Sabrina sat across from Olivia and Elliot as they sat on the couch in her office holding hands,

"Olivia, you said you felt ready to talk about what happened at Sealview. Do you still want to do that?"

Olivia was not ready to go there but she knew she had to in order to make Elliot understand she knew what he was going through, but in all honesty she knew she had to do this for herself. She took a deep breath, she felt Elliot squeeze her hand as she began,

"A few years ago when Elliot and I were partners, we had a young girl come in who had been raped, her mother was in jail where she was being raped also. Elliot went into Sealview, where she was incarcerated acting as her lawyer, he told her about her daughter and got the mother's story, it turns out it was a guard who was doing the raping. Shortly after, the mother was beaten and killed, I went in undercover to try and catch the guard. Because Elliot was known to the jail he could not go in with me so we put Fin in as a guard to look out for me. During a TB lock-down and inoculation, the guard in question got me alone and took me to the basement, where he had a mattress he used to rape the inmates. He cornered me and..."

She stopped this was the furthest she had ever gone with her story, she felt Elliot's hand on hers as she took a breath, she continued,

"I fought him he grabbed at my breasts and I screamed louder than I ever had trying to get someone's attention. He handcuffed me to the door forcing me on my knees, he opened his pants and tried to force himself into my mouth. Before he could Fin showed up and arrested him, he showed no remorse. It was the closest I had ever come to being assaulted, it changed me. It made me a victim also and I didn't like. I just understand Elliot where you are coming from."

He said as he squeezed her hand,

"I always knew you understood, but..."

Olivia interrupted him, squeezing his hand,

"You had asked me about it, and you left the door wide open I just never walked through it."

Sabrina asked,

"Olivia you were not raped but you were assaulted. Did you ever get therapy outside of group therapy?"

Olivia shook her head as she looked at Elliot, to gauge his reaction as she had never told him. She said,

"I went to group therapy for over a year, one on one therapy was suggested but I never took the offer."

Sabrina looked at Elliot,

"You don't look surprised, Elliot..."

He shook his head,

"I'm not. I knew and was glad."

Olivia turned and looked at him,

"I was shocked when I found out you knew also. But like I told you, you always had my back."

He shrugged,

"That is what partners are for."

Sabrina asked,

"Olivia I noticed when Elliot and his class were helping with the case, John went up to you and quietly said, 'Welcome back'. What did he mean?"

Olivia shrugged as she looked out the window,

"For 12 years I got used to Elliot having my back, we had some dicey cases and Elliot always made sure I got home safe. I had to blink my lights to let him know everything was fine before he would drive away. We covered for each other and we could read each other like a book. All I had to say was 'how do you want to handle this?' He would say one word and I knew. We were like a well oiled machine with our own playbook. And then to come to work one day and find out the only stable person in your life has been cleared to come back to work but decides to retire, it was the harder than when my mother died. I didn't cry when my mom passed away I just went back to work, but when I found out he left and I was alone, really alone for the first time in 12 years I cried..."

She looked at Sabrina and could not look at Elliot, she swallowed hard and continued,

"I had a new partner who I did not trust and I started taking care of myself, I went at things alone and swore I would never let anyone else in again. Fin got a new partner so we didn't get to work together as much. Munch was second to Cragen and was more on the office end, so my world really got turned upside down. For the first time in my life I did not feel safe and it didn't help that Elliot did not answer his phone, he was no longer a phone call away. He was gone."

Sabrina said,

"I think no woman or man should ever be assaulted in any way, shape or form. But as a detective how has it changed the way you do your job? I mean you have also lost your closet ally. I remember seeing an evaluation in Elliot's jacket about an outside consult that the two of you were put through with Dr. Hendrix because Captain Cragen thought you two were too close because of a botched arrest on a stakeout. A miscommunication you two had, her findings were that you two were too close that you were codependent on each other but that if Cragen split you up then he would lose his two best detectives."

Elliot and Olivia sat silent for a moment then looked at each other surprised, Elliot said,

"I didn't know that was the outcome, I just knew we were left alone after the evaluations."

Olivia said,

"So we can thank Rebecca for our staying partners."

Sabrina nodded,

"But Olivia with everything you have been through how has it changed the job for you?"

Olivia cleared her throat and said,

"I understand what the victims have been through a whole lot more than I did before. I have always understood the crime of assault and rape, because I am a product of rape, but I never fully appreciated the mental toll it takes on a person both physically and mentally."

Sabrina was not surprised by Olivia saying she was a product of rape because Elliot had told her when he talked about his partnership with Olivia early on in his therapy sessions at Greenwood.

Olivia let go of Elliot's hand as she got up from the couch and stood by the window and looked out, she then said,

"When I first started with SVU and became partners with Elliot he was the calm one, he taught me everything I know about being a detective. I went gun hoe and wanted to make all the perps pay, I was like Angie Dickinson's Police Woman, I would do anything to get the perp, I was hot headed, I can't count the amount of times I was told I was a bitch. Elliot evened me off and I began to trust him with everything, personally and professionally. I told him things I never told anyone and he never judged. I remember in our third year together, the cases changed they started getting worse, the things people would do to each other got even worse. I remember the day he changed, he went to court where a grandfather was on trial for molesting his granddaughter and he got off. Elliot had promised the little girl she would not have to deal with the grandfather, but she still had to. He came back to the squadroom and was in a foul mood and then another little girl got molested and I still remember his exact words, as we looked at the crime scene, 'And I didn't think this day could get any worse.' I still remember the defeated look on his face, I remember thinking here is the strongest man I have ever met and he looks like he is going to cry. And then after that things went downhill for him which in turn changed me. He became the hot headed one and I became the even tempered one, in essence we traded roles the difference was I had no problem telling him anything yet getting him to talk was like pulling teeth. I heard everything about him after the fact."

Elliot chuckled as Sabrina asked,

"Did this not upset you?"

Olivia nodded,

"It did at first then I realized how to get around it. I always thought I needed him more than he needed me, but I always made sure he knew our partnership was a two way street. Then the day came where a little girl was being molested by the captain of the school soccer team but she said it was her neighbour who she referred to as an uncle. I remember we were at the uncle's house and the wife was saying she was always there and Elliot lost it on her saying she was as sick as her husband. Then he left the basement, when we came out – Elliot had a hard time breathing, he said, 'I almost hit her.' then he bend over and said, 'I'm done I can't do this anymore' he was crying and said, 'how does someone walk away after 20 years?'. He wasn't referring to the case he was referring to his marriage. For me that was the first time he allowed me to see that emotional side of himself. His anger and hotheadedness lasted for almost 6 years, until the Breslin case..."

Sabrina nodded, Elliot had talked to her about it. Olivia looked at Elliot and said to him,

"El, I don't mean to talk like you are not here but it is easier this way."

Elliot nodded and said,

"Liv, I need to hear you say these things, your opinion always has mattered to me. That is why I always keep so much to myself, I never wanted you to see me as weak. I was raised to keep my feelings inside, my mom always told me I was too much like my dad and that one day all my neat little boxes were going to blow up, and she was right, cause when they blew they blew sky-high."

Olivia said,

"I think what you just said is telling, because you never talked about your mom so I always thought she was dead and then Kathleen got into trouble and your mom would not help you so you had Kathleen put in jail to get her forcibly medicated for her Bipolar. Kathy called me and when I confronted you – you acted like it was nothing. I met your mom and I found her to be a very nice lady who really loves you. Do you know that I have had lunch with her a few times since then?"

Elliot looked shocked,

"Really?"

Olivia nodded and smiled,

"So you don't know everything? When she comes to the city we usually make plans to have lunch. She tells me stories about you as a boy."

Elliot just shook his head as Sabrina watched him accept the revelation of Olivia's words. Sabrina said to him,

"Does what you are hearing from Olivia bother you?"

Elliot shook his head,

"2 years ago it would have bothered me but now I am okay with it. Besides I knew something was up because, since I have been seeing you Doc, I reconnected with my mother and I have been visiting her twice a month. She just seemed different."

Olivia shook her head and laughed saying as he smirked at her,

"I am glad to hear you see your mom regularly, the three of us will have to do lunch one day."

Olivia came and sat back down and said,

"My point in what I was saying is that we have both changed so much through the years. After the Breslin incident Elliot went into counselling with Dr. Hendrix and she really helped him, he calmed down a lot and our relationship changed. I realized I loved him and needed him in my life, he was everything to me. I remember when I came back from working undercover with the FBI in Oregon, and I went to the bar where we all usually went and I saw Elliot kissing Dani Beck, his partner at the time, outside his Jeep and he was wearing tight jeans and tight sweaters..."

Sabrina asked,

"Considering how you felt about Elliot how did you feel about seeing him kiss another woman?"

Olivia looked at Elliot and said,

"I was jealous. It was then that I realized Elliot did not return the feelings I had for him."

Elliot interrupted,

"Whoa, not true. I loved you almost from day one, but I really fell in love with you after I left Kathy. I never kissed you because I respected you too much and I knew you would not put our partnership on the line by crossing that line. Besides you always said you had a personal code of never dating anyone you worked with. You know all our movie and dinner nights, the nights I slept on your couch I wished it was your bed but I just never wanted to step across that line. With Dani I knew she could not cut it and would not last as my partner but I found her sexy and I, honestly, would not have said no if she had invited me into her bed."

Sabrina watched Olivia reaction to this revelation. Olivia nodded,

"I never wanted to be the other woman. I never wanted to be the reason your marriage broke up. Our relationship now is good because you and Kathy ended on your own and I had nothing to do with it. As for Dani, that is old history besides Kathy was the only girl you had been with and I know when you two were separated you got adventurous with the ladies."

He looked at her surprised and she said,

"I am not blind, and we ladies talk, we both got hit on a lot over the years. I think you wearing a wedding band most of those years made you a bigger target. It was like a magnet for you getting hit on."

He started to laugh and nodded,

"I have to agree but when I took it off after the divorce, it was just as bad. The nice part was the ladies I did take out socially were nice ladies who just wanted a quick fix and no commitment, which was exactly the same as what I was looking for."

Olivia nodded,

"I always was curious about a couple of things in that regard, you always tried to be a good Catholic and I know condoms are a no no and that the bedroom was no place for adventure so did you follow that when you were separated?"

Elliot laughed and said,

"I thought this was about you and Sealview?"

Sabrina shook her head, as Olivia said,

"Ah and there he is, the Stabler I know and love. Beside that is only part of it, this is about honesty. Answer the question."
Elliot looked at Sabrina, who shrugged not bailing him out, and he said,

"I did a lot of things when Kathy and I were separated, using condoms was one of them. I met a Federal Agent on one of my training sessions with the Feds, she asked me out I accepted and she invited me back to her place. One thing lead to another and we went to bed together. It was the first time I ever used a condom. After that I went on a few other dates and ended up in the same position, I found myself not saying no. I remember one night I invited a lady back to my place and Richard walked in on us and thus ensued that father son talk or as he liked to call it the son talking to the father talk."

Sabrina and Olivia chuckled and nodded. Sabrina looked at Olivia and asked,

"Are you okay with continuing on about Sealview?"

She nodded,

"I have never gotten this far with it before. I need to finish."

She took Elliot's hand and she felt him squeeze it, she took a breath and continued,

"The group therapy helped me be able to make things seem normal, but as for my personal life not so. I couldn't date and I cringed when anyone touched me. I had nightmares for a few months, and when the nightmares finally ended I came out a different person. I did not trust myself and being with a man did not interest me..."

She then stopped and blushed, Elliot said,

"Why are you blushing?"

She looked at Sabrina who asked,

"What is it?"

She looked at both of them and taking a breath she said,

"I used to have fantasies, very explicit sexual ones before the nightmares took over. They stopped but once the nightmares stopped and I was able to relax they came back, stronger than before and that was when I knew I would be alright."

Elliot asked slyly,

"Care to share?"

Olivia playfully swatted him,

"Eventually..."

Sabrina said,

"You will always remember being assaulted but it does not have to define you."

Elliot said,

"I want our relationship to be a clean slate. We both have things that happened to us in the past and that will never change but I don't want them to be part of what we are trying to build."

Olivia nodded and said as an afterthought,

"Should Dr. Phil be worried?"