A/N: this is the longest chapter so far, hopefully it makes up for a month of inactivity?! p.s. I apologize for inconsistencies in writing style (parts 1-3 are wonky lol). I'm sort of experimenting with what I like and what I don't, seeing as this is my only official story so far. it's looking like parts will be more spaced out, it's just a pattern I seem to have. Write a month skip a month. Thanks for reading ;)
One of the things that fascinated Yeonmi the most was her old personality, her morals. She considered herself peaceful, nonviolent as much as she can be. The way she figures it, the wasteland has enough loonies running around, killing and taking whatever they want. She'd admit, she could tend to be blunt at times, but never explicitly rude. Of course, she wouldn't allow anyone to walk over her either. When she woke up that day, and stepped back out into the sun a new woman, she felt content with loneliness. And when she met Boone, her first companion on the road, she always told herself she brought him along to help him, nothing personal. However, she still eventually had a small gang of people surrounding her and supporting her, and on some occasions even saving her life. If she saw herself as someone so satisfied with being alone, why surround herself with so many people?
"Ulysses,"
It was early, and for once, they both seemed to be on a generally similar sleep schedule. Yeonmi tired of asking herself endless questions, staring at the ceiling.
"Tell me about the first time you met me."
He stood across the room, making coffee. He eventually sat in an old chair next to the bed, Yeonmi still staring straight upwards. She knew he wanted to argue against it, but decided he was a bit bored himself as well.
"It was mid-summer, hot. I was in some little saloon, stopped after walking a while. I hadn't been in the Divide too long by then, everything new territory for me. Then in you walk, and sit right next to me. Covered in dust and sweat, determined. You put your little hat down and bring a life to this little town. You talk to the bartender like old friends, pass a few letters between the patrons and yourself. I must have been staring at you, you sit down, get a drink and smile the most genuine smile I've seen on anyone out here. Your face was a little pink from the sun and your hair was long and braided. You welcomed me to the town, finished your drink and apologized for having to leave so early. Said you had important deliveries to make, I believe it after seeing what you could do.
During this time, NCR was just starting to annex the area. Little changes. Old military bases occupied, alive. Also during that time, I was more or less working for Caesar, partially exploring the wasteland for him, undercover as a courier. With recent NCR presence I decided to stay for a while longer. You passed through every now and again. Whenever you were around, the town felt alive. Things, time almost, seemed to stand still without your presence.
Once you stopped by the general store while I was looking at a radio, to send intel back to Caesar. You saw me struggling a bit and fixed it pretty quickly, taught me how to connect to channels. I remember you made some little comment like, 'I could help you, you know, I am a courier, a quick one too. Plus I don't charge much, love the work just fine.' and just smiled, so naïve, but intelligence and cunning bursting at the seams. I could guess at this point you were just making it to the Vegas area.
It was pretty soon after this that you brought the package from Navarro and… I should stop there. You know what happens next. Or if you don't, maybe I can tell you later."
She tried to imagine herself acting so outlandish. So vibrant. Braids, really? And a hat? She must have been young.
"And you have no memory of this place?" His curious side showing.
"It makes me happy to think about," She rolled over and looked into his eyes.
"Thank you for that." She tried to give her most genuine smile, hoping it didn't look creepy.
And he saw it all. The intelligence, the cunning, the Courier Mi-yeon, the woman who raised a thriving community, destroyed it, and couldn't remember a damn thing. Such a burden was unimaginable to him. To remember such trivial things to him, being so domestic didn't fit her anymore. He wanted to stop but felt as though he couldn't.
"Meeting you again was… surprising. I was expecting energy, I was expecting the courier. What I met was… a shell. You are pale now, sickly, thin. Quiet and reserved. A woman, not some spry mailman. Weathered. A ghost now."
He couldn't.
"It's unlike me. Women are emotional things, fragile. I would understand a man surviving such trauma. Perhaps it's luck that you've made it so far now. I can tell you won't last like this."
He wanted to say more, he wanted to help but was disgusted at the notion. This was so undeniably wrong of him. Wanting revenge made him sick, again, for the hundredth time.
"Ulysses, thank you." She felt a part of her that she hadn't felt in quite some time. Everything felt warm, and not in the 'it is 90 degrees out and I cannot breathe' way. She really didn't want to cry now, especially with his comment on how weak women are. She silently decided to show him women can be just as strong as any man.
"Unrelated, but you might want to know, I killed Caesar. Quite some time ago." She regretted it immediately and choked on her breath.
"I knew he was dead but was unaware of your role. I'm… I knew the Dam would be the death of him."
The ceiling fan spun, Yeonmi stared. She was sprawled out on the bed, not moved since Ulysses talked this morning. Just resting, reflecting. When he asked if she wanted food, she said no. When he asked if she wanted water, she said no. She drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours, and eventually got up around noon to bathe. Ulysses had gone off somewhere. Where, she couldn't be concerned.
Obviously not. She awoke that evening, to his voice, a rich echo in the tiny room that shook her to the bone. Her knees were drawn to her chest and she was leaning on the wall. One move in her sleep and she would have drowned in the now frigid bath water. He stood in the doorway, and called her name again.
"Yes?" She replied.
"How long have you been in there for?"
She stood up and carefully out onto the matted rug.
"Judging by how absolutely freezing I am: pretty damn long." He was back into the main room now.
"Could you bring me-"
He threw her bag into the doorway.
"Thank you."
This was bad. It didn't help her prove at all that she could be left alone. Lacie's 'make him need you' plan was going terribly. But she thought, is it so terrible to need someone? Since when did she become so disconnected with humanity, with human nature? She knows humans are social creatures, she knows she attracts people, even now in her thin ghostly appearance. Perhaps planning things would only cause her more personal trouble. Perhaps things will work out on their own, and if they don't then they don't.
After she dressed and drained the tub, she got a glimpse of herself in the cracked mirror. No longer a ghost, but now full-on walking corpse. Her hair was half wet and tangled. The bags under her eyes were puffier than ever. She felt lifeless as well, hunger washed over her, and she vomited up nothing but stomach bile. Ulysses heard this and rushed to the doorway, stopping just before, and anxiously called out, "Are you decent?"
Her only response was more coughing and hacking. He entered anyways finding her gripping the sink, looking dead as ever.
"Why? Why would I let myself get so involved with someone so bent on causing trouble and grief wherever they go? You feel more emotions in one day than I in a lifetime."
The whole time he was lecturing her, he was helping her to the bed. She sat down on her side.
"It is unhealthy to bottle things up. You are just as colourful as I." Yeonmi rubbed her eyes.
He handed her a bottle of water, and she accepted immediately.
"This isn't true, I am very open about my emotions."
"Maybe only the brutish things that men are known for, like getting fed up and finding everything bad about a situation."
"You act like you know me."
"Name one good thing that happened today."
"Nothing particularly good happened. Maybe for you, lazing around all day. Not caring about your life, not eating, and almost drowning."
"You saved my life, is that not something good?" She heard him stop what he was doing for a moment, then resume.
"I can't tell if this was something good or bad, you cause me so much grief."
"I can see your life without me. First, you are stuck miserably in Caesar's legion, living a life of killing innocents and your soul turns evil slowly over the years. It consumes you and you die filled with rage and sorrow. Not even the carrion eaters are interested in your corpse. Your life ends, a wasteland in a wasteland."
Ulysses sat next to her on their bed. Him, arms crossed; her, still looking like death.
Her head rested on his shoulder.
'Why do I need you?'
