"We are sorry, Doctor."
The Head Keeper's voice was a gentle buzz, in soothing contrast to Oldarz' high-pitched rasp. Explanations had been offered, the blaster surrendered, and a futile search for the Master begun and ended. "We were unaware of your presence until I received your message. We found your traveling device in Keeper Oldarz' personal quarters." He indicated the TARDIS, then dropped his hand. "It is obvious that our colleague worked willingly with the Master, that there was no coercion involved," he continued, gazing sorrowfully down at Oldarz' bisected body. It lay on a litter, ready to be beamed out to the Keeper's burial mounds on the southern continent.
"Even more horrendous, we have discovered the evidence you told us about, showing that you are not the first victims of his...insanity," he added in a tone of bitter self-reproach. "His notes were just where you said they would be; Oldarz has been experimenting on sentient beings for many years now. We are in the process of locating and releasing the other prisoners and their offspring."
"And you never knew?" Tegan demanded, outraged. "Never even suspected?"
The Head Keeper bowed his head in shame. "We often collaborate with outworlders, and we have not been in the habit of monitoring each other's private experiments."
"Maybe it's time to change habits," Tegan snapped.
The Doctor frowned, but the Head Keeper simply nodded. "Perhaps you are right. Our only defense is the fact that nothing like this has ever happened before, during our rather lengthy history. Keeper Oldarz presented regular reports on his other work that raised no suspicions. It was only in his private laboratories that he committed such...atrocities." He raised his eyes to the Doctor and Tegan, a tortured expression in all four of them. "Doctor, I regret to inform you that we know of no antidote for the Mythiryal. From what we have determined, once administered, it must run its full course."
"I understand," the Doctor replied, sounding far more forgiving than Tegan felt.
"We will do everything in our power to create an antidote, but I fear it may take us a long time. Too long to help you," the Head Keeper added sorrowfully.
The Doctor nodded. "Please, don't worry about it," he said reassuringly. "I'm something of a scientist myself, and I know one or two people who might be able to help find a solution." He held up a tray of vials. "I believe I've taken enough samples for my research. Right now, however, I think it would be best if we left. When I do find an antidote," he added with what sounded like his normal optimism, "I'll make sure you receive a copy of the formula. Just in case." He turned and strode purposefully for the TARDIS.
The Head Keeper nodded gravely at the Time Lord's back, and Tegan bit her lip to keep from screaming accusations at him. It wasn't his fault, after all, and the culprits had already been punished. At least, one of them had. The Master was entirely too good at making last-minute escapes. She merely nodded at the Head Keeper's farewells and continued apologies, her mind racing as she followed the Doctor onto the TARDIS.
oOoOoOoOo
Tegan looked around the familiar console room, her heart skipping as it always did when she entered that improbable police call box, then turned her gaze to the Doctor. "You were stalling for time, when the Master and Keeper Oldarz showed up," she said conversationally. "Waiting for the Head Keeper to come charging in with the cavalry."
"I knew this had to be the work of a single Keeper or, at most, a small group of them," the Doctor replied as he stopped in front of the console and carefully balanced the tray of vials on it. "I gambled that the Head Keeper was unaware of what Oldarz was really up to."
Tegan nodded, leaning back against the wall with feigned casualness. "What are you going to do now?" She stood very still, heart pounding as she waited for his answer. She had a feeling she knew what it would be, and she had her own answer ready. If she could steel herself to go through with it.
The Doctor shrugged, avoiding her gaze. "I'm going to bring you home," he replied, just as she expected. "Then I'm going to find an antidote for the Mythiryal, as I promised the Head Keeper."
"Just like that," Tegan replied, snapping her fingers with airy sarcasm.
The Doctor nodded, his hands moving over the console. "Just like that," he agreed, studiously ignoring her. "Now. Where were you when you were taken? Brisbane? London?"
Tegan's only response was to walk over and stand in front of him, arms tightly crossed, heart beating so fast and loud she felt certain he must be able to hear it. "You know," she said deliberately, "the Master said Mythiryal works better if there's already an attraction." The Doctor shrugged and reached for the controls.
Tegan, greatly daring, placed a restraining hand over his. He stopped, waiting patiently for her to finish. "You heard Keeper Oldarz; he said he'd never seen it act so intensely before." She took a deep breath before plunging ahead with her final question. "What does that tell you?"
The Doctor shrugged again. "What should it be telling me?"
Tegan bit her lip in indecision. As she struggled for the right words, he pulled his hand away gently, then finished entering their destination coordinates.
Tegan waited until he'd finished and turned to face her. She waited even longer, for him to open his mouth to say "Now Tegan..." before darting forward, seizing his head between her hands, and kissing him.
She put everything into that kiss, all the passion she'd held back in the laboratory, every ounce of longing and desire she'd suppressed over the years since first meeting him, all the emotions she'd fought so hard to deny. He might still be under the influence of the Mythiryal, but they were free of other constraints or concerns, no longer captives at the whim of Oldarz or the Master. And she couldn't allow the Doctor to sacrifice himself out of some misplaced desire to spare her. Not when it was in her power to save him.
Not that she fooled herself for an instant into believing she was being noble or unselfish. No, she knew exactly what she was doing, and why. She wanted him, she loved him, had loved him so desperately for so long without admitting it even to herself, and it was now or never. She might never find the courage to do something like this ever again, even if the Doctor were around to let her.
The Doctor stiffened with surprise when Tegan pulled him to her, bringing his face to meet hers in a kiss that seared him to his very soul. He put his hands on her shoulders with the intention of pushing her away; she could feel the hesitation before he suddenly pulled her closer, returning the kiss in full measure, wrapping his arms around her body in sudden urgency, pressing against her so she could feel the full extent of his arousal, the heat of his desire before pulling abruptly away.
"Tegan, I can't let you do this," the Doctor said hoarsely.
"Why not?" Tegan cried in frustration. "Doctor, I want to help, I won't let you sacrifice yourself, and you know damn well that I want this, too!"
"That's why I can't," he interrupted harshly. He stepped away. "There's something you don't understand."
"Then tell me," she replied, face and voice equally bewildered. "Make me understand."
"I've metabolized the Mythiryal," came the Doctor's quiet response.
Tegan blinked in surprise. "You've what?" She took an uncertain step backward, furthering the distance between them. That quickly, the situation had changed.
"I've metabolized the Mythiryal. That last 'attack' in the lab was actually my body working to neutralize it." The Doctor studied Tegan from beneath his eyelashes. "It's no longer affecting me."
The play of emotions across her face was fascinating to watch; relief and regret and a fleeting, hastily suppressed glimpse of not-unexpected disappointment. "Well," Tegan said, then stopped, momentarily at a loss for words. She tried again: "Well, that's the end of that, then." Another pause. "So you'll still try and work up an antidote? For the Head Keeper to use?" She was groping for normality, embarrassed by her unnecessary attempt at seduction.
The Doctor nodded, bringing his gaze to meet hers. Tegan continued to back away, stopping only when she bumped into the wall near the interior door. "I did promise," he reminded her softly.
"Of course you did," Tegan mumbled. She had her voice under control now, but her eyes still reflected her inner turmoil. This was not at all how she'd expected things to turn out. She felt her face burning with embarrassment. She'd thrown herself at a man she'd believed drugged and facing death, only to discover that neither condition existed. She wondered how she'd manage the trip back to London without dying of shame. Without facing him.
The Doctor stared at the console for a moment, then seemed to reach a decision. He turned and walked over to stand in front of her, deliberately moving closer and closer until she was forced to look up to meet his eyes. "I have one question I would like to ask you, if you don't mind." Tegan nodded uncertainly. "Why did you leave? Really?" He continued to gaze steadily at her as he waited for the answer.
It was a long moment before Tegan found her voice. "I don't know," she finally confessed. "I guess I was just...confused. Frightened and confused."
"About what?" the Doctor continued relentlessly, leaning one arm against the wall in a manner that left no doubts as to his desire to keep her where she was; there would be no running away. Not this time. "What exactly was it that frightened and confused you? The lack of fun?" There was deliberate irony in his voice as he asked that question, and Tegan realized guiltily that she was caught. That he knew that the reasons she gave him for leaving had been desperate lies. That he had always known.
"What is this, twenty bloody questions?" she snapped, taking defense in anger as she ducked under his arm, moving only a short distance away before stopping and fixing him with a murderous glare. She did not want to answer the questions he was posing her. "I had enough, I was ready to go home, so I left. What's so difficult to understand about that?"
The Doctor shook his head. "I think I understand all too well," he replied, lifting a hand to rub wearily at his eyes. "I'd changed, at least that's what you believed, and you didn't like who I was becoming."
"You were so cold," Tegan whispered as she stared unseeingly into the past, the horrific events of the Dalek invasion flashing through her mind's eye. "I'd never seen you seem so…so…alien."
The Doctor sighed. "There it is, the word I've been waiting for. I am an alien, Tegan." He grasped her hand by the wrist, laying it gently on the right side of his chest. "Two hearts, remember?" He moved her hand over to the left side of his chest, held it there for a pair of heartbeats, then finally released his grip.
Tegan snatched her hand back as if he'd held it over an open flame, cradling it in her other hand. "I know. I just…sometimes it's so easy to fool myself into believing you're more human than you really are." She turned her head aside, unable to face him. "And I wanted to take advantage of your condition as much as I wanted to help you through it," she admitted in a low voice. "I'm so stupid. I'm sorry."
"Never be sorry for being yourself," the Doctor chastised her harshly. She swallowed, hard, trying to force down the tears that wanted out. She'd be damned if she'd start wallowing like some discarded lover in a romance novel.
Without warning, the Doctor moved closer to her, reaching out to cup her chin in one hand and forcing her face up to meet his gaze. "Never apologize for being human, for being a woman, for having wants and needs and feelings," he whispered, then bent down with a swiftness she hadn't expected and kissed her.
Tegan went completely still, as if his touch had the magical ability to turn her into stone. "I thought you said you metabolized the drug," she whispered when he pulled away. Her eyes were wide and fearful, but there was an uncertain hope in them as well.
"I did," he replied. "That was why I stopped you, why we couldn't…not while you were laboring under a misapprehension," he continued in a rush. "Not without admitting to myself why it was affecting me so powerfully." He released his hold on her and stepped back as she stood, immobilized by his words, unable to do more than stare at him. "When you kissed me just now, what you felt when I kissed you back, that was all me. No drugs, no metaphorical or literal gun to my head. Just me. It was why I let you leave, Tegan. Both times. Because I was finding you more and more difficult to resist."
"But you're not resisting now?" Tegan whispered, unsure of what she was hearing but almost afraid of clarification.
The Doctor shook his head. "I'm not. Not if that's what you want as well."
There was no mistaking the invitation in the Doctor's eyes. An invitation that had nothing to do with drug-induced desire. Tegan hesitated, staring at him from the distance he'd put between their bodies. Only a few small steps, but they seemed impossibly difficult to take. And he wasn't moving, just standing there. Waiting for her to decide how this scene was going to play out. Allowing it to be her choice.
A choice she'd never expected to be given.
Tegan moved forward, one step, then another, until there was no space between them. She reached up with trembling fingers to touch his cheek. His eyes closed, then opened again to meet hers. The corners of his lips turned up in a slight smile.
That was all the encouragement she needed.
Both hands sought his face, brought him close enough for her to kiss him for the first time with no coercion, no underlying fear, no guilt or resistance on either part. Only two people who had finally admitted their feelings and were acting on them. She savored that moment before pulling back to stare into eyes that had darkened with desire into a blue so intense she felt she could drown in them.
Suddenly the feel of his lips on hers wasn't enough. She pressed her body against his, her lips parting for a deeper, hungrier kiss that nearly took his breath away, her hands tightening on either side of his face as she tried to show him with mouth and body what she found so hard to say with words.
The Doctor's arms wrapped around Tegan, almost of their own accord, as he returned the kiss. He pulled away as she gazed into his eyes before kissing them softly. His lips moved to her cheek, to her ear, down to her mouth once again.
Tegan returned the kiss in full measure, holding the Doctor even closer, as if afraid he would vanish if she let him go, even for an instant. Dream had become nightmare had become dream once again, and she was determined to make the most of the situation.
