Warning: it appears that the majority of the reviews are coming from my two biggest fans: lalalei and AnimaniAshley (glad you both like what I got so far, by the way). Other readers, don't be afraid to pitch in a review, whether it's praise for what I'm doing right or constructive criticism for what I'm doing wrong, just no flames, please.
-Outside-
"Where do we even start?" Johann asked Joey and Yugi.
Yugi's Millennium Puzzle illuminated with a brilliant light and Yami took his place. He said, "We do it the way heroes in video games do it: ask each and every person we see."
"But that's too time consuming."
"You got a better idea, Sherlock?"
"Well, no."
"Then let's split up gang!" Joey said.
"Joey," Yami scolded, "we make a lot of good references, but 'Scooby Doo' is not one of them."
"Nyeh? Why not?"
"Because when I think about 'Scooby Doo', I think about Scrappy, and when I think about Scrappy, I think about people like Johann."
Wow, Johann thought, Yugi was right: this guy is the bigger asshole.
"Right," Johann sighed, "let's just split up."
Johann decided to ask the people near the arena. Unfortunately, he could not get any leads. Half an hour of fruitless questioning later, he finally found someone who saw something.
"Yeah," she said, "I saw a suspicious person with blond hair run out of the arena some time ago."
Suspicious and has blond hair. Not much to go on.
He soon met up with Joey and Yami.
"So," Joey said, "find anything?"
"Yeah," Johann nodded, "apparently, the thief has blond hair."
Both he and Yami looked at Joey suspiciously.
"Joey…" Yami said warningly.
"Hey! I didn't take it! I was in the locker room the whole time, just ask Tea and Serenity!"
"What are you getting so upset about, Joey?" A voice asked.
A busty woman with blond hair and purple clothes approached the group.
"Mai!" Joey said. "What are you doing here?"
"You're asking me, a duelist, what I'm doing here, near a duelist arena? I was watching the finals, and Joey, I can't believe you lost to some random kid."
"Hey." Johann snapped. "I'm not 'some random kid'."
"You are in our point of view." Yami said.
"We're trying to find the thief that took Johann's prize." Joey explained to Mai. "We've just found out that they have blond hair—wait a minute, you have blond hair, Mai."
Mai scowled. "And you suspect me?"
"Well, you do have blond hair, and I've always found those boobs to be suspicious. I mean, are those even real?"
"You insensitive jerk!"
Mai slapped Joey's face and stormed off. He rubbed the red handprint shaped mark on his cheek and asked, "I wonder if she's mad at me?"
"And you wonder why you never score any chicks." Yami rolled his eyes.
"No duh." Johann said.
"Yeah, I think I should go apologize to her."
Joey ran off in the direction Mai left. The witness Johan spoke to earlier stepped forward and said, "Actually, that person wasn't a woman."
"You could have said that earlier." Johann groaned. "Any other details you can give us?"
"Yes, it was a big man with a flag on his head."
"Well, that narrows it down to one person." Yami said. "We better find him before Joey does."
"Before Joey does?" Johann asked. "Why?"
"Oh, no reason."
-Construction site-
Johann and Yami looked for the thief for hours, and it was sunset when they heard a familiar voice cry out in pain. They followed the voice to a construction site, and the first thing they saw was Joey on the ground. They ran to his side and, upon closer inspection, saw that he was thoroughly beaten up.
"Joey!" Yami exclaimed. "Who did this to you?"
Joey groaned weakly. "I just…had to…risk…life…for…trading cards."
Johann clenched his fists. "I'll get whoever did this to you."
Someone laughed and stepped out of hiding from behind one of the unfinished walls. It was a big man with a bandana on his head that looked like the American flag. He asked, "Really? How can a nobody like you get payback?"
"Bandit Keith." Yami said. "I figured you did this."
"I just gave this chump a traditional American greeting…from America! Really, it was his fault that he wanted to fight me instead of dueling me in a children's card game."
"You want to duel?" Johann challenged. "I'll give you a duel. I'll avenge Joey and get my prize back."
"Johann," Yami said slowly, "are you actually challenging Bandit Keith to a duel?"
"You guys keep saying that you solve your problems by dueling, and seeing that this guy believes that too, I'll just go with it."
Yami would not openly admit, but annoyed as he was about this kid, he was a little bit glad that he was finally starting to get how things worked around here.
"You think you can beat me?" Bandit Keith laughed. "You may be the new Beginner's champion, but that's all you are: a beginner, a rookie, a kid that can't even put a scratch on me! Let me show you how real men play…in America!"
"Duel!"
Absolute Pwnage vs. In America!
The familiar dark fog appeared and covered the ground. The stars in the sky seemed to vanish and the shadows started moving. A chill went down Johann's spine when he realized what was happening.
"Another Shadow Game?!"
"Okay," Yami spoke up, "first the Paradox Brothers, now Bandit Keith. How are you guys able to initiate Shadow Games without a Millennium Item? Did all the minor villains in this series make a deal with the card game devil or something?"
"Sorry, but I'm not allowed to say anything." Bandit Keith wagged a finger. "I'll start off by placing a monster face down."
Okay, don't panic, Johann.
"I'll place a card face down," Johann said, "and I summon 'Neo the Magic Swordsman' to attack your monster."
[Neo (1700/1000) is summoned. It attacks the monster, which turns out to be a Blast Sphere (1400/1400). It latches onto Neo.]
"Huh? What is that thing?"
"My turn," Bandit Keith said smugly, "I place a card facedown, summon 'Robotic Knight', and end my turn."
[Robotic Knight (1600/1800) appears.]
"Hold on! You didn't even explain—."
[Blast Sphere explodes, taking Neo out with it. Johann loses 1700 LP.]
"Does that explain it?" Bandit Keith asked sarcastically. "It's a bomb and it blows up your monster."
"Most people explain what an effect monster or card does."
"I don't do that kind of sissy thing. Why explain what something does when you could be using that time to kick your opponent's ass…in America?!"
"If that's how it is, then I better start kicking your ass."
-Many turns later-
[Johann has 2500 LP, two cards facedown, and the monsters Maha Vailo (1550/1400), Copycat (1850/800), and Battle Ox (1700/1000). Bandit Keith has 5500 LP and two Mechanicalchasers (1850/800).]
"And now," Bandit Keith announced, "I sacrifice both 'Mechanicalchasers' to summon 'Optimus Prime'!"
[Monsters are sacrificed and replaced with Michael Bay's version of Optimus Prime (2800/2200).]
"You went with Bay's version of Optimus?" Yami asked. "Laaaaaaame."
"Hey!" Bandit Keith snapped. "You do not insult Michael Bay! Insulting Michael Bay mean insulting America, and insulting America mean insulting me!"
"Yeah, I know, that's why I said that."
"Optimus, destroy Maha Vailo!"
"'Negate Attack'!" Johann declared.
[Negate Attack is played and the attack is cancelled.]
"I now activate my other card, 'Fissure'!" He went on.
[Fissure destroys Optimus Prime.]
"Next, I sacrifice 'Maha Vailo' to summon 'Firewing Pegasus'!"
[Monster is sacrificed and replaced by Firewing Pegasus (2250/1800).]
"Bandit Keith, consider yourself pwned!"
[All monsters attack, bringing Bandit Keith's LP to 0.]
"No way!" He shouted. "I had you, you twerp!" He pointed a finger at Johann. "You, don't think you're better than me just because you beat me once. Next time, I'll destroy you…in America!"
"Hold it! Give me back my prize!"
"Prize? What prize?"
"Don't play dumb," Yami said, "we all know you stole the grand prize."
"If I did, then I wouldn't give it back. See you around, chumps!"
Bandit Keith turned around and ran off. Johann was about to run after him when he glanced at Joey. He couldn't leave him like that, so he went back to his side.
"Johann, what are you doing?" Yami asked. "You're letting Keith get away!"
"We can't leave Joey like this." Johann told him.
"You may not, but I can!"
Yami ran off after Bandit Keith.
So he's choosing my prize over his friend? I can't believe him.
Joey stirred and opened his eyes. He sat up and shouted, "Keith! Where's Bandit Keith?!"
"He and Yugi took off that way." Johann pointed in their direction.
Joey got to his feet and bolted after them, saying, "Great! There's still a chance for me to get that prize!"
Johann was stunned for a moment at what he had heard. He hollered, "You just wanted my prize, you selfish bastards?! That's it: that's the last time I'm being nice to you!"
-Kaiba Mansion-
Kaiba paced back and forth in his room. He was waiting for any word on the thief that stole the grand prize. He stopped when Mokuba entered the room.
"Well?" He asked his younger brother.
"The security cameras have identified the thief as Bandit Keith," Mokuba reported, "but no one's been able to catch him."
"I suppose it's time to pull out the big guns. Tell everyone at work to use every resource KaibaCorp has. I'll get the new Duel Disk components and hand them out to duelists first thing tomorrow. We are going to find that ****er and we are going to show him why no one crosses Seto Kaiba."
"Um, big brother? When did KaibaCorp get the resources of the FBI?"
"Shut up, Mokuba."
Kaiba went to his desk and pulled out one of the drawers. He frowned and shut the drawer. He asked, "Mokuba, did you take my lock pick pouch?"
"Well, yeah…"
"Give. It. Back. Now.
Mokuba sheepishly took out a black pouch and handed it to Kaiba. He snatched it out of his hand and briskly walked out of the room. His younger brother called out, "Where are you breaking in this time?"
"Breaking in? No, Mokuba, I'm going to be making some house calls."
Damn, I'm on a roll with this fanfiction. Let's see how long it lasts this time.
"Grandpa," Yugi said as he shook him by the shoulders, "wake up already. The tournament was over hours ago."
Grandpa stirred in his seat and opened his eyes. He yawned, then exclaimed, "Oh! I missed the whole thing! You won, right?"
"Unfortunately, no."
"Really? Who are you and what have you done with my grandson?"
"Grandpa, you were out for several hours; we should get you home."
"Hours? Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"
"Actually, we all kind of forgot about you. By the time I remembered, the stadium was closed for the night. I had to convince the janitor to open the door so that I could come get you."
"Well, better now than later, I suppose." He yawned again. "Okay, let's—."
He closed his eyes and started snoring.
"Oh for ****'s sake."
