This is in Vargas' POV. Hope you enjoy and review.


The second the new candidate came in I felt my breath hitch, a feeling that had become very familiar to me. I instantly knew I had to get out of there. But I didn't know where to go. I decided on going to the quarters. Once I arrived it suddenly came back to me that Casey was here. But I heard him talking to Dawson about paperwork so I didn't want to bother him. Suddenly I heard strong footsteps approaching, unconsciously I tensed up.

"You ok Vargas?" When I realized it was Severide I allowed myself to relax a little.

"Well…yes…kinda…maybe…no." The words stumbled out of my mouth before I could catch them.

"Are you having a panic attack?" Severide approached me visibly concerned. I just nodded in response, feeling unable to catch my breath. "Let's go to my office and we can talk- ok?" I nodded again. With a hand on my back he slowly and gently guided me to his office and I sat down quickly, the lack of air was making me dizzy. "You look like you're having trouble breathing are you?" Severide sat down keeping all of his attention on me. I nodded in response to his question. "Just try to breathe with me ok?" Kelly began to take several long deep breaths and I tried to follow. It seemed impossible at first but eventually I was able to follow his breathing and I felt myself calm down a little. "You feeling better?" he stopped his breathing to ask.

"I can breathe now- so that's better." When I spoke I sounded out of breath but that would go away.

"Wanna talk about it?" Severide looked at me hesitantly seemingly unsure of what to do.

"I guess the need of the candidate being here brought up memories." I admitted to him

"That makes a lot of sense. It brought up stuff you wanted to keep down." He nodded in understanding.

"Exactly."

"What memories did it bring up?" Severide prodded further, "You don't have to answer but you'll probably feel better if you talk about it a little more."

"Memories of the call. I don't think I'll ever forget hearing Casey yell Darden as loud as he could. Memories of everyone just crying, the realization that we lost someone." I could feel the tears start to come over a little bit as I started to cry. Severide rolled his chair closer to me and put a comforting arm around me and offered a box of tissues.

"It's ok to cry." He said simply. "I would be balling my eyes out." He smiled.

"I hate this so much."

"What do you hate?" Severide seemed confused

"I hate being unable to control my own body, when I get nervous I can't think straight or breathe and my heart starts racing and it sucks."

"Sounds like it. Are you feeling better now?" He asked looking hopeful.

"Now I'm just exhausted- panic attacks are tiring." I smiled a little bit.

"I can only imagine." He gave me a sympathetic smile "I think it might be a good idea to bring chief in on this."

"Why?" I didn't like that idea at all but I was willing to hear Severide out.

"He's been through stuff like this before and will understand. He'll probably have a few helpful suggestions. Also if something were to happen on call it would probably help you because you wouldn't have to explain things to him. He's also very easy to talk to." Severide finished and looked at me trying to gage my reaction it seemed.

"Ok." I figured nothing bad could happen.

"Let's go find him then." Kelly stood up and I hesitantly followed. I wasn't sure how dizzy I would be upon standing, it turned out to not be that bad. "You steady on your feet?" he noticed my hesitation.

"Yeah- I just wasn't sure if I was going to be or not." He nodded in approval and we both started walking towards chief's office. I was happy to see that chief was there when we turned into the administration area; I didn't want to have to go searching for him.

Severide took the lead and lightly knocked on Chief's open door. "You got a minute?" The chief gestured us in.

"What can I do for you?" he switched his attention to us as we sat down.

"Well Vargas and I were just talking and he's been really struggling after Andy's death. He's been having panic attacks." It wasn't until Severide finished that I realized I had been holding my breath. "We both thought it was best to bring you in on it."

"Ok. How bad have the panic attacks been Vargas?" I felt my breath hitch when the questioning turned to me even though I knew it would. Chief must have seen my breathing was going downhill "It's ok, you won't be judged here. No one has to know if you don't want them to."

"Well I'm not sure how bad they are relatively but they suck badly when I have them."

"Ok. So how do you want to handle these?" Chief seemed genuinely interested in my answer which felt good.

"Well it helps just to be somewhere quiet with someone and talk about it. But I'm not sure what to do on calls."

"Well I for sure don't want you in a burning building if you can't think straight. What do you think Kelly?" Chief's voice suddenly became sterner.

"I agree."

"I want to try though." I interjected before my fate was decided for me.

"Ok. You are allowed to go on whatever calls you feel like you can. But you have to come out if you start to have a panic attack. Ok?" I nodded, that was fair. "Does your lieutenant know about this?" I nodded again. "I'll let him know what we decided, I'm sure he'll be fine with it. Do you guys need anything else?"

"I'm good chief, thank you." When I stood up to leave I felt 20 pounds lighter.