Ben's mind was cleared of all thoughts as he held the kiss, his fingers pressing against Rey's slick jaw and neck. Rey didn't fight it; instead, for a moment, Ben thought he felt her lean into him, and he was overcome with glowing warmth.
Then Rey was pulling away, taking a step back from him. Ben lowered his hand to his side, studying Rey's expression and feeling his chest tighten as he read dazed confusion in her eyes.
"Ben…" Rey quivered, her voice barely audible above the rainfall. Her mouth remained parted, her lower lip trembling as she stared at him. What was she thinking? What was she feeling? Ben fretted, but he didn't dare read her thoughts.
He knew that this had been her first kiss; he'd filtered through her memories during his interrogation of her on Starkiller, unable to fight his curiosity whether she'd had any lovers on Jakku. He selfishly remembered discovering that she'd had none.
Struggling for breath, Ben extended his gloved hand to her. "Come back inside," he said, gently. The sun was low on the horizon, about to set, and the air and rain were growing colder. Shivering, Rey shifted her eyes between his face and his trembling hand. After a long, hesitant moment, she gave him her hand, and he closed his fingers around hers.
Ben glanced back at Rey as he led her through the doorway of the hut. When they reentered the warm, dry interior, Rey slid her hand from his.
"I can't do this," she huffed, still shivering. She looked conflicted, even a bit fearful, Ben thought, and his heart tugged. "I don't understand, we–we shouldn't," she stammered.
"Why not?" Ben asked, locking eyes with her. Rey frowned up at him as he managed to catch her mental defenses off guard, and he slipped into her thoughts. He saw that she was worrying about what her friends in the Resistance would think about all of this. What was of more interest to him, though, was that he glimpsed yearning before she pushed him from her mind. A hot flash of energy ran through his core.
Slowly, Ben stepped towards her. Rey let out a quick breath as he rested his gloved palm on her bare forearm. "You shouldn't worry about them, Rey," he said, searching her hazel eyes. "It's just us now."
Rey's breath came in shivering bursts. She shook her head, her mouth opening but no words passing her lips.
"But if you want me to leave, I will," Ben said, tightening his jaw and sliding his hand from her arm. "I'll go stay in the cave–"
"No," Rey said abruptly. She shook her head, taking a step towards him but avoiding his gaze. "No, you can stay."
Rey turned, keeping her gaze cast away from him as she peeled off her damp outer vest. Ben watched her closely, clenching his hands at his sides. He noticed the small points of her nipples poking against her snug cream blouse, and a new hunger consumed him, one of a most potent kind.
Rey faced the fire and sat down, leaning her back against the end of the bed. She slid her palm onto the ground between them and finally looked up at him, her face neutral. Getting the message, Ben lowered and sat next to her, close enough for their arms to touch.
Rey stared ahead into the flames as Ben's gaze traced down her profile, her neck, her chest as it rose and fell in quick, successive pulses. She was ethereal.
"Why did you kiss me?" Rey breathed, still not looking at him.
Ben hesitated, mulling over what he should say. He wasn't about to lay all of his cards on the table. "Why are you letting me stay?" he countered.
Rey looked at him, her mouth parting. Her cheeks reddened, and she swivelled her face from him. Her legs straightened out in front of her, one folded over top of the other.
"Rey," Ben coaxed, and she looked at him askance. "Don't be afraid," he said. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Not with me." Looking deep into her eyes, lit by the flickering glow of the fire, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her again, but he knew he should hold himself back, give her space.
But Rey's eyes were locked on his, and–was her face leaning closer? Her hand rose to his sleeved arm, and he felt paralyzed.
Kiss me again, Ben heard in his mind, and he let out a soft, quivering breath. Had he imagined that? He noticed a stray strand of damp hair sticking to Rey's cheek, and he rose his hand to her face, gently swiping the hair from her skin with his gloved thumb. He felt dazed, stuck by the fact that not only had she allowed him to kiss her once, but she wanted him to do it again.
Rey's eyes were soft, and her parted mouth as he leaned in and closed his lids. Lightly, he brushed his lips against hers, feeling Rey's grip tighten on his arm. Her lips were warm, smooth, silken. Ben kissed her then, and Rey pressed softly back. She moved her hand up to his shoulder, and Ben slid his hand to the back of her head in response, his fingers wrapping through strands underneath her lowest knot of hair.
Their lips parted as they both let out a quick breath, Rey's warm exhalation beating against Ben's waiting mouth. Ben leaned in again, and as his lips returned to hers he pulled her face to his, deepening the kiss. This time, Rey was not so passive. She kissed him back, squeezing his shoulder tightly and turning her upper body towards him.
Sweat beaded at Ben's hairline, the heat of the fire before them feeling as if it had increased twofold. Ben reached his free hand to hold the side of Rey's waist, his fingers gripping into her blouse. Rey made a small sound against his lips, and heat ran down Ben's center.
"Rey," he breathed against her hot mouth. As kissed her again, he tilted his face and parted his mouth more, keeping his movements slow and allowing her to learn from him, to follow. She smelled salty from the rain, matched with a sweetness that was something all her own. Rey's fingers dug into his shoulder so hard he half-wondered if her nails would break through the fabric of his tunic. Not that he would mind that. Ben kept his own fingers pressed into the snug fabric around Rey's waist, and he felt her flinch as he squeezed her yielding flesh beneath.
Ben knew he was reaching the point of no return. He knew he should stop now, it would be the right thing to do, but Rey's sweet, soft lips and her warm breath on his mouth made it impossible to pull away. He wanted her in full, and badly. He was entranced, enraptured by this girl who had from the start been so much more than just a girl.
In this moment, there was no outside galaxy, no First Order, no war, no Ahch-To. There was only her: Rey.
Ben awoke from his hypnotized state as he felt a wet droplet slide onto his upper lip. Gently, reluctantly, he pulled back from Rey's face to see another tear sliding down her cheek. Her mouth trembled, and she looked up at him with rheumy eyes. Ben retreated his hands from her to wipe the tear from her cheek, giving her a questioning look.
"I shouldn't want this," Rey breathed, releasing her grip from his shoulder and putting her palm to his chest, as if wanting to push him away.
"Me, you mean," Ben said with a sting. So she didn't feel this same connection, after all, he thought. Maybe she did just feel bad for him, and that was as far as her feelings ran. Ben searched her face earnestly, wanting to see in her eyes that this wasn't the truth, but his heart dropped in his chest as she lowered her gaze from his. Ben pushed up from the ground, Rey's hand sliding from his front. Her eyes widened up at him.
"It's probably best, then, if I leave," Ben said, straightening his tunic.
"No, Ben, wait," Rey began, getting up from the ground. She reached for the edge of his tunic as he moved past her, but he kept walking, the fabric pulling through her fingers as he opened the door to the hut. "Ben," she called, her voice cracking, and he reluctantly stopped to look back at her in the doorway.
"I've upset you," he said. "That wasn't my intention. I thought we shared a connection, but clearly I was mistaken." He held his breath, lowering his brows. "I'm sorry I ever kissed you," he said, clenching his jaw as he spoke the lie. Rey stared back at him, her eyes widening and her face falling. Ben stared at her an aching moment longer before turning and stomping out into the rain.
Angst.
