I've been trying our hundreds of storylines for this pairing. I never made it passed the limit of 15.000 words. Yes, it sounds like quite a lot, yet the entire plot was pretty much like… porn. 0.o A good storyline, ruined.
This is just one of the many storylines I never managed to complete. Yet, I'm sending it in as a drabble, since I somehow like the concept and idea of this. This one actually has a meaning in the end. Yet, I gave up, seeing that with a homosexual pairing it is hard to bring out a message. Many people have got a problem with this, and that just gave all of us a reason more to hate humanity.
Well, enjoy, I guess? The title awaits you in the end.
--
Flames, heat, fire, torturing my head, spilled over my hopeless heart, as my muscles clenched to the awkward form of pain yet healing at the same time. Every nerve in my body tensed up, every forgotten smile wiped off my face and the intense desire of dying took my body over. I wanted to die. I wanted to be forgotten. I wanted to end this pain, end this torment, for I knew it would never end anyway.
More pain, more radiation. If I could have screamed I would have done so, yet mixed emotions and the fact my mind had gone quite loopy stopped me from making any noise at all. Yet one tiny word managed to escape my usually sealed lips.
'Stop.'
Nobody listened, nobody heard. It was the loneliness that made me cry. It was the fire that made me scream. And worst of all was that I would always be the only one to know so. And memories from the past few months flashed through my mind, good memories, bad memories, and sometimes even memories I had never had before.
May the lord have mercy on my soul.
Because I am not listening to anyone any longer.
I returned to the safety of my memories once more…
May 23rd
Tuesday
I was petrified. Astonished. Completely surprised and yet it had seemed predictable for this to happen. But… Why was I feeling all these mixed emotions?
The ring was gorgeous. Pure gold, a diamond shining as if God himself had touched it with the tip of his pink, brilliantly crafted to the shape of a beautiful little heart. Just the feeling around this jewel could make hearts jump and girls faint. And here it was; right in front of me, as he sat there, bent down to his knees in a form of somewhat a bow. His eyes stared up straight into mine, cold, yet warm. Hard, yet soft. Demanding, yet asking at least as much.
'Marry me, Zuko.'
What…
What was I supposed to say?
What was there supposed to happen now?
'Jet…' was all I could say. I simply spoke his name, as to ask why, as to see for myself what the hell had been going on the past few months.
'Please, Zuko, marry me for God's sake…' He rose, not much holding on to traditions, as he pressed a kiss to my trembling lips. 'I'm in love with you, and you know it will not pass by that easily. I want to share the rest of my life with you.'
My mind went blank again and anything that happened around me wasn't really happening, anything I said wasn't really me saying it and whatever I dared to decide was different – or perhaps just completely wrong.
He loved me.
I loved him.
He needed me.
I needed him.
But I knew I would not be there to share that special day with him.
Cancer
I stared myself in the eye. The mirror reflected my pale yet gray face, eyes weak, lips dead, eyebrows no longer there. I had lost all the hair covering my body, head and face thanks to that goddamn chemo. Why wouldn't they just let me die? Why was everyone still trying to make such a fuss out of this? I was already dead, for God's sake, nobody could change that!
Marry me, Zuko
I will, Jet. Someday I will.
Just not today.
I hope that it was obvious that the first part was to describe chemo. I've never been under chemo before, so I know for sure that I've completely misunderstood the emotions, yet I tried to describe them in a way…
I shouldn't be writing this. I'm too young to bring out messages just like that… Fifteen years old, people. Give me five more years, then I bet I'll be ready to bring out a real message. :3
Yes. Short. I know
