Kurt was startled out of his trance by the creak of the wooden seat as Finn sat down next to him. He had been out on the front porch ever since Blaine had left just staring off into the midsummer night sky. It clear out and the stars twinkled brightly in the sea of navy blue. It reminded Kurt of his boyfriend. The stars were as bright as Blaine's eyes and the tint of the sky at that very moment matched his uniform perfectly. At the moment, thinking of Blaine made him feel nervous and guilty and he graciously accepted the mug of warm milk that Finn had brought out for him. The drink had always been something that comforted him. He and his mother used to have some every night before bed. Now it helped Kurt to keep the feeling of his mother alive. Kurt also didn't miss the fact that Finn had picked up on all this in the few months that they had been brothers and had taken it upon himself to make Kurt a glass because he could sense something was off. Even though Kurt had gotten over his crush on Finn a while ago, it was times like these where he was reminded why he fell for the jock in the first place. Finn may be goofy and clueless but he did have a kind heart.
"You ok dude? You've been out here for a while."
"Yeah, I guess. I'm just thinking."
"About what?"
"Um, well, ok, this might sound weird to you because you're a guy and all but do you ever get freaked out when you're alone with Rachel or whoever?"
The thought of being alone with Blaine had started to really eat at Kurt for the past few weeks. After the mall incident they had been spending more and more time just hanging around the Hummel house so they could avoid the stares. Since both his dad and stepmom worked and Finn had Rachel and the guys Kurt and Blaine found themselves alone in the house more and more. It had been fine at first. The two boys had gone about everything as they usually did, watching movies on the couch where Blaine wrapped an arm around Kurt's shoulder, sitting on the floor in Kurt's room talking or flipping through magazines, dancing around the kitchen while they baked, or playing catch with Finn's football in the backyard. Blaine sometimes even brought his guitar over and would practise while Kurt just sat and listened. Everything was just the same as always and so Kurt had honestly never given a second thought about being alone with Blaine until his father brought it up the other night.
Burt had noticed that the boys were spending an increasing amount of time alone in the house and sat Kurt down to restate his concerns about appropriate behaviour. He also created a new rule: Blaine was not allowed in Kurt's bedroom when no one else was home. At first this had simply annoyed Kurt because he wasn't doing anything wrong or remotely close to 'inappropriate' and also because Kurt liked hanging out in his room, they had a spot on the floor that was theirs and it was at the back of the house so it was quiet and shaded by the trees in the backyard. The more Kurt thought about it though the less annoyed at his father he got and the more scared of Blaine he became. Kurt knew that he was in love with Blaine and knew that Blaine could make him melt when he pulled out the puppy dog eyes and the precious pout. Kurt knew he would have a hard time resisting and yet he also knew that he wasn't ready for anything much more then the simple kisses and friendly touches that seemed to define their relationship. He had never given any serious thought to being intimate with Blaine one day while his parents were at work but now that his father brought it up, Kurt was worried that maybe Blaine had. Maybe Blaine wanted more than what Kurt was willing to give at the moment. He had never said anything before but maybe that was because before there had never been an opportunity. They had never really spent that much time alone before. Kurt knew it was something that his peers craved, to just have the privacy, the time, the seclusion. He knew his peers wanted it so that they could they could be more intimate than the eyes of parent, or siblings, or friends, or strangers allowed. Kurt didn't think he wanted that though, not yet anyway. He still got extremely nervous and awkward if Blaine's lips lingered on his for more than three seconds. Even tonight Kurt had freaked when saying goodbye to Blaine on the porch.
Blaine had come over that afternoon baring coffee as usual. Today it had read 'For my bashful boyfriend'. As per usual Kurt blushed at the fitting endearment; he still got giddy over that one word, boyfriend. They had spent the afternoon baking cookies while Finn had had the boys over to play video games. Kurt was fine while there were people around and welcomed Blaine's arms as they slid around his body from behind as he placed the dough on baking sheets. He even swayed his hips a little bit to the music with Blaine. Blaine had stayed for dinner and the two had played footsie under the table. It was fun and Kurt liked the feeling of Blaine's foot running up and down his leg playfully. Afterwards they had played slap jack with Finn. Blaine won; he had always been good at cards and had pretty impressive reflexes. It had been a fun day and neither boy had wanted to say goodbye when it was time for Blaine to go home. The sun was just setting and there was a pink hue to the normally blue sky. Kurt had snaked his arms around Blaine's neck as Blaine wrapped his around Kurt's waist, splaying his palms against Kurt's lower back. They had held the hug for a moment that had felt both like an eternity and a millisecond to Kurt as he found himself nuzzling his cheek into the crook of his boyfriend's neck. He had felt Blaine pull away slightly and did so too, surprised a bit when Blaine didn't let go completely and instead pressed his soft, pink lips to Kurt's. Blaine held his lips to Kurt's and began to move them slightly. Kurt instinctively began to move his against Blaine's. His own lips falling naturally into the rhythm that Blaine was setting. All of a sudden the fact that they were alone on the porch hit Kurt and he became nervous. This was the first time Blaine's kiss hadn't been a chaste peck. The first time they had even come close to making out. Kurt's body tensed and he could feel himself start to sweat. His hands clasped tighter together where they were resting on the back of Blaine's neck. He was frightened and yet Kurt couldn't deny that the pressure of his boyfriends perfect, plump lips massaging his felt good. There wasn't any lust or hunger or need emanating from the kiss. It was still gentle, and soft, and tentative. It was still them. Kurt could even feel the slight shake in Blaine's fingers where they had moved to rest lightly on his waist. Kurt certainly wasn't relaxed in the moment but he was content to let it happen because under all of the insecurity and fear there was a part of him that was enjoying it, that felt like he had come alive for the first time. It wasn't until Kurt felt Blaine's tongue lightly lick along his own lips did Kurt pull away. There was a faint shriek and Kurt turned his head to the side. Blaine whispered an apology in his ear and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
Kurt was scared but he didn't know why. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. Blaine had stopped the exact second he had wanted him to. Blaine hadn't really done anything wrong. They hadn't really set up definite boundaries so Blaine was just doing what he thought Kurt might like. When the boundary became known he had respected it. Blaine had continued to hold Kurt until Kurt got over the initial shock and turned to look at him again. Kurt could see the devastation in his boyfriend's eyes when he saw Kurt's tears.
"Oh Kurt, shush, shush, don't cry. I didn't mean to push, I thought maybe we might be ready for more but I should have asked first. I'm sorry. Please don't think that I'm unhappy with where we are because I really, truly am. I just thought that we might be happy with a bit more too. I'm so sorry."
"I know. It's ok. I don't really know why I freaked out. I've actually thought about you doing that before. I just got scared I guess."
"Scared of what?"
"Umm, I don't really know. I just don't think I'm ready."
Kurt knew that he wasn't telling Blaine the whole truth. He knew that he should have told Blaine that he was scared of him but he couldn't. Blaine had to be home at a certain time and Kurt knew that Blaine wouldn't leave unless they talked it out. Kurt knew that the truth would break Blaine's heart and he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He could tell Blaine was suspicious of his answer. There was a pause where Blaine was just looking at him, looking for more but eventually he decided to leave it. He leaned in and gave Kurt a quick peck on the nose and gently brushed the remaining tears away with the pads of his thumbs.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Well no, but I kinda let Rachel set the pace. Well actually she kinda demands to set the pace. She's kinda a controlist."
"Controlling, controlist isn't a word"
"Oh, right. Umm, are you scared of Blaine?"
"I wasn't until dad sat me down the other day and got all concerned about us being alone together but now it's really freaking me out."
"Oh, well that's just Burt being a good dad and being overprotective. I mean I know you don't like it but we all sorta look out for you and get like that sometimes. Well all trust Blaine though, even Burt. Deep down he knows you're safe with Blaine it's just hard for him to let someone else be the one taking care of you. He's just trying to be a good dad."
"So you don't think I should be scared around Blaine?"
"No, definitely not. Blaine's a good guy and I mean I know you guys go slow and I know it's none of my business but you guys have been going slow for months and if he hasn't done anything by now then he's ok with it and isn't going to do anything. We all see the way he looks at you dude. There is something almost magical there. I'm not even sure I see it when Rachel looks at me; mostly I just see her being annoyed at me. He loves you; he's not just looking for a hook up. There is no way that that boy would ever hurt you. If you want though, I can hang around the house when he's over or whatever."
Kurt hadn't given his brother a hug in a while but he definitely deserved on right now. He put his arm around his brother's neck and felt Finn's arms press lightly around his waist. He was right and it was something that Kurt had known all along he just needed reassurance. Blaine was the most incredible boyfriend ever and he would never try to push Kurt or hurt him in any way. Kurt thought back to the kiss earlier, how Blaine's hands had trembled slightly. They weren't strong and sure and confident. They were shy and uneasy and he realised that Blaine was just as nervous as he was about advancing their physicality in their relationship. They were still on the same page of their fairytale story book. There was still trust, and understanding, and love. They were still them.
"Thank-you Finn."
A/N: i hope everyone enjoyed this. i would love to hear what you thought :)
