Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, if you haven't heard.


BPOV

I hid the torn robe in an old duffel bag in the back of my closet. I didn't want to take the chance of putting it in with the trash and my mother discovering it. I didn't want to deal with the ensuing questions that discovery would result in. This was definitely not a situation I wanted to have to explain to my parents. Their disappointment in me for what I had knowingly done to Edward would be more than I could handle.

I slipped into a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt as I came up with an excuse to give Jacob for bailing on him tonight. After what happened with Edward I just wasn't in the mood to put on a false smile and play the part of the doting girlfriend tonight. My hands were shaking uncontrollably when I began to dial Jacob's phone number causing me to have to redial three times.

Calm down, Bells, I told myself.

"Hello, Gorgeous!" Jacob's voice sang out cheerfully after only one ring.

"Hi, Jacob," I managed in a rather shaky voice.

"Everything okay, beautiful?" he asked. "You sound terrible."

"Not really, that's why I'm calling. I'm sorry Jacob but I must be coming down with a bug. I feel wretched and I just can't make it tonight." I said; my voice hoarse from crying.

"Ah, Bells you can't do this to me," He whined.

I sighed. I knew he wouldn't make this easy for me.

"Come on, just make a quick appearance. Talk to my parents for five minutes and I promise I will bring you home," he pleaded with me.

"Jacob, I'm really sick. I can barely crawl out of bed. Give your parents my love and tell them I will see them soon," I said.

This conversation was quickly draining the last of my energy reserves. I was exhausted and having trouble coming up with excuses. I wasn't sure how much more of his pleading I could stand.

"Please, Bells. This is the last time, I promise," he once again begged.

"Jacob, I just can't. I'm really sorry," I replied.

I hung up the phone before he could respond.

I sat at the vanity in my bedroom staring into the mirror at the reflection looking back at me. I barely recognized myself. My face was blotchy and my eyes were red and swollen from crying, but it went much deeper than that. I looked as if I had aged at least ten years. My skin was dull and fine lines were visible. The dark circles and puffy skin beneath my eyes gave the appearance that I hadn't slept in months. The girl looking back at me was a stranger.

As I studied the foreign features of my reflection, a feeling of shame began to wash over me. I got up from the mirror and went over to my bed to lie down. Staring up at the ceiling, I began to think back to what I had done to Edward.

I couldn't believe that I had lost my temper like that. His accusations and blatant arrogance had been more than I could handle. I had only ever used my power once in my life when I was a small child. Truth be told, that one time had happened by accident – nothing more than a mean little boy that I just wanted to be my friend. I had no idea the force I would be unleashing when I deliberately wielded it at Edward.

I had never seen someone change so quickly. Once I had focused my power on Edward, his eyes filled with a deep, longing passion that exhilarated me but then all too quickly his eyes morphed into the eyes of a terrifying beast. They blackened and dulled, gazing past me, into some unseen world where I imagined only lust and blood existed.

But that wasn't the most terrifying part. I saw what was happening to him. I registered that I had taken it too far but I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop pushing him to take me. My own power consumed me and I hungered for that feeling of absolute power over another. I never thought myself capable of destroying another creature but in that moment I wanted nothing more than to see him eventually crumble under the weight of my strength. I began to sink down into a dark place where all that mattered to me was the intoxicating pleasure of controlling and eventually destroying Edward in that moment.

I wasn't thinking clearly, or I would have realized that I could not have possibly taken on a vampire physically. The physical pain he was causing me was alarming but welcome. It was the only thing I could hold on to in order to pull myself up from the darkness.

By the time I made it out of the darkness, it was too late. He had already overpowered me and I could do nothing more than beg and plead for him to spare my life. Slowly, I saw his eyes begin to focus in on me. They once again they became clear. He wore a look of apparent confusion at first but then that was quickly replaced with remorse. The pain I saw on his face once the realization of what he was doing to me set in, is something I will never forget.

I was terrified thinking about the monster I had seen myself becoming in those brief moments with Edward. As I began to doze off, I vowed that I would make it right with Edward again and that I would never do that to another person.

Please forgive me, Edward, was my final thought.


EPOV

I almost killed her, I thought to myself as I slumped down in a chair in the living room.

I was staring up at the ceiling, replaying the events in my mind. I was desperately searching for the moment in time where I had lost all control. I was studying every move Bella and I had made, dissecting every word we had spoken to each other. I was trying to locate the trigger that sent me spiraling into the blackness I had always fought against. I was searching for the thing that had awakened the monster.

After many, many years of battle, I had convinced myself that I had defeated the monster. But he was never truly defeated. He was always there, sleeping, crouching in the blackness, patiently waiting for the moment of weakness that was sure to come. I had been a fool all these years.

I closed my eyes trying to concentrate.

I recalled Isabella telling me that she would show me what it truly felt like for her to use her power against me. I smiled, remembering how I had nearly laughed out loud when she said it. I remembered thinking to myself that I had already felt the "force" and was able to overcome it quickly and painlessly. What more could this small kitten muster up?

Then nothing. No more memories. It was as if everything had gone blank. I imagined this would be what a human would experience when they passed out. I had no concept of time or how long this blankness, this nothingness, lasted.

The next thing I remembered was the tunnel. My body shuddered at the remembrance of it. It was a place of blackness, hopelessness, and evil. It was the place the monster called home and it was to be the battleground for my soul. I felt as though there was no way out. I remembered deciding to give up the struggle and turn myself over to the monster. He had wanted me for so very long and I was too tired to fight anymore.

Then I remembered hearing the voice. It was Bella's voice. In my darkest hour, it was her voice that pulled me from the blackness. It was Bella that had saved my soul.

Sitting in that chair I made up my mind that I didn't care if she had placed me under some type of spell when I first arrived. It didn't matter anymore if my previous feelings were based on a trick or were based on truth. The feelings I had been having since walking through that front door were but a small measure of what I was feeling for her at that very moment. Gratitude. I loved her for saving me.

I only hoped she could find it in her heart to forgive me for the pain I had caused her. Begging her forgiveness and winning her trust was all that mattered. Rather or not she loved me in return was of little consequence. This wasn't about me or what I hoped to gain from committing myself to making her happy and keeping her safe. This was about repaying her for saving my soul.

Bella needed a protector now and I would be that for her. Regardless of Carlisle's decision on accepting her into our family or not, I would make sure she survived what was coming. If it meant leaving my family to remain at her side, that is what I would do. If it meant giving up everything I had ever treasured, then I would make that sacrifice.

I lifted my head and opened my eyes. I looked to my side and saw the indentation in the wall where my body struck during Heidi and my confrontation. It already seemed ages ago that it happened but in looking at the grandfather clock standing proudly next to the damaged wall, I realized that it had only been a short hour ago.

Only 60 minutes ago that Heidi cautioned me to keep my distance, only 45 minutes ago that I went to speak to Bella in her room, only 30 minutes ago that Bella saved my soul, and only two minutes for me to decide that Bella was my life now.

Please forgive me, Bella, I thought.

At that moment the doorbell rang.

I was out of the chair in an instance. I knew that the family would not be ringing the front door bell. I quickly and silently moved to the front door. The sun had already sunk behind the hills in the horizon and the porch light was not on. Even in the darkness, my vampire eyes could clearly see that this was an unknown vampire. Tall and slender with wavy blond hair that shimmered in the early moon light. He wore a short sleeve tee shirt and I could see the bite scars littering his arms. I know of only one thing that could leave a bite scar forever imbedded into a vampire's nearly impenetrable skin – another vampire.

The Volutri Guard had arrived.

I heard heavy footsteps behind me. My head snapped in the direction of the staircase that led to Bella's room. She was descending the stairs. With her arms stretching above her head she looked as though she had just woken from sleep.

"Who's at the door?" she said far too loudly.

I knew the vampire ears on the other side of the huge mahogany door were sure to have heard her voice. I raced to her side in an instance and started to lead her back up the stairs.

"What's happening? What's wrong, Edward?" Bella asked with concern.

I raised my finger to her lips to silence her.

"I need you to be as quiet as possible, Bella," I whispered to her.

She nodded her head to show that she understood. I picked her up in my arms and ran as fast as I could up the stairs into her room. Once in the room, I set her back down on her feet and closed and locked the door.

As if a lock will keep out a vampire, I thought to myself

The doorbell rang again. I turned and faced Bella. Her eyes were focused on the closed bedroom door. She was obviously confused and scared. I could see that she was on the verge of panic. I recalled the vow I had made just moments ago. I would be her protector. I would get her out of here safely.

I began to form a plan that involved the window overlooking the stable. The doorbell rang out again followed by a hard persistent wrapping on the door frame. I placed my hand on Bella's cheek and turned her head slightly so that she was looking at me.

"I am going to get you out of this, Bella. I swear to you. But you have to do everything I tell you to do with no questions asked. Do you trust me?" I whispered.

"Yes, I trust you Edward," she said.

I stroked her cheek with my thumb and then grasped her hand and led her to the window. Just as we were opening the window sash, the sound of the front door opening resonated in my ears.

"BELLA, I KNOW I HEARD YOU. WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" a voice yelled out from downstairs.

I looked at Bella. She smiled at me and began sprinting to the bedroom door. She threw open the door before I could even process what was happening.

"JASPER!" she yelled into the hallway.


What do you guys think? After all this heavy, I think it was time to have a little fun. I hope you all are as excited to see Jasper as I am. I know Alice is.

Confession Time:

So when I started this story at the end of 2009, I always pictured having Jacob play a major role later in the story. I had always loved Jacob from the books. He held a very special place in my heart and I was concocting a great story for him in my head. Some readers may have seen the name Alec a couple of chapters ago referring to Bella's impending date. Not the Voluri Alec just some ancillary character that we would only have to tolerate for one chapter never to be heard from again. As I mentioned in yesterday's notes though, time has changed the story in my head a bit and I have this confession to make...

*WARNING - TEAM TAYLOR FANS STOP READING NOW*

Taylor Lautner ruined Jacob for me. I know, I know this is not likely to make me any friends. But I loved my book Jake so much and Taylor Lautner never lived up to the Jake I had created in my own mind. I know all I need to cure this illness is to pick up my copy of new moon and get to rereading Stephenie's masterpiece. But I just don't have the time for it right now and I still have one more movie to go before I can remove Taylor from my mind completely. Therefore, I changed the random name of Alec to Jacob and decided to write him out of my story in record time. So if you are looking for some hot Quileute wolf lovin', you might want to find a different story.

So how do the movie actors compare to the characters you envisioned when you first read the books? Let me know.