I'm Still Here

I'm Still Here

Chapter Nine

Fall Into my Lies

Kagome awoke, feeling no physical pain for the first time in days. It didn't even take a glance to know that she was alone. She couldn't feel Kouga anywhere near. She didn't want to move, didn't want to get up. She thought back to the previous night, when Kouga's arm had stopped, frozen in mid-air.

His eyes were wide, and he lowered his hand slowly, as if unbelieving of what he'd done, and what he had been about to do. He stared at it in wonder, then lowered it still, very slowly, his eyes meeting Kagome's. She was worried for a second, terrified, even, because she really wondered what he would do to her. And, close to giving her a heart attack, he pulled her into his arms for the second time that night, crushing her to his body. She was too shocked to react. What was he doing? He held her close, inhaling her scent for a minute. She didn't move, and she was sure he could feel her heart thundering in her chest. He was whispering things to her, but she couldn't understand them, they were uttered so low. "Kagome…" he kept repeating. "Kagome, oh, Kagome…"

He stood there for a couple more minutes, and then pulled her with him until they were standing under a tree. He pushed her down gently, not letting go of her for a second, and laid down next to her, holding her against his body. She'd let him lay her down, and he cradled her head between his arms, crushed into his chest. She closed her eyes, thinking hard. What was he doing? Would he hurt her? Why wasn't he hurting her?

He was still whispering things, angrier now, but he didn't seem to be talking to her, really. He was talking to himself. Kagome didn't move until she thought she heard something. Her eyes opened wide. It couldn't be… but as she summoned up the courage to lift her head and look at him, she realized that, yes, he was crying.

Kagome remembered lying there, horrified and disgusted at herself for not wanting to take his vulnerability to her advantage and make a move to try to free herself. She groaned and wrapped her arms around her stomach. She felt so sick with herself for sleeping in his arms, for letting him touch her without trying to stop him. I was just shocked; she tried to reason with herself. That's why I didn't push him off. But had that been the only thing? She had to admit to herself that it hadn't felt bad to be held so lovingly. It reminded her of her first night with him, when she'd been so enthralled by his ministrations that she'd gotten lost in the illusion that he was Inuyasha.

Suddenly feeling sick, she got up hurriedly and ran towards the forest, where the clearing ended. She bended forward, held her hair up and out of her face and threw up, coughing out the meal she'd had the previous night. She sobbed as she drained her energy in retching. When she was done, she let herself fall backwards, wailing her distress. "Inuyasha," she cried, "Inuyasha…" Her eyes were closed, and her whole body ached. Her arms crossed over her chest, she dug her nails into them, wailing still, frustrated and disgusted. Her eyes opened, her face contorted into the most painful expression one would have ever seen. She knew Kouga was now very close to her. She could feel him taking a few steps from behind her. Letting out a loud sob, she got up, felt him stop moving. She ran out of the clearing, towards the spring she knew was close. She felt Kouga staring at her, his gaze burning holes in her back, but she didn't care. She approached the spring, and, on impulse, jumped on a rock, took a leap into the water, splashing it all around her. The water was cold, and the bottom wasn't very deep, and she hit her feet on it when she jumped. Completely under water, she didn't want to resurface.

The idea of staying there and dying occurred to her, and, as seducing as it was, she knew she would never actually die – her fragile, human body wouldn't allow her to drown. She knew how to swim, and she knew that even if she willed herself to stay motionless, her instincts would make her swim to the surface. And she did, hardly a minute later, gasping for air, sobbing, wailing, and screaming. Kouga was staring at her, standing beside a tree, and she was too miserable to feel any shame at her crying and screaming. She didn't care if he got angry and decided to kill her. She was thrashing in the water, splashing it about her, swallowing mouthful after mouthful of cold spring water, and coughing it out roughly, her throat threatening to give out. It was getting hard to breathe, and she felt the world darkening around her, before she felt Kouga's want to come rescue her. Opening her eyes wide, she moved fast, she swam to a nearby rock and grabbed onto it: she didn't want him to touch her. Assured that she wasn't going to drown, he didn't move, but didn't stop staring at her either.

Hardy acknowledging the fact that he was there, she cried herself to exhaustion, and when she couldn't support her weight in the water anymore, she pulled herself up with shaking arms and collapsed onto the rock she'd been holding onto, her eyes closing as she fell into the overwhelming darkness…

XX

Only two days later was Kagome sure that they were close to Kaede's village. Kouga hadn't tried to touch her since that day at the spring. After she'd fallen asleep, he'd carried her back under her tree, on top of her clothes. When she'd woken up, she'd realized that she had absolutely no clothes left, and another plan had materialized in her head. They'd walked practically without a stop for two days. Kagome was exhausted, her legs were throbbing, but the only thought that kept her from collapsing was that this was necessary for the plan.

When she was certain that they'd reach the village within an hour or so, she spoke up. "I'm exhausted."

Kouga looked at her blankly, as he'd been looking at her for the past two days. "I told you we should stop before," he said. He'd offered her to ride on his back, to which she hadn't even answered, and he'd also offered her to stop a lot more than once. They'd hardly stopped at night.

"If I'm not wrong," she started, her tone as convincing as she could manage – Of course she wasn't wrong – "I think Kaede's village is near."

Kouga eyed her suspiciously. Had she been trying to lure him there from the beginning? Kagome was expecting that. "Which is fortunate," she added, "because I need new clothes."

He thought about what she'd said. He had ripped almost all of her clothes, and he knew she didn't have any left. "We can stop there," he hissed, "but only for a night."

That will be enough, Kagome thought, determined. "Fine."

What seemed like hours later for Kagome's tired legs, she heard the familiar sounds of the villagers chopping wood. "Youkai!" they all started yelling. Kouga was faster than them, though. He leaped in front of Kagome, his fangs bared, and his claws ready.

"No!" Kagome yelled. She stepped forward, standing next to Kouga. "We will not hurt you," she called out, "I just want to see Kaede!"

Kouga was growling at her side. She knew that after what she'd said, he wouldn't attack any of the villagers. A few of them recognized her, and stood, wary, while the others ran back to the village to get help.

In what seemed like an instant, dozens of men were running back to them, yelling both "youkai!" and "Kagome!"

Kagome places her hand on Kouga's arm, but he was already crouching dangerously, snarling. "Calm down, Kouga!" she yelled. She knew that if she hadn't been there, he'd have killed them all in a heartbeat.

"KAGOME!" she heard a female voice yell from within the crowd. Kagome's heart skipped a beat as she recognized Sango's voice.

The taijiya appeared in front of her just a second later, and though Kagome could tell she wanted to reach out and take her in her arms, she was wary of Kouga.

"All of you," Sango yelled at the villagers, without so much as turning toward them, "leave. Miroku and I will take care of this."

As soon as the last word had fallen off of her lips, Miroku was standing next to her, and the men were running back to the village.

"Kouga," Miroku said under his breath. The demon relaxed his stance, stood back straight, and glared at the taijiya and the houshi.

Kagome could not stop her heart from thundering in her chest. They must have known that she'd try to lead Kouga back to Kaede's, and they'd come to try to fight him.

Kouga had worked out something different though. "You planned this!" he roared to his mate. "You tried to trick me!" His eyes were furious, angrier than ever before.

Kagome's own eyes filled with panic. "No!" she screamed. "I had no idea they would be here!" She could tell Sango and Miroku were feeling terrible, scared that he'd hurt her because of them.

But Kouga's anger was blinding, and he would never believe her. He took a step towards her, but Sango was faster. Her hiraikotsu hit his arm and Kagome was sure that Sango had never thrown it with such violence. Kouga howled in pain, wrapping his hand around his arm.

"Sango!" Kagome shrieked, "Sango stop!"

The taijiya stared at her, uncomprehending. So did Kouga.

"We are not here to hurt anyone." Her voice was shaky. She knew using 'we' would reassure Kouga that she wasn't trying to trick him. "I'm not here for you to help me get away from Kouga," she continued. She knew Sango was more surprised with each word, but it was necessary – Kouga was being reassured that she wasn't running away. "I have no intention of leaving Kouga."

The last sentence struck her friends deep. Miroku and Sango's eyes were wide. Kouga was staring her down, questioning her words.

"I am only here to rest and get new clothes from Kaede."

Sango opened her mouth to say something, but Kagome spoke again. "Kouga and I are going to speak for a minute, and I will be back for clothes."

Every word had been hard to utter, but now that she'd said it all, and that Sango and Miroku were stunned to the ground, she turned her back to them and walked into the forest. Kouga was with her in a leap.

He stared at her, his fangs still bared, his eyes wide.

"I'm going to go into the village now," she said tensely. "You will wait for me close by. I will eat with Kaede, get new clothes, and be back by sundown." That gave her a rough five or six hours. She looked at him warily. "I know you don't trust me completely," she whispered, "but I also know that if I don't come back, you will slaughter the village. And we both know that I would never let that happen. I will be back by sundown."

Kouga eyed her, growling low in his throat. He grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to him gruffly. His lips crashed down on hers violently, and she didn't try to resist when his tongue parted them to sweep through her mouth, holding her close to him. When he broke their kiss, he let go of her and leaped away into the forest.

Kagome trembled as she walked back to where her friends were waiting. "Kagome!" Sango yelled and ran towards her. She took her into her arms and crushed her small body to hers. "Look at you," she whispered, "you need sleep!"

Kagome nodded. "I have to be back by sundown," she whispered, before she let the darkness engulf her.

In her dream, all she could see was Inuyasha. He was standing in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest. That was all she saw. Different words that she'd spoken, or that he'd told her, throbbed in her head, but the only image was his…

The last words she could endure were the ones she'd said to him before he'd left her. She woke up with a loud yell, damp, with tears smeared on her cheeks.

"Kagome!" she heard Sango yell. "Kagome! Are you alright?"

Kagome looked around her. She was in Kaede's hut, sleeping comfortably on a futon. The air around her smelled good: Kaede had prepared a soup that Kagome loved.

She then looked at Sango, whose eyes were creased with worry. She hadn't been sleeping much either, Kagome gathered. "Sango…" she whispered, her voice hoarse from the scream she'd let out earlier. "I'm fine, I just had a nightmare." Sango wasn't even listening to her. Apparently, she'd already figured out that her friend was okay and had gripped her in a tight, warm hug. Kagome didn't feel any comfort from the hug, she just sat there, one hand on Sango's shoulder.

"Oh!" she gasped as she realized the time. There wasn't much sun coming from the window – it would soon be sunset. "I have to go!"

Sango looked at her, her eyes wide. "But it's not sunset yet," she protested.

"I have to go," she rectified. "I have to go back… to my time."

Sango's eyes filled with tears, but she nodded. After all, she'd known that Kagome was trying to go back home for good.

AN:

No, I don't like this chapter either, but I had to get something out. Sorry it's short, but I just had to post something… Next one should be out soon, though. See there's a part here that I don't really feel like writing, a couple of chapters, but after those, my favorite part of the story begins, so I'll be writing a lot more from now on – I'm excited to get to that part!

Thanks to Amber on IK-Eternal, for the review that just made me want to post this chapter, even if I wasn't completely happy with it, and even if it was too short… The next chapter is dedicated to you, and you'll see why! Thanks so much for the review.

Huggles.