Addiction Chapter 9: Love in Winter, Part One
I don't own the characters, only the plot. Rating is now M, and will intensify next chapter because of Syaoran and Sakura's new relationship. Those who are offended must not read on, and please accept my apologies. Mild crossover with the use of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles (TRC) characters. No spoilers for the various twists and the manga ending of Tsubasa (so kindly don't spoil that ending for anyone else if you've read it since all I've done is borrow characters). Xiaolang is modeled physically after the Evil Clone in TRC, but has his own personality here.
Author's note: Hey! Another quick update, thanks to the amazing beta skills of MikoKagome1113, without whom I would be floundering helplessly. Thank you for generously sharing your time! Please, do drop me a review, they really make me happy—and I will try not to be too explicit next chapter!
Preview of Chapter 10 and review responses at the bottom.
From Chapter 8: "I like the holidays," Sakura said, smiling at him. "Let's have fun, Syaoran-kun."
"We will." And as if it were natural, Syaoran leaned her head on his chest and placed his chin on top of it; as if it were natural, Sakura wound her arms around his waist as he placed an arm over her shoulders. The snowflakes fell around them gently, and Syaoran smiled.
Perhaps she was the one for him, after all. Everything felt so right, so natural; in his embrace she felt like she belonged there, was a part of him, not a strange sensual presence the way other girls had been to him.
Sakura snuggled closer to Syaoran; as Tomoyo had predicted, the moment all the other elite students were gone, Syaoran became more affectionate. Yes, she liked winter… but best of all, she loved being in Syaoran's arms.
As he always did, Syaoran secretly pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He felt like they had all the time in the world—and for two blessed weeks, they would.
Meilin stirred in her peaceful, dream-free sleep. Once she had arrived home at the mighty Li stronghold, she had been greeted fondly by everyone, hugged half to death by Syaoran's sisters, and interviewed eagerly by her parents, who were proud of her achievements.
Everyone was curious as to why Syaoran had not come home with her. The excuse Tomoyo had given her about why she had given up on Syaoran worked like a charm, and soon she was plied with presents, consolatory favors, and even lovely dates with handsome young noblemen of her rank arranged by his sisters. She even liked one of them, a dark young samurai named Kurogane, whose surly demeanor hid away a kind, gentle nature.
What did bother her was that Yelan Li had called her aside, concern etched on her face. She'd interviewed Meilin about why she'd given up on Syaoran, and then mentioned concerns about Meilin's aura being 'polluted'.
"What have you handled lately?" Yelan Li asked carefully. "Did you touch anything strange at the academy or… here?" Because it was possible that Meilin had handled something in the Li vault; as far-fetched as the idea seemed, Yelan wanted to be sure.
"Huh? You sound like Tomoyo-hime," Meilin complained. "Really, Aunt-sama, I'm all right."
"But my dear, something…" Yelan closed her eyes and focused on Meilin's aura. A few stray wormlike black remnants of something malignant lingered on its edges. "May I touch foreheads with you?"
"Huh?" Meilin knew that was a way of exchanging memories. "Ce-certainly, Aunt-sama, but… I'm confused. Why are you so worried?"
"Because you are my flesh and blood," Yelan said fondly. "Come, touch your forehead to mine, dear child."
The moment Meilin did, Yelan began to see memories, and she felt sympathy for Meilin when she realized the truth of what Meilin was hiding. She saw Syaoran watching a beautiful green-eyed girl, patiently teaching her lessons, and the expression on his face was surprisingly sweet. She watched as he let her sleep on his lap. She saw him kissing the top of the girl's head, holding her tenderly in his arms.
Yelan smiled; her son was finally in love, and it warmed her heart to know. The girl was quite lovely in a sweet, innocent way… but something was wrong… Yelan felt a premonition of something wicked coming that girl's way.
But when she tried to probe a little more, she ran up against a hard, dark barrier in Meilin's head. The darkness was a void reaching out for her, and Yelan desperately fought against its siren lure. It was black magic, used to suppress or erase memories, and now she realized that whatever was hidden in Meilin's head was very damaging information.
Someone is trying to manipulate events at Shiroihana! Someone is targeting Syaoran through Meilin! Yelan finally escaped the darkness and sat back, panting. Part of what she had seen was a tangle of manipulated and confused emotions in Meilin.
And now Meilin was unconscious—as many victims of such magic tended to become when the malevolent magic was found. The manipulation of her mind had weakened Meilin, Yelan realized to her dismay, and she was tempted to forbid her to return to Shiroihana until they could unlock the mystery in her mind.
But to do so ran the risk of injuring Meilin and alerting whoever was trying to control her that someone had penetrated his or her secret, thus exposing Meilin to more danger. And it might provoke the person to try for Syaoran more openly.
Yelan Li sat back on her heels after she used magic to move Meilin onto a couch. She stroked the girl's hair, wishing she could discuss the situation with someone who knew what to do. But she could not investigate further into Meilin's mind without endangering herself, so Yelan began to ponder the clues she already had.
Meilin had no memory of being controlled. She did not remember a lot of things after the green-eyed girl arrived at Shiroihana. Her emotions, when it came to Syaoran, were tumultuous instead of the straightforward love and affection Yelan remembered. And the darkness arose around Meilin's older memories of Syaoran and the other girl…
Wait…
Yelan closed her eyes, searching her memories. That girl…
The answer came to her in a blinding flash. The Card Mistress! The dream Meilin's mother reported to me about a descendant of Clow Reed and the Card Mistress is true—and it may be Syaoran who is destined to be her love!
Elation filled her, but she pushed it aside in her worry over her niece. Meilin was caught up in something beyond her understanding or power to deal with. But Yelan knew she could not leave the Li stronghold; her duty was to her clan, and the running of the everyday affairs of the Lis fell to her. Should she be hurt, Syaoran would be forced to come home and assume her position, as his older sisters were already happily married to men who were powerful in their own right; as daimyos or area lords, they had domains of their own to attend to. They would require their wives to support them, and in this time of civil war, it would be impossible to summon her daughters home.
Could she forbid Meilin to return? No, the girl would want to know why. But then she was a danger to herself and others; Yelan knew she could not fight that barrier in Meilin's mind without hurting herself, and if she was out of commission, the Lis themselves would be open to attack from outside.
Particularly from the ominous Fei Wang Reed, who had already succeeded in killing her husband. Yelan had no proof, but she was sure he'd used magical assassination techniques on Syaoran's father, and she did not trust the man to stay away if he got wind of trouble in the Li stronghold. No, she had to stay and be vigilant against more of that terrible man's attacks against the Li clan.
She clapped her hands, and servants came into the room.
"Meilin has fainted. Please carry her back to her room and tend to her," she asked her faithful attendants, who complied with her request.
Now she was worried. Where could she start her search for whatever it was that polluted Meilin's aura? Was there anyone she could ask about it?
Eriol stood in the antechamber of the audience hall of Kuroyama. To his relief he did not see Xiaolang, but he could sense a lot of strange magics in the Reed keep. It made him uneasy, but he sobered himself with the thought of finding something on The Shot inside Kuroyama.
The hall doors swung open, and attendants ushered him into the presence of the strange Fei Wang Reed. Eriol approached his throne with the weird bat insignia on it with caution.
"Welcome," Fei Wang said in his deep voice. "You wish to use our library?"
"If I can afford to repay you to do so, I would," Eriol said politely.
"Of course." Fei Wang eyed Eriol, then said, "You wished to learn of The Shot? Why?"
Keeping his gaze steady, Eriol said, "We might have trouble with that scroll, and so I'd like to learn what I can of it."
Fei Wang nodded. "That is a dangerous course," he said quietly. Candor was necessary now to disarm Eriol and keep him from being suspicious. "I do not approve of it but you are welcome to use our library. But you," and he leaned forward, "must swear an oath never to disturb books, scrolls, or artifacts not related to The Shot."
It was his gamble to lure Eriol into thinking that he had no other plans for him. Eriol betrayed no outward reaction, but when he spoke, Fei Wang rejoiced inwardly.
"Swear me an oath of hospitality in return, Lord Reed."
"Gladly." Fei Wang placed his index and middle fingers together on both hands, and a small ribbon of magic poured from them. "I, Reed Fei Wang, shall personally do no harm to my guest, Hiiragizawa Eriol, and I shall ensure his comfort for as long as he stays in my domain. He shall not want for food nor drink nor shelter, and I shall allow no bodily harm to come to him."
And it was true, especially since he'd worded it that way. Eriol would not come to any bodily harm; Xiaolang however, free of the oath, could put Eriol in a suspended state for his plans to come to fruition, as soon as Fei Wang suggested it.
Eriol nodded and made his own oath. Fei Wang allowed his face to relax, and he smiled at Eriol. "I apologize for my son's absence. I realize that this may seem unhospitable but I have set Xiaolang tasks that need immediate attending to."
"I understand," Eriol said, relieved at not having to face Xiaolang.
"Then let my retainer show you to our library," Fei Wang said. A woman bowed out from the shadows and glided towards the entry, beckoning at Eriol to follow.
Once in the library, Eriol worked carefully, cross-referencing and exploring books. No one bothered him, and though he searched diligently, all he could find by the time the sun sank under the horizon were references to The Shot, and the story of Li Kaixing, who had used it to steal away the beautiful Fu Cheng from her husband, and the fatal consequences.
"Hiiragizawa-sama?" a voice called. It was the woman who'd brought him to the library.
"Yes?"
"Would you like us to serve you dinner in here?"
Eriol stood up and bowed. "Only if it is not an inconvenience."
"No, Hiiragizawa-sama, it is no trouble." Soon dishes of delicious food were wheeled in, and Eriol ate away from the papers and books he was reading. Once he was satiated, he plunged back in, and conjured a light to help him read. He worked into the late hours, and when exhaustion overcame him, he fell asleep over the books.
Xiaolang entered the library once Eriol's sleep was deep. He took Eriol to the lavish and comfortable chambers prepared for him, and stripped Eriol of his garments, replacing them with other clothing. He cast a sleeping spell which would ensure that Eriol would wake up only when Xiaolang wanted him to. Then he snipped a lock of hair from Eriol.
Completely lost to his dark side, Xiaolang never stopped to consider his plans carefully. All he could see was the triumph of winning Sakura's love, if by an artificial means.
Inside him, the Xiaolang who had once been the dominant personality raged against his imprisonment. He had realized who had trapped him inside himself, but he was lost, and he could not take over himself again, not now that his jailer was his own aspect: the dark, terrifying side of himself he had never thought would ever control him. And this dark Xiaolang smiled and thought, She will be mine, at last.
And the real Xiaolang could do nothing but watch himself as he did things that would disgust and horrify him for the rest of his life.
"Hoe!" Sakura leaped off to the side, and Syaoran jumped to shield her as the Card they were fighting flung hot daggers of fire at them. He had identified it for her: Firey. And ironically the damned Card had snuck up on them as they were in the middle of their promised snowball fight.
The day had started with the sun up in the sky; Syaoran was feeling playful and he had challenged her, so they had gone outside, where a snowfall during the night had covered the grounds. They had been happily laughing and flinging snowballs at each other when they had sensed a Clow Card's aura. Soon they were in the thick of a fight with the vicious Card.
The battle had melted some of the snow outside Shiroihana, and the damp was a problem; soon, Sakura realized, the slush would turn into water and if she and Syaoran got wet, it might mean they would get nasty colds in the middle of winter, the kind that were hard to heal. To try and stop that, Syaoran was using a wind spell to keep them off the ground. He yelled at her to try and weaken the other Card using Thunder, and Sakura obeyed.
Thunder engaged the Firey card, but it wasn't enough; it refused to turn back into its real form, appearing to them as a pillar of flame. Sakura was frantically trying to control Thunder while simultaneously thinking of how to capture the Firey card as Syaoran fought to keep control over the wind spell that kept them afloat. When a firebolt singed Syaoran's arm, he cried out as he lost control of his levitating spell, and they collapsed on top of a drift of snow. Sakura stood up, ready to help Syaoran—who had fallen into a fairly deep drift—when something grabbed at Sakura's ankle and she went down, losing control of Thunder.
Water. So much cold, freezing water was the thought that scrambled through Sakura's head when whatever it was finally let her ankle go after a brief struggle. Her breath expelled itself in a gasp, and she struggled upwards, gasping a precious breath of air before she went down again.
The Firey card had melted a fairly large area of snow earlier, but Sakura was sure that pool of water had not been there a while ago. Then it hit her: the aura of another Clow card! She almost moaned, and panic threatened to overwhelm her, but she realized that she needed to stop the Card that had her in its domain first.
"W-windy!" she managed to call, and Windy carried her away from the pool of water. The water chased her, and once she was out of its range, she turned to survey the situation.
Syaoran wasn't looking upwards; he was sitting up, shaking his head. The fall had knocked the wind out of him, and so he never saw the water threatening him.
No! Sakura screamed the word out loud when the water engulfed Syaoran. He struggled in it, cursing. Sakura turned when she felt some heat from behind her; it was the other Card, and it was smirking.
"Two… Elemental… Attack…" Syaoran gasped out his yells.
Two elemental attack cards… Sakura felt dismayed. How would she ever defeat them? She shrieked as Firey attacked her again; Syaoran's dark head disappeared under the water as Windy carried her further away from Firey.
"No!" Sakura screamed. Using the force of her emotions, as Yue had taught her, she launched Thunder against Firey again, and this time, Thunder prevailed. Firey fell into the water, and Sakura sealed it quickly before turning to the problem of Watery, which she had recognized as being the new attacker.
Wait. Where's Syaoran?
She could not see anything but vague shapes in the wave Watery now raised against her, and she thought she could see Syaoran's shape in there.
"I won't let you!" she yelled, and she had Windy deposit her on a more secure snowbank. She knew she had to act fast; drowning didn't take very long.
"Windy! Bind the water and force it to expel what's in it!" she ordered, and she bent her will to the task of forcing Watery into the waterspout she created, narrowing the funnel of water and forcing it to expel what was inside it. Rocks shook themselves free, but no Syaoran.
In fury Sakura released her energy into the staff, knowing it was a dangerous course but she thought, I have to get Syaoran out of there now!
Somehow the waterspout got stronger; Sakura could feel another magical force working with her. Watery soon revealed its own form, a pixieish creature dizzied by the spectacular force created by the wind, and Sakura sealed it.
The card fluttered to her, and she scanned the area for Syaoran.
No Syaoran.
"No!" She wished she had learned the tracking spell Syaoran had once demonstrated for the other students; she wanted to find him. She began to cry, standing up and running towards the pool of water left behind, not minding the freezing cold. Sakura stumbled at the water's edge, but she shoved her arms in and began to part the water, yelling Syaoran's name.
She could not touch any part of him; in her fear, Sakura dove into the cold water and tried to look for Syaoran. Where was he?
When someone grabbed her from above, Sakura feared it was someone trying to keep her from finding Syaoran, so she fought back.
"Hey!" Someone pulled her out of the water and then held her close. "Oy, stop it, I'm here!"
It was Syaoran.
Sakura wept for relief into his damp clothing; he was soaked but none the worse for the wear.
"Where were you?" she asked.
Syaoran brushed her tears away. "On the branches of that tree," he pointed. "Used a wind spell. That waterspout idea was brilliant; I joined in, if you don't mind."
He was safe. Relief coursed through Sakura, and she embraced him tightly. Syaoran put his arms around her as well, holding her close, but then she sneezed.
"Oh, filthy hell," Syaoran cursed. "I won't let you get sick!"
He cast a wind spell to bring them back into the academy, and once inside he bellowed for the attendants to bring braziers, lamps, and other heat sources to the elite students' area. They quickly complied, and when he lifted the ward to their quarters by inviting them in, they brought the items to Syaoran's chambers. Once they were gone, he roughly began stripping Sakura of her outer clothing.
"Wh-what are you d-doing?" Sakura stammered through chattering teeth and backing away from him.
"You're w-wet and c-cold. You n-need to d-dry off quickly." His teeth were chattering as well, and he could feel the heat creeping up his cheeks—Kami-sama, he was stripping Sakura, after all! But Syaoran knew they had to be warmed quickly so that they would not develop the fever that came from exposure to cold.
Embarrassment overcame Sakura, and she begged, "P-please t-turn ar-around. I-I'll d-do it m-myself."
Syaoran snatched up a thick quilt and a drying cloth, and placed them on a bench near Sakura; he took up another quilt from a chest at the foot of his bed and practically ripped his clothes off, drying himself with his blanket. Soon they were both cocooned in blankets, sitting on his bed. The braziers and lamps weren't enough to overcome the cold, though.
"Ah." Sakura suddenly stood up and picked up her staff. "Firey, release!" she commanded. "Please emanate warmth for us through the braziers," she asked the Card politely.
It nodded, and soon, warmth dispersed through the room. Syaoran could feel the chill leaving him, and soon, Sakura was warm enough to talk.
"That was awful," she said quietly.
His wits about him again, Syaoran said slowly, "You used Windy to defeat Watery?"
"I-well," and Sakura looked embarrassed, "I kind of poured some of my energy into the staff…" She expected to be chastised for her recklessness.
"I see." Syaoran gathered his thoughts. The battle to seal two Cards at the same time had not been what he expected; it had forced him to think on his feet and, he was sure, it required more energy than Sakura's first card capture, which had knocked her out from the drain on her energies. But Sakura had handled the situation with surprising strength. "How did… I mean, where did you get the strength to do that?"
"I wanted to protect- I mean, to make sure you… er," Sakura stopped, blushed hard, then suddenly said, "I must return to my chambers for dry clothes… um… er…"
Syaoran was puzzled; why was she avoiding her own explanation? "I'll follow," he said as she practically scooted out of his room. It was a learning experience, and so he intended to make Sakura sit down and talk about it.
Sakura slammed into her quarters, thoroughly embarrassed by the situation. She'd thought Syaoran was in trouble, and had acted accordingly. But now that the adrenalin rush was gone, she felt tired. She struggled into her sleeping robes and managed to ask Firey to warm her quarters as it had done in Syaoran's quarters earlier before she collapsed into bed.
"Hey. Are you all right?"
Dimly Sakura could see Syaoran in her doorway; he was closing the door. "You really ought to be less careless about your habit of leaving doors open," he scolded gently.
Sakura murmured, trying to explain herself, trying to say yes, I was upset because I was worried about you, but then Syaoran sat on her bed and touched her hand.
"Sleep, Sakura." He stroked her hair gently. "You're tired. We'll talk tomorrow." About how he'd realized that she'd captured two Cards in one day, and how she could use the Cards according to her will. He was proud of her, though he knew not how to tell her.
Asleep, Sakura never felt the featherlight kiss Syaoran bestowed on her forehead, or registered the fact that he had finally called her by her name.
Sakura knew she was dreaming; she always did. The dream was new, yet familiar: she could see a woman in black robes from behind. She didn't know why she knew but the woman was not a girl anymore. And when the scene shifted, the woman laughed soundlessly; Sakura could see her shoulders quaking in mirth.
Before her, on the ground, was a dark-haired young man, lying face down. He came closer and closer into view, and Sakura saw that his head was bloody. When the woman bent down with a knife, Sakura screamed and bolted upright in her bed, crying.
I know that young man! I don't know why but I do! She began to sob; the feeling of the dream was one of regret and sorrow, and it overwhelmed her.
At times like these she missed her family even more. She was happy at the Academy, but there was no one like her father Fujitaka, who could hug her and tell her it would be all right. There was no Touya who could jokingly call her a 'monster' and take her mind off her troubles.
Father! Onii-chan!
She turned into her pillow and cried; were they alive? Were they dead? Eriol, who had assumed the role of friend and mentor to her, had assured her that she would know if something bad had happened to them, and so far, she had felt nothing of the sort. Yet the uncertainty of not knowing was beginning to take a toll on her; combined with the dream, she was now quite upset. Her breath hitched in little whines; Sakura gave herself up to her misery, and cried herself back into an exhausted sleep.
Later that morning, with the sun already up, she woke up to the sound of hard knocking on her chamber door and calls of "Hey you! Do you intend to sleep all day?" It was Syaoran.
She sat up and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror; she looked awful. Sakura's eyes were red and swollen, her hair was tousled even worse than Syaoran's, and her nose was red.
"I… I'll be out in a while," she called.
"Oh no you are not sleeping in today! Get up, lazybones, or I'll come in there and make you get up!" Syaoran sounded irritated. "Breakfast is already over, you've missed it!"
Syaoran was sure that would get a rise out of Sakura; he knew she loved mealtimes very much. So he was surprised when she called out after a pause, "I… You go on ahead. Please d-don't worry about me."
Something is wrong, Syaoran thought. "Damn it, you open the door this instant!" he said. He tried the doors and discovered to his dismay that they weren't even locked.
"Oy you, you ought to keep your doors locked! How stupid are you? This academy may be safe and this area is warded against others but you…" He stopped when he saw her face.
Sakura turned away, but not before he'd seen she had been crying. "S-sorry about the doors. I… I'll be out in a while. I'll meet you in the… in the l-library."
"Hey." His voice was softer now, and he came closer. "What happened?"
No way was Sakura going to admit she was crying over a bad dream, not at her age. "Something got in my eye. Go on, please, I'll catch up with you."
"You shouldn't play mah-jongg because you can't bluff." He sat on her bed, and turned her chin so he could see. "Why were you crying?"
Her lower lip quivered, but she tried again. "Nothing, really… I…"
"Bad dream?" Syaoran's eyes were warm and gentle; seeing into them up close somehow made her feel safer.
She sighed. "Yes." She turned away from him. "You can laugh at me now."
"I won't," Syaoran said, concerned about her refusal to talk about it. "You should talk about it, because if you keep it in, you'll only be more upset. Come on," and he laid a hand on her shoulder.
His touch was comforting, and the gentle look in his eyes… To her shame Sakura found herself unable to control a tear from escaping one eye.
It must have been a really bad dream, Syaoran thought. Like it was natural to him, he folded her into his arms.
"Tell me about it," he said softly. "That way, you can purge the dream from your thoughts, and you'll feel better."
Sakura sniffled, but then she realized she was in Syaoran's arms. He had placed his chin on top of her head, and pressed her to his chest, and she could smell him, clean and freshly bathed. His warmth was comforting, and she found her sniffles subsiding. He did not say anything, merely waited for her to calm down.
Then she told him about missing her family first. He patted her back, encouraging her to go on. But when she told him about the dream of the woman, the boy, and the knife, he held her away from him.
"Do you recognize them?" he asked.
"No but I have the feeling I know them. Does it make sense to you if I tell you that I feel like I should stop her, like she'll regret what she did? I don't know why I care about what she does but I do. And the boy… all that blood… Syaoran-kun, I just…" Her eyes filled with tears again, both in sorrow and in frustration over her inability to properly describe what she saw and felt.
"Shh. Don't cry," Syaoran said, and he pressed Sakura closer to himself again. "I'll help you. When you're calm, we'll go to Yue and ask him about this. Okay?"
He held her, savoring her softness in his arms. He rather liked having Sakura there; she felt like she belonged there, and Syaoran had never felt that way about anyone before. But then he also felt like he wanted to make love to her, and he shook his head. No, he couldn't. What would the others say if he took her for a lover? That he was taking advantage of the lonely Card Mistress? That he was using her for his own ends, to gain power over the Reeds?
Oh you hypocrite, he chastised himself. Wasn't that precisely what you set out to do? He was ashamed. That he did care about Sakura, Syaoran was sure. He just needed to sort his feelings out, that was all. He needed to prove to himself that he cared about her, to understand why he felt the way he did about her so that if he confessed, he would not be shifting the burden of his guilt or confusion onto her. It was the least he could give her, after all. And his pride wouldn't let him do anything until he was sure he wouldn't suffer any bad consequences from it.
Syaoran bent down and as lightly as he could, so that Sakura would not know, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. It made him feel closer to her, and when her arms encircled his waist, bringing her closer to him, he smiled.
After a while, he chuckled when she said, "I'm sorry; I'm keeping you from breakfast and I think I smell awful because I haven't bathed yet."
He looked down; she was looking up at him, slightly embarrassed.
"You think of the silliest things, you know?" He let her go. "Go on, bathe quickly. It'll be cold water by now though. I'll wait for you."
Sakura smiled up at him. "Thank you, Syaoran-kun."
"Feel better?"
She nodded. "Yup!"
He released her from his arms, placing a playful finger on her nose, which she shook away, giggling. Syaoran then turned to look out her windows, not noticing that she had entered the bathing stall, thinking she had left the room; he thought she had headed out the door to get hot water for bathing and would return in a while, so he settled himself to wait for her.
Sakura poured water on herself (heated with her newfound trick with Fiery to a pleasant warmth) with the wooden dipper; part of her did not want to bathe but to savor the scent Syaoran had transferred on her skin. Hanyaan, he is so wonderful, she thought happily. Though she wished he could be nicer to her when others were around, she told herself that maybe he did not want to embarrass himself in front of others.
She quickly soaped herself. Her hair was easier to manage now that she'd let Tomoyo cut it short, with little tendrils that reached her shoulders. She closed her eyes and thought of being in Syaoran's arms, of being touched by him… her thoughts strayed into forbidden pastures when she wondered what it would be like to have him touch her as a woman.
She touched the shoulders he'd massaged some time ago, ran her finger over where his hands had held her earlier that morning. While she was still innocent, Sakura had been taught by her father Fujitaka that there was no sin in thinking sensual thoughts about someone she liked very much.
She was, after all, the same age as Syaoran; sometimes he even teased her about being an 'older woman' as she'd been born three months ahead of him. They were both of marriageable age, and her father had made sure Sakura understood that sexual attractions were normal between people who liked each other. But she didn't want it to be that way with Syaoran—assuming he likes me, she quickly added in her head. She wanted to be someone he loved, someone he would cherish… someone he would marry. Sakura almost laughed; that would be quite the Cinderella story, if it ever came to pass; he was the powerful Li Clan's only son, and she was just some commoner from the South.
She tried to make a case for him liking her. He's nice to me. He makes me feel hanyaan. He saves me food every afternoon. He holds my hand and hugs me. He's concerned about me.
But then again, she reminded herself, he was nobility and she was a commoner. He was aloof to her when others were around. And most important of all, he'd never said anything about liking her. For all she knew he was nice because she was the Card Mistress, and was hoping to gain an advantage by being her friend. Her shoulders drooped.
But Tomoyo had said that Syaoran treated her differently from everyone else; could she make those assumptions of him liking her then? All his actions: the way he fed her, held her, was there when she needed someone… Sakura sighed happily.
Could this be love that she felt? Tomoyo had advised her to sort her feelings out first, after all.
Outside, Syaoran was standing by the window and could not hear the water in the bathing stall; had he known, he would have fled the room immediately and waited outside. He was thinking of Sakura; his family had no strong objections to its members marrying smart, beautiful or handsome commoners, thanks to his parents' broad-minded views on that, and even then, if Tomoyo was right, then Sakura was probably of renegade nobility lineage. Plus, she was, after all, the Card Mistress.
He smiled at the thought. He would have to court her properly, announce his intentions so that people would not think he was after Sakura merely because of the power and status of being the Card Mistress' lover—and eventually husband, he hoped. The corners of his mouth lifted in a hopeful smile.
Does she feel the same way about me? Syaoran, for all his sexual experience, had never really had a close relationship with a woman. But Sakura was like his best friend as well; while she could be incredibly dense, she was also sympathetic and kind, and could cheer him up with a smile or a look. She understands me, Syaoran thought, and isn't that a good foundation for a marriage? Friendship and sexual attraction?
His mother had told him that the reason why her marriage to his father Tang-Ku had worked was because they were friends prior to marrying at the age of sixteen. Love had naturally bloomed from the friendship, and though Tang had died when Syaoran was still a small boy, Syaoran had memories of seeing sweetness and love between his parents. Though Yelan Li had many powerful suitors, they knew that she was still in love with her deceased husband, and several had given up their suit when she had honestly apprised them of that fact.
I would like that kind of a loving relationship, Syaoran thought. Sakura's presence was soothing to him, and she was easy to talk to. She admired him openly when he did things she couldn't, yet she also made achievements of her own without shame. They got along well, and he liked so many aspects of her personality that it sometimes felt like she'd been made for him.
Plus there was that pull, that attraction to her that Syaoran felt. He sometimes had dreams in which he made love to her; while he'd never seen her body, in sparring sessions and unguarded moments, he'd seen enough of it to know that he would like to be her lover. He bit his lip; he was tempted to hide in the bathing stall and to surprise her there as a joke, but that might be going too far. Besides, what if she entered it naked? Then she might scream her head off, and he would be severely punished for sexually harassing her. He sighed and turned away from the door of the bathing stall.
What was taking her so long, come to think of it? Syaoran sighed, and decided he might as well keep waiting until she returned; he could leave when she got back from wherever she had gone. Silly girl hadn't sealed her door again, he noted.
He noticed that Sakura's view of the valley below from her window was quite nice; too bad it was spoiled by a view of Kuroyama as well. He smirked when he remembered that Xiaolang had not made an appearance since his one and only lesson with Sakura. I hope he stays away permanently, Syaoran thought.
Out of boredom, he picked up some trinkets on a chest; Sakura seemed to like cute little figurines, and he examined a penguin, a cat, a pig, and a clumsily molded bear that she'd made in a crafts class she had joined a few weeks ago. He made a mental note to mold her a bear from clay, and to give it to her for the holidays; he was nimble-fingered, and wanted to see how surprised she would be.
Then he came upon a rough drawing of her family, with little hearts around it. The drawing tugged at his heart. What's it like for her not to know where her family is? he wondered. Was there a way for Syaoran to find out what had happened to them?
Syaoran smiled. That would make Sakura happy, and he resolved to bribe Eriol to help him do a locating spell. It wouldn't be easy, since he did not know anything about Sakura's father or brother but their names, but then he intended to try without telling her. That way, if he failed, no one needed to know, and he wouldn't be disappointing Sakura.
He turned when he heard a noise, and he almost collided into her coming out of the bathing stall with nothing but a drying cloth wrapped around her body.
Her lips formed an O, and she blushed bright red,
"Oh no, Syaoran-kun, I didn't know you were still here, I'll just go back…" she babbled as she turned to move back into the bathing stall.
His hand came down on her shoulders, and she was turned to face him. Sakura noted that his eyes had gone dark as he pulled her closer. Was he… finally going to kiss her?
But I want him to kiss me!
Syaoran stared; he'd stopped her by instinct, not wanting to let her go. She was freshly bathed and he felt an arousal stir him as he scanned her wet hair, the droplets of water on her skin, the flush on her cheeks and chest… and he leaned forward to breathe her scent and warmth in.
His lips were so close to her own, and she could feel his breath against her lips for several long moments. Was he going to do it this time, kiss her?
He did; he tilted his head and captured her lips with his own.
She closed her eyes instinctively. Sakura had never been kissed before, and she was like a blinded deer; she stood there, letting Syaoran kiss her, unaware of how to respond to him. She wanted to twine her arms around his neck and draw him closer but to do so would mean letting go of the drying cloth. Syaoran was fully dressed in a winter kimono, thick and plush; she had nothing else on, and her white underkimono was in her garment chest.
But she could feel herself responding to his gentle kisses; he'd backed her up against the wall and she gratefully leaned against it. Soon his tongue touched and traced her bottom lip, then gently parted it from the upper lip so that it could enter. As it slid softly over her own tongue, caressing and tasting her, Sakura made a soft sound of pleasure. She was not ignorant of the joys two people could give each other; her father had made sure to tell her that when she'd begun menstruating. He'd told her that when two people were in love, as he and her mother Nadeshiko had been, it wasn't just a pleasure of the flesh; it was also a sharing of souls, of feelings.
Just as it was now.
Every nerve in her body tingled; it was like there was nothing between her and Syaoran.
I want her, Syaoran thought. Why should I deny it? He moved in and rested his forehead against hers. He could feel her sensual responses, and he delighted in them.
Sakura clung to the knot in the drying cloth as hard as she could, frightened that it would drop and reveal her nakedness to Syaoran. But another part of her wanted it to happen. There was no one else around, after all, just the two of them. She shivered, both from the chill and the anticipation.
His kisses moved to her chin, then to her neck; she felt her knees buckle and was grateful for the wall against her back. Sakura gave herself up to his gentle kisses; his lips were fluttering at the base of her throat, and his hand was caressing her nape, causing her to breathe harder.
Then he took her hands in his, making her drop the drying cloth.
Gods above, she was small and slender, but utterly captivating; Syaoran drank in his fill of her small nipples, her little waist, the tiny triangle of hair that hid her most secret place.
"You are a lovely blossom," he whispered, and he bent to kiss her again.
She blushed a deep red, and looked away, shivering, unable to stop him even though she knew exactly what he wanted now.
Syaoran noticed that she was shaking, and realized that in addition to the cold, she was afraid and unsure. It was his first time with someone like Sakura; the girls he'd bedded had been experienced and skilled. Again the feeling of wanting to protect her from the world swept over him; he almost laughed because he knew that as the Card Mistress, she had the potential to be a greater sorcerer than he ever could be, but as a girl, she was vulnerable to him—and in that he held power over her.
And that was precisely why he couldn't do it, not until she herself indicated her readiness to make love with him.
Sakura felt her quilt over her shoulders; Syaoran had taken it from her bed and wrapped her in its warmth, then he picked her up and laid her on her bed. Gratefully she looked up at him and was surprised by the tender expression in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said as he sat by her side, caressing her cheek.
He was surprised when she moved up to kiss him. "N-no," she stammered. "I…" She was desperately forming words, and with a glimmer of insight he realized that she was trying to explain what she felt to him but she couldn't say anything because she wasn't sure herself.
So he held her in his arms again to calm her down.
"Sakura…" he murmured softly, "the truth is, I want you—the way a man wants a woman, do you understand? But I won't force you into anything you don't want."
If she hadn't seen that she was in love with him earlier then Sakura knew it now, with an overwhelming sense of rightness.
I only wish we could be like this all the time!
She smiled and looked up at him. "S-stay with me?"
Syaoran smiled. "Of course. Always." It was the closest he could get to a declaration of love; he knew he would have to go home and get his family's approval first before he could declare his intentions to her. Then he would probably have to go on a quest to seek her family. He knew it would separate them, but he wanted to honor her by doing things properly.
But… Syaoran closed his eyes and willed his arousal away. That was going to be a bit of a problem. He wanted so much to make love to her, to touch and taste her… but not until he knew she wanted him as well.
"Quickly, get dressed," he said, but his tone was playful. "We've got to eat. Then we can go search for that card I felt this morning."
"Hoe?" Sakura blinked. "I felt nothing!"
"That's because you were asleep," Syaoran smiled. "I came to see if you'd felt it, which is why I was at your door this morning."
"I see." Sakura smiled. "I'll be out in a bit then."
Syaoran stood up, then he pecked at her lips gently. "Don't take too long."
"I won't." A thrill rushed through Sakura as he reluctantly let go of her and then took up a post outside her door. She touched her lips, feeling the slight swelling that came from such intense kisses, and smiled.
At least he likes me enough to kiss me, she thought happily, and as she dressed, she could feel happiness and light glowing from her.
She had no idea how literal her thoughts were; in the brightness outside, Syaoran, basking in the glow of their little intimate moment, never noticed the light coming from her room.
Once dressed in a winter kimono, she came out. Syaoran held her hand and they went to the dining hall together… and along the way, Syaoran kissed Sakura again.
Life is wonderful, Sakura thought, as she smiled up at Syaoran, who was caressing her cheek gently with one hand.
Had he known what she was thinking, Syaoran would have agreed. Life was wonderful… for now.
Kaho smiled as she watched Syaoran and Sakura frolic in the snow outside the Academy. The two had been busy capturing cards over the week—they'd caught Dash, Fly, Erase, Maze, and, oddly, Wood so far. Exhausted at night, the two would snuggle over the braziers and discover how Sakura could use the various cards. A different glow came from the two now that they were alone; even Yue had remarked on the happiness of the pair.
Which was why she had no regrets about sending Xiaolang a regretful letter telling him that Sakura had left for the winter holidays with the Princess Tomoyo, and for him to come back after the New Year. He could not challenge her word, as the school headmistress, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps the time she bought for Sakura and Syaoran would help them realize their feelings for each other. Perhaps they could, united, prevent the disaster of forgetting that awaited if Sakura failed to master the Clow cards.
To be continued in Chapter 10
Notes: Meilin is not a bad person, and the anime clearly shows that. Free of the card's influence you can see how she is suffering without knowing it.
I know that in feudal Japan women were not accepted as clan leaders, but since Yelan is Chinese and let's assume the Lis took up residence in Japan, then it can be possible for her to be the leader there. Also, if you remember her in the first CCS movie, she kicked butt!
Xiaolang is lost inside himself, literally. In psychology, there are theories of the id, ego, and superego. Let's assume that Xiaolang is the dominant personality, and Dark Xiaolang is who he would be--or rather, is now--because he has no morality or conscience to distract him from what he wants.
Firey: I'm following the card's name as shown in page 30 of Volume 7 of the manga. I know it should be Fiery, but hey, who am I to contest CLAMP there? Haha.
Why doesn't Syaoran just say fuck or other dirty words? Because this story is set in a much earlier time.
Kami-sama: God
In my research I was surprised to learn that women in feudal Japan wore no panties as we know them unless she had her period. As odd as it sounds, the underkimono, usually white, was their underwear.
And because I'm evil, here's a preview of Chapter 10 (with certain details cut), which will be M. You have been warned!
Syaoran could not believe they were in his bed, intimately locked together in an embrace meant only for lovers.
But I am her lover now, am I not? After all they had kissed so often since the first time, and they had moved onwards to the final intimacy they now found themselves in. The urge to love her and protect her almost overwhelmed him; he could not speak now, not even if he wanted to, because he could feel his heart swell with love for her, defeating any words of love he could have said.
Yet they had all the time in the world. Once they made love, afterwards, he would tell her as soon as he could gather the courage to do so.
Sakura closed her eyes as Syaoran's lips met hers; she believed was ready. She loved him so much, and when she looked into his eyes, she saw the same emotions. The way he'd gone berserk after the Card had hurt her showed her the truth; she couldn't be wrong.
Then she felt as if she were being ripped apart, and she jerked away from Syaoran, crying out in pain.
"Sakura!" Syaoran moved to hold her, but then his eyes were riveted to the bloodstain he saw on the sheets.
"Oh Kami-sama I am so sorry!"
Thank you to: Sukaihime (thanks, how do you like this chapter?), DN Angel and Cardcaptor Sakura (Aren't they? More fluff ahead!). poems2songs (Yup, things are going fine now, and yet I see you noticed how things keep on moving. I'm afraid the bet with Meilin is in the second half of this chapter; I had to move it to accommodate other events. Thanks!), MikoKagome1113 (As you can see I decided to move up the Eriol scene here to add some foreshadowing and interrupt the fluff a bit LOL.), Star Melodies (Haha, I know what you mean about there being way too many vampire novels. But that's the way it is; when Harry Potter became big, so many other wizards/magicians etc popped out of the woodwork. I would love to be published but I don't know if I'm good enough to sustain the interest of lots of readers; I mean I see other works with way more reviews so...oh well, more practice for me!), Shiona Acitiu (Thank you! I'm interested in your suggestion re Meilin and Xiaolang...hmm, tell me if you have ideas XD), yuuki O O (haha here is the chapter, do let me know what you think, thanks!), XxSakura-HimexX (Ohohoho, and the scenes get more intense next chapter. You do realize Kero-chan will someday hold her to that promise? Haha), Ametyist213 (More fangirling now? I hope you enjoy these scenes!), heart 3--it won't display properly (haha, I bet you'll like next chapter even more!), BunnyParfait (Oh, I hope you don't mind M rated scenes. I'll try not to be too explicit next chapter. Indeed, you're right re Xiaolang, he's using people--see how he feels here? And his father planted the scroll to force him to change--can't say more heheh), jadorelavida (I am glad you can see the tragedy looming for them which is why I placed fluff here--it will be painful when things blow up. I am amazed you saw that little clue, but I can't answer you right now, except to say you're very close. And it's very perceptive of you to remember that Xiaolang is searching for the Kinomotos! BTW I love Joss Whedon so could you point me to that story? or is it a series? Here you go with the longer chapter!), and YamiNoTomoyo (hello! Thank you for noticing how I tried to work within the canon. It's not easy, so I appreciate that :D )
