Five days. Five bloody days of not being allowed to do anything else than rest. One hundred and twenty hours, including the last night that had been a sleepless long one. Nyx could not bear it anymore.
The medical droid which had advised Lana about her treatment was lucky she had no idea of its registration number. If she was ever able to find out, she would throw it into the junk yard herself. Or use it as a training dummy. She liked the second option even better, in fact.
And if she had in her life another opportunity to become empress, she might consider it seriously. Just for the sake of becoming a tyrant and preventing to be forced to rest by her most trusted companions. Fine, she had blacked out. Arcann, Vaylin then Valkorion, it had been finally -slightly- too much to handle for her and she had crumbled into pieces as soon as the celebrations were over. And yes, she had needed twenty-six hours of continuous sleep before even being able to walk again without swaying dangerously. But after that, she had been perfectly fine! They should have let her out already three days ago at the very least!
Theron had already paid the price of her being allowed too much time to think. And this was another reason why she could not bear staying inactive another minute. She had made her choice and was still sure that she had taken the best decision, for both of them. But their break-up was the only thing she had been rehashing in the head within the last hours. This had to stop.
For now, the most urgent thing was to move. Do something which would require focusing her mind on every inch of her body in motion. A fight, she craved a fight. Desperately. And if she ended up in the medical bay again, she would make sure to be conscious enough not to let anyone decide that she needed more rest. They all feared that she would end up dead of exhaustion, but no one considered that she could definitely die of boredom instead.
Nyx grabbed her lightsaber and nearly punched the button that controlled the door of her room. Seeing that no one was out there to tell her to go back to rest was already quite a relief. After her last nighttime escapade, she had wondered if Lana would substantiate her threat and have someone guard her door to make sure she did not get out again. But there was no one to stop her while she started striding in the direction of the Force Enclave. There, she would try to find a valuable opponent for a sparring session. And if no one could satisfy her needs, she would go down into the woods and fight shade stalkers. One way or another, she would have her fight.
Nyx usually sparred with Lana, but they knew each other's style so well that it had almost become boring. Today, she definitely needed something else. Someone who could potentially have the upper-hand on her. Someone who would be fierce enough. As she approached the enclave, her idea was becoming more and more precise. She hoped that he would be there.
Reaching destination, she cracked a smile at the thought of how impatient she had grown to measure herself to him again and that smile widened when she noticed that, indeed, Arcann and Senya were training Force users from both sides as she had suggested a few days earlier. Learning from the zakuulian way of fighting would benefit all of them, improve their skills and give them different perspectives. Including her, as wielding a lightsaber had never been her biggest strength. But for now, it was something else she was longing for.
Senya was first to notice her. Instructing her students to follow her son's lead, she left the training area and walked in Nyx's direction.
"Good to see you back among us, Commander," she said with an inviting smile. Then, nodding in the direction of the students, "You are welcome to join training if you want."
Nyx shook her head, her mouth curving into a playful smile. "No. I want a fight. And I want him." Yes. Force powers set aside, she was certain that he was a better fighter than her and that she would probably take a few hard blows. But right now, she could not care less. "Him and no other."
For a moment it looked like Senya wanted to say something but realised that arguing would be a waste of time and effort. She returned to the mixed group of practicing Jedi, Sith and Knights, giving word to her son that he was awaited. He frowned but left them, grabbing an additional training sword along the way before joining Nyx.
"Commander?" He handed her the spare sword, looking at her sceptically. "Last time we fought each other-"
"We were enemies and one of us, if not both, would have been killed by the other if Scorpio had not decided to destroy your flagship first." She flashed him a predatory smile, taking a fighting stance. "Things are different now. But I want you to fight me again the same way."
Arcann looked at her incredulously for a few seconds then frowned. "No," he answered calmly with a firm voice, keeping his own sword low.
Nyx froze, surprised by his rejection. How dare he decline to fight her while she was asking for it? She scowled at him, feeling anger and frustration grow inside her. "You refuse to fight me?"
He stood his ground, sustaining her angry look without flinching. "I always fought you in the intention of killing an enemy. I have no intention to fight you that way anymore, Commander. Even if you ask for it."
She straightened up, abandoning the fighting stance as he visibly had no intention to mirror it. "Oh, so you think you might kill me, do you? How presumptuous."
"Yes, I think I could."
A corner of Arcann's lips drew into a smile but he still remained as perfectly immobile. Now he was visibly amused and Nyx felt vexed. She was not getting what she wanted. And furthermore, for once, she was the one reacting more impulsively than he did. But these five days of forced rest had clearly taken on her and she certainly did not feel like giving up.
"I agree to fight you, Commander. But only as a way to train you to zakuulian combat. And if it can make you feel less frustrated about it, I promise that I will train you as hard as I was trained."
His remark about frustration was a taunt, and a bold one considering his own personality, but Nyx decided that he would not have the pleasure to see her pursue in a direction that would just make her appear childish and reckless. Very well, if this was the way she could have her fight, she would agree to the terms.
"Alright", he said. "But not here, then. We need more space."
They went down to the woods, where they would be able to find a proper place, leaving Senya and the other fighters to their training. Nyx let him lead the way and decide where he wanted their sparring to take place. She had regained composure on the outside even if she was still itching for the fight internally. If she was good at something, that was it: control. She let her natural impulsiveness show and flow when there was no need for taming emotions, but she would not have risen among the Sith without mastering ways of channelling her impulses.
She recognized the place he chose but decided not to mention it. It would probably trigger a discussion and they had already spent too much time on words instead of action. They would talk later. Arcann let her select a spot and positioned himself a few strides away from her, taking his fighting stance.
"There we are, Commander. Prepare to fight. Force powers allowed, nothing lethal. No choking, no lightning."
"Fearing of getting yourself grilled?" Nyx taunted playfully, mirroring his stance.
He shot her a quizzical smile. "Or you? You would not want to go directly back to the medical bay, would you?"
Nyx's nostrils flared but she did not answer. Both remained looking at each other for a time before Arcann eventually decided to start moving. The first blow he dealt was a far too obvious one to her right that Nyx dodged easily by taking a step backwards, parrying then the two next ones with ease. He was clearly holding back, did he think he could fool her?
"Ugh! What the bloody stars is that? This is not how you usually fight!"
"You need to warm up. And today I will only evaluate your skills."
Nyx rolled her eyes. "Don't treat me like a child. I am here to fight, I want a challenge, not something I can get with anyone at the Enclave!" she hissed impatiently.
"My training, my terms, Commander."
He was visibly in his element. Bold and proud. Far from the almost too humble man wanting to repay her for her compassion that he had been too many times for her tastes so far. She preferred this one by far, even if his resistance to her will was clearly starting to make her want revenge. Nyx decided to nudge him a little, to see if she could get something from it. After all, she knew that he too had a temper.
"Fine… Your terms. But let me say that I am nearly surprised by the nerve you have today. I was afraid that you lost it on Voss…"
He laughed. "I see clear in you, you are trying to wind me up."
"Oh, am I?" She smirked and walked away a little, turning her back to him. "You asked me once already but I did not give you a proper answer. Want to know the real reason why I decided to spare you there?" She turned around on her heels, flashing him a condescending smile. "Pity, I spared you out of mere pity."
She did not expect him to react so quickly and was caught off-guard when he charged her, hitting her with three quick blows she could not parry or dodge before stopping the fourth one right below her chin.
"And now, you would be dead. If you really want to provoke your opponent, be ready to protect yourself against the consequences."
Nyx winced, feeling heat and pain in all three locations he had hit. He had clearly not been holding back this time. She raised her head to meet his gaze. She could perceive no anger or irritation, only determination. He even bore the faint traces of a smile. She felt a sudden surge of excitement and smiled back defiantly, the fight had finally started.
"More."
Arcann moved away, seemingly getting back to his previous location. But before he got there, he suddenly turned around and surprised her again with a somersault that made him touch down behind her back. She had no time to fully turn around before being struck just below her ribs, the pain sending her to her knees.
"Ow!"
"Too slow… I know you can do better. When are you planning to start fighting back?" The smug smile he bore made it evident. He was enjoying the moment and was eager for more.
"Oh, proud of yourself, are you?" Nyx growled, rubbing her waist with her left hand while straightening the grip on her right one around the hilt of her sword and getting back to her feet. She did not let him move back to his initial location and blew a succession of strikes, trying to reach the usually most vulnerable spots. He parried all, making her feel a rush of anger that she transferred into a Force push which sent him slamming into the dirt wall.
"Underestimating me, Arcann? Do not take me for weaker than I am. It would be a substantial mistake."
"I am not assuming anything, Commander. Just show me what you can do…"
They fought each other for the next twenty minutes, pausing to get back in place each time one of them was hit. They continued exchanging taunts at first, but became more silent as soon as their started being shorter on breath. Nyx found out early that fighting Arcann without using lethal powers was harder than she thought. He was an excellent close combat fighter, which she was definitely not. Especially now that he did not only let himself be driven by his anger like he did in the past and paid more attention to his moves. And while she could probably claim to master Force powers with more precision and subtlety than he did, finesse was of no use in the current situation. At first, she was able to use her powers to get an opening and deal a few blows, but he was a fast learner and she was not able to fool him for long. She was clearly no match to him when he was not too busy raging at Valkoryon. After a while, she had to become more defensive and it was becoming more difficult for her to even keep him at bay. She could feel that the way she had been drained by exhaustion was still taking a toll on her. But she would prefer getting beaten than surrendering. As long as there were only bruises and cracked ribs, she could heal herself anyway.
As it became evident that she could not even protect herself properly anymore, Arcann finally decided to stop the fight. "We are done…" he said, panting and dropping his training sword on the ground before offering her a hand to raise her to her feet.
"For today," she hastened to add, refusing the hand and getting up by herself. She already hated the idea of having somehow been humiliated by that fight, but would have to deal with it for now. She would probably have to suffer a few more frustrations before reaching the point she wanted to reach, that point when she would know his every move. And she would certainly not give up until the moment she would be there.
She hobbled to a nearby rock and sat down, trying to catch her breath.
His look was suddenly concerned. "Are you alright, Commander?"
"I am fine. Just a few bruises… and apparently I have not recovered as much as I thought."
"I apologise if it is not what you expected. You seemed… I thought-" He looked unsettled, as if he now wondered that he had gone too far.
Nyx frowned and shook her head. "I needed this fight. You gave me exactly what I wanted, Arcann, so stop apologising about it, it does not make sense." She straightened up and met his gaze, smiling. "Besides, I prefer when you are less sorry and obliged, even if that means I take a few harder blows."
She gave a look around. She had recognised the waterfall as soon as they had reached the place. "It is peculiar that you chose this place. Last time I have been here, I had a heated discussion with Valkorion."
What she was expecting - and had voluntarily avoided before - immediately happened. Arcann shifted to his more withdrawn self, tensing as soon as he heard his father's name.
"When?"
"Not long before I confronted you on your flagship. We had an argument. I wanted to know how to defeat you. He wanted me to become stronger and decided that the best way to do so was to remind me how failure and defeat taste… " She chuckled. "What he showed me... Indeed it was not really pleasant. And then he decided to leave."
"It worked." Arcann said quietly. "You were different the next time we met. Stronger." He had been looking at the scenery, as if he was expecting to see traces of his father there but had focused his attention on her again.
"Yes, but it was not his doing. Even though… I do not know how much he was involved in it."
"You are still keeping what happened a secret."
"Oh I will tell you. But not today, there are other things I want to discuss." Nyx took a more comfortable posture on the rock, nodding in the direction of another one to invite him to sit down. "I would like to start six years ago."
Arcann silently took place, his expression making it clear that he was trying to figure out how to voice something, so she waited patiently. When he finally spoke, he uttered each word carefully staring right into her eyes.
"Six years ago… There are many things I have done that year that had important repercussions. For more people than I can count. Sometimes I just wish that I could erase it all. If not totally, at least from my memory. But that would make me a coward. And as weak and unworthy my father always told me I was, I have never turned my back to consequences. I can, and will face them."
Nyx sustained his gaze quietly, half a smile painting itself on her face. "I know that you are no coward. Cowards do not come fearlessly in front of their enemy to make amend and pledge allegiance. They just flee whenever they have the opportunity." She paused. "You have already proven me several times that what your father said about you was wrong. Even when we were still enemies."
Arcann screw his face into an ironic smile. "You still pitied me enough to spare me. Until today I probably had hopes that pity was not a feeling I inspired." He looked away, gritting his teeth. "Not so long ago it would have angered me to an intolerable level."
"Except that it was a lie," she said, waiting for him to make eye contact again before continuing. "I just wanted to provoke you enough to make you fight for real. I am not used to pity people, Arcann. And certainly even less someone like you. I had other reasons."
He frowned but he still looked visibly relieved. "Then what? What was it that made you do it?"
She took her time to breathe in and out slowly. The conversation they were about to have might be long and intense. There were so many things she was certain that he did not know. And many others she wanted to make sure that he understood. If there was one single value she considered essential among allies, it was trust. And to be durable, it had to be built through shared knowledge and understanding.
Sith were in fact known for not cultivating or praising trust, especially Sith that were involved in politics. Trust was a weakness. Alliances were always temporary, meant to last only as long as betrayal did not bring bigger benefits. Nyx knew that game, she had played it for many years. She had been betrayed and had betrayed in return, used people when odds required it, killed them when necessary or simply easier. And she was good at it. However, the last years had made her perspectives change.
When she had left for the Sith Academy at the age of eighteen, her people, her clan, had put their trust in her. That day, she had promised to find a way to free them from slavery. And many years later, after her rise to the Dark Council, she had been able to buy every single one of them out of their condition. It had cost her a great price and she still owed favours to several lords who had been more reluctant to part from their belongings. But she had realised that whatever time it had taken, they had never stopped trusting the fact that she would indeed keep her promise.
It was strange that the Sith Lord she had become, the one who had discarded so many promises and broken so many oaths for her own sake, had not forgotten that vow. But it was enshrined in her blood. Regardless of how the sith precepts had molded her, that part of her remained untouched. Her clan -whether it was her rattataki clan, her former crew or now the Eternal Alliance- meant more to her than personal gain. And anyone trying to prey on it had -and would- always encounter her wrath and experience a fierce backlash.
The unusual momentary alliances made with the Republic represented by Theron and his mother during the hunt for Revan and the Emperor had been another step towards that change. Both sides had worked together despite their disagreements and she had found in Theron and Lana more than allies. If her former relationship with Theron was the one which might seem the most peculiar, it was in fact the one she had with Lana that had triggered the biggest changes. Lana who had broken into one of the most guarded strongholds to get her back and trust her with the leadership of an alliance she had created.
Sparing Arcann, choosing to allow him to join them and now trying to build trust between them was a move a lot did not understand or agree with. A step too far for many. And a risk, she could not deny it. But she had reasons. And what she wanted from him required mutual trust.
Nyx focused again on Arcann. It was time to share with him what she knew about Vitiate.
"Arcann, how much do you know of who your father really was?"
He sighed with irritation, his face showing traces of disdain. "My father… His Glorious Majesty Valkorion, Slayer of Izax, Immortal Master, Protector and Emperor of Zakuul," he recited mechanically. "And apparently much more than that from the little I heard from you and your people later on."
"You did not understand a word of what Darth Marr said that day, did you?" she continued patiently.
He shook his head negatively. This was no surprise. He had ignored as much about the Sith Emperor than they had about Valkorion and the Eternal Empire.
"Marr and I were hunting our Emperor, the Sith Emperor. We were not expecting to find you and your people in our way. We actually did not even know about Zakuul…"
"But my brother and I had been ravaging sith planets and outposts earlier that year. You could not have ignored that. You were one of the lords of the sith highest authority, weren't you?"
She shot him a surprised look. "You knew that?"
"I learnt about it while you were… sleeping. I had to know who you were, so I sent people out for intelligence."
Nyx chuckled. "You might know more about me than I do about you then. But for what is left of that past, it might not prove very useful now. Yes, Marr and I knew about the mysterious twins plunging Korriban and other planets into a bloodbath. However, our objective was far more critical for us. We had to leave the battles on Korriban to other hands."
"You are telling me that my father's disproportionate ego was justified?" he growled.
"I am telling you that your father was an extremely powerful being who had lived for more than a thousand years and has been the Sith Emperor for centuries. And if you wish, I offer to tell you all I know about him."
Arcann breathed deeply, like bracing himself for a bad moment, then nodded. "I am listening."
Nyx started unfolding all she knew about Vitiate, the fifteen centuries old entity who had inhabited Valkorion, sorting out legends from recorded events, theories from proven facts. The Emperor had always maintained a lot of mystery around himself and had probably even destroyed a lot of the information that had existed. There were periods on which they even were totally blind, but she was able to give Arcann more insight on who his father had been.
He listened carefully without interrupting, hands joined under his chin, staring blankly at the ground. Sometimes she could see him frown or tilt his head on the side incredulously. As she finished her story with what she had witnessed herself, the way Vitiate was reborn on Yavin 4 and how he had consumed Ziost, Arcann looked properly bewildered as if all he thought that he knew had crumbled to pieces.
"This was who Darth Marr and I were looking for. We needed to stop him and his plans to consume the galaxy," she finished calmly.
"And you are sure that this was who my father was?"
"Yes, unmistakably. We could feel him from afar." She chuckled to bring some levity. "And… my personal much closer experience confirmed it."
Arcann seemed disturbed by her apparent ease about the situation. "How can you talk about this so lightly?"
She smiled. "Because it is over and he is gone. I do not feel his presence anymore. I do not have to keep on fighting constantly to make sure he does not tighten his grasp on me. I am free. Being able to reclaim myself totally is a good reason to feel lighter." She paused. "Perhaps you should consider your situation in that perspective as well."
"It does not change a single thing of what I have done."
"No it does not. And I would expect that you do not use your father as an excuse. But I have witnessed his leverage on you nonetheless. It would have been hard to ignore his influence on your doings."
Nyx was moving forward with caution. She was convinced that Arcann would be relatively easy to manipulate if she had wanted to. He was still in a state of uncertainty, having to reconsider most of what had been his life and adapt to a new one, surrounded by former enemies, half of them at least still only barely tolerating him. It was not enviable, and it required a strong will to stay and deal with it, even if she was almost sure that he did not realise it himself. For that strength alone, she did not wanted to simply manipulate him to whatever suited her, even if she had the power to do so. What she had in mind required him to regain his strength, his full potential, a will of his own. She needed him to heal and that was an entirely different process and one she was not really familiar with. She would have to go step by step and rely on her experience in politics to transpose it to more personal interactions.
Nyx usually avoided personal involvement, keeping her distance from people. Mostly because she could not do otherwise. She never really felt empathetic, perhaps a result of her ever calculating mind. Lana, Theron, and some of her former crew were exceptions, people she was closer to, and there were a handful of others. But not many. It was perhaps because of their recent common history, or because of that uncommon situation of trying to evolve from enemies to allies, but for once she wanted to try reaching out and helping. Quite a peculiar instinct towards someone who tried to kill me so many times, she thought. But I cannot even feel grudge anymore. Not now that Valkorion is gone…
"My mother… she said that he had not always been like this." Arcann seemed to still be trying hard to sort out everything she had revealed.
"How old exactly are you Arcann? Thirty?"
"Thirty-one. Thexan and I were born eight years before the Treaty of Coruscant."
"Mh, amusing," she said. " And that would set your birth in the middle of the Great Galactic War, then. At a time when the Mandalorians and the Republic won over the Empire. I told you about the Emperor's absences. But that period was a time when he was known to be among the Sith." Nyx continued, narrowing her eyes while thinking. "Vitiate had many bodies… Voices, as he called them. But when he was less present, these bodies still had a life on their own. There is a possibility that the real Valkorion was somehow more present during that time."
"You mean, that I was fathered by one man and raised by another…"
"I only say that it is a possibility Arcann. It could explain the change. But no one will ever know." She did not want to allow too many hopes. Indeed there was a possibility, but nobody really knew the extend of the power of the Emperor. "It could as well have been a trick. Of all the Sith, Vitiate had probably the most impressive skills at manipulating people."
He looked at her with sudden wariness. "You just said that as if you admired him."
"I do not. But I could have in different circumstances… I am far from being the kind and compassionate woman you seem to think I am, you finally need to realise that. I would never have had a seat at the Dark Council without knowing how to put people out of my way… or make them pave the road for me. If there is one thing you should always keep in mind, is to remain careful around Sith, especially those who are still alive after many years playing the political game… Even if less powerful, we are made from the same material the Emperor was."
"The people here trust you, and you are not failing them," Arcann said.
"I might have changed… But you should still take my advice seriously."
"I might not, Commander. Or not about you. Mistrusting you after… it would seem misplaced."
She noticed with some amusement that he had carefully avoided speaking about compassion again. But it was probably what he meant. She shrugged, smiling ironically. "At least you can consider yourself warned. But yes, I too would like us to build enough mutual trust to work together."
He nodded, an almost gentle smile painting on his face. "I think I would like it… I hope to prove myself worthy of it. I will. I guess that you already know that I tend to be stubborn…" He frowned and his face grew serious again while he got down from the rock to look at the nearby waterfall, hands joins in the back. "Beyond reason, in fact. I spent so much time seeking approval and recognition from a father who never considered me worth attention… Even when he offered you his powers, the only thing I saw was that a complete stranger was stripping me of my well-deserved rights." He turned around to face her. "And you did not even want them! How did you dare? I hated you for that. For having the opportunity to get what I had desired for so long and thinking yourself so much above it all that you refused."
"I do not blame you for hating me before. It made sense, somehow," she answered. "Now you have a better understanding of it all. I should perhaps have tried to explain it all earlier."
Arcann shook his head vigorously. "I would not have listened. I only saw my father in you, his ghost along your side. And the unbearable insult that it all represented." He paused for a moment, looking skeptical. "But… if he was so powerful. How did you defeat him? I know that he is gone, I cannot feel him anymore. And I witnessed your power. But…"
"I did not defeat him alone, Arcann." She said, emphasising on every word. "Haven't you understood this yet? Without you, Senya and even Vaylin, Valkorion would be reigning on the Eternal Throne once again and probably putting the last touch to his plan to consume the galaxy. And if Valkorion had not been defeated, I would now be where he tried to lock me in, trapped in the depth of my own mind. There are many past mistakes that you might want to fix now, and other things you took from me, but you can consider that you have already repaid me for sparing your life."
He gave her a startled look. "I… I had not seen it that way until now."
"I might have won eventually." She continued softly "If not that day, perhaps another one, who knows? Or perhaps he would have destroyed me completely after that fight. I will never be sure. But I think that I might not have made it back without the intervention of the three of you."
She realised that it had been difficult for her to acknowledge that before him. She was not really used to admitting weaknesses and need for help, especially in front of one who still remained a stranger and who she could so far only count as an ally, not a friend. Even though she was satisfied with the way things were evolving, her survival instinct was pressing her to stop unveiling such things and go back to her more usual distant self. And the tiredness that was slowly taking hold on her and reminding her bitterly about the reason she had been put to rest did certainly not help.
"Let's go back to the base, Arcann. I need some rest…"
"Yes, of course. But…allow me one last question, please… I want to know. If you did not spare me out of pity, will you tell me at last why you did it?"
Nyx chuckled. He was indeed stubborn. "Because it was the most perfect way to tell your father to go get screwed." The remark made Arcann laugh and she waited a bit before adding: "And because I needed to know, just in case, if it was possible to cure someone who had lost control over the dark side…"
Her last words made his laughter fade. She immediately decided to start making her way back to the base to avoid giving him a chance to discuss it further. They talked about mundane things on the way back, both visibly wanting to leave Valkorion behind, and reached the main deck where they would part ways.
"Shall we have another session tomorrow?" she asked.
He raised an interrogative eyebrow. "Already? Are you sure?"
She laughed. "Arcann, if you think you finally defeated me for real, you might need to reconsider. I can bear a lot more hits before crying for mercy."
He smiled playfully. "I do not know why, but I have my doubts that you ever cried for mercy once in your life."
Nyx smirked. "Never. Have you?"
"Not my style."
"Uh-huh, I thought so… See you tomorrow, Arcann."
