17/12/31 edited version
Chapter 8
Qui-Gon sat outsides the caves of Ilum, watching the entrance with concern, as it had been hours since Obi-Wan had left into the blackness of them to search his crystals and construct a new lightsaber.
Their journey had been undisturbed and quiet; Obi-Wan had piloted the ship, and they had enjoyed being alone in a spacecraft, leaving the Temple behind. Qui-Gon had already noticed how his Padawan felt awkward in the Temple; sometimes, he even had the feeling that the place, which was considered to be Obi-Wan's home, was almost unfamiliar to the young man. During the trip to Ilum, he had been much more light-hearted and had lost the expression of permanent sadness in his eyes a bit, due to their absence from the Temple, or due to their late-night debate, Qui-Gon wasn't able to determine, but most certainly both reasons played their role. He was happy about the progress in their relationship, even though it made him wistful that after their return, they would leave for their last mission together because as a Knight the Council would assign Obi-Wan to mostly solo missions. He was well aware of the fact that he couldn't change the course of life and he had to let go of the bright young man one day. Nevertheless, he hadn't expected it to be so soon.
Once more he looked to the caves, questioning himself how Obi-Wan would cope with this ordeal; finding the right crystals for a lightsaber could take days. Apparently, he would have to prepare for a more extended wait, so he settled down for meditation. He felt the Force embracing him with its peace, but after a few moments, he found himself in a vortex of emotions, coming from Obi-Wan.
"I am on your side. I didn't want to put you in this situation." Once again he saw the older Master Obi-Wan, and the Padawan, now grown into a Knight.
"What situation?"
"The Council wants you to report on all the Chancellor's dealings. They want to know what he's up to." The discomfort was apparent in Obi-Wan's face.
"They want me to spy on the Chancellor? But that's treason!" the young man replied with indignation in his voice.
"We are at war, Anakin," Obi-Wan tried to reason.
"Why didn't the Council give me this assignment while we were in session?"
"This assignment is not to be on record."
"The Chancellor is not a bad man, Obi-Wan; he befriended me, he's watched over me ever since I arrived here."
"That is why you must help us! Anakin, our allegiance is to the Senate not to its leader, who has managed to stay in office long after his term has expired."
"The Senate demanded that he stay longer."
"Yes, but use your feelings, Anakin, something is out of place."
Qui-Gon held his breath, what the Master asked was against the Code; he couldn't believe the Council would go so far.
Evidently, the young Knight was seeing it too, because at this moment he exploded. "You're asking me to do something against the Jedi Code, against the Republic, against a mentor and a friend, that's what's out of place here. Why are you asking this of me?"
The Master looked down, and Qui-Gon could tell that he knew the other man was right. He felt regret radiating from Obi-Wan as he said, "The Council is asking you."
And then everything was in flames. This time Qui-Gon couldn't see the fight; he only saw the volcanic planet, which had been the setting of the vision he had seen before. And he sensed the deep pain and despair Obi-Wan projected into the Force.
Withdrawing from the painful vision, Qui-Gon came out of meditation, panting and sweating. This wasn't an ordinary vision; it was way too vivid. The feelings he had sensed in Obi-Wan weren't feelings of a Master who had merely lost his apprentice to the Dark Side; it was as if he had lost everything as if the whole universe had been blown up. Qui-Gon tried to regain his inner center; if the vision were that disturbing for him, how would his young Padawan cope with this?
'Oh Obi-Wan, what the Sith is happening to you? Please, Force, help him to bear this!'
After three days Qui-Gon could spot a figure coming out of the caves. Realizing Obi-Wan was too shaken to walk on his own, Qui-Gon rushed to his side, giving him his support, and brought him to their ship, where he shoved him directly onto a bunk. Carefully, he opened his Padawan's hands to remove the hilt of a new lightsaber, a great Master's lightsaber. Obi-Wan had gotten his reward, but Qui-Gon could tell that the whole search and construction had taken an enormous toll on the young man.
Urgently, Qui-Gon went into the cockpit to set their course on Coruscant and started the ship. After they had entered hyperspace, he returned to Obi-Wan's cabin, where the young man slowly came out of his semi-unconsciousness. He looked about with haunted eyes, and Qui-Gon felt the horror radiating from him, and at this moment he decided it was time. Obi-Wan needed to confide in somebody; he couldn't go on like this, and if he did, he would explode from bottled up emotions one day soon. He seated himself at his Padawan's side, gently placing his hand on the young man's shoulder.
"My Padawan, I know this was a great ordeal for you, but I think it's crucial for me to know the truth now. I won't be able to do my duties as your Master any longer if you don't confide in me; you'll need to give me an explanation for these horrible visions if I am to help you."
Obi-Wan swallowed thickly, and Qui-Gon saw how he centered himself, then he sat up with strained effort. "I owe you that much, Master. Since apparently I'm not able to protect you from my memories. . . ."
Qui-Gon gave him an incredulous glance. "Memories? You think these visions are real? Obi-Wan, don't lose yourself in this!" he began to reprimand his Padawan for his lacking sense of reality.
"Master, I know it's unbelievable, but these visions are actually memories, and I experienced them all. I'm ready to prove it; please probe my mind." Obi-Wan said in a calm tone, gathering all of his strength to maintain his composure, but Qui-Gon saw the despair in those shimmering eyes.
In this instant, he sensed it to be the truth. Everything fell into place, the altered Force-signature, the Master skills, the vivid visions and the bond, which had been dormant over the years. With awe, Qui-Gon reached out to touch Obi-Wan's cheek. "Oh my Obi-Wan, I sense the truth in your words. I don't need to prove it." He paused, searching for words. Obi-Wan had been sent back in time; even though he couldn't explain how this was possible, he felt the Force swirling around indicating this singularity as its will. Understanding dawned on the Master. "Force, how can you cope with it? How could you bear to be a Padawan again after years of Mastery?" he uttered, then trailing off, contemplating their situation.
Silence fell between the two of them; Qui-Gon could see a single tear running down Obi-Wan's cheek, and gently, he brushed it away with his hand. Taking his Padawan in a tender hug, he tried to soothe the despair coming from the young man in waves. "Sh, hush, Obi-Wan, everything will be alright. Oh, my Padawan, I can't believe what you must have been through; we will find a solution for everything. I won't let you go through this alone. I sense the will of the Force in this. We will find the reason, why you are here, I promise you!"
Soothingly, he caressed his Padawan's back, and Qui-Gon could feel the relief coming from Obi-Wan; a heavy burden was lifted, now that the truth was finally revealed.
After what seemed like an eternity, the young man looked up, his blue-gray eyes shimmering with hidden fear. "Don't leave me this time, Master. I need you to face this."
A thick lump formed in the Master's throat; they had been over this, hadn't they? It was right, he had been reluctant to take Obi-Wan as his Padawan, but during the years, the young man had become an essential part of his life; he even feared the moment of Obi-Wan's knighting. How was it possible that there was this expression of confirmed betrayal in his Padawan's eyes?
'Oh, Sith,' Qui-Gon groaned inwardly. 'What if his Qui-Gon had left him in his former life?' It could be an explanation for his Padawan's fear, but he wasn't ready to accept that he would have been able to let go of this bright young man. Almost hoping Obi-Wan was referring to his former Master's death, Qui-Gon tried to reassure him. "I won't, Padawan. I am here, and I'm going to stay. We will go through this together, I swear to you!"
His vow seemed to satisfy Obi-Wan, and after remaining in his Master's embrace, he slowly drifted into a deep sleep. Qui-Gon, on the contrary, sat the whole trip at his apprentice's side, musing over the consequences of what he had come to know.
After their return to the Temple, Qui-Gon had sent Obi-Wan to rest. The young man was completely exhausted; with a light Force suggestion, he had sent him into a deep sleep. Before he was even able to make himself tea, his comlink beeped, and he was summoned before the Council.
As he entered the Council chambers, he could tell immediately that the Masters had expected him to come with his Padawan. He bowed respectfully and settled himself deeply into the Living Force awaiting the upcoming debate.
Mace seemed to be in the lead of the Council today, which wasn't the best of all scenarios in Qui-Gon's opinion. "Master Qui-Gon, we are surprised. Where is your Padawan?" Mace asked politely, but Qui-Gon heard the stern tone of the Master's voice. Obviously, Mace wasn't pleased with Qui-Gon playing Obi-Wan's protector.
"I'm sorry Masters, but he was utterly exhausted from his visions in the caves. I decided he needed rest before facing the Council." Seeing Mace preparing for an answer, he continued. "Don't assume anything, Master Windu; he had been deeply asleep before arriving here. He isn't to blame; it was my decision alone." Qui-Gon saw Master Yoda suppressing a smile at his words.
"Well, then report us about your mission, Qui-Gon," Mace demanded, with underlying annoyance in his voice.
"Obi-Wan has finished constructing his lightsaber after three days in the caves. From what I can tell he found brilliant crystals, and I was very proud of him. He has gone through a tough ordeal with all the grace demanded of a Jedi Knight; I can recommend him without limitations for his upcoming trials." Qui-Gon knew that the other Councilors had been reluctant to recommend Obi-Wan for his trials, but had given in because Master Yoda had insisted. They wouldn't interfere with the conversation if not needed, knowing well that they were dealing with an exceptional case.
"Did he tell you about his vision in the caves?" Mace asked.
"No, this wasn't necessary as he projected it quite clear to me over our training-bond."
"And what did he see?"
Startled, Qui-Gon looked at his friend. It was highly irregular to ask about the kind of visions a Jedi experienced on Ilum. His surprise was surpassed by that of the other Council-members. He inhaled deeply, and prepared himself for another argument with his old friend; he wasn't ready to allow this intrusion in his Palawan's privacy. "I don't think this is an issue to be discussed here. He had a disturbing vision, and we were able to work through it during our journey home. In the end, it has been a successful mission, which proved Obi-Wan's readiness." He tried to display an innocent expression and could feel most of the Councilors nodding in acceptance.
The moment Mace wanted to insist, Master Yoda interrupted him. "Excellent news this is. Know we did, that young Kenobi would be up to the task. Speak to you in private I want. Come to me after this session."
With that, Qui-Gon was dismissed, not without receiving a furious glance from his friend Mace.
Qui-Gon left the Council chambers and went directly to Master Yoda's quarters; he knew that the old Master had noticed his confusion about what Obi-Wan had revealed to him during the trip.
After a ten-minute wait, the diminutive Master appeared and invited him in. They settled with the obligatory tea and Yoda opened the conversation. "Reveal, he did, something to you?"
Qui Gon nodded. "Yes, he did. But Master Yoda how is this possible? I've never heard about the Force sending somebody back into his former life."
"Hmm, in seven hundred years, never occurred, has something like this to me before. But we don't know all the ways of the Force. Sensed I have, the honesty in him." The Master replied, shaking his head thoughtfully.
"I sensed it too. And everything fell into place, his unbelievable skills, his altered Force-signature, the vivid visions. I had a feeling they were memories and not merely visions before he told me."
"Not revealed his memories to me, young Kenobi has; decided he has it would be too dangerous. But hide his deep pain, he could not. Disturbing these memories are?" Yoda asked with concern in his eyes.
"Yes, Master; not only what they show, but also the feelings he projects along with them. He had an apprentice who turned, but it doesn't explain his deep despair. And regarding his inability to adjust himself to life in the Temple, I fear he has endured something we can't imagine. Sometimes, I have the feeling he hadn't been in the Temple for a long time. He has this look of awe when he meets his friends as if they have returned from another world not him."
While trying to explain to Master Yoda, what he had observed, one piece after another fell in place for Qui-Gon. With a horrified look, he said, "For him they actually have. Why haven't I noticed this earlier? He projects feelings of loss. He has lost everything in his former life. He was alone; there was no Temple anymore!" Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, Qui-Gon muttered, "Oh no, how could I have missed this, he thinks it's his fault. His apprentice. . . Master Yoda, we need to help him!" He looked up, seeking the elder Master's advice.
"Help him you will. After he's been knighted, stay with you he shall, as long as he needs you; his anchor you are. Ready for the task are you?"
Qui-Gon gave Master Yoda a solemn nod. "Yes, Master. I promise you not to fail him."
With an approving nod, the diminutive Master signaled his satisfaction. "Now, go back to your Padawan. Prepare yourselves for the mission briefing tomorrow. Confide in Master Windu I will; he will never let go of the subject otherwise. Explain to him I will, what we know."
Qui-Gon knew that Master Yoda was right; Mace wouldn't give up. He was grateful that it wasn't him who had to explain the real matter behind all of this to the Korun-Master.
He set his mug of tea back on the table and stood up to leave. "Thank you, Master. Hopefully, my old friend will be able to see why Obi-Wan isn't able to share all of his secrets with us; I know him well. He isn't going to accept that things have to remain hidden."
Both shared an indulgent smile thinking about their friend, who had a hard time in letting go of his control over what happened inside the Temple.
