I do not own Once Upon a Time.

Enjoy this chapter, I have been productive. Killian still cares about Amelia.


Killian stood at the door to his cabin a few hours later. It was his turn to check on her; apparently he had been doing it more than anyone else on the ship. David reasoned it was because he knew her the best. Maybe not the best, but certainly he knew her the longest. Plus, he had to admit, he did understand her. Six months together and they were far from strangers.

He took a swig of rum; he was going to need it. This wasn't supposed to be his job. It should have been Baelfire's, or Neal's rather. But Neal was gone, most likely dead, but Killian would never say that to Amelia.

This should be the crocodile's job; he couldn't believe he just thought that. Amelia would have been his daughter in law if she had gotten her happy ending. Killian's former lover was almost the daughter in law of the murderer of his other former lover. What a tangled web this family was.

Killian finally softly knocked on the door, no sound came from inside. Maybe she was sleeping. He slowly opened the door. Empty bed and she wasn't siting on the table, like he had half expected her to be.

"Bernadette?" He only used her name when he was concerned or furious at her.

Then there was a tiny sound, a soft sob and he turned. Amelia was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall eyes staring at nothing.

His breath was caught in his lungs, that was the exact spot Liam had died. He needed to get her off the floor now, needed to get her into bed and for once not in that way.

"Please get off the floor, lass." Killian almost pleaded. He was shocked he had a voice.

Amelia slowly turned her eyes up to him, they were red and puffy and broken. She seemed she didn't have the strength to stand on her own. It would seem she had finally run out of tears. Now she just stared into space in complete silence. It hurt him even more to see her like this.

Killian had seen her during difficult times before, but this was something completely different. Usually it was her past haunting her. Now it was the lack of a future that broke her.

Her eyes were on him, but they seemed to look through him like he wasn't even there. He knew she couldn't and wouldn't move.

So Killian said down next to her on the floor, being careful not to touch her. He really should just put up a sign 'This is the crying wall'. How many nights did he spend crying here after Liam died then after Milah died? He had honestly lost count.

This wasn't supposed to happen, none of it. They were supposed to be in Storybrooke. Neal was supposed to be holding Amelia's hand during this pregnancy. Henry was supposed to be with Emma, safe and loved. And where exactly did that leave him? Apart from seeking revenge, he had nothing.

So Killian Jones continued to sit on the floor in silence. He noticed there was a folded paper in her hand. Should he ask about it or just pull it out of her hand? He went with the second option. It just slid out; she didn't even put up a fight. That was a first for her.

The paper had a short paragraph, written in her own hand.

"There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don't feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling not no matter how hard you try you can't seem to connect to anyone or anything."

She finally broke the silence.

"I keep telling myself that it's the last time." She very quietly said.

"Last time for what, lass?" He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth. Her shoulders shook from her sob but she silenced herself with her hands over her mouth. Tears rolled down her cheek and she moved closer to Killian. Her head rested on his shoulder and stayed there.


David came looking for Kilian later. The pirate had been gone into his cabin over an hour ago to check on Amelia. Not that he had a bad feeling about them being alone for that long, but he did not trust the pirate, especially with Amelia in her current state. He knocked on the door, there was no sound. So he slowly opened the door.

The sight he was greeted was nothing short of a shock to his eyes. The feared pirate Captain Hook was sitting on the floor with a former lover's head on his shoulder. Kllian's head popped up and he quickly put his finger to his mouth.

"She finally fell asleep, might be the first time since…" Killian said quietly.

David nodded, he had to admit Amelia looked so peaceful. Maybe she didn't feel any pain when she slept. "You going to move her?"

"I don't have the heart to disturb her." Killian said.


Amelia stood on the deck much later that night, she was well rested, physically at least. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, that was completely a different story. She doubted she would ever be fine mentally, spiritually or emotionally ever again. Her eyes, that were now dry, fell to the small vial in her hands. The liquid was silver and looked almost sparkly.

Oh, what she had to do to obtain it. That man, if she could call that creature a man, still haunted her dreams. And Amelia wasn't a woman who scared easily. Then there was her, that woman, who had given her something without a price. That was before "everything comes with a price" had been drilled into her head. Well, at least in Storybrooke, she was safe from them and that part of her past.

It was tonic she had been saving for a rainy day. Did tears count as rain? It would answer her questions. What would her life be like if she made different choices, if life had been kinder to her?

What if she made things work with Killian?

What if she never betrayed him?

What if she had stayed?


Ok people, same deal with "Pleasured and Tortured" and "Beck and Call", there is the companion story that goes right here. It's 14 chapters long, I felt like actually putting it in this story, everything would slow down and I did not want that. It can be found on my profile, it's titled "If I Had Stayed". I hope you enjoy it. So please read it and come back to chapter 10.

Note- I have a MAJOR plot planned involving the people Bernadette made the deal with, if you want to guess what villains I pull into the story, be my guess. (FYI- Beauty and the Beast is my favorite Disney movie.)

Reviews?