Hi, guys! I tried not to let too much time go by, but I also had lots of papers and exams and job interviews. Which brings me to why I'm updating: I got my dream job! Yay! I'll be leading a workshop at my university next semester on one of my favorite topics, so I'm very excited to get paid to do something I love (and don't have to wake up at 7am for, like I do now for my crappy job). Anyway, that happiness (and also procrastination) inspired me to update.

As always, thanks to my homeboy, IWriteNaked, for being the best and supporting me and beta'ing this story and loving Clary's love for ginger ale. Also, thanks to clarissa adele herondale for being so lovely and always being happy for me and being such an amazing friend even though I am TERRIBLE at communicating. I love you guys. Also, s/o to DeathCabForMari for being an amazing mother and a great person to discuss Shadowhunters with (and now IWriteNaked is joining in too, which is p perf). I love y'all.

And, of course, thank you all for reading and reviewing and being generally awesome. Lots of love to you.

I hope you guys like this chapter!


"Look, Fray, all I'm saying is that you should consider yourself lucky to miss Eric's poetry readings."

I roll my eyes. Two minutes ago, I accidentally confided to Simon that I was feeling homesick, and then he started listing everything that sucks about New York in the summer, such as the myriad of slow people (mostly tourists), the hot weather, and, most importantly, Eric's poetry readings, which increase exponentially once school is out.

"He's not even that bad."

"Are you hearing yourself right now?"

I stick my tongue out at him. "How are the guys, anyway?"

"Missing you, as always. Oh," he says, as if remembering something. "Eric said to tell you that he's found his girl, but that he's still willing to do you if you ask. He paid me ten dollars to say that." Simon winces. "It wasn't worth it."

I make a face. "Eric's gross. Tell him I said that."

"That he's gross?" Once I nod, he texts my words to Eric. "How are your classes, anyway?"

"They're good. Really good. I miss home, but I love this. And I love Paris."

"Has Isabelle succeeded in finding you a boyfriend yet?"

I shake my head. "No. And thank god."

"Oh, come on, Clary." Simon gives me a look. "You're in Paris for a couple of months. Live a little. It's the city of love. It's literally the best place to start a relationship."

"You just want me to be in a relationship so that, when I get home and I'm brokenhearted, you get to come over and eat ice cream."

He sighs. "Okay, fine, yeah. But also because I don't want you to miss out on anything. That plane ticket wasn't cheap, dude, and you didn't fly thousands of miles just so you could take some art classes. You flew all the way over there so you could gain experiences and make new memories."

I sigh. The only problem with his logic is that, right now, my heart pulls me in the general direction in which Jace is located. It sucks, really, that my heart would gravitate towards him, since he's the last person who would ever want to be with me. I haven't told Simon how I feel, though, and I don't want to start now. He's my best friend, but I want to keep this to myself.

"I'll think about it," I tell him. "I have to go do my assignment, but I'll call on Friday, okay?"

"Sweet. I'll message you later."

"Byeeee."

I hang up. Truth is, I'm not gonna sketch right away, but I do need to clear my head. He's right; I didn't travel and pay that much just so I could sit around and experiment with art. I came here because I needed a change of scenery, something that might help me out as I learn new things and whatnot. And, though I've been to my first party and kissed my first guy, I don't think that's really what I need. I don't think those are the memories I'm always gonna look back at. In fact, what's to say I'll remember Jem in ten years?

Never mind. That's crazy talk. I'll always remember Jem.

I make my way over to my windowsill spot, deciding, as I always do, that I will sketch, since it's the best way for me to clear my head. It's raining outside, waves of thunder crashing and making me jump. I zip up my hoodie and begin to sketch, losing myself in the deliberate lines and figures. For the first time, I sketch without music. The only background noise is that of the rain and thunder, and I open my window ever-so-slightly so that the smell of rain makes its way into the room.

There's a knock on my door just as the rain begins to pour harder. "I'm gonna pick up Max," Jace says to me. "Izzy's out with Magnus and Alec, by the way." He hesitates. "Do you wanna come?"

I look down at my sketchbook. The drawing is complete, and it's raining hard, and the thought of being stuck in the car with him for even a second makes me jittery, but I find myself nodding.

I get my iPod and phone, slipping on a pair of Converse before making my way downstairs. Jace uses an umbrella to cover us both as we make our way into the black car. I don't know exactly what kind of car it is, only that it's actually spacious and nice.

"Here," he says, handing me a cable. "Connect it to your iPod and put on some music."

I roll my eyes at the way he says it but do it anyway, connecting my iPod to the radio. Andrew McMahon's "Cecilia and the Satellite" starts playing, and he drives off in the direction of Max's camp. I realize now that I don't know exactly how far it's located, but all worries drown out as the thunder crashes and the song keeps playing.

I'll keep you safe
I'll keep you dry
Don't be afraid, Cecilia, I'm the satellite
And you're the sky

"This is a good song," Jace says, clicking on my iPod to check its name.

"I know," I say, not knowing how else to reply. I wish that I could say that we have perfectly great, non-awkward moments together, but that's not true. And this is Exhibit A of that statement.

He browses through my iPod until he finds a song he likes. "Play that one next," he says.

Once this song is over, I click play, and "Tiffany Blews" by Fall Out Boy starts playing. As this song plays, I realize that I actually have no idea what Jace's music taste is. Well, at least I'm finding out today. That's something.

Oh, baby, you're a classic
Like a little black dress
You're a faded moon
Stuck in a little hot mess

This song is the kind of song that you sing along as you drive around, but I can't bring myself to sing in front of him right now. I want to, but I can't.

He takes one long look at me and says, "You want to sing, don't you?"

I try not to smile. "Maybe."

"Go ahead," he tells me.

"Are you serious?" I raise an eyebrow. "I don't just sing in front of people."

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not people. Just Jace."

Goddamn it.

Of course, because I'm an idiot, I start singing along. I'm expecting him to criticize the way I sing or whatever, but instead he joins in, grinning as he takes a look at my surprised face. Sadly, the song ends too quickly.

"Who knew you had it in you, Fray?"

I grin back. "I'm full of surprises."

We listen to music in a more comfortable silence. I'm glad that we've mended whatever the hell went wrong yesterday, but I want more. Sure, friendship is good and fine, but I want to know how the curve of his spine feels against my hand.

God. I'm fucked. So, so, so fucked. Royally so, even.

We park outside of a building, and Jace checks the time. "There's still half an hour left."

"Why are we here so early, anyway?"

"I thought there'd be more traffic. You know, because of the rain."

"Right." I pick at a thread hanging from my hoodie. "So where did Isabelle and the guys go today, anyway?"

"I don't know. I think Magnus was gonna teach Isabelle how to cook."

"Oh god."

"I know, right?"

"We need pictures of this."

"I bet that's why Alec is there."

"And here I thought it was to have a threesome when the day was over."

Jace chokes. "That is so wrong."

"Whoops."

"You're evil, Clary Fray."

"Oh, like you haven't said or thought far more inappropriate things."

He nods, a knowing look on his face. "Touché."

"So, listen," I start, my heart beating faster at the thought of these words being out in the open,"I know that I should probably drop this, but I'm not good at not knowing things, and I just wanted to know why you were mad at me yesterday. And don't," I warn. "Don't give me that 'nothing's wrong' bullshit that you kept trying to feed me last night, Jace. There's more to it."

He straightens up, more alert than before. Shit. I've fucked up. But, well, even though this may have put a strain on the relationship we're just beginning to form, I need to know. For science. "Look," he says. "This is going to come off wrongly no matter how I try to word it, so I'm just gonna say it." I brace myself. "Yesterday, when we went to pick you up, you were with Sebastian. Obviously. And you two seemed pretty friendly, so I thought that maybe you two were gonna start dating or whatever, and I just wanted to give you some space."

I look at him, dumbfounded. "Were you…jealous?"

"Did you not hear what I just said?"

"Oh, I heard it, but the smell of bullshit was too strong for me to concentrate past a certain point."

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay, fine, maybe I felt something that was in the vicinity of jealousy, but it was temporary. All's good now."

There's a part of that's screaming due to being overly excited, and then there's another part of me that's choosing to focus on the last sentence he uttered.

"You could've just told me," I say. "I spent all of yesterday thinking that I'd done something wrong."

"I already told you that you didn't do anything. I wasn't lying," he says to me. "I was just not telling you the entire truth."

"That's an understatement."

Jace groans. "Can we drop this? It was just a side effect from the lack of sex. I haven't gotten laid in, like, a week and a half. It's done bad things to my mind and reputation."

"Well, you can't have sex with anyone in my art class," I warn him. "I don't want anyone to hate me or to obsess over you and use me as a way to communicate with you."

"Sounds like you have experience."

I wince. "Simon's met some pretty shady people."

He shakes his head. "I can't promise that I won't bang one of your hot artsy friends. Because, really, girls with big boobs and an artist's creativity are just too hot to resist."

I roll my eyes. "You're impossible." His words hurt some part of me that clung to the notion that maybe, just maybe, the jealousy he felt would linger. But, of course, it doesn't. Why would he be jealous when he can get whomever the hell he wants? Why would I let myself believe for one second that I was more than just some girl to distract him from the myriad of others who want to bang him?

Whatever. I'm an idiot. Case closed.

Oh, wait, case re-opened, because not only am I an idiot, but I'm also an idiot who still has feelings for the guy who does not reciprocate said feelings. I'm, like, a masochistic asshole. God, I hate my heart.

I need to tell someone about this. There's Izzy, sure, but we all live in the same house, and I think that'd be kind of weird. There's Simon, aka my best friend, but I don't think he'd react too well to me liking a guy I'm currently living with. So, really, my only option is the boys, and I'm not sure I trust them enough to confide in them with this.

So, basically, I have to swallow my feelings and deal with it.

Twenty minutes later, Max climbs into the car, elated to see that I've joined Jace in picking me up. He questions me about everything, sometimes speaking in French without noticing it, since he's lived here for the majority of his young life. We keep talking, and I eventually distract myself from Jace, though he's there, looking from me to Max and listening to the way we talk.

Once we get to the house, we notice that there's still no one there. "Are you hungry?" Jace asks Max as he takes off his raincoat.

"Starving," he replies.

"I'll make you something."

"Mac and cheese! Please, please, pleaaaaaase." He gives Jace his best puppy dog eyes. I have to say, they would've worked on me—and I don't even know how to cook.

"You got it." Jace ruffles Max's hair and steps into the kitchen. "But you go change, because your socks are wet and you can't get sick now."

Max nods rapidly and darts up the stairs comically. I shake my head and follow Jace into the kitchen, sitting down at the kitchen island and watching as he gathers all of the necessary ingredients to make the requested plate.

"So he really loves you," I blurt out, trying to hide my blush.

"I guess."

"It must be interesting, having so many siblings."

"It's mostly loud," Jace says. "Chaotic. Izzy's always yelling, Max is always begging for something, and Alec is the only one in the house who respects the meaning of peace."

"Sounds like an adventure," I say.

"It's mostly terrible if you tend to stay away from chaos," he says to me, "which I don't. I like chaos."

"I don't think I know chaos," I tell him, the realization hitting me. Sure, there are parties and stuff like that, but there are different kinds of chaos.

"Well, you will."

Max comes running back down, his footsteps loud and clear. "Are they done yet?"

"Not yet, dude," Jace says. "I've barely had time to open the box. Did you change your socks?"

He nods. "I diiiid. But I want food."

"And you'll get it," Jace says, shaking his head.

Max turns his attention to me. "Will you watch a movie with me?"

I smile down at him. He reminds me so much of Simon, it's actually kind of terrifying. "Sure. Which movie?"

"Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets."

"My favorite," I reply. "Of course I'll watch it with you."

I can feel Jace's eyes on us as we walk into the living room, which is right next to the kitchen. I turn on the TV and insert the DVD into the disc set. Soon enough, the movie's playing. Max is staring at the TV like it's Christmas, and Jace is making the food while pretending that he's not watching the movie, too. What a dork.

I lose myself in the movie and barely notice when Jace nudges my shoulder. He hands me a bowl of mac and cheese and motions for me to scoot over. We watch the rest of the movie in silence, mostly because Max hates commentary, and eat mac and cheese.

After the movie's done and Max goes upstairs, I volunteer to help Jace do the dishes. "Thanks for the food," I say, raising my bowl for emphasis. "It caught me off guard."

"You really loved the movie."

"Always have, always will."

He shakes his head. "Dork."

Thankfully, I'm the one rinsing, so, in a moment of impulse that can only be described as a brain fart, I hit him with the rinsing towel on his butt. Oh god. "Says the guy who was as happy watching the movie as I was."

"No way," he says, not commenting on what just happened. Thank god. "Clary, you were more into it than Max."

"And so what if I was?"

Jace shakes his head once more and hands me the last bowl. "It's kind of cute."

"Just like you and your TV shows." I ignore the jittery feeling that creeps up inside of me. Nope. Nope, nope, nope. We're friends, and it's working, and my body needs to stop reacting to him the way it does or I'm going to have a crap attack.

"Speaking of," he says, "wanna come watch The Office before Isabelle tries to marry you off?"

I nod. "Deal."


Let me know what you think! xo