Thank you all, my reviewers! It seems that the fandom is finding me, and that makes me very happy. Minor spoiler: three more chapters in this story, and they´ll all take place in the playroom. This one is M rated, so beware.
Since you are intrigued, another minor spoiler: there will be more about Ana´s college professor, but in my next story, which I´ll hopefully start writing as soon as I finish this one.
See previous chapters for the usual disclaimer.
Have fun!
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Chapter 09
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"Hurt so good,
Come on baby make it hurt so good,
Sometimes love don't feel like it should,
You make it hurt so good…"
John Mellencamp, Hurt So Good
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When?
It just felt awkward to turn to Anastasia during the week and tell her to be at the playroom by seven on Friday night – that was usually when the scheduled time for the fun and games with my previous subs. As the weekend approached, we started circling each other, like a couple of teenagers trying to decide who would make the first step towards their date. Anastasia would sometimes look at me expectantly, her lips moving to ask me a question that never came, her eyes a deep dark blue, her expression telling me she didn´t know when I would just throw her over my shoulder, caveman style, and carry her upstairs to have my wicked way with her, like I´ve done many times before now.
Anticipation is the name of the game, Miss Steele.
It isn´t intentional this time. I don´t mean to torture her that way, but I admit that it has his advantages. The truth is that I haven´t told her yet when we would play because I don´t know it myself. I want it to happen naturally, I don´t want it to feel like a scheduled business meeting. I´ve been having too many of those lately, I´m sick and tired of all that shit and all I can dream about is a long vacation in the most isolated place on earth I can find with only Ana next to me.
Of course I can´t afford that right now.
The acquisition of Vedius Pharma by my company unleashed a storm in the market that is being scrutinized by the media, and I am still dealing with the consequences on a daily basis. As it happens with every highly publicized business deal, it is generating new possibilities of even better business deals, and those are keeping me busy as well. There are also meetings to prepare for my scheduled trip to Geneva, which I am not looking forward to at all, no matter how important it is. It will mean leaving Ana behind for several days for the first time since that painful episode that separated us for the longest five days of my entire life.
And, to add to all that, there is the small matter of a certain college professor. Although Anastasia reassured me repeatedly that nothing that the woman revealed could possibly change what she felt about me, I am not entirely certain. I don´t think any bastard with a past like mine would be. There are things I did in my worst days, without caring very much if other people might be watching… I am not sure how Ana will react to that. The sugarcoated version of BDSM I´ve been showing her is nothing compared to the heavier, darker stuff I was into until a relatively recent past.
That is precisely what I brooding about this Friday evening, when I walk into our bedroom after coming from work on Friday evening. My thoughts halt when I see Ana there, fresh from the shower, wearing one of my robes. The dark grey one. She is very fond of it, it is actually more hers than mine nowadays… along with a selection of my shirts and tee-shirts she borrows from me freely.
We just stare at each other for a long moment. Both of us like what we see.
In the old days I would give a sub a hard time for daring to touch my clothes, let alone wear them, with or without my permission, but with Anastasia I don´t mind.
I like it.
Having her wearing my things… it´s one of the many little intimacies I had never experienced before, and now it gives me a certain indescribable feeling I am not able to name yet. Especially when I am not sure what she has underneath my robe, if anything at all.
"Why don´t you surprise me?" I had said to her yesterday when she inquired me about what to wear.
The thought makes my heart run a little faster. Vedius Pharma and Allie Frazier are instantly forgotten.
I simply know that the timing is right.
Perfect.
Now.
I give her my hand. She bites her lip before taking it.
No words are needed. No commands. No requests.
She knows.
She looks at me with a classic Monalisa smile.
That does it.
I am done. Sold. Kaput.
It takes a lot of self-discipline for me not just throw her on the bed and have my way with her right there, forgetting all about choreographed scenes, red ropes and intricate oriental bondage techniques. However, I did not become what I am today by indulging on my most basic whims whenever I feel like it. This happens to be very important to me.
I am still wearing my suit and tie as we walk together to the playroom, hand in hand. I am not planning to wear that during the scene, I´ll change into the usual old pair of tattered jeans and nothing else. Comfort is the operative word today. Tying those ropes around Anastasia´s body, and making sure everything is perfect before I finally lift her will be a lengthy process, it will take me a lot of concentration. I´ll have to be extremely meticulous – I want her safe. The last thing I need is anything restricting my movements and stealing my concentration.
I leave her for a second as soon as I close the door behind us, and when I turn around again…
There she is.
My jaw drops.
I expected anything but the sight before my eyes.
The robe is gone. A nastasia is waiting for me, kneeling by the door, wearing nothing but black lace panties. Her hands are flat on her knees, palms up, eyes down, thighs slightly apart. The only difference between now and our first scene a few months ago is that instead of facing the wall, as I had told her to do that first time, she is facing the room today.
She is facing me.
She is also shivering slightly, and I know it is not from cold. That I don´t like. While the sight of Anastasia in the most classic of all poses of submission would never fail to stir all my senses at once, the fact that she can´t hide her uneasiness from me does not. I don´t know which feeling is stronger, arousal, anxiety, disquiet, worry, angst, excitement... I am not sure I want to sort it all out right now. I will just go with the flow, and I´ll start by saying the first thing that comes to my mind.
"Anastasia."
She gulps, as the tone of my voice comes out harsher than I intended.
Get a hold of yourself, Grey. Go easy, she is not like the others... never was… never will be…
"You don´t have to do this anymore if you don´t want to. That was before… No rules. You know that, don´t you?" my voice softens.
Yes, there is a slight touch of impatience still lingering in my voice, and I know she still detects it. It´s hardly noticeable this time, but it´s there.
She is biting her lip.
My annoyance is not with her, however, it is with me and my own fucked up feelings in a time like this. My total inability to control my own emotions when I seem to have been blessed with extra talent to control all others around me, even when they don´t realize it…
"I know, but I wanted you to…" her voice too is shaking a little, and she clears her throat. "I wanted to do this for you. I don´t know why. I just did it. You said you wanted to be surprised, so…"
I wonder if there are other little surprises you stored for me today, Miss Steele…
The knot of my tie feels tight around my neck and I loosen it.
Anastasia…
Sadist Christian terrifies her, while the dominant beckons her, even though she rebels every time I act like a domineering tyrant outside the bedroom. I was never able to fully control her, and I am sure I never will. What I am still discovering is how stimulating that is. How challenging. I wasn´t expecting that at first, and now I don't think I can live without it. There was the added element of surprise in all things, something I was never able to deal with before, and now I am learning with her on a daily basis. Because I feel safe with her.
Speaking of that element of surprise…
"You´re taking it off?" She asks abruptly, clearly disgruntled. Vaguely disappointed, I should say. Interesting. Her eyes are huge, curious. I can tell that the idea has a certain appeal to her. "I mean, you are not going to be wearing a suit and tie while we do this, are you?"
Would you like me to, Anastasia? Would you like me to dominate you like this?
The question is burning at the tip of my tongue.
"No, I´m not," I reply instead, wrapping the grey tie around my wrist – and she doesn´t take her eyes off it. "I´ll change as soon as we get a few things clear first." There is definitely a flicker of disappointment in her eyes, and I promise myself to make up for it as soon as possible.
"Stand up now," I order, as gently as I can possibly manage. She responds to it and does as I asked, not making any effort to hide her relief from being freed from the uncomfortable pose. Her eyes, however, are still lowered, and she seems to be have developed a new fascination with my Italian shoes.
"You don´t have to keep your eyes down either, you can look at me, baby."
I touch her chin lightly for emphasis, and look at me she does, her eyes sparkling with an intensity I´ve seen before only on those few occasions when I pushed through her limits. She is now violently flushed, as if the sheer force of our gazes meeting is suddenly too much for her to bear. But she her eyes never leave mine as she speaks again.
"It´s all a part of the… The scene. You know. Me like this, bared for you. I thought you might like it."
"I do. I like it too much."
As much as you like the idea of submitting to me in my suit and tie, Anastasia…
"I love it, and that is usually the problem when we are in here. You know that better than I do."
"Yes, but…" I throw my tie carelessly aside, and she follows it with her eyes.
"Shhh… Quiet…" I touched a finger to her lips. "Just for a sec, OK? Eyes on me for just a moment." She nods, her gaze reluctantly leaves the discarded tie and meets mine again. "I promise, I won´t keep you silent all the time."
"You said I could speak, that I could ask you questions," she argues.
I raise my eyebrows.
"That wasn´t a question."
"Hah hah! Very funny, Mr. Grey." She narrows her eyes at me.
I almost tell her that I wasn´t trying to be funny – I can´t crack a joke to save my own fucking neck! It was merely a statement of a fact, a poor attempt at a witty comeback. But not a joke, my playroom wasn´t a place for that. I wasn´t lying when I told her never joke about the lifestyle.
"Yes, Anastasia, of course you may speak. Just not now. I need a moment here. I need to… to get myself together," I admit finally, pinching the bridge of my nose. Oh hell, if I demand honesty from her at all times, the least I can do is to be honest with her as well.
Oh, please, give me a break, Miss Steele. I am still in the middle of some twisted, fucked up learning process… Turning around and finding you half naked in a classic pose of submission did not help me at all. You are about to awake the monster, and to keep him under control is harder for me than you can possibly imagine.
Earning my first million was a piece of cake compared to this shit.
"Oh? Oh… I understand."
I take that as an encouragement.
"Being here. With you. Like this. With you like this. In my…"
"I know." she smiles.
"You also know what it´s doing to me, don´t you?"
"I know what it does to you, of course I do. I know where it can take you. And I wouldn´t be here like this, I would never have agreed to this if I didn´t trust you. Go and change now, Christian. Let´s do this."
She sounds angry all of a sudden. Impatient. My breath catches.
"Ordering me about, Miss Steele?"
There is a veiled threat in my voice, and she senses it. I turn around and leave her there, as still as a statue, as I disappear from the room to change into those old jeans. I think I beat some kind of fucking world record as I do it, because I don´t remember getting out of my work clothes so fast before.
I find her sitting at the bed when I return to the room. She straightens and does nothing but gawk at me as I walk to her. Memories cross my mind, but only briefly – what I would say and do to a sub if she dared to move one inch from the place where I left her. Not to mention the fact that she commanded me to go and change my clothes. And I obeyed her…
Did I tell you to move? Did I tell you to sit down?
Punishment would be hard and swift and immediate. Temptation is there, my hands itch – that I can´t deny. But if I start with this now, I´ll probably lose her, and I won´t want to run the risk. I want this too much. We want this too much, and that is the beauty of it.
"Stand up," I command, and she responds to my tone instantly – but not without flinching slightly. "Turn around."
I stand close behind her and begin to work on her hair – I know this had a kind of soothing effect on both of us. I know because it does the same for me. I gather the thick, loose strands, taking the opportunity to massage her scalp with the tips of my fingers.
"Feel good?"
A sigh of sheer pleasure escapes her lips, she throws her head back, almost if searching my fingers.
"You… kind of scared me just now," she whispers.
"Just trying to keep those demons at bay, Anastasia. You know how it works."
"Yep."
Facing her, I lean forward for a brief kiss. I try not to linger for too long, it is not the moment to indulge on that yet. My girl makes it impossible, of course. Her soft lips melt into mine, and I could not tear myself away to save my life. She literally wraps herself around me, her hands grabbing my hair and pulling me to her almost desperately. In the back of her mind, I realize she makes no attempt to touch my chest, even knowing that she would if she wanted to, and that touches that deep chord inside me that only she is able to reach.
"Ana…" I whisper against her lips.
"Hmmm?"
I finally manage to pull away from her. Another second and it would be too late.
"We need to…" She bites into my lower lip. "… take this slowly…"
"I know," she interrupts, giggling. "It looks like I am the one who lost control this time."
"Still with me?" I need the reassurance. She nods and I breath in relief. "Sorry I scared you, baby, I didn´t mean to. But you must tell me whenever I start doing that, OK?" She nods. "Good. Now where were we before you attacked me, Miss Steele?"
"My hair… I think I just ruined your good work, Mr. Grey."
"It was worth it." I fix her now ruined braid quickly and efficiently. "I´ll want your hair like this just for now, it will be easier for me to work. Later, when you are suspended, I´ll want to see it lose."
"Like the model?"
"Just like that. Only more beautiful."
"Yes, sir." Her eyes are down once again. I kiss the soft spot behind her ear before facing her.
"Anastasia, eyes on me now."
I hook my fingers to the edges of her lace panties. No plain white cotton this time – those were from an exclusive collection from Bordelle and the price tag on them would be enough to give her a fit. You see, I never told her that the myriad of tiny crystals artfully embroidered across the front and back of that small scrap of fine silk were actually diamonds. She would kill me if she knew, so I´ll keep it a secret for the time being. All a part of my wicked plan to cover her with precious stones...
"Oh no, don´t rip it please. Those are my favorites. I love them."
"I´ll buy you another."
"But I happen to be very fond of this one, thank you."
Oh, the defiance!
"Maybe I won´t rip them this time, but I need to know what you are thinking, what you are feeling. Don´t hide from me. Not today."
Before hearing her reply, I give her panties a sharp tug upwards, and she flinches. Yes, I have her full attention now. Her eyes clash into mine immediately.
"This has to go, OK?"
"OK," she whispers, "Just don´t…" but I am already lowering the flimsy piece of lingerie down her legs, fighting against the urge to just rip them from her body, must like I did with the ones she was wearing on Charlie Tango.
"Oh. OK," she sighs relieved, as soon as she realizes her favorite panties are safe.
I look up, letting my gaze travel through her body for the first time. And then I see it.
For the second time that evening, I stop breathing.
Another surprise.
Oh Anastasia! What else have you in store for me?
Let me just say that she wasn´t lying when she said she was bared for me. Her natural body hair never bothered me before, quite the contrary, and in fact I needed her just like this today. I only didn´t have the guts to ask for what I wanted this time – she would be dealing with too many firsts today already, I didn´t need to add a new one and cause more unnecessary stress. So much for needless worrying – she will never cease to amaze me!
"Speechless, Mr. Grey?"
The minx!
Speechless is an understatement. I´m in awe, I´m… I cannot form a coherent two-word phrase to reply to her. If I risk it, I´ll just babble like a fucking idiot.
Her eyes. Focus on her eyes for a moment…
"Breathe, Christian…"
Oh, the irony of it!
"Anastasia Steele, you are fucking amazing," I whisper. "When… How?"
She is answering me, but I hardly listen. When I finally gather my wits together to make sense of what she is saying, I realize that she too is trying to disguise her nervousness by rambling incessantly, instead of becoming tongue-tied.
"… the most painful and humiliating experience of my entire life. I´m not doing this again. Ever."
It doesn´t have to hurt, baby, there are other ways…
"I´ll do it for you," I blurt out without thinking.
That silences her.
Yes, I would. I will. The thought of any other human being, man or woman, seeing Anastasia like that, touching the most intimate parts of her does not appeal to me. I can handle an occasional doctor´s appointment, but this… this is mine!
Yes, I definitely will. Is she wants to. If she asks me to.
Focus, Grey!
I place a swift kiss just above her mound – I´ll save that most intimate of kisses for later, I am planning to enjoy her final surprise for me fully and thoroughly. Then I look up at her again. My eyes follow a path down her beautiful body as I kneel down, from her neck, down to her breasts, her belly, the apex of her thighs… her sex, her legs. Wherever my gaze wanders, goosebumps in her skin follow. I sigh deeply, and smile. This is no longer fear or anxiety. This is arousal. I can feel it, I can see it, I can smell it.
I nearly shout my relief.
Placing a hand on my shoulder for support, she raises one foot, then the other, as I completely remove her one piece of underwear and throw it aside. It lands next to my discarded tie. What an interesting vision that is…
"Where do you want me?" she asks. "How should I…"
"Bed." I say simply.
"OK."
A cold hard floor was what I offered my previous subs when I was in the mood for some rope bondage. I never offered them a choice, and they knew what to do in case they strongly objected it. None of them ever did, I was always careful to match their masochistic personalities with my sadistic one when I made my selection. It was pretty well established that Anastasia was not one of those women, nor she will ever be. No hard, cold floors for her, but that soft, large bed in the center of the playroom instead. This was no longer about me, this was about her. She would be more comfortable while I was tying the ropes around her body. She would be safer in case something went wrong when she was suspended – her fall would be cushioned by a soft mattress. Not that I´ll ever let her fall. Yes, I am extremely confident about this. I know what I am doing.
"Come with me."
Taking her hand, I guide her to the bed.
"Lie down. On your back."
Wordlessly, she obeys me. I place a small pillow below her head, and another one below her knees.
"Comfortable?" I ask, with an amused wink.
"Yes, master. Very."
"Anastasia…" I have use my stern Dom´s voice again.
"What?"
"Behave!" I pat her hip lightly with the back of my hand, as a reminder that my twitchy palms were always alive and kicking. "You have no idea how distracting this can be."
"Sorry," she says, swallowing up one of her giggles. "I´ll try to be good."
Good.
"What do I do now? Should I just lie here and let you do all the work?"
I´m happy she is back to being whimsical Anastasia with her smart mouth. She is trying to relax, which is good.
"Yes. You just lie there and let me do all the work."
She sighs and thinks for a moment.
"Mmm…"
"What is it?"
"I´m just wondering. Do you think I would make a good dominant?"
I was taken aback by her completely unexpected question – there was one possibility I had never, even considered before, except, perhaps, in the darkest, deepest recess of my mind only days ago when we christened Charlie Tango. Those first few moments when she did not let me remove my safety belt... she appeared a little too much delighted when I tricked her and loosened the harness myself, a reaction she would never have if she were a Domme at heart.
"The word you´re looking for is Dominatrix. And the answer is no."
Over. My. Dead. Body.
"How do you know?"
"There are things someone like me notices. Little things. Signs."
Her preference to have me on top of hers, for starters, not to mention a few other giveaways.
"You mean you have a sub radar or something?"
Sub radar?
"Or something," I smirk.
"You know, you may be right about that one. Although you make me want to wring your neck from time to time, I don´t see myself beating you into submission."
"Definitely not your thing, Miss Steele. Trust me, you are not a Domme."
"Happy to know that!"
So am I, Miss Steele. You have no idea how much!
"It doesn´t mean we can´t play…," I murmur, "… in the future."
"Oh?"
Wait – hang in there! What did I just…
"Let us say, in ten years or so," I add quickly. "Well, maybe twenty years. But warn me first, because I´ll have to drink myself to oblivion first."
"OK!"
Uh?
Sometimes she is so transparent! Her whole face relaxes, and she smiles. Maybe it was my statement, indicating that I plan to have her by my side ten, twenty years from now.
Forever.
Yes, Anastasia. That is the plan. I want that.
Very much.
"I wouldn´t do that to you, anyway. Stow away your twitchy palms, Mr. Grey."
"They are stowed. For the moment, Anastasia."
"I was merely gathering elements for my upcoming best seller, you know. Ana´s Guide to the Inexperienced Sub. The final chapter: How to unleash your inner Dominatrix."
"I don´t think I´ll like that chapter very much," I frown.
"How about this." She glances down her nude body, as if suddenly remembering her nakedness. "Chapter 7: What to wear to a suspension." She snorts nervously. "Nothing. This one will be a very short chapter." The lovely sound of Anastasia giggling fills the playroom again.
I wonder briefly if, without the aid my usual means – and by that I mean my extensive collection of floggers, riding crops, whips and canes - I will ever be able to make Anastasia feel comfortable with her nudity. At the same time, part of me finds that lingering shyness of her stimulating – another thing that has always annoyed the hell out of me before in a woman – I have immediately discarded potential subs before because of that trait.
I take a moment just to look at her.
Although visibly mortified, Anastasia is indeed wearing nothing but the pair of tiny diamond studs on her ears - the first piece of jewelry I gave her that she received with genuine pleasure. She never the earrings off since the day I gave them to her last Monday in Portland. The small stones were barely there, and yet they sparkled furiously whenever the smallest beam of light hit them.
My beauty is now lying supine on the bed, her legs straight, her arms stretched to her side. I gaze at her in wonderment. So proud, so brave. She is still, except for her toes, which she wiggles nervously. I cannot chastise her for that, my own hands are unusually unsteady, and I feel them shaking slightly as I reach for the coils of the red rope I will be using.
Yes, this will be another breakthrough for us. If I succeed, we´ll be on our way to achieving a compromise between my needs and hers, my fears and hers. On the other hand, if fail, I may lose her again. That is no longer an option.
Grimacing, I hit the play button on my IPad. Every detail of this scene has been carefully designed, carefully planned. Even the music – especially the music. I wanted her to have the choice of being distracted by it, of being transported to another time and place, and, at the same time, I wanted something that would not get in the way in case she decided to talk to me, or distract me too much while I worked. Not an easy task. I choose an old favorite of mine today: Rimsky-Korsakov´s Shéhérazade. You can never go wrong with the classics!
She jumps a little when I place the first two of several rolls of rope I would be using next to her right arm. For a long moment, she stares at the red coils as if it were evil pythons ready to attack her. Then she bites her lip, close her eyes for a moment, turns her head and stares at the ceiling again.
Yes, this is real, baby. This is happening.
My brave Anastasia.
I opted for the synthetic fiber rope, one I had used before with her. Having her beautiful skin chaffed by the rough natural fiber wasn´t an option for me. Besides, I like the contrast between the red rope and her alabaster skin.
"Blindfold?" I offer, thinking that never before I had given a sub that choice.
"What?"
"Would you like that?"
"No, I´ll be fine," she replies shakily.
"Are you sure, Ana? This is one of those circumstances when not being able to see might be helpful."
"Yes, I´m sure. But I want to see… everything that you are doing. Not being able to will only make me more nervous. At least I want to see everything… I want to see. If things get too intense I can always close my eyes… Oh what am I saying, it´s always intense, being here with you…"
"Anastasia?"
"Yes?"
"You´re rambling again."
"OK. No blindfold. For the moment. Please. Sir."
"Good."
Her eyes close momentarily. Slowly, I walk to another corner of the playroom, and select one of my weapons of choice. Now this is the tricky part. I am picking one she is particularly intrigued about. I am not sure yet if I am going to use it, or how, but I think bringing it to the scene will give it a nice touch, even if I don´t do anything with it. The threat might be enough to rattle her.
Yes, I´m a sadistic bastard.
My back is to her and my body hides most of my motions, so that she has no clue about what I am doing. When I turn around her eyes are closed, though I had felt them burning holes in my back a second earlier. I drop my weapon of choice next to her left arm, it lands with a thump near her hand. She startles and looks at it.
The cane.
It used to be my favorite, but not only because among all tools, it was the one likely to cause the highest degree of pain – the main trigger to get me off in my pre-Anastasia days. Oh, the things I could do with it with a willing sub! There was a certain ritual, a certain mysticism attached to the cane, something that every experienced BDSM practitioner was aware of and something that Anastasia might have come across in one of her researches – otherwise she wouldn´t be so drawn to it, practically begging me to use it on her just once.
Just one strike, she had said, she had made me promise. What she had no idea yet was that just one strike might be too much for her. I am still not sure exactly how I´ll work around that.
But again, it doesn´t mean we can´t play…
Because like every other instrument in the playroom, it was more about the psychological torment and fear as than the actual beating, making the submissive wait in anticipation… All it would take was a skilled dominant – which I can safely say that I am, it is something I was never modest about.
I wonder how would Anastasia respond to that kind of play. Right now, her eyes are impossibly wide, her pupils dilated. Her breathing becomes increasingly erratic.
Oh shit, she is not about to panic, is she?
"Safe word, Anastasia?"
She starts shaking her head furiously.
"No. I don´t need one. I´m not using it. I´m doing this."
"You still need to have them, I won´t proceed otherwise. What are they?" I say, my voice firm and sure. In my experience, it tends to calm the submissive when she is about to snap. It reminds her that I am in control, and she is safe because of that. It reminds her that she has a choice.
"Christian!"
"Anastasia?"
My final warning.
I would hate to abort the scene because of something so ridiculously stupid, but if I have to, I will. And it works, because she finally senses how important this it to me.
"Fine. The usual. Yellow and red," she replies weakly.
"You´re sure?" The memories linked to those words aren´t exactly pleasant for either of us, and I am surprised she has chosen the same ones again.
"Yes. I can´t think of anything else right now."
I pick up the cane again, gripping the handle so tightly my knuckles turn white. I had to. It was the only way to keep her from noticing that my hands were shaking. I stare at the rod for a while – it was my favorite kind, a dragon cane about 50 inches long, with a beautiful silver handle shaped like a very menacing dragon´s head. Very flexible and virtually unbreakable. Her eyes close as if in a silent prayer, and I just had to smile.
"Oh crap," is her near silent whisper, and I doubt she realizes she´d said it aloud.
I know her well by now, I know her head must be filled with self-recriminating thoughts and deep conversations with that inner goddess of hers. You asked for this Anastasia, she must be telling herself, now deal with it.
"Remember, it´s your call," I remind her gently. "You know the drill. Safe word or no safe word, I´ll stop any time you want me, all right? Just tell me. No questions asked, no regrets. I won´t be mad, I won´t be disappointed. We can try this again or never, the choice is always yours."
"Okay," she says, opening her eyes again. Her breathing calmed, at least she wasn´t panting anymore.
Good.
"We´re going to have to work together, do you understand?" She only nods, her lips trembling slightly, betraying her nervousness. I flex the rod and let it snap with a loud swish. She jumps.
Beautiful!
I always loved that sound. I still do.
"Wow!"
"Tell me you understand, Anastasia."
"Yes, sir."
Good girl.
I drop the cane again – it did his job quite effectively, and I didn´t even have to touch her skin with it.
Yes, I could work with that.
"Shibari is not about the pain, it´s mostly about restraint," I lecture. "It is not supposed to hurt, the knots and the ropes should stimulate you. The pressure should be pleasant, not painful. Think of them as an extension of my hands."
"I like that," she says in a shy voice, smiling for the first time – and clearly relieved that I no longer gripping the wicked dragon cane. "Your hands… I like that very much."
"You need to tell me if anything starts to get uncomfortable, it is essential that you do that, because that is not the point of it. It means I am doing something wrong, but I won´t know unless you tell me. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Relax. Enjoy this. Try not to be so nervous. It´s only me, Ana." Her skeptical side glance told me that I was precisely the problem. "I know what I am doing. I´ll check everything as many times as possible before I raise you."
I kneel down next to her, and I take her face in my hands.
"This is different, for a number of reasons, the main one being that we are pushing through some of your hard limits. Communicating is important. If I do anything that you don´t like or that makes you feel uncomfortable, I must know."
"Tell me about it! That little demonstration of your impeccable skills with the cane… I almost…"
I smiled softly.
"Come on, you liked that, didn´t you?"
Her face is crimson, and she is blushing in places I swear I didn´t know she could blush.
"I know," I continue, without waiting for an answer. I don´t need one, I just need to look at the reaction down her beautiful body. "Considering what we´ve been through before, we´re certifiably crazy, you and I. At least I am!"
"Christian, I trust you…"
"Sshhhh." I place one finger on her lips to silence her for a moment. I need her full attention for this. "I know this is different. I also know you´ll say you didn´t even know suspension was a hard limit when you first heard of it, but you listed it as such for a reason. An unconscious reason, perhaps. I want you comfortable, I want you relaxed, this will never work otherwise. Ask as many questions you want, talk about anything. There will be no secrets from you, I promise. I may need you to be quiet for a moment or two if I need to concentrate, but I´ll let you know, OK?"
"OK," she whispered.
"Ready?"
"Ready."
And so it begins…
