Elden wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. His mind was racing, trying to think of all the things he should say to Dorian before he left in the morning. He wanted to reassure and be reassured in return that they could do this, but they had already talked the situation to death over the last week. Now that their time was almost up, he was worried he was forgetting something. More than anything though the thing that made his stomach turn the most was the amount of danger Dorian would be walking into. What use would Elden be to Dorian, so far away? And even if he did go to Tevinter with him, what could a warrior, a champion, do among mages? Would he be more of a burden than anything?
He tried to tell himself that he still had time to work it all out. Sera was still in town. He could work with her to try to become better at blending in, perhaps learn a few tricks from the Friends of Red Jenny. Then if he did go to help Leliana, she might be able to help train him as well. It was just so odd. In the Inquisition his abilities had mainly revolved around being noticed and he couldn't help but feel lost.
He shook the thoughts from his mind for now and tried to focus on Dorian, memorizing how he felt in his arms as if it might be the last time. Dorian was lying against him, head tucked under Elden's chin, and he just hoped he wasn't holding onto him too tightly. He knew Dorian had to go and he didn't want to make this any harder just because Elden wished he could stay.
"I have something for you," Dorian said suddenly, startling Elden.
"What?"
"I meant to give it to you in the morning, but since it seems neither of us are going to get any sleep I might as well give it to you now."
Elden reluctantly allowed Dorian to pull away. He sat up and watched as Dorian retrieved a package he hadn't noticed propped up in the corner. When Dorian returned to the bed he settled back in leaning against him so that Elden's arm draped over his shoulders. Once he was comfortable he started unwrapping the package for Elden.
"I actually commissioned this a while back," Dorian said as he pulled back the brown paper to reveal a wooden box. "Between Bianca and Dagna I knew they'd be able to come up with something functional. This is just the prototype, mind you. I fear the final product may have exploded on one or two occasions so I thought it prudent to let them work on it for a touch longer. Unfortunately that means it will no doubt be overly flashy once they've finally finished it."
"Dorian, just open the box!" Elden said, his excitement and curiosity getting the better of him.
Dorian grinned and slid the lid off, revealing what looked like a forearm and hand made from wood and metal. The hand was a bit crude and only looked vaguely like a hand balled into a fist, but there were hinges that could be adjusted to loosen what functioned as fingers.
"Obviously this isn't going to be useful for most activities, but you should be able to use it to hold a shield. I imagine you won't have the range of movement you're used to, but-"
Elden didn't let him finish. He pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed him. "You're amazing," he said.
"Well naturally," Dorian said with a grin.
"Could- could you help me put it on?"
"Of course," Dorian said, sitting up and undoing the straps.
"You really should stop spending all your money on me, though. First the sending crystals and now this. How much did it cost?"
"Don't worry about it," he said. "Everyone was all too willing to pitch in for the resources. While you seem to be progressing just fine without a shield, I know how much you like them and I wasn't about to leave you to pine over them in my absence. I think you may be able to stick a cup in there if you really wanted to wear it around the house. It might be useful for taking hot things out of the oven as well. Just don't melt the hinges. And be sure to send them any modifications you'd like done as you test it out."
Once Dorian had fastened it on, Elden flexed his elbow a few times experimentally to feel the weight. It was so odd feeling something there after so long. He could almost tell where the mark would be if it was really still there, but he pushed that thought away quickly. He reached out and pulled Dorian into a tight embrace. It felt like the first time he had properly held him since losing the arm.
"I love you," he whispered. "And I'm going to miss you so much." Elden felt tears threatening his eyes as if all of this was only just now sinking in. He couldn't let them fall though, not now. He didn't want to make it harder for Dorian.
"I know, amatus," Dorian said and it felt like his hands were shaking as he clung to Elden in return. "I know."
Dorian was gone. The house suddenly felt too big, too empty. Elden kept finding things Dorian had left out and he couldn't bring himself to put them away. He even left the precarious stacks of books in the bedroom and hallway even though he nearly tripped over them several times. Elden kept reminding himself that it was only temporary, but all he wanted to do was lie in bed and shut out the rest of the world. He felt childish for it but he just wanted Dorian at his side again.
He could barely sleep in the large bed by himself and every morning it got harder and harder to get up when he was greeted with the empty side of the bed. The loneliness hurt but it was the fear of the news that could reach him with each passing day that really got to him. Dorian was surrounded by enemies. All he had to do was slip up once and that would be it.
But Dorian was alive, fighting for what he believed in, and Elden couldn't do any less. He clutched at the amulet and closed his eyes, remembering every detail he could of Dorian's hands, long elegant fingers callused from wielding a staff, and imagining them wrapped around the twin amulet, as if he could hold his hand through the distance. He constantly wanted to use the crystal, to hear his voice again, but it hadn't been long and Elden didn't want to bother him. He should at least wait until Dorian's journey would be reaching its end.
Dorian had helped him so much while he recovered here; it was selfish to want to have him stay any longer. He was so proud of Dorian, and now he wanted to make Dorian proud of him. He finally dragged himself out of bed and grabbed the prosthetic arm. It was about time he started to learn how to fight with it.
Dorian sat leaning on the window frame as he watched the world pass by outside the carriage. It had been a long journey but it felt longer without Elden at his side. He hadn't spoken to him since he left and that made it worse. It was silly, he knew, but as desperately as he wanted to hear Elden's voice again he didn't want to be the first to call. It was a pointless game that would no doubt end with both of them simply waiting when they could have been talking all this time, but Dorian couldn't help it. Despite their extensive talks and reassurances on both sides that they wanted to make this work, Dorian still couldn't get rid of that pestering voice in the back of his mind that said that the distance would be too much for their relationship. But that wasn't fair; he knew Elden was much more self-conscious after his injury and he didn't need Dorian's insecurities on top of everything.
Dorian sighed in exasperation and pulled out the amulet. He turned it over in his palm but before he could muster the courage to use it, it started glowing. He jumped and fumbled with it, nearly dropping it before flipping it open.
"Dorian?"
Elden's voice came through clearly as if he were there in the carriage with him. He sounded hesitant but Dorian could practically hear the smile and he relaxed for perhaps the first time since this trip began. That man's voice alone shouldn't have such power over him. "I was wondering when you'd call. Missing my velvety voice already?"
"Always, love," Elden said with a laugh as if he couldn't believe they were actually speaking through the distance. "But I actually do have a reason for using this thing. I wanted to make sure you arrived safely."
"What, did you doubt my ability to travel alone? Or did my tales of burly pirates make you jealous?"
Elden chuckled again and Dorian couldn't help but grin. He hadn't even realized how much he had missed that laugh. "I know you hate traveling by sea is all. I just wanted to make sure you were holding up."
"Yes, it was pretty ghastly. It's fairly difficult to look as rakish as I am while hanging over the side of the deck, but I think I managed. The sailors claimed we had fair weather but I rather think they were having me on."
"Were you able to keep anything down?" Elden asked, concern entering his tone.
"Don't be so fussy, I'm fine."
"Sorry, I just miss you."
Dorian smiled fondly, and a little sadly, wishing he was back there with him already. "What about you? Did you remember to eat breakfast?"
"Yes, but now who's being fussy?"
"Honestly, you are such a bad influence on me," Dorian scolded.
"Where are you now?"
"Carriage just outside Minrathos."
"I imagine you'll be swamped once you arrive. I don't suppose you have some time to talk now?" Elden asked hopefully.
"I suppose I can make that sacrifice," Dorian said magnanimously. "I am a very important man now, you know."
"Oh yes, of course," Elden said and Dorian could hear his grin. "Should I be addressing you as Magister Pavus now?"
"That's something I never thought I'd hear," Dorian said with a laugh.
"From me or in general?"
"Both? You realize this means I outrank you now."
"Don't get ahead of yourself, you only outrank me in Tevinter. Everywhere else I'm practically an icon. We are quite a pair, aren't we? The Magister and the Herald of Andraste. Do you realize the looks I'm going to get now when I tell people I'm in love with a Magister?" Elden asked, laughing.
Dorian hesitated for a fraction of a second. The statement was so casual, but the weight of it for Dorian nearly knocked the breath from him. Being back here in Tevinter where everything was a scandal if one tried hard enough reminded him a little too harshly of his past, of being someone's dirty little secret, a role he had grown accustomed to. He had to remind himself that that wasn't true anymore. He had fought to be recognized for who he was and he had achieved all that. And Elden. He had never even dared hope to find what they had together and things like this still took him by surprise sometimes. It would only make sense for Elden to at least want to keep the Magister business quiet if nothing else, but he didn't care. Somehow Dorian found himself falling for this man over and over again even when he thought he'd already fallen as far as he could.
"Let's face it; anyone who's met me couldn't blame you for falling for me."
Elden laughed again. "That's certainly true."
Dorian could feel the heat rising in his face and decided it would be best to move on to a different topic before things could get any soppier. It wasn't like him to be this flustered, but Elden's affection was so obvious even without being able to see his face. "How is the reconstruction in Kirkwall going?"
"About the same since you left. We've nearly finished designs on the wall to block Darktown from the worst of the red lyrium. We still have no idea if we'll ever be able to remove it all."
"How are the people in Darktown?"
"I don't know, better I guess. I just wish there was more I could do."
This conversation was getting much too gloomy. If he wasn't there to cheer him up Dorian could at least lighten the mood. "So is single-handedly saving all of Darktown next on your agenda, then?" Dorian asked.
"Did—did you seriously just make a one-hand joke?" Elden said in mock-outrage. "Really?"
"Thank you for noticing, I've been saving that one up, actually."
"Maker, you have more, don't you?"
"Perhaps. But now for the important discussion. How have you been doing at Wicked Grace? Did all that training I did with you improve your chances against Hawke?"
"Unfortunately I don't think I'll ever be able to beat her," Elden chuckled. "I'm still losing but at least not quite as badly. Varric's been taking pity on me, I think."
"That woman is unstoppable. Looks like you'll have to cheat. I know you said you didn't want to, but I'm afraid cheating is the only way to beat a cheat."
"Dorian," Elden said suddenly serious and it brought Dorian to a stop. For a second he thought Elden was seriously offended by the suggestion. "Please don't hide anything from me," he said. Ah, he'd wondered when this conversation was going to happen. "Especially if you don't want to worry me. When I ask you how you are I want to hear about that Magister that's been a particular pain lately or that one time you thought for sure you were being watched on your way home. If I can't be there with you through all of this I want to at least be here for you."
Dorian sighed. "Fine, but you realize this means you have to do the same."
"I'll be fine," Elden said dismissively. "I'm not the one walking into danger."
"Oh no you don't, you lost your privilege to be fine when you failed to mention that your arm was planning on exploding. If I have to recount every excruciatingly boring part of my day, you have to do the same."
"Okay," Elden said with a little laugh.
It broke Dorian's heart to know that he couldn't see Elden, let alone reach out and touch him, so instead he kept things light. They talked about everything and nothing at all until the carriage finally arrived and they were forced to say their goodbyes. This time Elden made him promise to contact him before the week was out and Dorian entered Minrathos feeling more confident than he had in a long time. He was ready to take on the entire country if need be. Anything to speed his reunion with Elden.
