Fast Forward

Chapter 9

Despite all the toys and games, keeping Kami occupied was a lot harder than Mike realized. He honestly didn't know how Andrea kept the triplets occupied every day. It gave him a whole new respect for his wife. He realized how easy he had it. The house was reasonably clean, dinner almost on the table and the kids were happy when he got home from work. Andrea frequently shooed him out the backdoor with a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other to relax on the back deck while she occupied the kids.

Hannah had visited at length with the women and children. She seemed to draw an odd strength from them. They, like her, didn't understand where they were going to go with their lives or how they were even deserving of being saved, let alone taken care of. Mike wasn't thrilled with the amount of time that Hannah spent with them because he felt she was reliving the same nightmares but allowed it. Once she got back to Florida, she would lose touch with most of them.

They were three days from Florida and Mike was beyond ready to be home. He had objected to the three months of vacation but Tom was insistent. He had taken time off after Andrea had the triplets and more when she had the twins. Tom's theory was that it was going to be a battle to get Hannah assimilated and with Andrea's injuries, she would need Mike home too. Mike finally got Kami settled for a nap and decided to call Andrea to update her.

"Hey, babe. How's it going?" Andrea asked.

"It's going. Kami is harder than I realized to keep up with and Hannah just wants to spend time with those women and kids. How do you keep up with the triplets and twins at the same time?" Mike asked.

"The triplets occupy each other, mostly. And Eli and Elli are just shy of nine months old. As long as they are fed and diapered; they are happy. I do think they are missing their daddy and Kami though. I am too." Andrea admitted.

"I will be home in three days. Kara is pushing as hard as she can. The evacuees are not handling being contained well." Mike assured her.

"I know. I just really miss you. So, how are you going to handle the visit to the grave now?" Andrea asked.

"I miss you too. I honestly don't know. I promised to take Hannah but that was before Kami. I don't feel comfortable taking Kami. I may see if Tom or Kara will ride with me and stay in the truck with Kami while I go to the grave with Hannah." Mike stated.

"You don't have a car seat, Mike. Why don't I just meet at the dock, get Kami and go home? You and Hannah can go. She needs the privacy but she shouldn't be alone either." Andrea suggested.

"I hate to put one more thing on you." Mike argued.

"I'll be fine. This is our best option. What's bothering you?" Andrea asked. Mike had no idea how she knew.

"How'd you know something was bothering me?" Mike asked.

"Michael, I have known you for over ten years, been married to you for four years and had five children with you. I know when something is on your mind." Andrea stated.

"It's just…Hannah is really struggling. The President procured a bunch of clothes and books for her. Had Kara get them. She doesn't think she is deserving because of the things she's been forced to do. Plus, she doesn't think her mother would be proud of what she has become. Christine had some high expectations for Hannah but she did love her. Hannah is doubting that." Mike told her.

"Christine was a good mom but she was not a natural at it. Some women are born mothers and some have to figure it out. I think her childhood affected the type of mom she was. She desperately wanted to be a super mom but she definitely struggled, especially with Hannah. Their personalities clashed. I remember my mom telling me a parent has the hardest time with the child that is the most like them." Andrea stated.

"Yeah, that's true. Hannah's personality is a lot like Christine's. I just have to convince Hannah that Christine loved her and would be proud of her. It doesn't help that Christine died trying to save Quinn and Hannah. I've told her that any mother would do what Christine did. She isn't convinced." Mike said.

"It's true. Any mother would. That may not be something Hannah will fully understand until she has a child of her own. I'm sure Christine never hesitated." Andrea agreed.

"I'm sure. One thing I know for absolute sure, Christine loved her children. She didn't always do good at showing it but I knew it. She was terrified of becoming like her parents. I only know of one instance where she slapped Hannah and Christine felt terribly about it. I had the chance at the desk job in Miami but refused it so I could climb ranks, which led me to the Arctic. Christine wanted me home more, I thought at the time it was because she was overwhelmed but I sometimes wonder if she didn't trust herself with them." Mike told her.

"Maybe. Just let Hannah process. Don't get in a hurry. You've had ten years to grieve and move on. Hannah's been busy surviving. Now she has to grieve. Grieving for your mother is not easy, especially if that mother died so that you could live. She will always wonder if she is worthy of that." Andrea agreed.

"And the added of Quinn dying. She and Hannah were really close. I don't know a lot of details but I do know, Hannah was holding Quinn's hand when she died. Part of me is glad, that Hannah could comfort Quinn in some way but the other part hates that she witnessed that. And of course, I hate it for Quinn. My baby was in terrible pain even before El Norte and his commandos got ahold of them. I will never get past that…" Mike stopped talking, too choked up.

"Mike, Hannah is going to have to have some counseling and I think you would benefit from going with. Losing a child is horrific. You don't get past it. I know Lucas bothers you but the circumstances of Quinn's death really bothers you and I think its something you and Hannah have to deal with together." Andrea told him.

"Maybe, but Hannah needs me to be strong for her. Seeing me fall apart because of Quinn…I can't do that to her." Mike argued.

"No, Mike, she needs to know that it's okay to grieve." Andrea argued back.

"Maybe. I think Kami is waking up. I can't wait to see you." Mike told her.

"Just be prepared. I'm all bruised. Give them a kiss for me?" Andrea asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I love you." Mike said.

"I love you too. Remember, Mike, just grieve. Let me know when you'll be in and I'll meet you." Andrea told him.

"Yes, ma'am. Talk to you later." Mike told her as he hung up.

Kami had settled down slightly but Mike needed to get his mind off Christine and especially Quinn. He picked the little girl up and laid back down on the couch with her sleeping on his chest. Kami had cuddled up closely and wrapped her little arms around him. As badly as he wanted to not think of Quinn, Kami doing that reminded him of her. It hurt.

Twelve-year-old Quinn had just come home from the hospital after her thyroid surgery. She was miserable. Mike and Christine were both well versed in dealing with their daughter's various illnesses. She had seizures, was diabetic, was now lacking part of her thyroid, asthmatic, and had issues with her vision.

All Quinn wanted was for one of her parents to cuddle with her. Christine was not necessarily the parent that cuddled so Mike laid down on the couch with her and Quinn finally settled on his chest. Christine was in the kitchen working on Quinn's favorite chicken noodle soup and Hannah and Lucas were in the backyard playing.

Christine came in with a small bowl of the soup broth, presumably for Mike to taste test. He straightened up while Christine put a blanket over their sleeping daughter. She may not be overly affectionate but she did have odd ways of showing her love to them. The kid's favorite foods when they were sick or on their birthdays, a nice meal for Mike before he deployed and again when he came home, she kept the house clean and organized.

"Care to try this? I think it needs salt but Quinn hates salt." Christine asked while she fed Mike a spoonful.

"I agree. It needs salt. Any word from the doctor?" Mike asked. They were waiting on the results of Quinn's biopsy.

"No. I'm hoping it will be soon. Poor girl." Christine said as she sat the bowl down and knelt next to couch. She was running her hand through Quinn's hair.

"I hate seeing this with her. She tries so hard to be upbeat but she's hurting." Mike stated.

"She is but she's a tough girl. She loves having you home though. I'm not so good at this stuff." Christine admitted as she indicated Mike holding Quinn close.

"You have your moments. You do hug the kids frequently and give them kisses." Mike argued.

"Maybe but I always wanted to be the type of mom that their kids knew without a doubt; would hug, love on them. I don't always do that." Christine stated.

"Come here. I have room. I know the soup is simmering and I can see Hannah and Lucas from here. Lay down. Quinn will love it." Mike told her as he scooted further back on the couch and lifted the blanket. Christine hesitated for a second and then got in next to Mike. It was cramped and Christine and Quinn were practically laying on top of him. Christine had wrapped her arm around Quinn and had sweetly kissed her cheek.

Mike smiled at the memory. Quinn's biopsy revealed precancerous cells, but she did recover well. Christine had told both their marriage counselor and her counselor that she desperately wanted to be more affectionate with her children. It was something that she had been working on before Mike left for the Arctic. All Mike could do was encourage it. The kids loved how their mom was changing and she was developing closer relationships with all three of them. Hannah came in from visiting with the evacuees and smiled at Mike.

"I always loved when you did that with us kids. I always felt safe." Hannah told him.

"Come here. I got room." Mike told her and held a free arm out. Hannah hesitated for about half a second and climbed in next to Mike. It was probably not appropriate but he didn't care. He just wanted Hannah to feel safe.

"Mom did this sometimes when you were gone. At least once a week, we would all have a movie night in your room and have a big slumber party. It was great." Hannah told him. Mike knew that Christine frequently had the kids sleep with her in their bed while he was deployed. He had never minded and it was obviously a happy memory for Hannah.

"She talked about it a lot too. She loved it." Mike told her.

"She really tried hard. Her dad must have really been a piece of work. I remember she told me once that she loved us kids and she loved being a mom but she wondered if she should have ever had kids." Hannah said quietly.

"She did wonder that a lot but she loved you kids a lot. Her dad did a lot of damage to her. Her biggest fear was that she would repeat the cycle." Mike admitted.

"She broke the cycle. She was so careful with disciplining us. Probably let us get away with too much." Hannah said with a smile, obviously remembering something.

"She was scared of going too far. Hannah, I know you wonder about your mom. If she loved you? If she would be proud? I think she would be over the moon proud of you. She only wanted you to be happy and she was terrified that your intelligence would make you do things you didn't want. She was partially right on that but now, you choose. If you never do anything, the rest of your life, she will be proud of you because you will have chosen your fate. Not some tutor or school. You. That is what your mom wanted for you. She didn't want your future dictated. Quinn and Lucas, if they had lived, would have had a choice where their life went but you didn't. She hated that. She was terrified you would resent she and I for pushing it." Mike told her.

"I…just want to take a break for a while. So many people have always wondered what I will accomplish. I just don't want to be expected to accomplish anything for a while." Hannah said quietly.

"Then that's what you'll do. You can relax. Swim, play with the babies or not. No one expects anything more from you." Mike reassured her.

"That sounds so nice." Hannah admitted.

"And at the end of the three months, if you aren't ready for anything, then no questions asked." Mike assured her.

"I'm sure I'll be bored by then. I love you, Daddy." Hannah told him, and Mike leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too. Go to sleep." Mike told her and Hannah relaxed into his shoulder. Kami would be waking up soon but Mike would hopefully be able to convince her to stay on the couch so that Hannah could get her sleep out.