Million and one

A darvey fanfiction

(Again, this is unbeta-ed, you've been warned – sorry for the mistakes, I uploaded fast again yeah!)

Part 8: When it hurts you, it hurts me too

I'm shaking down the dirt on my pumps. I wonder how many times a day you could stare at me. I'm not complaining but it's making me feel anxious. You're way in too deep right now Harvey. This is only the lengthening of our morning after bliss. What you're feeling right now isn't logical. It's instinctive, primal and long coming. That's why I didn't say no to meeting your mother, that's why I can't say no to you taking care of things. Maybe this is happening too soon. Maybe it isn't. I don't even know anymore with us.

I can tell the kitchen's to the right as I take of my coat off. Your mom's signaling to us to go settle in your room. She tells me it's the third door to the right upstairs and that we can freshen up using the clean towels she placed on the bed. If I didn't know so little of her, I'd say she's quite organized.

I let you take the lead and finally pick up that bag of yours when you're not looking. Your eyes dart at me and you knit your brows before thanking your mother. I say the same and watch you walk your pert ass up the stairs. Ridiculously perfect.

You open the door for me and I instantly realize my focus hasn't been where it usually is. I walk into the room and drop your bag onto the nearest chest of drawers. I'm sure I heard you coming in with me but I'm feeling a little bit mixed up. I'd be lying to myself if I didn't expect your bedroom to look like the youngest possible version of you with that stupid single bed. But at the same time I'm glad I don't know all there is to know about you.

"I told you it was hard for me to come back each time," he sighed. "But I grew up and so did my room. I hope you like the double bed."

She heard him close the door behind her.

Of course, you'd come home from time to time, even when you were in college. And each time, you'd see your father, your brother and even your mother. This room, is so you still. Its beauty lies with old car photographs and movie posters that are plastered over the walls. The whole room's atmosphere feels surreal. I can see everything despite the fact that the night's setting. Darkness matters they say but the dim and blue shades give me a good enough view of what you'd stare at. There are a couple of little league trophies on the desk by the window and a saxophone set by the desk's legs. I feel like there's coolness blazing in the shadows until you start breathing down my neck. It's you, it's hot, it doesn't tickle and it has me shut my eyes. You circle my waist with your arms and I let myself lean into the safest of embrace. You sway me a little and leave kisses on my flesh which is calling for release. The driving intensity behind your mouth tends to easily hide the chaos and hardships you've had to endure. But I'm not a fool. You could kiss the crook of my neck and my shoulders a hundred times I would know when something's wrong or when you might look for some sort of solace. I rest my hand on your neck, sliding my fingers through your hair, encouraging you to continue debilitating my knees. My eyes shoot open as you apply pressure on that tense spot of mine and I anchor myself deeper against you, grinding my back down on your groin. I feel your hands move to my breasts, groping and testing my lack of resolve.

I feel the floor shake beneath my feet accompanied by the sound of someone banging on it. It's coming from under us; someone must be hitting the ceiling with a cane or a stick. I realize you're tapping your foot to answer the incessant knock, as if on instinct.

"Dinner's gonna be ready soon," he explained, kissing her neck.

"I should freshen up then," she sighed.

"Give us another minute," he insisted trying to drag her to the bed.

He managed to get her to the foot of the bed before she wriggled out of his hold. Purposely and unabashedly, he threw himself on top of it, burying his face into the pillows.

The corner of her eyes crinkled and a smile played at the corners of her mouth. "You're such a child."

He turned around to lie flat on his back and placed his arm under his head. "This is my prepubescent lair after all. I'm in character."

She growled, moving to the head of the bed. She bent down and her hair flopped onto his forehead. He gently tucked a good chunk of it back into place behind her ear, and rested his hand at the back of her head.

"Thank you," she uttered softly.

"My pleasure." He gently pushed her head back down to his.

She smiled warmly and plunged in for what she thought would be a sweet lingering kiss. He was holding the back of her head like he had no intention of leaving this bedroom anytime soon. His mouth had rarely stretched out for her this way before. He pushed his tongue deep into her, pulling out only to do it again – tilting his head to one side, angling his mouth one way and then the other. His nose quickly brushed against each side of her face. Breathing through the nose was becoming a mission. She grasped the edge of the bed for support and stroked the hand he'd placed on her cheek with her other hand. She adjusted her position by kneeling down on the side of the bed to allow him better access. His kiss tasted different. Hungry, long and hard almost to the point of lacking experience. But he seemed in control while her heartbeat was – as expected – out of it.

How is it that I feel so much from a kiss? What are you trying to tell me, Harvey? Besides the obvious.

He held onto her bottom lip for a moment, allowing her to catch her breath. The last suction had her moan. She opened her eyes, firmly fixed them on his open mouth. She saw him gasp a couple of times and lick away her saliva. He was immersed in his own mental space, and not the kind that would end up with them practically writing on the bed. The tension his lips had left still reverberated on her own. The way he was panting, eyes shooting up to the ceiling again and the rise and fall of his chest told her something was off.

She cupped his cheek immediately, "Harvey, what's wrong?"

"I'm okay," he explained. "I'm just tired, I guess."

He barely looked at her. "You know damn well I can tell when something's –"

"I just told you…" He calmed himself before continuing, "I'm fine! We should go."

She watched him move out of bed, get one of the towels his mother had laid out for them and quickly followed after him. He was about to open the door when she placed her hand on top of his.

"Whatever hurts you, it hurts me too, Harvey."

"Donna…" he pleaded, turning around to face her.

"Look at me, Harvey," she searched his eyes but his were sluggish so she changed tactics: "Eyes down here, mister."

It seemed to have the desired effect.

"I'm sorry," he uttered.

"It's okay…"

"I can't wait to be alone with you again tonight," he reassured her.

You clearly don't want to bring up whatever's going on through that head of yours. I understand that you want me to let it go. I want to pressure you but your mother's waiting for us and I won't do that to her.

You end our conversation with quick peck on my forehead.

"The bathroom's to the right if you need to go."

You leave the door open but I close it anyway. I turn around and lean against it, trying to find some sort of footing again. I kick off my heels and walk over to where you placed my suitcase. I put it on the bed, drag the zipper around and take my sneakers out. As I sit down on the bed, I take a peak outside your small window and take note of how appeasing it must be from the inside looking out. It's just as quiet a view from up here as the one back in your office. I hear you run down the stairs.

The walls in this house are thin. Seeing your mother isn't the same as being here; as being reminded of it all.

No wonder you couldn't look at me.


Donna came back downstairs a couple minutes later. She saw Marcus coming through the front door with someone she didn't recognize.

Marcus looked up at her. "Hi."

"Hi," she replied.

"Donna?"

"In the flesh!" she blushed.

"This is so great meeting you, hm," he gestured at the man beside him, "Bobby, this is Donna… Harvey's former –"

Donna couldn't help smiling seeing the younger Specter scratch his head.

"Secretary," she finished.

"Mom told me he was bringing his girlfriend over, I didn't know –" He walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Bobby joined in on the conversation, "Well, it's very nice to meet you Donna. I'm Lily's husband."

They looked at each other awkwardly until he suggested they hug it out of the way before adding: "Really nice to meet you too."

"Harvey told me you're their COO now!" Marcus added.

"And she's the best there is." They heard Harvey's lawyered-up voice.

Bobby coughed and broke the hug slowly.

"Hey big brother," Marcus said.

Donna turned her head and saw Harvey in the hallway, leading presumably to the living room. His tie was now out of the way, collar buttoned down and his sleeves were rolled up.

"Harvey," he nodded.

"Bobby," Harvey let out, hands buried deep in his pockets.

"How are you?" The older man asked.

"Never been better," he said.

I don't know why but I feel like there's an ocean between you and me right now. You're keeping your distance. You want me, I want you but you're not being boyfriend material.

"Where's your mother?" Bobby asked.

"She's in the kitchen and she's been waiting for that parmesan for over an hour," Lily said all the way from over the kitchen.

"I'd better go help her."

"I'll come with you," Donna offered, giving Harvey the kind of look that conveyed some kind of hurt.

As soon as she was out of the way, Marcus walked over to where his brother was. "So… Donna."

Harvey nodded.

Marcus continued, making sure no one could hear them. "So, all those years ago when I asked you whether you were banging her or –"

"Language," Harvey warned.

"You really wanted to," Marcus smirked.

"Come here you idiot," Harvey said, pulling his brother into a hug.

"I'm not jealous but I gotta say I don't know how you did it," Marcus began before adding, giving his brother a boyish grin: "She's really hot."

"She's mine," Harvey put his arm around his brother's neck, concluding with a back-slap before leading him to the living room.

Marcus stopped in front of a bar and wine cabinet. "What's your poison tonight? I think mom got you some Macallan." He looked through the cabinet.

Harvey eyed his brother, curious. "I'll have whatever you're having but… I thought you'd want a beer or something."

"Let's just say, I need something stronger."

"Is it because you're finally becoming an adult tomorrow?"

"Haha, very funny." He poured two glasses of what Harvey recognized as Brandy before handing one to his brother.

"To your happiness, Harvey. About time." Marcus raised his glass.

"And to yours, brother," Harvey said.

Marcus stared at his drink. "Mine's over, Harv'."

Harvey felt like he was on shaky grounds. "I don't know what to tell you."

"It's okay, I'm managing."

Harvey saw Marcus down the liquor in one go. "Looks like it."

"Don't judge me, Harvey."

"I'm not judging you, I'm just worried about you," Harvey stated.

"Let me worry about my life, you worry about yours." Marcus laid down his empty glass on the nearest tray.

"I'm not worried about mine," Harvey stressed.

"Strange… you looked kind of frozen to the spot earlier," Marcus shrugged. "That's not how I thought you'd introduce your girlfriend to us."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harvey frowned.

"Actually nothing until now. Defensive much?" Marcus developed, pouring himself another glass. He was being a little too aggressive for Harvey's taste.

"You of all people should know it's not easy for me being here," Harvey explained.

"Then why did you come? Or even bring her here for that matter?"

"It's your birthday, man. I want to be here," Harvey replied.

"It's just a birthday, Harvey. You weren't around for the last decade. So why now?"

"She's the reason… for everything," Harvey let out.

Marcus gulped down another one. "Well, understand this, Harvey. My everything's gone."

"You don't know that, Katie could –"

"It's a divorce, Harvey. It's messy even if we're being cordial about it. Think about my kids, how they're feeling. Think about how you and I felt."

"I remember," Harvey acknowledged.

"She's coming over tomorrow with the kids, you know? Mom invited her… I don't know how to be around her anymore." He was about to pour himself another one when Harvey pointed at his brother's glass, concerned.

"Just how many do you plan on having tonight?"

"None of your business," Marcus warned him.

"Dinner's ready!" They heard Donna's voice come through.

Harvey turned around and saw her walking over to the table, bottle of red wine in hand.

"Finally," Marcus let out before whispering to Harvey: "Let me give you some piece of advice. You got everything now, so get your head out of your ass and let her in on whatever you're going through."

Marcus picked up his glass and added before moving to the table: "I know I should have."


Mom conveniently asked that you sit next to her, effectively taking you away from me. I'm right in front of you, and you've barely glanced my way for the past twenty minutes. I see the two women in my life deep in conversation about everything chicken. I feel like it's not the conversation you want to have with her. This is just about being polite. You're on your third glass of wine.

At some point, things could get interesting. And it better come soon enough.

Bobby's trying to make small talk with me while Marcus keeps on drinking. He's barely touched his salad.

"I read that Chris Sale just signed for another 5 years with the Sox. He's gonna earn 145 million dollars for four seasons, that's just one unbelievable amount of money," Bobby said.

"Yeah, and let's not talk about all the additional money he's going to make doing commercials and such," Marcus joined in.

I'm a huge baseball fan and Bobby knows it. But I haven't kept up with sports news for a while and I'm definitely not interested in this conversation. Ever since that talk with Marcus, I either want to beat the shit out of him for being an idiot or get some alone with you.

"Marcus, you've barely eaten anything," Lily said.

Glad you're finally noticing that, Mom.

"I'm saving myself for that sweet pie of yours."

Typical Marcus; lying his way through everything.

"So, Marcus, how does it feel like to turn 40?" Donna cut in.

"Well, it sucks," Marcus began. "How did it make you feel when you did?"

"That's not something a gentleman should ask," Donna countered as jovially as possible.

You just antagonized him. You're mad. I'm mad at him too. I don't know why I didn't say anything. He's just not himself. Why are you looking at him like that? He's not worth it right now.

"But I'll tell you anyway," Donna stated, "I wanted something more. I felt like I was stuck, alone, unwanted. I wasn't dating anyone, investors wouldn't take me seriously and… nothing else was moving forward."

Breathe. Don't you let your face start to show just how miserable you feel about that, Harv'.

I feel like I'm losing faith in all I do.

"So, about a year ago, I came to Harvey and told him I wanted a seat at the table." She turned to Harvey, "It's the least I could have asked for since you'd forgotten it was my birthday."

I'm so sorry, Donna.

"The bastard here forgot your birthday," Marcus shouldered his brother, "that's no way to treat the woman you love, Harvey."

"Marcus, let it go," Harvey sighed, trying to remain calm.

"Like you can't let go of me? You've been glancing at my liquor ever since we started eating," Marcus placed his hand on the back of his brother's neck.

"Get your hands off me." Harvey took his brother's hand away.

"Fine… fine…" Marcus turned to Donna again," I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Donna." Marcus licked his lips before adding, "Us Specter men aren't really gentlemen."

"Marcus will you stop?" Bobby warned him.

"He actually drunk dialed me once and I got him to say how he felt about secretaries and trust me it involved a lot of bending over his desk," Marcus spat out. "It's no surprise you two got together really."

"That's enough, get out of here and come back when you're sober again," Harvey rose from his chair.

"No, he's staying," Lily warned her eldest son. "He can't drive in that state."

"I apologize, Donna, I didn't mean it as an insult," Marcus stated, "as you can see, I'm slightly drunk and I know it doesn't excuse anything. But turning 40 when people keep judging you every day for the mistakes that you've made – sometimes forgetting that losing your wife might be a little more complicated than just losing your house – well it makes it not as fun as you hoped it would be."

I can't deal with my pain, let alone his. I shouldn't have come. Nor should I have brought you into this. What does it say about me? About my family?

"I'm so sorry for this, Donna." Lily grasped Donna's hand reassuringly.

"I'm a big girl, and I can see he's in pain," Donna muttered under her breath.

"He's been a little on edge lately." Lily looked more sad than ashamed.

Stop downplaying it, Mom. He's a fucking wreck.

"Oh I'm a little on edge, is that it? The only reason Mom invited Harvey here is because she thinks he knows better. That he's more mature; it's always been this way, even when he wasn't around." Marcus turned to his mother, "But I don't want to get my life back on track, Mom. I want either my old life back or to simply forget."

"Marcus, that's not –" Lily tried but her cut her off again.

"It's okay Mom, I still love you."

"Okay, who wants some pie?" Lily asked, trying to change the conversation.

But no one answered.

"I'll just go get it." Lily rose up from her chair and picked up the salad bowl, "Bobby, can you help me with the dishes?"

Bobby nodded and started picking up the plates and cutlery.

You're eyeing me carefully now. And I know it means you're about to say something. This has nothing to do with you. Drop it now.

"I'm terribly sorry about what happened between you and your wife, Marcus." Donna rose up from her chair and went to sit next to Marcus. "But I think you've had enough to drink for tonight. It's not helping and you know it."

"I screwed up on my own." Marcus moped about.

"Well, that's just it. Sometimes you screw up and sometimes things that… are just out of your control happen and you don't know what triggered them but they change the dynamic you are in." She glanced at Harvey for a split second: "And the person you think you know just flips."

"I gambled, I didn't cheat, I mean… I just want things to go back to normal in my brain," Marcus swallowed hard.

"Normal's overrated but trying to stay sober seems like a good start," Donna said.

"Not for us though," Harvey cut in for the first time in what felt like ages. "I mean she and I started drinking trying to find our new normal at some point."

"And look where it got us," Donna quirked an eyebrow.

"In the sack apparently," Marcus cut in, cracking up.

Harvey shook his head in disbelief but eventually smiled up at Donna. "Probably wouldn't have taken as long had we not been trying to salvage what was left of before."

"Before?" Marcus asked, intrigued.

When everything used to add up, when you were my secretary and I'd shredded any hope of ever being with you; any hope of you feeling the same way about me.

"It doesn't matter anymore." Donna looked at Harvey one last time before pouring Marcus a glass of water. "Now, drink up."

That kiss in your office will always matter, Donna.

"Do I have a choice?" Marcus grinned sheepishly.

"You do but I know you're going to make the right one," Donna concluded.

Harvey rubbed his neck and sighed with relief when he saw Marcus drink the water.


Your mother sure knows how to bake pies. Those strawberries were so good that the taste isn't leaving my mouth anytime soon. I can tell you savored every bite too. I don't know why but that thing that just happened with your brother triggered something in you.

An hour's gone by and you and Bobby decide to drag Marcus upstairs and get him into bed while I give your mother a helping hand. I just clear the table, moving in and out of the dining room and back into the kitchen as I go. Until she stops me on my track.

"Thank you, Donna," Lily broke the comfortable silence they were in.

"For what?" Donna asked, uneasy.

"What you said to Marcus, despite all the horrible things he said to you." Lily stopped scrubbing the pie plate. "I was prying… I heard everything."

"I do that too," Donna smirked, "sometimes."

"I didn't know tonight was going to turn out this way," Lily stated.

"It's not your fault, Lily. None of us could have," Donna frowned.

"I should have," the older woman sighed, "Marcus is right; I've always made Harvey my primary focus. But I had my reasons…"

"Because he knew," Donna said, with a deadpan expression.

Lily's eyes brightened at the red head's reply.

"Of course it was because he knew. I love my sons equally, Donna. But Harvey was older and I didn't want to see Marcus go through it too," Lily explained.

"But he did anyway."

"What Harvey feels about cheating, Marcus feels about gambling. It's different and yet one and the same. I feel like I'm responsible."

"I know it's not my place to say but…" Donna paused, licking her lips before saying, "you are responsible."

Okay, Donna, you just said that. No, I won't start Donna myself. There's no turning back now.

Lily swallowed expectantly.

Donna continued. "I should know, because part of me waited for your son for years because of his insecurities. But I'm glad things turned out the way they did."

"You're a strange woman, Donna." Lily's went wide.

"I know." Donna remained calm.

"Why do you think this way?"

Donna sighed. "Because I probably wouldn't have been with him hadn't it been for your mistake." Tears threatened her eyes, "And I could have just as easily been that kind of secretary."

Lily cut in, trying to reassure her. "Donna, it was just drunk talk between two brothers, I'm sure –"

But Donna dismissed the rest of the explanation entirely.

"Your son has helped me become the woman that I am today. And if it hadn't been for you, no matter what that says about my taste in men," Donna chuckled in harmony with Lily before adding, "I don't think I would be this in love."

A teary-eyed Lily pulled Donna into a hug, "But are you happy, Donna?"

Her question took the COO off-guard. Donna tried her best to hold back the tears that were gliding down her cheeks. "I just know that whatever happiness is, it doesn't qualify a thing if he's not in my life."

"You have no idea how grateful I am that you are in his," Lily let out between sobs.

And that one just makes me want to hug you even tighter.


I'm about to head into the living room when I see you coming down the stairs. You tell your mother Marcus is sound asleep in his old room and wish her a goodnight. She says something to you that I can't make out. But it's okay, I don't need to know everything. I'm not even sure I want to talk about what happened earlier in your bedroom. Your mother is long gone by the time you offer your hand, suggesting we turn in for the night.

I accept it and it feels just like earlier, only this time your bedroom is almost pitch dark, except for the window's small opening that is struck by the silvery light of the moon. I kick off my shoes and try to find the light switch but you hold my hand back and close the door.

"I owe you an explanation," Harvey said, his voice soft.

Okay, maybe I do want to talk about it all.

"You do," Donna challenged him.

"First, that night I told Marcus about you –"

"Wait, I thought this was about more than one secretary," Donna mocked.

Harvey sighed, "Trust me, this was about you. But not that it matters… I was drunk and I think you'd done something to piss me off."

"You're not helping your case, Harvey," Donna warned him.

"The point is… He doesn't know about the other time. And that night, I wanted to fuck you out of my system. Think of you as just an employee; use you in that way instead of confronting my feelings head on."

I don't know why but the fact that I'm so close to you, thinking about the way you wanted to have me, and that I can feel that hard-on in your pants, arouses me. Who am I kidding? You make me feel that way all the time.

"But what Marcus didn't tell you about that story was the fact that he'd asked me why I just wouldn't try to have my way with you." Harvey sighed, cupping her cheek.

"And knowing you, I'm pretty sure you didn't answer."

"You're right, I didn't," he gulped. "But I definitely want you to know. So…"

He let go of her hand and her cheek and moved to the window. She leaned against the door, and crossed her arms tightly against her chest.

"Here comes my second point," Harvey began gesturing at the window.

"About a window?"

Harvey nodded, "Yes… You asked me about the glass window in my office. I've had some time to think about it and earlier today, I remembered just how much time I would spend staring at this window here, trying to daydream my life away. I'll leave out the details for now. But the point is that I should have opened the door you're currently leaning against. I should have faced my fears sooner and confronted Mom in this very house."

"You were too young, Harvey."

"Maybe… but I should have told her how I felt."

She didn't speak, letting him continue as she realized he was slowly moving back to where she stood.

"Just like I should have walked straight to your cubicle instead of waiting for you to show up," he finished, barely a feet away from her. "You need to see that what happened earlier had nothing to do with –"

"Harvey," she rested her hand on his chest, "you showed up in the end."

"Donna…"

"Shhh, it's all dark now. There's nothing to see anymore," she uttered before kissing his lips slowly.

She gradually fell to her knees, sliding her hand down his chest to increase his anticipation. She stroked him through his pants and began to unzip them. One of his hands settled on the back of her head. He began caressing her hair. She grabbed his erection and it didn't take long for him to be ready. This would be a battle of the senses – eyesight excluded. Strawberry flavored tongues guaranteed.

She let him go and he pulled her back to him. He searched for the zipper at the back of her dress; the sensuous caresses Harvey was trailing over her back were driving her insane. His hand rubbed her shoulders possessively until he could unclasp her bra. As desperation hit, he ripped her dress off her shoulders. Soon his hand crept inside her bra and teased her breasts under the fabric. She quickly got rid of it and began unbuttoning his shirt up to the point where she'd just had enough and tore it from his body. Without a warning, he scooped her into his arms and crushed her against his chest. Her nipples tightened against him. He took her lips with his, nipped at them and felt her smile with pride before kissing her hard again. The moans he elicited as a response from her had him groan into her lips. She began lifting the hem of her dress up to her waist. He bit and sucked on her neck to the point of leaving bruises, burying his head deeper than her flesh could allow. Her palms slid up to his neck.

"Fuck me like you wanted that night," Donna asked, gasping for air.

"What?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"Fuck your secretary," she commanded, folding her arms around his neck.

He stilled for a moment, searching the face he couldn't see.

"Okay," he said, barely above a whisper before he grabbed one of her legs, wrapping it around his middle. He glided his fingers to her entrance, pushing her panties to the side. He squatted down a little to find the right angle. His cock, wet and slick from her mouth, slipped right in and she felt like her entire body was being torn apart. He grabbed her other leg and started a slow up-and-down movement, her back hitting the door to the rhythm of his hips. He growled a couple of times before the fierce and primal sound turned into a series of moans. She shook from the pleasure and slight pain coursing through her, unable to see, unable to think and keeping the talking to bare urgency:

"Harder."

She arched back with excitement as he sped up. From there on he was doing all the work and neared his climax a couple of times. The scent and softness of her skin was making him wild; his thoughts were taking him everywhere. He was doing her on his desk, and then on hers, in beds of all shapes and sizes; and on the loan outside his window. The way she stroked his ass would pressure him to let go; but he never did. He held on to her until the very end, panting against her skin, trailing his parted lips on every spot he came in contact with until she clenched around him.

The rush she'd felt inside her body was the result of decades of pain: home, office, cheating mother and one secretary. The greatest kind; the kind she took a couple of minutes disentangling herself from.

Let's just stay like this a little longer, Harvey. I got nowhere else to be.


M&O

M&O

M&O

M&O

Don't hate Marcus, he's really going through a rough patch. The guy loves Donna, trust me. ;)

I really do hope you liked this one. I wanted to go back to my "personal" kind of writing to be honest. So if this isn't your thing, I'd understand if you stopped

reading.

I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed so far. if you haven't yet, please do? ^^ Hit me with your love (or hate, haha)

And by the way, I'd like to thank my B again for her earful support.

Till next chapter, guys. Birthday, Katie, kids and bar trouble? ;)