Hi there. This chapter has been on my mind for a long time, exploring Miri's life and past. Thanks for the follows and favorites, it's very encouraging. If anyone has a suggestion/request just let me know!
Chapter 9, Amaranth
Over the next three days Miranda talked. A lot. She talked about her childhood, her father, and his ridiculous demands on his daughter. Impossible demands.
Most of the time she was joined by her younger sister Oriana, who had her own stories about their father. All of them confirmed what Miranda had always claimed; Henry Lawson had been a power-mad crazy scientist.
It was impossible not too feel bad for the sisters. They never had a chance at a normal childhood. They never had a mother to hug or hold or kiss them, a parent who simply accepted them for what they were. Oriana, even Miranda shed a tear when recalling those memories. Jane marveled at their strength - their childhood had been warped beyond belief but the two sisters had grown into reasonable, smart women. Shepard was no psychologist but Miri's upbringing did explain a lot about her friend's social skills. Or rather, lack thereof.
Cerberus had been a huge part of young Miranda's life. She talked about the isolated, regimented life. The early mornings, the endless drills and excercises. Yes - she'd been driven, obsessed with her work, but there had barely been anything else. Her work had been her life.
Shepard was not surprised at all when Miranda sat down with her as they tried to get some work done in the Broker's office.
"Jane, I feel... different. Conflicted. I don't know what to feel."
Shepard nodded slowly. She turned her chair to face her friend and spoke thoughtfully, almost whispering.
"I hear you. Last week has been brutal. Your father is gone, by your hand. A day later you completely lost control when you killed Kai Leng, a key player in the Cerberus organization. Your Father, Cerberus, you dealt with a major portion of your past last week. Most people would fall apart - I'm surprised how well you're dealing with this. You're an incredibly strong woman."
That put a small smile on Miri's lips. "Thanks Jane. I'm trying to put it behind me but it's more difficult then I thought."
"I've listened to your stories. Oriana's stories. You've been denied a normal childhood. Then you were in Cerberus, a violent, cold organization. You've got a lot on your plate Miranda, it's going to take a lot more then a few days to work through this."
She nodded slowly, her voice a quiet whisper. "Ori said the same thing. She even mentioned... counseling. Perhaps even counseling together - with Ori I mean."
Shepard took the woman's hand, squeezing it lightly. "That might be really good advice. Take all the time you need. Exhale. Give yourself enough time to adjust to the situation. These are major events, you don't get over it in a few days."
Slowly exhaling she nodded. "You're right. I just needed to hear that. You're a wise woman Shepard. And a true friend."
Jane grinned. "Wise? Not sure about that one. Being in the military I have seen the effects of shocking, traumatic events. And the best response is always to talk about it. As often as you need to. You're doing fine Miri, don't stop talking. Liara and I will gladly listen to all your stories."
Making a small, grateful sound Miri pulled the Commander close, hugging her with a big smile on her face. "I know. Thank you."
Later that night Miri found the Commander in the starboard lounge.
"Jane?" She eyed the Commander hesitantly, "There's something else I would like to discuss."
"Of course." Jane appreciatively eyed her friend - and immediately felt underdressed in her own boring navy blue. Miranda had sworn of the Cerberus catsuit but was uncomfortable in an Alliance uniform so she had taken on the pleasant habit of wearing suits. Pleasant because she looked absolutely spectacular. Hot. Today's attire was an old rose, form fitting pants and jacket over a clear white blouse which sported small accents of playful, sensual lace over the top buttons. Her dark long hair created a gorgeous contrast with her clothing. Shepard noticed the jacket straining to contain the woman's large breasts and licked her lips, admiring the way the tempting curves filled the -
"My eyes are up here Shepard!"
"Oh yes, errr, sorry."
Rolling her eyes but with a happy smirk on her lips Miranda took Shep's hand. "It's fine when you look me up and down. You're allowed to. But tonight I wanted to discuss something with the two of you, Liara should be here any minute. Drink?"
Jane looked around the starboard lounge. With the lights so dim the bright stars of the Terminus system blasted through the large window, creating a warm, almost surreal atmosphere. "Just some water please." Seating herself on the couch she heard the soft noise of the door.
"Liara!" Miri welcomed the asari with a hug and a friendly kiss before pouring three cups of water.
When they were seated Miri took a deep breath and fiddled with her lace collar, taking a few moments before starting of. "I wanted to talk to the both of you. I... I need to know what we have. The three of us. I mean..." she fumbled for words while the couple patiently waited, "I cherish your friendship but we all know it's gone beyond that. The sex... the sex is awesome, but where do we stand? Where is this going?"
Liara started to speak but Miranda raised her hand. "Please, let me clarify something first." Her cheeks colored slightly as she pushed out the words. "Relationships have never been easy for me. I'm aware that my social skills are... underdeveloped. It's not arrogance when I say I'm highly intelligent - and perhaps that's somewhat of a curse here - I can barely tolerate someone who can't keep up."
Taking the couple's silence as encouragement she continued.
"My childhood and being with Cerberus hasn't helped either. My work kept me busy around the clock, leaving me with little time to pursue my own interests. Hiding behind my work, hiding behind the ice queen image was a way to avoid... emotional involvements."
Taking a small sip of water her voice was a soft whisper. "As a net result... I've had very few real relationships. I... I barely know what love is."
Shepard sat in stunned silence. Miranda completely baring her soul like that was unexpected. "I never knew. You always appeared so confident, so-"
"I know. I could always hide my... loneliness."
"Miranda," Liara's voice was warm, caring, "how can we help? Is there anything in particular?"
Lovingly touching the maiden's shoulder Miri smiled. "I knew you'd say that! Please believe me - you two have helped me immensely!" She took Liara's hand. "You're like a breath of fresh air. We have deep, meaningful discussions together, working with you is an absolute delight. I feel very close to you. I love..."
Turning to Shepard she blushed lightly, "Jane I admire your determination and clear mind. Focused, driven, straight to the point. It's a tremendous pleasure and a privilige to be around you two."
Liara and Jane looked at each other and smiled. They both opened their mouths to speak, but Miri beat them to it.
"The two of you have turned my world upside down. It was a huge surprise when you invited me for a night of carefree fun sex. Even more shocking - I accepted!" She shook her head while smiling, clearly still surprised by the events of their first night. "It's obvious you care for me. Interested in me. Have fantastic sex with me. You two are making me believe in love again!"
Liara smiled from ear to ear. "That's wonderful to hear. I've seen your transformation over the last six months and I'm very happy for you." Leaning in she gave Miri a warm hug and noticed Jane doing the same thing. "I never saw you smile while employed by Cerberus. Now everytime I see you there's a smile on your face."
"I have a lot to be thankful for." Closing her eyes for a second she started, "I've left that narrowminded suffocating organization. I'm doing meaningful work in the war effort. My sister is safe aboard with us. And the two of you..." Sparkling eyes fondly took in Shep and Liara. "That brings me back to my first question: what is this thing we have?"
Taking the initiative Liara stated decisively, "I love you. Not like I love Shepard - she's practically my bondmate already. You are very dear to me. I love spending time with you, love you being in our life."
Nodding in agreement Jane took her hand. "I Love you too Miri. You're a wonderful friend, a joy to be around. I have tremendous respect for your loyalty, honesty and integrity. You're actually much more then a friend. Blue, what's that asari word?"
"Amaranth," Liara stated, "which does not have a proper translation in English. Closest would be 'intimate friend' or 'loving friend'. Sharing your bed with an Amaranth is very common in asari culture, even within the bondmate relationship."
"I love..." Finally able to express all of her affection for the couple Miranda smiled. "I love both of you. My life is so much better for knowing you. I love what we have together." She sampled the alien word, "Amaranth. Thank you so much I will cherish that title."
"You're welcome. As for your second question, the future - you will always be welcome with us whatever the winds of change may bring. We'll win this war and take it from there."
Jane blinked, nodding her approval. "We're having a great time together. We have today. Tomorrow is uncertain. Let's live in this moment."
Miranda noticed the unspoken. Just enjoy it - this could all end tomorrow.
For a few minutes they sat in silence, simply cherishing their togetherness. Sitting in the middle, touching shoulder with both Shepard and Liara Miranda stared at the distant stars as she enjoyed the grateful, warm feelings deep within her. She said it. I will always be welcome with them. Not alone anymore...
She felt a tear in the corner of her eye. I'm not crying dammit!
Liara flawlessly felt the emotions in her friend and held her close without saying a word.
Shep grinned, "Now if you do happen to bump into a hot man or woman or krogan, don't let us hold you back!"
That did it. The three busted out in laughter with Miri spilling water on her suit. "Oh gosh! Shepard!"
Her words came like a waterfall, "And that's another thing! I've always considered myself straight. Yesterday I woke up next to a woman and an asari. That is... that is..." she threw her hands up, "unheard of!" She laughed out loud, baring her teeth in a beautiful relaxed smile.
"Ok. I learned that I'm bisexual, but with two? And one of them not human!" Quickly turning to Liara she added "not that that's a bad thing, I mean-"
"I've been inside your head," Liara smiled as she laid a hand on her friend's shoulder, "slow down. I know how you see me. And I love you."
Miranda exhaled. "Ok. Yes. So every aspect of my life has been turned upside down. I'm very different from the Miranda Lawson I was two years ago. And I'm trying damn hard to get used to it!"
