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We drive home in silence, which would be awkward if not for the fact that it's full of anticipation. I more than half expect her to change her mind on the way, demand I stop the car to let her out, but she doesn't. She just sits there, staring straight ahead, until we arrive at my place.

She doesn't touch me or make any move towards me until we are in my bedroom and the door clicks shut. And then, without word or warning, Paige is against me again, her lips seeking mine, her hands touching me in all the ways I have ever imagined. She's is anything but shy at first and has no problem unbuttoning my shirt, kicking her own shoes off and dropping her skirt to the floor. She even manages to undo my bra with a deft flick of her fingertips, but as I let it fall down my shoulders she falters, and for the first time since I kissed her, she looks afraid.

Oh God, I think, please don't run screaming at the first sight of my breasts. But she doesn't, because I take her hand and bring it up to make the first contact. Her expression changes from mild panic to what I can only describe as arousal, pure and simple, and then the heat returns.

We make love, silently, draped in the moonlight shining through my window. Paige is intense at times, even rough, grabbing and scratching, exploring my body, but also gentle and deliberate, as if she's trying to make me experience every kind of caress in one night. She freezes again the first time her hand comes between my legs, and by that point I am so desperate for contact there that I don't miss a beat. I press her hand exactly where I want it and then, as she explores tentatively, I respond in kind. The feel of her skin against me and her warm wetness under my fingertips is more than I can stand. It takes me almost no time at all to climax, slightly embarrassing I know but I really can't stress the fact that as well as being hopelessly in love with this girl, her body is hot as hell. Paige takes longer, but when she does come I can tell it's intense; her nails dig into my skin painfully and I can feel her clit throbbing long after her muscles relax.

After, she collapses into the bed and reaches out for me, wraps her arms around me and snuggles in as close as she can get. I kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheeks and without a word, her body slackens and her breathing becomes even. She's asleep, and I lay there holding her, my mind racing as I come down from the high, thinking about how this is going to play out in the morning.

I must drift off to sleep myself at some point because I am woken up the following morning by the muffled sound of someone getting dressed while trying not to make any noise. I snap awake and sit up.

"Fuck," I hear Paige mutter as she takes a moment out of her sneaky escape to stare at me, sitting up in bed, fully naked. I call out her name and leap to my feet, but not quickly enough to stop her coming to her senses and make a running leap out of my bedroom and down the stairs. She doesn't even put her shoes back on, just runs out of the front door, nearly slamming it shut behind her. The fact that I am naked does stop me following, but I am prepared for this. As I was falling asleep I assumed that she would freak out the following day, so I let her leave and know this is not the end.

Instead I get up, get in the shower and think. She needs time to process, and I should give it to her. But I need to find a way to occupy myself in the mean time or else I will surely lose my mind. I decide to take it one hour at a time, starting with breakfast for my parents.

Once I'm dried and dressed, I head down to the kitchen and start on a batch of pancakes and bacon. My mother comes in as I'm flipping the first pancake, and throws a spanner in my plan.

"Emily, honey," she says as she sets the table, "I don't mean to pry but... I could have sworn I heard someone run out of your bedroom at the crack of dawn this morning."

Shit, I think, this is so embarrassing. I don't say anything, just keep concentrating on my pancakes.

"You know we're not prudes and it'd be great to know you were dating again. I just could have sworn I heard you say the name Paige..."

She waits for my response, and honestly my mind has gone blank. I have no idea what to say to make her stop talking about it. I turn to her, open my mouth, and nothing comes out. I guess my expression is confirmation enough for her.

"Oh, god. It really was Paige?"

I just look away, guiltily.

"Emily! Oh, sweetie, I always did wonder about you two. You were so close. But I never thought it would happen like this."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, you know..."

I stare at her blankly.

"There's a marriage involved, Emily," she says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, "I don't want you to get hurt."

I had almost forgotten about the marriage. To me, we may as well have been 18 years old last night, and she was Paige McCullers, not Ackard. It must be obvious on my face because the next moment my mother turns the burner off (I think I was burning the pancake anyway) and wraps me up in a hug.

"Whatever happens, sweetie, we'll be here for you. And I know you will do what is right..." she lets go of me and looks me square in the face, "for everyone."

My stomach plummets. There's a subtle suggestion there that I need to think about Sean in all of this too. And I suppose I know she's right but when your own mother is essentially telling you not to pursue the one you love, it kinda feels like a slap in the face. And it makes me feel awful about how right, how inevitable, last night felt to me.

My Mom gives me one last squeeze and promptly takes over the pancakes. When my dad comes downstairs, he acts as though nothing new is happening and I guess that means they had a deal that Mom would speak to me and she would fill Dad in when I wasn't around. I am grateful for this teamwork they have going on because I really don't think I could continue talking about Paige this morning.

After breakfast, I decide to go for a run once my breakfast has gone down. Sure, it's not an original idea, but some ideas are good because they work. It will help me clear my head.

I head to our usual running path, plug my headphones in and take off. My thoughts are surprisingly clear considering the circumstances, but maybe it's a clarity that comes from finally knowing that there was, after all, something there. It's amazing to think that I was right all along. Paige does feel something for me, and all I need to figure out now is exactly what that is. I know what I want from her and it's just as I am praying to the powers that be to please please please let me get what I want, that I round the corner that leads to the little bridge in the woods and almost fall over myself coming to a stop.

Paige is standing there, perfectly still, looking down into the little stream that runs under it. In the spring green, she looks just as beautiful as she did in the autumn gold, and all that feeling from months ago comes rushing back. She turns towards me, calm as anything and I notice she is still wearing the pretty blouse she was wearing the night before, except she has changed into loose sweatpants for the run.

"Hey," I say, tenatively.

"Hi," she just looks at me. This is so awkward.

"How are you?" I ask, switching to automatic small talk.

"I don't know."

We are silent for a moment, and if my mind was clear a minute ago, it is now so full of questions and possibilities that I cannot separate out a single individual thought.

"I had to get some air," Paige says, and then takes a deep breath before continuing, "Sean came home this morning."

My mouth reacts before my brain does.

"Great, I suppose that means I should leave you two lovebirds alone." I say, uncharacteristically bitter. I guess my Mom's warning got to me more than I realised.

"Em, I didn't even think about him..." Paige's voice cracks as she speaks, her eyes pleading me to listen, to understand. "I didn't think about him at all, after... well you know. Not a single thought until I woke up."

"Okay..."

"Emily, please."

"Please what, Paige?" I don't know why I am being like this. Maybe it's me who needed space to process after all, but suddenly I feel annoyed, impatient at her. "Are you going to be honest with me, finally?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do. You know exactly what I mean." I say, stepping towards her, putting my body and my heat near hers. She doesn't expect this, does'n't expect me to be so forward and her body betrays her before her mind can. She doesn't step back, doesn't resist even a little bit as I take hold of her hips, push her against the hand rail and kiss her. I kiss her urgently, nipping and sucking at her bottom lip, coaxing her into responding. I hear her moan, a deep noise from her throat as I kiss her, and this drives me to shove my hand under her blouse and bra and pinch her nipple roughly. She holds on to me like she's gonna fall if she doesn't and bucks her hips into me. I move my hand down, under the band of her sweats and find, despite the fact we've been at it for less than 2 minutes, she's soaking wet again. Last night I didn't go inside her, partly because it was all so overhwelming that I didn't think much about it, but today I don't hesitate as I slip two fingers inside her. She throws her head back and lets out another moan, and I begin to thrust roughly into her.

Some part of me, I think, knows that I am doing this because the alternative is hearing a list of reasons why this shouldn't be happening, and quite frankly I do not want to hear them. In this moment, I know perfectly well that this is wrong, but I don't care. I don't care that she has a husband and a life, I don't care that it's wrong, I don't care that we should be talking instead of fucking right now. All I care about is our undeniable connection and being as close to her as possible, so I continue shoving into her, curling my fingers into that sweet spot again and again until she comes, hard, clinging to me, and I feel her insides clamp down around my fingers.

Paige pants as she comes down and I disentangle myself from her clothes. Whatever fire has been flaring has, for now, been turned down and my initial anger, or bitterness towards her, disappears. In its place I feel only tenderness, a deep need to not fuck this up. So I kiss her gently, on her lips and her neck, and let her pull away from me. She walks a few steps away and stares into the woods.

"Paige, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me just now." I am starting to feel exhausted from this emotional rollercoaster.

"It's okay, Em. It wasn't just you. I told you last night. I can't think clearly around you," she sounds shaken, upset. I don't know what to do.

"Paige, look at me."

"I can't." she says, but turns around anyway. "don't you see, Em?"

"What?" I think I understand, but there's so many things at play here that I'm not sure which thing she's getting at.

"If I say it out loud, everything will change."

It's such an honest statement, almost innocent, but the response comes from my lips so simply.

"Everything's already changed."

She must know that's the truth, that whatever happens now, neither of us can go back to the way we were, not now some of the truth has come out. She looks stricken, and lost, and I don't know what to say to make it better.

"What do you want?" she asks, suddenly. I am confused at first but then leap at the opportunity to finally say to her exactly what I have wanted to say since we were teeangers.

"You, Paige. I want you. I want you to be honest with me and I want you to make a decision," I say, with a voice as even and calm as I can muster, and then add, even though I know it's not strictly true, "I won't be your bit on the side."

She just nods at me and something in the way she looks, the defiance and purpose in her expression makes me terrified that I just said something incredibly stupid. What if she decides to stay with Sean? The truth is, and I realise this probably makes me a bad person, as long as I am around Paige and she continues to allow this, I probably won't stop pursuing her. I can be kind of self-destructive in my pursuit of what I want and I know I don't have the willpower to leave Paige alone unless she tells me to. But I've said it now, so I am going to have to stick with it. At least I'll get some kind of truth from her.

"Will you be at home, tonight, at around 7?" she asks, as if we are planning a trip to the movies.

"Yes," I say. I'll be anywhere you want me to be, I think.

"Okay, I'll come round at 7 and we can talk."

Paige walks past me and heads into the woods, taking a shortcut back to the carpark. I stand alone, shell-shocked for a while, before making my own way back to the car.

At 7 o'clock tonight, I'll know once and for all.