Sirius Black and the Heir to Slytherin
Chapter 8—The End of the Beginning
The next day at breakfast, Sirius was dead on his feet. It had taken him all night to get the potions ingredients he'd needed. Most of the other students had quickly gathered everything, but Sirius was a perfectionist when it came to potions, so he'd hunted down five patches of dittany before he found one that had satisfied him. And by then most of the lacewings had been gone.
Taking his time had its advantages, though, besides the obvious fact that his potions were flawless. In the end, after the rest of the Slytherins and most of the other students had gone back, Sirius had run into Lily. She was also having trouble finding any lacewings, and was beginning to panic. Potions was her worst subject, and she already was off to a bad start with a wilted batch of dittany. Sirius had collected extra, so he'd given her some. They'd teamed up after that, hunting for lacewings. They'd taken forever and were exhausted, but after three hours of searching, they were done.
Sirius had almost regretted finding the lacewings. He'd been having fun. And he'd learned something interesting. Lupin was a friend of Lily's housemate, Potter, so maybe Lily could find out what was wrong with Lupin. She'd promised at least to ask.
So even though Sirius found himself falling asleep in his bacon that morning, he couldn't help but feel that it had been well worth it.
And it really wouldn't be that bad a day, Sirius thought. He had flying in the morning, followed by potions, charms and transfiguration in the afternoon. Only one bad class, and hopefully Lily would have something to tell him by transfiguration, so he could even handle that.
After breakfast, the day seemed to fly by. He did fine in his earlier classes, and Nocturna even praised his dittany as the only batch she'd seen all day that was worth putting into a potion.
His day was going so well that by the time he got to transfiguration, he was sure Lily would know exactly what was wrong with Lupin.
She didn't. When she met him after class, all she could say was that Potter had told her that Lupin's mum was ill and he had Dumbledore's permission to leave and visit her every month or so.
Sirius couldn't believe it, although he didn't say so. Well, it was possible that he had a sick mother, but clearly he was sick as well. Maybe they had the same thing. Maybe it was genetic. Sirius and Lily were silent as they walked through the empty halls to the common rooms together as was becoming their custom. When they reached the stairs, they said their goodbyes and parted.
Sirius was still lost in his thoughts as he continued alone. Okay, so assuming that Lupin's mum really was sick, and it was genetic, if she was bad enough that Lupin was constantly gone, how bad was he? A little worry settled in the pit of Sirius' stomach. Worry and frustration. He was getting sick of all of these "ifs." If Voldemort found him. If he turned out like his father. If Lupin was dying. Sirius had enough problems of his own to worry about. The life or death of some Ravenclaw kid he hardly knew shouldn't have bothered him. But it did. It was like he had a link to this kid. Sirius didn't care about much. But for some odd reason he knew that if Lupin were dying, if he died, Sirius would care.
And that scared him more than any Death Eater. Because Sirius had survived for twelve years by blocking out all emotion. Now his defenses were down, and he no longer felt safe, not only from outside attacks, but also from himself.
Remus Lupin was back in class three days later, looking worse than ever, but trying to pretend he was fine. Sirius said nothing to him, tempted though he was. He'd decided for his own sanity's sake to put Lupin out of mind. Whatever he was dealing with, he could deal with it himself. It wasn't worth letting his own defenses down for a boy who wouldn't even admit he was sick. Lupin wasn't worth dying for.
And Sirius had more pressing concerns. Exams had finally arrived. He still didn't have a chance in the practical portion of transfiguration, his first exam, but he'd studied so hard in the last two days that he thought just maybe he could pass the exam by acing the written part.
Somehow he made it through the week. There had been some downs, such as McGonagall's exam, or the look on her face during the practical portion when Sirius had tried to turn an egg into a rubber ball, and his rubber ball had hatched. However, he'd had some ups, too. He knew he'd passed potions, charms and flying with no problems. History of magic had two questions on Grindelwald. Even defense against the dark arts had been passable, as it had contained only one question: What are the dark arts? Write an eight inch essay explaining your answer. Everyone had given Sirius a significant look when they'd read the test except for Lupin who'd missed that lesson. Sirius had survived though.
The leaving banquet at the finish of the week was fun until the end. Ravenclaw colors now decorated the Great Hall, and after the feast, students had left to finish packing for home, excitedly chattering.
As the Slytherin able was dismissed, Sirius took his time leaving, moving slowly enough that he wouldn't have to walk with them and hear the happy chatter about going home to their families for the summer. He would be spending his summer hiding out at Hogwarts, hoping to be alive when second year began. As his table was the last to leave, no one seemed to notice that Sirius remained behind. He waited until the voices faded before crossing the Great Hall to return to his common room.
Lily was waiting for him just outside the banquet hall door, startling him. She fell into step beside him as he walked to the main stairway. "I noticed you weren't with the rest of the Slytherins when they pushed by us on the stairs, so I doubled back to find you," she said in answer to his questioning glance.
"Why?" he asked.
She let out a small, exasperated sigh. "Why does it always have to be 'why?' Why can't anyone just do something for you and you accept it?"
Sirius shrugged, knowing how moody he must look, and replied simply, "Because no one ever has before."
"Oh," Lily said, clearly at a loss for words. After a few moments she answered his question. "You seemed kind of down during supper. I wondered what was wrong."
"Nothing. I'm just tired. Exams and all."
They turned a corner and were at the main stairwell. They walked up to the landing, and before they parted, Lily turned to him. "Well, I'll see you on the train."
Sirius shook his head. "I don't ride the train. So, it'll be next year. Have a—ah—well... have a good summer." He just stood there, unsure of what to do next, feeling socially inept. Should he shake her hand or something?
Lily saved him from having to decide by throwing her arms around him and giving him a friendly hug. "You, too! I'll miss you!"
Sirius stiffened at the gesture, eyes wide with shock. He couldn't remember when anyone had just hugged him like that. Perhaps no one ever had. His father certainly hadn't.
Lily mustn't have noticed his sudden rigidity, because after the hug, she just grinned, waved, and took the stairs to the Gryffindor wing, leaving Sirius standing stunned on the landing below, staring after her.
Finally, he snapped out of it and turned to go up to his own common room. He made his way through groups of students chattering about going home and seeing their families. And as he changed into his night clothes and drew the bed draperies around him to shut out the cheerful sounds, he couldn't help but think that with the promise of Lily returning at the end of the summer, the next three months didn't seem quite so bad after all.
The first week of summer vacation was a bit of a shock for Sirius. He hadn't been clearly informed about what would be happening in the next few months. He woke up on the first day to an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. It felt almost like home, being alone in the dormitory, not knowing who was left in the school or what they would make him do. He didn't like this.
He got up slowly and dressed. The rest of the students had left for the train hours ago. He was completely alone.
And for the first time in his life, he realized that he didn't like it. Sure, he'd always been a loner, even when the others were around. But at least there always had been other people nearby. This was the first time he realized that there was more than one level of loneliness. He'd just hit level two.
As he dressed, he wondered who was left at the school. Surely all of the teachers hadn't gone as well. Someone had to be there with him.
He slipped his school robes on, unsure if he was to wear them in the summer or not, and pulled his longish black hair out of his eyes, tying it back. Then he made his way down the stairs from the deserted dormitory to the common room. The whole place seemed gloomy, like he was walking through an empty tomb.
When he entered the common room, it was a moment before he realized that there was someone seated in a chair near the fireplace. Icy fingers of fear settled in his stomach. Everyone should have been gone. Old instincts sent up flares, and Sirius felt himself tensing as the old terror washed over him. The fear struck him so suddenly that he was unable to form a rational thought as he stood in frozen terror. In fact, his mind seemed capable of nothing more than registering a single thought, which kept resounding in his head. "He's found me. He's found me. Oh god, he's found me." A terrifying vision of Voldemort felling him right there in the Slytherin common room flashed through his mind as the figure in the shadows finally moved, seeming to notice his presence at last.
Sirius stood rooted in place as the figure stood and came toward him, stepping into the light. It wasn't Voldemort or one of his Death Eaters.
It was Nocturna. Smiling wryly, she softly commented, "I'd wondered if you'd planned on getting up." The smile faded when she saw how pale he was, saw his wand was drawn and held in a hand that trembled ever so slightly.
He hadn't even realized he'd drawn his wand until one clear thought broke through his fear. She wasn't there to hurt him. He put the wand away in a manner that he hoped appeared casual. But even as he did it, he knew there was nothing casual about defensively drawing a wand on an unarmed teacher.
"Mr. Black, is something wrong?" Nocturna asked softly, her silver eyes appearing interested.
"No. It's nothing. I'm fine," he murmured.
"You look as though you've seen a troll. And you drew a wand on me. You are not fine." She took a step closer, but Sirius could see that she was being wary. Her right hand had slipped into her pocket where he knew she kept her own wand. She took another step, closing the distance between them. "What is the matter?"
He had to think fast. "I had a nightmare last night," he lied. "I dreamt that the muggle killer was down here and had come to start killing wizards. I—I guess I was still half sleeping when I came down here. And then I saw you in the shadows and thought..." He trailed off, hoping she believed his deception. Lies. Lies mixed in with threads of truth. That's all his life was. It didn't seem worth the effort to preserve that. He watched her face, but couldn't look Nocturna in the eyes.
She didn't notice, but seemed to take his story for truth. "That is precisely why I say that you shouldn't read trash before bed." She picked up a discarded Quibbler from the table, and waved it in front of Sirius to demonstrate her point.
It must have been left by another student. Sirius didn't get the paper, but he didn't tell her that. One article she was waving in his face was about the Ministry's plan to eventually investigate the muggle deaths. Sirius couldn't believe his luck. He didn't know how he'd have explained his actions if she hadn't believed his story.
Nocturna slapped the paper down on the mahogany table. "I hope in the future you'll find better reading materials before bed."
"Yes, ma'am."
Her eyes lingered on the article a moment longer and she sniffed distastefully. Sirius wasn't sure if it was the paper, the Ministry, or the muggles who were the recipients of Nocturna's sour expression. Sirius had a funny feeling that it was the muggles. Although Nocturna was a very good professor, she wasn't known for being tolerant. He wasn't sure that even she was above using the word "mudblood" in her home.
Finally, her gaze shifted back to Sirius. "As you are in my house, Mr. Black, the headmaster requested that I explain what is to happen this summer. Most of the professors go home during the holidays, as I'm sure you realize, however Professor Dumbledore and two other professors shall remain here with you this year. You will be expected to follow school rules as you normally would, and keep up with your studies. I don't want to come back and find that you've done anything to shame my house. Is that understood?"
Sirius nodded, so relieved that someone was finally telling him something that he almost missed the import of what she'd said. "Wait!" he burst out suddenly realizing. "You mean you won't be one of the teachers here?"
Nocturna's severe expression softened slightly. "No. I'll be visiting my son this summer. Professors McGonagall and Meadows have agreed to stay."
Sirius' heart sank. Great. He was doomed. He'd have preferred Nocturna. Sure, she was tough and not always fair, but at least she usually left him alone. Between Meadow's prying and McGonagall's insistence that Sirius was constantly slacking off, he'd' never know a moment's peace. He'd be a wreck before July was out.
Nocturna was still talking. Something about practicing quidditch over the summer. As if quidditch weren't the least of his problems. Sirius just nodded to let her know he'd heard her. A few more minutes of this and she finally left.
Sirius stood in the middle of the dark gloomy common room. The patter of rain could be heard now, splattering against the windows. Other than that, the room was silent, and the silence settled on Sirius like a blanket, smothering him.
He was alone again.
Author's Note: Short note this time. Thanks for reading. Please review! And Stay tuned for Chapter 9: Grindelwald (Please motivate me to write another chapter by reviewing!)
