ShardXShard: The Highschoolening Chapter Nein

"Kiba..." I groaned out, after being completely tired out from the day of shopping. I was lying in the couch in the Occult Research Club's clubhouse, staring at the ceiling.

Rias, Asia, Koneko and Akeno were in the back, trying on whatever they had bought. Rias' parents must have some seriously deep pockets, if she could pay a bill that must've gone up into the hundreds of thousands of yen without batting an eye.

"Yes, Issei?" he managed to groan back from the other couch. He was in a similar position.

"I heard about Fallen Angels coming into town, from Irina." I heard him groan as I mentioned the Junior Inquisitor's name. "Want to go beat them up?"

"Don't think that's a smart plan, Issei," he replied. "Besides, Rias would totally punish us for not telling her."

Come on, headvoice, help me out here? Alright, then.

"She didn't notice us slipping out for an entire hour and a half. You'd really think she'd notice us slipping out to kick some Fallen Angels back to wherever they come from?" I said, while turning to Kiba. "By the way, why would she punish us for beating up some of your enemies? What are we going to say, 'sorry we beat up the people who'd totally skewer us the first chance they get'?"

"Good enough," he replied, and we were off.


"I'd really hoped finding them would be easier," I said, as we'd already spent half an hour in town just looking for the Fallen Angels.

Then I remembered, I should've just asked the headvoice. When I did, I got some quality instructions to the nearest Fallen Angel lair. But that would almost look like I'd be leading Kiba into a trap, wouldn't it? Alright, maybe give me instructions to get there without looking suspicious?

Mhm, it could do that as well. Alright, let's do this!

And just like that, Kiba and I arrived at the abandoned church. The déjà vu was strong with this one.

"I think this is it," I said, and with that the current path was done.

"No, really?" Kiba said sarcastically, "What gave it away? The ominous shadows surrounding it?"

Now that he mentioned it, that sounded really suspicious indeed.

"Or the notice on the door, saying 'non-Fallen Angles keep out'?" he continued.

They didn't even spell 'angels' right. I was beginning to doubt the competence of these Fallen Angels.

I carefully opened the door, and was greeted by a fanatic I'd hoped I'd never meet again.

"IF IT ISN'T MY FAVORITE DEVIL AND THEIR RESIDENT PET!" He yelled, activating his lightsword-thing.

"I'll handle him," Kiba said. No problem, Kiba, I'll handle the occasional Fallen Angel coming our way. Because they're totally not corrupted forces of good who could probably shishkebab me without a second thought. Handsome bastard!

I noticed only a single Fallen Angel, who ran away into the basement as soon as he saw us. Must've been scared.

I laughed for a moment, before changing my focus to the insane exorcist. He was faster than before, and I realized that the only way I'd be able to damage him was making him dodge my attacks to get clipped by Kiba's.

Then I noticed the horde of Fallen Angels emerging from the basement, with a really large guy leading them. I prepared to dodge their spears of light, but then the big dude held his hand up.

"If it isn't one of the Gremory's minions, and their pet human," he said. "I heard you beat up Raynare and Donahseek." I was so boned right now, he'd totally skewer me. "Freed, you can handle the failed test subject, can't you?"

I saw the deranged fanatic nod once, before dodging another of Kiba's attacks.

"Very well. None of you are to interfere. Then, Hyodo Issei, prepare to fight me, Kokabiel, leader of the Grigori, Scourge of the Light, Holder of the Whip o-" he went on and on and on about his titles, and it took five very long minutes before he was finally done.

"Does he do this often?" one of the Fallen Angels asked silently during the monologue.

"Yes. Every time." an older Fallen Angel whispered back.

"So, Hyodo Issei, you now know my name. Prepare. To. Die!" Kokabiel finally said.

With that, he waved his hand and spears of light rained down from above. If it wasn't for the headvoice, I would have been hit by most, if not all of them.

"So, you do have some talent after all. Perhaps I shouldn't have punished my subordinates so harshly." And once again, he went off on a monologue about the proper treatment of minions. I asked the headvoice on how to make it stop, and purposefully took a coin from out of my pockets, and stealthily threw it at the monologuing Kokabiel.

"Now, you have to realize that good mooks are hard to find, and when you find one, you've got to treat them exactly right. Not too harsh, or they might leave, but not too lax, or they might think they can get away with -URK" Kokabiel started coughing before he fell to his knees, coughing and hacking all the way. He then fell down on his back, skin turning into a sickening shade of blue.

I had an extremely insane idea, one that just might work. I asked the headvoice for help, and got it.

"Do you yield?" I asked, foot on his chest. He frantically nodded. I pushed hard, just the way the headvoice told me and I think I heard ribs crack. With a pop, the coin flew out of his mouth. I grabbed it and put it in my pocket. Eww, Fallen Angel saliva...

"My thanks, mortal. I'll allow you and your ally to leave unharmed." With that, Freed stopped instantly and looked at the Fallen Angel like he'd gone insane.

"Actually..." I said, a smile growing on my lips, "According to the Grigori decree of 1358, anyone that defeats a member of the Grigori could demand to take the place of the one he or she defeated."

"That only applies to Fallen Angels, mortal, not to your kind," Kokabiel's voice thundered. "Now leave before I change my mind!"

"Aaaaaaactually..." I drew out the A to annoy him, "it excludes demons, angels and people with one or more heroic ancestors. I've checked my family tree, no heroes there. Absolutely none. Perfectly mediocre people, every single one of them."

I gave him a conspiratory wink.

Kokabiel glared at me and for one moment, I'd thought he'd kill me right there. Then, his eyes widened as he realized what I was saying.

"Fuck it," he said, throwing his hands to the roof. "I'm tired of leading these idiots anyways, always having to be such a fanatic about battle. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to go on a long vacation to somewhere sunny, where the girls wear nothing but palm leaf dresses and coconut bikinis. I'll come back when you're dead."

"Go right ahead," I said. Going to one of those places might be something to look into, someday.

And with a pop, the leader of the Fallen Angels disappeared.

"Sooo..." one of the Fallen Angels in the horde said, "All hail lord Hyodo?"

As one, the Fallen Angels roared: "ALL HAIL LORD HYODO!"

A hand grasped my shoulder. I quickly turned around, expecting to see Freed and the rapidly cooling body of Kiba, but unfo- luckily, the handsome bastard had survived.

"Freed ran away," he said, "But I'm not going to be the one to explain this to Rias."

Shit.

A/N: I had fun writing this.