Hi cuties, I'm so sorry I haven't been posting so much in the past days, but I promise you that it will change, and I mean it. Anything you want to tell about it, tips, opinions, don't be ashamed to, I'd love to read what you're thinking about it. I don't own anything but the writing; Magnus and Alec belong to Cassie Clare.
Special request: read it listening to "Take a look at me now", by Mariah Carey, please. :) ( youtube watch?v=bZbWc1dc9ZY) Just take the spaces away, and there's the music link.
Words count: 1.300.
After he said those words the thing he was most afraid of happened. Alec faced the floor, and his eyes turned dark instantly. He felt a lump forming in his throat – It sucks to love someone, he thought, but what happened next he could never predict. Suddenly, the darkness in the shadowhunter's eyes got lost somewhere. He crossed his arms and lowered his head to look into Alec, and in a matter of seconds the blue-eyed boy was looking right into his eyes. Magnus couldn't avoid a blink of surprise. He hastened to cut the climate of desire that has developed between them.
"I have some things to do at my home, you know? Busy day, busy life. That's the consequence of being the High Warlock of Brooklyn, not that I don't love that, but sometimes, in fact, I don't. People always need me… I have to heal them, do magic stuff, spells, and everything else. If it wasn't for Chairman Meow, I think I'd be crazy… But what can I do, right? Duty calls and I have to…" Alec was tired of all that talk, so he unexpectedly interrupted Magnus's speech about being so fabulous and ordered and the pros and cons of being the High Warlock of Brooklyn.
"Who would you see?"
"I'm… I'm sorry?" Magnus stuttered. Alec felt so sure of himself, so confident, he could feel the truth in his voice.
"Who would you see? If one of those demons appeared in front of you… who would you see?"
Magnus's heart started beating rapidly. And after that he realized that Alec was standing next to him with his eyes connected with Magnus's. He couldn't give in, he couldn't. Still, he pronounced some words – words that didn't come from his mind, but from his heart; words he would never be strong enough to avoid.
"You know who I would see". He saw the light invading Alec's eyes again.
In the time that elapsed – which Magnus couldn't say how much it was: some seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years or an eternity – their eyes kept together, in a kind of symphony, lost in each other, so mixed it wasn't even impossible to distinguish who was who. Bright blue and golden-green, shadowhunter and warlock, angelic and demonic blood there, united - United forever? No. At least, not now. Magnus used all his power to get rid of those eyes. Why did he even say it? He couldn't say it! But once the damage was already done, a part of him needed to know, to hear, what Alec had to say.
"What about you? Who would you see?"
"This isn't about who I would see. I've already seen that person, Magnus, and it was you. It's been you. It's been you since the day we met. Since you winked at me, since we kissed in your loft, and I knew I would never be the same. It feels like it was a lifetime ago, but it will always be you."
Something indescribable invaded Magnus. Life, love, passion, joy, happiness, and something else - all together. He closed his eyes, feeling tears about to fall from them. The moment he'd been waiting for so long just happened. "It's been you." "It's been you." All the conflict that throbbed in his mind disappeared in a heartbeat, just that simple, as if Alec could touch his heart and remove that pain that made him suffer for so long.
Alec breathed. He finally said what he intended to for a long time. For the first time in his life he was able to overcome the shame, the shyness and say what he needed to. After all, that was Magnus. If he would ever say what he felt to someone, that person would only be Magnus.
His heart was still beating fast, a sign of nervousness, emotion and expectation, although the last one wasn't how he thought it'd be.
Alec hurried to see Magnus's reaction to what he said, and Magnus hurried to hide it. Alec could see that something wasn't right, so he got closer to Magnus and put his hand on his face.
"Magnus…"
The warlock felt Alec's touch in his face – he missed that so much – and that damn tear rolled down his face. Why was it all so hard to him? To choose a side. He just kept always like this, divided. Half of him held his love for Alec, and the other half kept reminding him that no matter how hurt both were, Alec was better without him.
"Alec, I can't." He moved away from the shadowhunter, who seemed to be as broken as he was. "Just go."
Alec looked at Magnus. In this time he didn't want to lock himself in his bedroom and cry, or complain about how he exposed his feelings and Magnus didn't love him back, he just understood that it was over. He didn't understand how it could feel so natural. Maybe it was because he'd said what he meant to, maybe the weight that came out of his back made him grow up as man too, and he was finally ready to get over Magnus. He was completely lost in his thoughts until the moment he remembered that Magnus was still there.
He didn't seem to be fine, and Alec got really worried about him. What he did next was the confirmation that he would never get over Magnus. Alec stepped to Magnus, and touched his face again, a touch filled with tenderness, that made the warlock shiver. Alec put his face closer to Magnus's, and memorized every detail of his face: there was still something he needed to do.
"Before you leave there's something I want to say to you, and I want you to know that I mean it."
"Fine," Magnus made a big effort to say that sentence; he was in pain, pain for Alec, pain for everything. "What is it?"
"Aku cinta kamu."
Magnus turned around. No, he couldn't look at Alec. And yes, one more second there and he wouldn't be able to hold his tears anymore. He inspired air, and said rudely some few words.
"Well, you finally said it, after all this time, right?" - Although he was trying to be sassy, his voice showed up a bit of sadness. "I thought I'd never hear you say that, Alexander. Now I'm really impressed, congratulations. Does it make you feel better?" He said and, without looking back went to his house, at a rapid pace.
"Yeah, it does." Alec said, seeing Magnus disappearing. He looked at the sky again; it wasn't so bright anymore, the night was coming.
He began to climb up the stairs from the rented loft where they were gathered. Regardless his feelings, he needed to tell everyone what happened to him. Except, of course, for the Magnus's part, which now was an open wound, bleeding constantly.
