Sirius must have drank a ton last night, judging by the massive headache he was having while waking up. He'd never had one so bad before. He opened his eyes a sliver, and the light was so bright and blaring he squeezed them shut again, letting out an instinctual groan. Why were the curtains open? Remus must have been over. He likes to wake up to sunlight, and thinks Sirius ought to also. He let out an instinctual groan and instantly there was a hand on his arm.
And then, like a button was pressed, all the pain came rushing back into his leg, which felt stiff and swollen, and with the pain came the memory. The smoke. Remus, who wouldn't wake up. The fire escape. The cool relief of air. James and Lily, trapped. The stairway. The pain - and then - Sirius came up blank. That was where his memories stopped. Well, from the amount of pain he was in, he wasn't dead, and he definitely wasn't in his apartment, so he must have been in… Sirius opened his eyes. He forced them to stay open, even though it felt like someone was beating on the inside of his skull with a wooden bat.
The hospital. Right, that made sense. He felt a chair shift closer to his bed. Oh, yes, the hand on his arm. Which belonged to Remus. Who looked frightful. His tall, lanky form looked uncomfortable in the chair, and his eyes were red-rimmed, and wide - just like the last time Sirius saw him, when Remus grabbed his arm and begged him to stay. His hair was messy as James' usually was, which was surprising for Remus, and he was gripping Sirius' arm so hard, it almost hurt, but Sirius didn't say anything. And god, for a second, he looked so scared, that Sirius felt fear spooling in the pit of his own stomach.
Remus shook his head, and Sirius felt his heart start to slam up against his ribcage. "James? Lily?"
Finally, Remus seemed to relax and he sank back against the chair. "They're fine. Both of them. Lily's being treated for smoke inhalation. James and I were, too, but she got the worst of it."
"Thank god." He paused. For a long time, things felt uncomfortable between the two of them. Remus looked down. "So if we're all fine, why do you look like that?. I mean, who died?" Sirius said, in a weak attempt to joke. Remus looked at him with a humorless smile.
"You, almost."
"Oh, right. Well, said I'd be back, didn't I?" Remus said nothing. "C'mon. It's a little harder to get rid of me."
"Stop, Sirius. Just… stop," Remus said, sharply. He still didn't meet Sirius' eye.
"...Okay."
"It's just - I told you not to go back in. I mean, all three of you could have - when they carried you out and you weren't moving and you were - you were covered in blood, Sirius, and you didn't wake up and I thought - I told you not to go back in." Remus said, and Sirius laughed, just a little, quiet laugh, but it was enough to make Remus finally look at him.
"Alright. Next time, I'll leave our closest friends to die." And it was as easy as that: even though it made his head hurt, Sirius found himself laughing harder, and soon Remus joined in, and both of them were laughing that laughter that hurt, that would start to die down until they looked at each other, and they'd start in again. Finally, they quieted, and Remus' eyes filled.
"I'm glad you're not dead."
"For the record, I'm pretty glad, too." Sirius smiled. His eyes were drawn to his leg, then, to the bulky white cast on his leg. "So… what's the verdict? On the leg?" Instantly, Remus' expression sobered and Sirius steeled himself for bad news.
"It's not good."
"By your expression, I gathered that."
"It'll heal. That's the good news. But… you're gonna have to learn how to walk again." Sirius waited for the blow from that news to sink in, to hit him like a punch to the gut, to sink like a stone to the bottom of his stomach, but it barely registered. He knew it would come later, then, but he was grateful for a temporary reprieve of pain. Sirius figured that he'd had enough punishment for the day. Remus was prattling on about physical therapy and success rates, but Sirius wasn't listening. He just sank further into the bed and listened to the rise and fall of Remus' voice, a small miracle in the midst of the chaos.
It was then the door creaked open, just a crack. and a long hand reached through it, waving a bouquet of flowers. Sirius laughed. He was starting to think he would just have to get used to the headache. James walked in with Lily, who was looking far rosier than she had in the hallway. There were dark circles under James' eyes. He worried a lot, despite how much he acted like he didn't, and Sirius knew the day must have been particularly trying, but the wide smile on his face more than made up for the baggy eyes.
"Hey, mate, you're awake!"
"Oh, am I? Didn't notice."
"Very funny, Sirius," Lily said, grabbing the flowers from James' hands and setting it on the stand beside Sirius' bed. "I'll give you these before he drops them. Again."
James stepped closer to Sirius and lingered awkwardly a minute. "Sirius, we want to say -"
"Hey, don't worry. You would have done the same and you know it."
"Yes," James said, casting a look at Lily. "Yes, but we should still say it. Thank you." Lily walked up to the other side of Sirius' bed and gave him a peck on the cheek, thanking him, too. As much as Sirius loved his friends, the whole thing was starting to make him vaguely uncomfortable. He cleared his throat.
"So, you all thought I was a goner for a sec, huh?" he asked. James knit his brow.
"What? Nah. You scared the living daylights out of us, but we knew you weren't going to die."
"Oh, yeah? The way Remus had been acting, I'd guessed you had to rip my heart from my chest and squeeze life back into it," Sirius joked, sneaking a glimpse at Remus who was still sitting in the chair to make sure he wasn't upset still, and thankfully, he saw a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.
"Right, well the way he acted when we brought you out, that might as well have been what happened." James gave Remus a gentle sock to the arm.
"Alright, let's just - " Remus finally got to his feet. "We're all alive, aren't we? That almost didn't happen. Let's just…" He trailed off. He didn't need to finish the sentence. They all knew what he was thinking. At least Sirius did.
There were lots of things that made Sirius love being alive. Soggy ice cream sandwiches, the dean's red face after catching him again, his favorite (and only) pair of black jeans, the smell of the coffee shop Remus and him went to, The Clash. But he'd never felt happier to be alive than laying in that hospital bed looking at the tired, beaming faces surrounding him and feeling an involuntary grin on his own face.
