"Yo, Kensuke!"
The brunette bit his lip, breath hitching slightly as he heard his best friend calling out to him as he tried to race from the classroom. No matter what Shinji said to reassure him, doubts still crept in concerning Touji. The whole situation was just too unrealistic … even for him. He believed in some pretty strange things … but to believe that Touji might actually consider the possibility of dating him … well let's just say it was even more far fetched to him than the theory that the moon was made of green cheese.
Kensuke managed a tight smile as he turned to face his smiling friend. "Hey Touji," he managed to say, his voice surprisingly calm considering how his insides were twisted up and pulsing madly.
Touji caught up with him and fidgeted before asking, "Do you think we could walk home together … alone … so we can talk?"
Kensuke squashed down the warm feelings of hope that coursed through him as he saw the way Touji avoided looking at him. "Sure." He was amazed he was still able to talk so normally around Touji. He continued on through the halls and started walking out the school gates, intensely aware of the unusually silent presence next to him.
"Let's head to the park," Touji suggested after a long silence.
"Sure."
Was is just him, or did Touji seem a bit nervous too? He certainly looked a bit put down by Kensuke's silence and monosyllabic answers. They walked into the park, heading past the fields that were being crowded by all the children heading out of school and the playgrounds filled with younger children laughing and running everywhere.
Finding a secluded spot where they could observe anyone approaching, the two stood leaning against the wide trunk of a large jacaranda in bloom. The grassy floor beneath them was hidden under a layer of amethyst bell-flowers.
Kensuke swallowed before finally looking over at Touji and asking, "You wanted to talk about something?"
"I think you know what I want to talk about," Touji told him quietly.
Kensuke looked away again. "Yeah."
"Look," Touji began, turning to face Kensuke and taking a step closer. "You've been my friend for ages Kensuke and before I say anything, I just want you to know how much that friendship meant to me … how much you always meant to me."
Kensuke nodded, fearing the worst. Boy, this sounds like one of those "you're my friend and I love you, but only in a brotherly way" speeches. He sighed quietly. Well, at least I know that he's telling me the truth here and doesn't totally hate me. "And you know how much you mean to me Touji," Kensuke said, looking up with a sad smile. "I'm sorry for putting this all on your shoulders and I understand what you're going to say."
Touji looked confused. "… well … okay then, that's good … I think." He stared at Kensuke for a moment. "How did you know I was going to chose you?"
"Well, I know you would never want …" Kensuke trailed off as he realised exactly what Touji had said to him. His eyes widened and he stared at Touji in astonishment. "Wait … me? I thought for sure you'd want to be with Hikari, I mean, she …"
Touji laughed at Kensuke's expression. "You really think I'd ditch you for Hikari? Kensuke," he placed his hands on Kensuke's shoulders and bent down so their noses were almost touching. "I don't think I could ever see myself apart from you for any reason and although I've never really thought about this that seriously, I want to try being with you in a different way."
Kensuke blushed. "You know how dirty that sounded right?"
Touji chuckled, a blush covering his cheeks as well. "Yeah, now I do, but I meant it in the other way … the not so dirty way."
"Darn," Kensuke breathed, eliciting more laughter between the two. They trailed off after a moment, still staring at each other. "Touji?" Kensuke asked breathlessly.
Touji didn't even have to wonder what he was about to ask, he'd known Kensuke for too long and too well not to understand. He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against Kensuke's, hesitating only a moment before kissing him more firmly, bringing the other boy closer by the shoulders.
Kensuke responded softly, his actions almost hesitant, before he brought his hands up to Touji's neck and pulled him down in turn.
Feeling Kensuke press against him, Touji couldn't help but find himself lost. He'd been so stupid not to see it before. Like most people, he'd considered the possibility of dating his friends and being gay or bisexual. He'd imagined what it would be like to kiss and be with the others (even Asuka) but he could never see anything believable. He'd even imagined what it would be like to kiss Kensuke … but the reality was so much more intense and wonderful than he could have thought.
He never wanted to leave this perfect moment.
Shinji glanced nervously at Hikari as he saw Touji and Kensuke enter the classroom the next day standing rather close and looking a bit more intimate than they should have been for 'best friends'. Hikari caught his gaze and smiled softly in gratitude. She looked back over at the new couple to see them watching her nervously, smiles gone for now. She just shook her head and mouthed, "Congratulations," with another smile and turned back to the others.
Touji and Kensuke continued on towards their friends who were gathered near Asuka's desk. This time it was Rei who was sitting upon her girlfriend's desk smiling softly. Seeing Kensuke and Touji approach, Shinji rolled his eyes, causing Hikari to giggle softly.
Great, now I'll be stuck with two sappy couples, he thought miserably, though he managed a smile for the other two and a smirk at them as well. Kensuke blushed and Touji fidgeted as he commented, "Well, aren't you two looking rather happy about something."
"Subtle Shinji, real subtle," Touji replied dryly, sliding into his seat. "You honestly couldn't come up with something better than that, Mr. Writer?"
Shinji shrugged. "It's still early morning, give me time."
Asuka looked a bit lost, but Rei smirked, glancing at Kensuke's flushed face knowingly. "It's about time something happened," she told them.
"Look who's talking," Kensuke replied, causing Asuka to glare as she finally caught on.
"Hey, well at least we're not as bad as Shinji."
Shinji's head snapped around and he glared at Asuka. "What did I do?"
"I think it's more a question of what you haven't done," she informed him.
"Which would be …?"
Asuka made a rather loud noise of exasperation. "Hello? Who is the person you have posters of plastered all over your walls? Hm? And you still haven't made a move?"
Shinji blushed. "It's not that simple Asuka."
Four pairs of eyes stared at him in disbelief.
"Right … I guess you all wouldn't really see it that way now would you." He scratched at the back of his head nervously, begging for something to distract them all from focusing on his love life now that theirs were all sorted out.
He honestly could have kissed Misato at that moment, walking in when she did.
Shinji glanced fretfully at the still empty seat next to him. It was Friday now and he had seen neither hide nor hair of Kaworu all week. Even Rei hadn't heard from him. No one knew his number or address since he was still new here. If he didn't see him soon, Shinji swore he would go to his father to get the information, which he had never wanted to do before. His father was rather strict concerning giving out information about the students to Shinji. With good reason, Shinji had to admit. The last time he'd gotten info, Touji, Kensuke and himself had visited a boy in their class and pulled a rather … messy … prank on the unsuspecting boy.
Needless to say, finding a way to get information on other students had proved extremely difficult since then.
Misato walked in then and Shinji sighed, looking rather depressed at the fact that Kaworu was still not here. He hardly heard a word she said all through their first lesson, his mind completely preoccupied with his worry for his idol. The others all seemed to notice his distress too and glanced at him whenever Misato was distracted. Of course it was only a matter of time before she finally noticed he wasn't paying attention whatsoever.
"Mr. Ikari!" Shinji's head snapped up as he heard Misato slap her hand hard against his desk. He gulped seeing the dark look on her face. "I do not appreciate students sleeping in my class."
"But Ms. Katsuragi —"
"Detention today at lunch time Shinji and if I catch you not paying attention again it will be an after school detention."
Shinji nodded. "Yes Ma'am."
Misato spared him one last glare before returning to the front of the class and continuing with her lecture. But Shinji found himself drifting off again, his mind unable to focus on anything besides his worry for Kaworu.
There was a timid knock at the door which interrupted Misato and possibly saved Shinji from being caught for not paying attention again. Misato stalked over to the door and pulled it open sharply. "Yes?" she snapped before she saw who was at the door.
"Mr. Nagisa, it's a pleasure to finally see you in our class again." It didn't really sound like it was a pleasure to Misato. She was still in a horrid mood. "Please take your seat and see me at the beginning of lunch to talk about your missed classes."
"Yes ma'am," Kaworu replied, bowing. He stepped into the class, making his way to his seat and trying his hardest to ignore the looks he was receiving from his friends. Shinji tried futilely to catch his attention and when he finally did manage to get Kaworu to look over, the furious expression on the gentle boy's face made him gulp.
What could have happened to make Kaworu look like that?
Shinji bit his lip and continued to contemplate his friend all through his classes until lunch.
While the others filed out, all giving hesitant greetings to Kaworu as they passed (and getting little or no reply), Shinji continued to sit in his seat, waiting for Misato to tell him his detention.
"Shinji, would you wait outside until Kaworu and I have finished discussing his work?" Misato asked, in a slightly better mood now that the day had progressed a little.
"Sure." Shinji packed up his belongings and shot Kaworu a small, concerned look, before walking outside and waiting by the door for Misato to call him back in. He only had to wait a few minutes before the door opened and Kaworu stormed out, barely glancing at him as he stalked down the hall.
Shinji stared after him, looking a bit hurt by Kaworu's actions, then he felt a hand press down gently on his shoulder. He looked up at Misato to see her staring at him in concern.
"Let's talk," she said, leading him inside.
"Misato," he began, "I'm sorry for not paying attention, I was just distracted by …" Shinji lowered his head.
Misato nodded. "I know. I'm not totally oblivious to everything that happens around here you know Shinji." She glanced at him in concern again. "Do you want to talk about things?"
Shinji sighed and slumped into a seat. "I don't know."
Misato shrugged. "Well, I'm here and you're stuck here for a while, writing lines." She handed him a piece of chalk and, sighing, Shinji got up again and walked to the board.
"What am I writing?"
"Whatever you think will help you pay attention more in class."
Shinji frowned, looking over at her. "What do you mean?"
"If you can't talk about it, why not write about it? It might help."
Shinji stared at the white stick in his hand with a frown. "I thought that too, but now I'm not so sure. Writing doesn't always solve anything."
"Who said you had to solve anything right now?"
Shinji stared at Misato, a small grin playing about her face. She had her legs up on the desk and appeared to be more interested in reading a magazine she'd confiscated from one of the girls than in him and his problems, but Shinji knew better.
"Do you know where he was?" Shinji finally asked.
Misato nodded. "He'll tell you himself if he feels it's important."
"Oh."
Misato glanced over at him in exasperation. "Shinji, I've known you for years and I know what happens when you bottle everything up. Don't start doing that again, I've gotten quite used to you being open and friendly again."
"Yeah, me too I guess." Shinji moved over and sat on the edge of her desk. "I like him," he started simply.
"I know."
"No I mean really like him."
Misato smiled. "I know, it's hard to miss."
Shinji blushed slightly. "I guess. Anyway, I think he might be avoiding me for some reason … I mean, Kaworu really doesn't seem the type to act the way he did today … and he always seemed to like hanging out with me even if it was just talking."
"Maybe he has things to deal with."
"Maybe." Shinji looked a bit lost and he sighed. "I just don't know what to do Misato. I mean, I really like him. I have always admired his talent before I knew him, but meeting him and seeing what he's really like … I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I was so worried thinking something serious had happened to him this week, even Rei hadn't heard from him. Then this morning … I just …" Shinji sighed, not really knowing what he was feeling. "I'm so confused about everything."
Misato nodded. "I guess you really do like him then. But Shinji, how long have you really known him?"
Shinji looked at the floor. "A few weeks I guess."
"Don't you think that's a bit fast to form a proper friendship?"
"I guess ... but when Rei came, she became friends with us really quickly, and when I met Touji and Kensuke we were really close too. It's not really that hard to find people to hang with in high school."
"Shinji, you know that's not always the case. Some people don't make friends easily. I don't think Kaworu is like that, he seems like a nice happy kid who socializes well, but at the same time, his life has been very different to yours. Fitting into the typically expected roll of a teenager must be hard."
"Fame and talent had to have a downside somehow," Shinji murmured softly.
"Exactly. Think about it, people expect so much from him and he tries his hardest to live up to that. But in doing so he must alienate some parts of himself that I'm sure he wishes he could keep. When you have something that big on your shoulders, it should be expected that you don't always act the same as others."
Shinji nodded, frowning in concentration as he thought on this. "Then I'll just get him used to the idea of having friends slowly," he said with a smile.
Misato returned the pleased look. "That sounds perfect. Now, if you'll excuse me," she got up, swinging her legs off the desk, "Ritsuko, Kaji and I have a date for lunch."
"Sure. But ... what about my detention?"
Misato shrugged. "I was a bit harsh anyway. Math isn't really my idea of fun either. But try not to do it again Shinji."
"I won't. Have fun at lunch Misato."
"Will do kiddo." She grinned at him and walked out of the room, leaving him to grab his bag again and head to lunch.
Upon hearing something however, Shinji changed his mind and headed in another direction.
Kaworu slid the bow back furiously along the strings, his fingers moving so swiftly it was hard to tell what notes he was playing at all. The haunting sounds of an intricate fugue surrounded him. It was something he didn't really need to think about, this sort of music. Cyclical in nature, like his thoughts at the moment, he just played the same patterns over again at different pitches, tempos and volume. He'd leant this particular piece a while ago. It sounded like one of Bach's. Baroque was one of his favourite styles, so elegant and structured, aesthetically appealing. It was so easy to fit a piece to his mood and get his frustrations out like that. Music was the one thing that could allow him the release for his frustration, the one thing that would allow him the peace and relaxation to sort out his thoughts and ease his mind.
His mind returned to its original thoughts once more.
Why was he feeling so agitated by everything? He'd spent the week with his managers and producers who all tried to convince him to perform for some touring show. He'd turned them down naturally. They had promised him some time away for a while and he found he was starting to enjoy having a 'normal' life. Well, a typical life anyway. Music and constant traveling was normal for him.
It was strange. He'd been here but a few weeks and things were starting to feel so warm and welcome to him. He was glad to see Rei again, she was his favourite relative and he'd missed her terribly while on tours. The others here were very nice as well and rather fun to be with. Touji and Kensuke were exceptionally enjoyable to be around, always treating him as others never would, like 'one of the boys'. Conversation wasn't really lacking either, but the so-called 'intelligent' conversation he often had to deal with had never appealed all that much to him. He wanted to talk about sports and movies and the stupid antics of pranksters in class. He was only fourteen after all, was it so terrible for him to act like he was?
The girls, though he had less contact with them, were also rather amiable towards him, laughing and chatting and teasing. Being friendly. It was nice, he'd never had too many friends before. But there had to be something else. This was all very nice, but he was sure that anywhere he could find people like them who would accept him as he was, not all of humanity was completely lost in the world of business, detail, constraints and money.
Kaworu sighed and lowered his arms as he finished the piece. He felt slightly drained, but relaxed and eased. He placed his instrument carefully back in its case and leaned against the window he'd been playing by, staring down at the main yard where he could see his classmates sitting. No ... not classmates, friends, for that is what they had offered to him at first glance without hesitation, friendship.
But there was someone missing.
He heard a soft knock and turned around to see Shinji standing in the doorway, looking at him cautiously. "May I come in?"
Kaworu smiled, realising exactly who it was that held him here.
"Of course Shinji, I'd be quite glad for your company." Seeing the way Shinji's face lit up so brightly at the invitation, Kaworu couldn't help but feel the last of his irritation drain away.
The two sat for a moment in the music room watching each other.
"You know Shinji, I think I rather envy you at times," Kaworu admitted softly.
"You envy me?" Shinji seemed shocked. "Why?"
"You're so carefree with everything, you have an amazing life, wonderful friends. You're quite talented as well. I envy you that, but feel no resentment because I am also glad for you."
Shinji blushed slightly at Kaworu's kind words. "Thank you, but I think you're wrong to envy me."
"Me too. I don't like envy." Kaworu chuckled seeing Shinji's confused look. "I think I shall be rather happy instead, that I have been able to meet and know someone like you Shinji. I wonder, perhaps, if I have been placed on this earth simply to meet you."
Shinji stared a Kaworu for a long moment, a faint tint to his cheeks, processing these words in his head. The boy beside him was smiling so contentedly, he could almost believe how much peace his mere presence brought to Kaworu.
"Then perhaps it the same for me," Shinji told him firmly, capturing his crimson gaze and holding it, "for I doubt I will ever meet anyone more extraordinary than you Kaworu."
