Apparently 'their rules' included being forced into red flannel sleep pants, a faded black t-shirt washed with a detergent of questionable quality and low-thread count underwear. Sam flatly refused to share the laptop until everyone was dressed. Especially after Lucifer loudly stated he'd instead go naked than wear their spare clothes.
Dean teetered on the verge of punching Lucifer just to test the 'broken hand' theory. Pie or no pie.
After the dust settled, Maze volunteered to go shopping/stealing because it would get her out of reach of hearing Lucifer bitch about wearing Sam's clothing. Sam wasn't thrilled about sharing garments either but Dean's pj's just wouldn't have fit. Freaking, stupid giants, the lot of them.
The companions resided together on that island of 'okay, we aren't going to murder each other, probably, but I don't trust you other assholes to not screw something up.'
However, Don't Split The Party is time-honored advice to game players everywhere for a reason, no matter what country - or dimension - you are from.
Cas didn't necessarily have a problem with being forced to keep Lucifer around - he didn't particularly want him left alone with the brothers either, if only because he knew the kind of mischief Lucifer could and would cause. Cas wasn't all that useful on supply runs anyway.
Sam was better with languages and more familiar with the demon summoning and exorcising incantations, so Dean threw himself in front of the bullet and 'volunteered' to go with her. He at least had significant skills in gathering resources. He didn't want her free to cause demonic trouble.
Lucifer caught the smile she repressed in favor of an impatient, "Just don't slow me down."
He threw a last glance at Cas. "If he does anything to Sam while we're gone, I'm holding you responsible."
Castiel blinked. "Sam isn't his vessel."
Lucifer rolled his eyes.
"Still the Devil. Cas. Remember?"
His face became plastered with confusion. "Of course I remember. His rules are different. He won't hurt Sam." His voice reflected absolute certainty. Then after a moment added, "Without provocation."
Dean glared. "If I had any, I wouldn't know any of my cousins well enough to say that."
"Everything will be fine. Until the apocalypse."
The brothers exchanged a look, as they are wont to do, and the Demon and Dean were out the door.
Sam, now dressed, flipped open the journal, just in case John Winchester had anything on plane jumping. Astral or Dimensional. Cas reseated himself at the table - an angel and a devil on opposite sides of Sam.
Sam paged through the downloaded images on the laptop, keeping half an eye on Lucifer. "So the Devil's Trap looked basically right. Plus, it worked on Maze. We don't have confirmation on any others, but there's no reason it wouldn't have, that I can see."
Lucifer finally turned serious as the words sank in. "She was held against her will?"
"For several hours, that we know of. Unless the lines are broken by an outside force, a demon can be theoretically trapped until the line material itself degrades. As long as they're intact though, the Devil's Trap works without fail. Don't you have traps?"
The Devil shivered slightly. "Demons rarely leave hell, and can't really do so on their own. I have to be in physical contact with Maze to take her with me if I need her, but I require my wings to go to and from Hell. But yes, some kinds exist."
Sam and Cas both looked over. Cas asked, "You really can't go back to Hell without them?"
"Not without taking the hard way. That was the idea, yes. I suppose if Dad wanted, he could just have Michael throw me back in the Pit." He shrugged, as if unconcerned.
Sam thought the concept bothered their new celestial a lot more than he let on. He made a mental note to ask about his Michael later.
He clicked to photos of the overall scene again. "I'd like to see the source that was used. At the time, I assumed the cultist had a book on demonic possession and took it with them after Maze kicked their ass, but it might help to see what exactly they downloaded and from where."
Cas frowned, "Surely no one spelled out instructions on how to summon a demon on the internet where anyone can get them? Humans can't be that stupid and short-sighted?"
Lucifer snorted.
Sam ignored him. "Wouldn't be the first time some idiot dipped their toes in the occult and pulled back a bloody stump."
Sam dialed Ella. He wasn't sure she'd pick up.
Her voice sounded thick. "Oh, Hey...FBI slash totally not Men In Black operatives slash Devil Dude...this is the weirdest case I've ever not officially worked on. Or actually worked on. I sent you photos, but I'm not sure how else I can help."
"Did you pick up any of those sheets on the floor back in the basement? Your photos are pretty good, but I can't make out the URL. I tried Googling some of the phrases I can read, but it's not turning up the site shown in the photos."
"Yeah, but I have to make a trip down the precinct to get them, and I'm not in any shape to drive. Or walk."
"You filed the case?"
"No, but I didn't feel right carrying around stuff in evidence bags. They're in a 'to file later' cabinet in the evidence room."
Lucifer perked up. "Oh! I am well acquainted with that room, as long as the station is still in the same building. It's a nice little spot for private get-togethers."
Ella paused. "...You're not wrong about that last part. My lab shares a wall with the evidence room. But, dude, when were you at the station?"
Sam rubbed his face with both hands, interrupting Lucifer before he could respond. "Never mind. Can we swing by in the morning? I think we all need some sleep." he caught Lucifer's face out of the corner of his eye and just responded with, "No."
"Huh?"
"Nothing." They needed to say on her good side. "What time can we come by?"
Ella groaned. "Early. Before it gets busy. Bring coffee."
"You got it. Thanks for your help. 'Night."
Sam hung up, staring at his phone like it might provide him with more answers. Or explode and take him out of the equation of this clusterfuck.
Lucifer reached for the open journal, interested in what passes for magic in this world. "So what's all this then? You boys-"
Sam reacted with lightning reflexes, smacking his hand away. He closed it, yanking it out of Lucifer's reach.
The Devil jerked back. "Ow! I wasn't going to-" He stopped to look at his hand, turning it over several times. "Ow? What the hell?"
"What the hell, what?" The expression on Sam's face reeked of suspicion.
Cas jumped up. "You should not have been able to do that."
"Do what? Hit him?"
Lucifer glared in response. "Hurt me. Chloe's the only human that makes me vulnerable. There's no Chloe here, so I'm supposed to be invulnerable." He glared at Sam.
Sam stilled. "I swear to God, If the universe hates me that much, I'm going to lose my mind. I'm not your vessel." He exuded disgust.
"I don't need your body." His smirk came back. "I can't insert myself into you unless-"
His voice pitched louder, angry. "Just stop! Can you just be serious? Cas?"
"We should have Dean try when he gets back, to see if it's just Sam. I'm still an angel, so causing him injury may or may not help reach a conclusion. How does this Chloe make you...vulnerable? Does she have to do something?"
Lucifer rubbed his hand. "No, just be nearby. Somewhere around ten meters or closer, regardless of direction. I haven't figured out the exact measurement."
The angel puzzled over it. "God had something to do with it, maybe?" He cocked his head. "Can you still go 'full'...what did you call it?"
Lucifer shot a glance at Sam. "Crispy? What for?"
"Just to make sure this is not happening because you are here. You might be affected by the shift in ways we are not aware of yet."
Sam looked between them. "Crispy?"
The Devil took a breath, then stopped. "I feel like I can. Do you think it'd break him?"
Cas considered. "I haven't actually witnessed your Devil form."
The younger brother looked annoyed. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I've seen worse. Hunted and killed worse."
"No need to get your knickers in a twist."
"Knock it off. You made a deal not to do Devil stuff on us, remember?"
"It's not mojo, just my true form. All I do is drop my glamour that you see now. You saw a lesser version of it when I arrived at that Dad-awful club."
"The red eyes? So what, you look like-?"
"Like the Devil? Funny that. It's much harder to walk around humans when I don't look like one."
"And you think it might…'break' me?"
"Tends to scare the crap out of most humans, usually literally. It can drive them catatonic for hours, even days. Had particular fun with a street preacher with it."
Cas regarded him flatly. "Perhaps later."
"And about about this, then?" Lucifer flexed his hand like he'd been stung by a scorpion instead of swatted like a child.
"Your Chloe is human, correct?"
"Already checked her for angel wings. No wing scars, no wing pockets. I'd know if she were a demon. In my universe, there's really nothing else she could be that I wouldn't recognize."
"Then we should probably wait for Dean to come back and see if he can hurt you too."
Lucifer didn't restrain the sarcasm in his tone. "Lovely."
Maze carried a half-full black duffle over her shoulder that bore a striking resemblance to the Winchesters'. Over the last hour, She either purchased or 'procured' clothing for herself and Lucifer.
Dean was actually having fun. Usually, Sam was the one who took up the look-out position while he employed light fingers.
When possible, he and Sam used cash won through pool hustling, but they were running low, and he didn't particularly want to finance the Demon/Devil supply run himself anyway.
He and Maze took turns playing 'distract the mark' when the credit cards didn't work. Dean played the 'lost out-of-towner' (not hard for him), and Maze played 'sexy escort with barely two brain cells to rub together' (very hard, minus the sexy part).
Between their efforts, Maze replaced various sharp-edged weaponry she arrived here without. Dean knew where she stashed them on her body, but he couldn't spot them for looking.
And she caught him looking.
She paid for a burner phone that would have to be activated, and couldn't just be walked off with, and a new SIM card for Lucifer's phone, and a charger for Steve's phone.
Stepping back out onto the sidewalk and into the warm night made her miss her L.A.. The differences were subtle, but they were there.
Dean caught her staring up at the gaudy nightclub from before, passing it on the way back to their room. "He really owns it?"
She tensed. "It's 'Lux' there. Absolutely no cactuses. I have half a mind to break into the penthouse just to see what's different, but I'd probably strangle someone if I find sombreros."
He shook his head. "I did not start out today with enough brain juice to deal with this crap. Your Lucifer up and walking around and not giving a shit, apparently. And ours wants the apocalypse, to fight a battle he might not even win."
Breathing out slowly, she watched the other evening wanderers. "He says he's retired, but we'll go back eventually. Wings or no wings. His deadbeat dad isn't going to let him have that much of a break." If she wanted a shot at bedding him, she needed to talk about Hell less. "We should go back where we belong."
"And here I thought Sam and I were the only ones who weren't fond of the big guy. For all the angels and demons, we haven't heard shit from…" He waved vaguely at the sky.
"How long have you been hunting them? Your demons?"
"Didn't start out with demons. Well, it did, but for years it's just been vampires, evil spirits, assorted monsters. Saving small communities from wandering folk lore come to life, that sort of thing-." He ground his jaw, cutting himself off. He didn't intend to discuss deals with other demons. With her or anyone else.
"You have vampires?"
"You don't? Man. I need a vacation there. If we could take the time off."
"Aside from Lucifer's vacations topside, we don't have much crossover. Angels keep to themselves for the most part, fortunately, except Amenadiel."
"Why does Satan take vacations, again?"
"He gets bored in Hell. And, for some unfathomable reason, he seems to enjoy your company. Humans. Crowds. Lately, the internet."
Dean blew air out his nose. "Castiel started out as a royal bastard. He's mellowed out some, but we're still a means to an end for him. Hopefully, when this apocalypse crap is dealt with, he'll go back home and leave us alone."
"Amen to that. Angels, am I right?"
They shared a rueful smirk.
It crossed Dean's mind that it was slightly nice to have someone else to share otherworldly complaints with.
Dean turned somber, looking away. "Demons are no picnic either. They kill people. A lot of people. If I find out you've murdered innocents, you're moving to the top of my hunting list."
Maze did appreciate an honest male. Frankly, she couldn't blame him. His demons sounded like a bag of dicks. "Good luck with that. I don't care if you believe me or not, but I haven't killed a living human. My talents lie...elsewhere. Lucifer's dad put a moratorium on killing humans, and it's about the only rule he follows."
Dean side-eyed her. "...So Lucifer hasn't killed anyone?"
"No." The answer was resolute.
He clenched his jaw. "Well, you're right, I don't believe you. But it is the kind of thing our Lucifer would brag about, if his demons are anything to go by. I barely believe Cas. He has ulterior motives, but as far as I can tell, he's protecting us, to some degree. He's telling some truths and hiding others." He held back information himself. There were any number of things he had no intention of volunteering, to her.
Maze stopped, sensing the mood change, and catching his arm. "You know, we could make each other's night a little better." She trailed her fingers down his soft flannel sleeve. Corded muscles tensed under the skin and fabric.
He stepped back, staring coldly. "I've been to Hell. I haven't had enough to drink today to have sex with a demon."
She bit her lip. "Wanna fix that?"
He breathed out. "Not tonight, No."
"Want to just get drunk? I bet we can fill our pockets with mini bottle shots without getting caught."
He considered it. "That, I can do."
