Chapter 9:
"I didn't file the case against Sakunosuke Oda." That was the truth. It did not mean he didn't know what was going on however. He knew it awfully well, already been made aware of the circumstances even before the police could turn the key of their cars to get to the school.
Mori Ougai knew, but he did not see the need to interfere, at least, that was until he was presented with the 'proof', the proof that was handed to the police to arrest Oda.
Mori crossed his legs and folded his hands over his knee. A cup of Jasmin tea waited for him on the desk in front of him, he, himself, sitting on one of the chairs before the desk. Behind said desk sat Yukichi Fukuzawa, an old acquaintance so to call it. They shared the same mentor, a private tutor, one who had taught them a lot in the past, despite both their troublesome and shady childhoods.
The proof that was handed to the police, not found by them, mind you, included his own adoptive son, Osamu Dazai.
"Dazai's circumstances are questionable at best because of his weak condition and prolonged absences because of the treatment he receives at the hospital, many questioned his ability to receive education in the first place after all. Schools kept recommending arrangements for special needs children, like my other son, Kyuu. However, you were the one who gave him the chance to have a proper future."
"It wasn't for your sake," was the simple response from his past fellow apprentice. He had his hands folded before his face, making his mouth appear half hidden while his eyes radiated the same stern gaze they always did.
No, that was wrong. Almost always did was the more accurate word here. Fukuzawa had a good heart. He often gave children the chances they needed and deserved. That was what differed between the two past apprentices. Fukuzawa simply did it out of the goodness of his heart, wanting to help people as best as he could as the headmaster of Yokohama High. Mori did it mostly for his own advantage, and well, it was a challenge to raise children like Dazai and Kyuu. The reason why he took Elise in… was different.
"This so called proof has been falsified. I know Dazai is capable of making his own choices. He is intelligent and Oda-kun would never do any of the things he has been accused of."
"However," Mori interrupted, "his reputation is already tarnished. You have no choice but to abide by the people's wishes and the judge's one. You have to fire him."
The proof partly existed of photographs. One of them included Dazai, therefore Mori decided to make sure the boy wouldn't be unnecessarily involved if he could avoid it. Mori was a famous man in Japan, after all. Dazai didn't want any of the media's attention, and so that wish was granted, one Mori didn't mind at all, for now that is. Dazai couldn't always avoid the future he had in mind for him.
"He won't be able to find a job anywhere near buildings with underage children. It's sad, but the terrible truth of this society. Employers won't take risks, even if Oda-kun has been released without 'further consequences'."
"Thanks to you," Fukuzawa replied, gaze calculating.
Mori gave a small nod, as if taking it as an appreciation for having used the influence he had to tweak the judge's final judgment a bit.
"Dazai-kun ended up with a warning?" Mori informed, having heard the news fleetingly on the phone when he was on his way here.
"Yes, as a council member, he is not allowed to be caught in quarrels. He was found threatening Sakaguchi Ango, your trainee."
"Oh, he isn't my trainee any longer. He left yesterday. Do you want to know why Dazai threatened him? I believe in his eyes, Ango betrayed him and Oda. Dazai doesn't get furious easily, or angry at all for that matter, but once he thinks of someone as a traitor, then I fear they can only pray for their soul. Dazai holds the few people he cares for very dear, you know? He hasn't known much of that luxury after all, so he clings to such things as friendship and love more than the average human being."
Fukuzawa remained quiet, so Mori took it as an advantage to continue his rambles. "You see, Ango has been employed by the Government. Now, why do you think the Government would want to hire a mere teenager like him? At such a young age, and not yet graduated?"
Fukuzawa sighed. "He's intelligent and knows more than one can possibly expect from an average teenager."
"Indeed so, not to mention, he has a thirst to prove himself and work himself up the ladder, much more so than others too. It's what drives him. So, what do you think the Government would want?"
"Loyalty," was the simple answer from Fukuzawa, who appeared to be following Mori's train of thoughts. "They would test him, in a way one could call vulgar." Ah, the careful nuance in his choice of words. It was no secret Fukuzawa didn't always agree with the way the Government always operated.
"Hm, they wanted to see how far Ango was willing to go for them, so, he left me immediately and prepared just enough proof to ruin Oda's future. Quite the clever young man, isn't he?"
"And you allowed him to play with you like that?"
"Oh, please, Fukuzawa, you of all people know better."
"Right, forgive me, I chose the wrong words. He is going to pay for using you like that, isn't he? But you are not that low. In fact, I believe you foresaw this some time ago and prepared your own vile plan so you can use Ango for your own benefit."
Mori spread his hands invitingly, showing Fukuzawa he was right. "Exactly, of course, you'll have to forgive me in turn for not informing you of the plan I have in mind."
"I'm not interested either way."
"Thought so." He finally took the cup of tea, sniffed at it and pulled up his nose. "You know I don't like Jasmin." Fukuzawa remained quiet, Mori knowing the choice of tea had been a silent message telling him he still disliked him as much as he did. "No matter, I believe a thank you is in order for making certain Dazai was kept out of this."
"Yes, and without your help Oda-kun would have been in bigger trouble." A nod from both, as it was as much etiquette they could muster to show each other their gratitude before Fukuzawa made another comment. "I am surprised though. I didn't think Dazai would show his anger so openly. I haven't seen it, but his friend, Kunikida-kun told me about the way he grabbed Ango and pushed him into the wall, almost yelling he wasn't going to get away with this. I thought Dazai would be more of the silent type, one with a smile and quiet threats."
Mori hummed, appearing amused. "He is the type to usually do that. It's what keeps his enemies mostly away, but as I said, this time, this matter hit him personally. You see, I don't talk with him about his time with his biological family, he avoids it as much as he can, pretends they don't exist and for good reason. The media showed his father abused him, physically, but that isn't the kind of man he appears to be." Dazai's biological father used to be influential too in Japan, until the different truths were revealed. "However, it isn't just his father's supposed physical abuse that ruined Dazai's young mind. There was so much more going on in that household, with the servants and cousins living there. I knew it the moment I first saw his scars. He thinks of Oda-kun as a mentor, someone he looks up to, perhaps even a parental figure, but he doesn't realize that, not yet anyway. And that's not all, Oda-kun was charged with molestation, which is false, but Dazai-kun's mind partly 'forgot' about the trauma he endured as a child, so he doesn't quite know why it hits him so badly either. Anyway, my point is, Dazai-kun's reasons for being angry isn't just the friendship the three of them shared, a deeper, silent, psychological reason is hidden behind all this, one I don't want anyone to seek out or make Dazai-kun remember. He's had enough of that time."
"Right," Fukuzawa replied quietly, already partly knowing Dazai's childhood had been far too harmful and saddening. And that wasn't just his biological family either. Mori Ougai was a peculiar man himself, a confusing one for any child, he imagined. "It's strange how at times such damaged children end up with an intelligent mind incomparable with any other. Ranpo-kun, my protegee, is another brilliant one. He gave me enough counter proof to work with to help Oda-kun. He is a genius when it comes to bringing truth to the light, especially with cases." At practically everything else however, he was rather useless. He couldn't even pour himself a cup of tea without spilling it.
All in all, some of these children deserved far better than they received. He would've done more for any child and he did do as much as he could, but he was 'school' and so he could do only so much. Not to mention, in Dazai's case, he was not only tied by Child Services and as 'school', but Mori was far too 'powerful' to do anything that might go against his so called wishes.
"Have you spoken with Dazai-kun about the state exams?" The change of subject might be sudden, but Mori believed the topic about Oda's arrest ended with the heavy message of Dazai's childhood.
"Not ever since he visited, why?" Mori replied with slightly increased brows.
"Before all this happened with Oda-kun, he had a talk with Dazai, the boy accepted to take the state exams."
If he was surprised, Mori didn't show it. It wasn't that he was surprised that Dazai accepted, that in itself Mori predicted some time ago he would take them at some point. What he was surprised with was how easy he seemed to accept Oda's advice.
A parental figure... How curious.
"I see, that is good news. I can assure you he will graduate with ease."
"Oh, I know. He is a smart boy, his mind too large to be confined to a mere classroom." Fukuzawa closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Well then, I believe that is all, unless you have other pressing matters to talk about?"
"No, I think that's all. I hope Dazai will take the opportunity he received from you to create a better future for himself."
"His future, or your future?"
Mori smiled at that, a smile that always made Fukuzawa wary of the other.
"The boy deserves the right to follow whichever path he chooses."
"Hm, he does, but if he does what he wants, I would have a dead child by now." And with that, he excused himself and made his leave.
"It's my fault, Odasaku," Dazai says. They were at his apartment, the previous P.E. teacher having visited him a day after he had been released. Odasaku looked tired, exhausted even. Not only did he have bags under his eyes, he also had a permanent frown on his forehead now, as if riddled by the stress that certainly engulfed him the past few days.
"I should have called you Oda-sensei and not caused you so much trouble by being the way I am and you even went out of your way to organize a vacation for Chuuya and me and I always try to find you at school and-"
"Dazai," was Odasaku's response, "It's not your fault, alright? I've never done any of the things I've been accused of."
Right, it was true. It was first and foremost Ango's fault. Dazai never thought he would lose control over his temper, not him. He was a genius at hiding his emotions, but the way he targeted Ango in the hallways of the school after he heard the news from Atsushi even surprised him. Ango didn't outright tell him he'd done it he was trying to keep it silent, pretend to still be their friend, as if mourning Odasaku's loss. After the puzzle pieces started to connect, Dazai drew his own conclusions. As soon as he was certain he pushed Ango against the wall, only to be stopped by Kunikida a few seconds later.
No one knew, no one aside from Dazai and probably Mori too.
Odasaku had been released barely two days later thanks to Mori and Fukuzawa, as Dazai was told by his adoptive father.
Still, Dazai was the one who made it so easy for Ango to file the report against Odasaku. All three had been close friends, no one at the school batted an eye at that. Everyone was simply used to it and it wasn't peculiar any longer either.
If Dazai never became friends with the two of them, none of this would've happened.
"You still feel guilty?" Was it visible? For a moment Dazai hadn't focused on the way he expressed himself. "Hey, I don't regret any choices I made the past years, okay? I am glad we could spend time together, really, I am. I won't regret any of that now either."
"But if we never got acquainted personally in the first place…"
"…then my life would have been a lot less exciting, I'm sure and you would be in a worse state than you are now," Odasaku finished his sentence for him.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that, I couldn't help but want to watch over you." He rubbed the back of his neck, a sign he was having difficulty putting it in the right words. "I managed to stop a lot of your attempts at trying to kill yourself, for example."
Dazai knew what the older male was getting at, or so he thought. Odasaku wasn't stern nor gentle with Dazai. He was neutral and entirely focused on what Dazai wanted, thought and said. He always drew his conclusions based on that, never on 'what was better for the youth'. Odasaku looked at the individual, not at protocols or the way someone had to be treated per a psychology book.
Odasaku sighed. "I don't know when, but I think at some point I started to think of you as some kind of younger brother who always needed caring and fretting because you're either too impulsive or too careful. There is no in-between for you. You worry me too much, Dazai." This was what surprised Dazai. A younger brother. They called each other friends a lot of times and really, Odasaku was 26, so he wasn't that old either. He never called him a younger brother before.
Dazai stared baffled at his previous teacher. What did he think of Odasaku? Was he really 'just a friend'? Or was there more? He tilted his head to one side, thinking carefully and wondering how such changes happened.
It was similar with Chuuya. Calling him a friend always felt wrong. They often ended up calling each other partners and rivals, just like they had been. But ever since they started high school, it just didn't add up. That was until a few months ago, however. Now they were a couple and somehow, that felt more at place than any of the other things.
Then what was the case with Odasaku? Did he think of him as an older brother? What did that feel like? For Chuuya he felt affection and the need to be with him. Atsushi and Akutagawa were juniors and looked up to Dazai. He did feel responsible for them. He always looked out for them, although he had been scolded quite a few times by Chuuya whenever he 'influenced' the boys the wrong way, just like he made Atsushi believe the basement was haunted and whoever entered it and managed to come out unscathed would receive eternal luck with tests and exams. He also added no one ever came out, all of it being a blatant lie. Atsushi discovered the horrible truth when he came out with a large spider on his head.
The younger still carried that grudge to this very day.
So, Odasaku felt responsible for him then? He wanted to look out for him? Like Dazai made sure the bullies would stay away from Atsushi? Like that? He now recognized the admiration Akutagawa and Atsushi sometimes showed towards Dazai, even if the older male would never understand what was there to admire him for. Did he think like similarly about Odasaku? Did he want to be like him? No, that didn't feel like that was it.
Dazai scratched his head, not able to figure this out. "I don't get it. Why do you want to look out for me?"
"Honestly?" Odasaku asked and then shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think these are things meant to be figured out. It just happens and once you realize it, you accept it and go along with it. At least, that was the case for me. You deserve a future of your own, Dazai, just like all children do. You are no different."
Dazai gulped, not certain what to answer to that. That was happening a lot more lately, Dazai being dumbfounded, tight lipped and having no witty and clever comebacks to divert the attention or achieve what he wanted. He decided it was time for a small change of subject.
"But what now? We won't see each other at school any longer. What will I do? School without Odasaku is no fun. I often came because I knew you were there." And Chuuya, but he kept that quiet for now. Why would he go to school if Odasaku wasn't there?
Odasaku shook his head. "Are you going to follow me around once you graduate too? You can't always depend on me, Dazai. You must find your own path. I can't always hold your hand."
But was that possible for Dazai? He clung to people he knew would always be there, but that was ripped away from him by Ango, whom he thought of as a friend. He ruined it all, so his mind was in a constant state of confusion, the empty black hole now coming awfully close along with the ghost who was now grinning constantly.
Dazai shook his head, as if those realizations would disappear that way, but he knew they wouldn't, not now that Odasaku was gone.
"What are you going to do now?"
"Me? I'm going to finally write my books and travel around. I saved up enough money to get by for a while. Perhaps being fired was not so bad in the end. I can finally do the things I always wanted to do." Then why the frown? No, that was worry.
"What are you worried about?"
"I'm betraying my words, aren't I?" He showed half a smile, an apologetic one before turning serious once more. "I am worried about you. What will you do now?"
Dazai shrugged, not really wanting to grace the question with an answer.
"You have to graduate, now, this year, along with Chuuya and your other classmates. And the vacation hasn't been cancelled either. In fact, everything has been arranged. You're going with Chuuya, whether you want to or not."
It wasn't exactly an order, but the firmness in the tone of his voice told Dazai there was no escaping that now.
"You made a promise, Dazai and I want you to keep it."
Dazai grunted, the frustration settling in his chest now. He knew all this, but how was he going to do it? He was afraid, worried and probably more he didn't recognize yet.
Odasaku rested a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "You haven't lost me, you know? You will still see me around and I will visit. We're still friends and even better, now neither of us have to keep the school's rules in mind. You can see me as many times as you want me to without having to worry about overstepping the law's boundaries. If anything, this might be better."
"You think so?" He wanted confirmation, to be certain Odasaku meant what he said, even though he already sort of knew he did.
"Of course, want to make it another promise?"
Dazai nodded and remained quiet.
"It's a promise then. Call me whenever you need me and I will visit whenever I can."
A small smile then managed to break through the sea of clouds on Dazai's face, the first genuine one in weeks.
