll wait a little bit…and that when you decide to leave…you'll give me some fair warning?"
"I—"
"Promise?"
Oliver sighed again. "I promise."
Time.
That's all she needed.
TBC…
