So, this is how it's all going to end? The lovely American is going to wake up from this unconscious state, and kiss the commie Russian right on the mouth. And the moment that happens America is going to drop dead, like some sort of bug hitting a light bulb.
Russia's lips were poison. Not one of the lame types of poison that toddles sometimes swallow and their parents have to call that one number to fix. The extremely deadly type of poison that makes you drop dead before you can even think something like, "Oh, shit! I'm going to die! Who's going to feed my cat?".
Goodness, it's a shame that he's going to have to wake up when he's looking so peaceful looking. Seriously, he had no idea that he looked so cute in his sleep. His mouth isn't open with drool coming out of it, and he isn't making any disgusting snoring noises. Hell, he was sleeping just like the dudes in the movies do.
That demon prison guard, that somehow American friend, the boss demon dude, and Russia are totally admiring him right now. Those guys look completely amazed that he looks extremely sexy in his sleep. They're staring at him unmoving, with their mouths open in amazement and stuff.
Only somebody who sleeps this sexy can cause this effect. Sexy people can make people stop moving and just stare at their sexiness. And dude, he is totally one of these super sexy awesome people.
"Will you stop admiring yourself, and come to the conclusion that you're in some sort of out of body experience?" a very familiar English accent asked annoyed.
America turned away from looking at his sleeping body. "I'm having some sort of out of body experience?"
"I'm sure that you've seen enough movies to understand this concept. You're starring at your own body while you're not in it," England answered using a bitter tone. "What the hell do you think is going on?"
"I think I'm having some sort of out of body experience."
"Well duh," the Englishman answered putting a spoonful of Lucky Charms into his mouth.
"Why are you in my out of body experience?" the American asked. "And why are you eating a bowl of cereal?"
England set his spoon back in his bowl and sighed. "That would be your fault."
"How?"
"A few years ago, you saw a movie where the main character has some sort of out of body experience-"
"What movie was that?"
"I don't remember. Anyway, you saw this movie and decided that if you ever had some sort of out body experience, then you would want me there to-"
"Dude! I remember that now. I made you sign this contract that stated that if I ever passed out and had into a body experience, then wherever you are you would also pass out, and join me wherever I'm at to share this experience with me!" America laughed. "I totally forgot about that! It's amazing that it actually worked!"
The Englishman frowned and took two more bites of cereal. "I'm actually thinking of another word instead of 'amazing'. It really isn't amazing that my face passed out in a bowl of cereal." He set his spoon back into the bowl and stared at it. "I really don't want to know that frog is doing with my lifeless body," he mumbled too quite for the American to hear.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." England sighed and ate some more of his magically delicious Lucky Charms. "How did you even get in this mess anyway?"
"I was kidnapped by these demon guys!" America pointed at Rafu and his boss. "And this demon tricked me!" he said putting down the hand pointing at Rafu's boss in order to just point at Rafu.
"How did a Japanese airline security guard trick you?" the Englishman asked. "And why are you calling him a demon?"
"Because he is a demon! He tricked me into making a ridiculous promise!" the American stated waving his arms, like some sort demented white chick at a rave.
"What did you promise that's so outrageous?" England asked frowning at America's performance.
"He got me to promise to kiss Russia on the mouth-"
The Englishman dropped his spoon in shook. This action cut the American off, and left both men staring at the spoon on the floor in silence.
"Did I hear you correctly? I thought you just said that you promised to kiss Russia on the mouth," England said, using an overly calm voice, breaking the silence.
"You most certainty did," America confirmed. "I promised this Rufus guy that if his nonexistent American friend somehow brings Russia in here I'll kiss him on the mouth. Not Wesley, his American friend, on the mouth. Russia on the mouth."
The Englishman burst into laughter. "Oh goodness! You're going to have to keep this promise! For once your over confidence has gotten you in trouble! Ha, the United States of America never breaks a promise!"
The American glared at his English companion. "This is all Rufus's fault! He tricked me into becoming overly confident!"
England picked up his fork from the floor. "Tricked or not tricked you're still going to have to live up to your promise. Russia will probably kill you later." He chuckled. "That is, unless you find a way out of this mess-"
"Dude! That's it! I was so freaked out that I became blind to the obvious loophole," America exclaimed cutting England off.
"Loophole?"
"Yeah, I promised Rufus that if his American friend somehow waltz in here with Russia, then I'll kiss Russia on the mouth." The American grinned proud with himself. "Wesley is from Alaska!"
The Englishman frowned. "You own Alaska."
"I do? Are you sure?"
"How the hell do you not know what land you own?" England asked annoyed. "Don't you remember the big deal you made when oil was discovered there? You personally visited Russia with a bouquet of sunflowers to thank him for the black gold. Then you stared dancing and singing this song you made up. I believe it went like, 'Don't you wish your country had oil like mine'."
"Oh shit!" the America exclaimed upset. "I going to need a another loophole now. England, you're good with laws and crap, help me figure out a loophole."
"No, you're going to need to live up to your promise," the Englishman spat. "This should teach you a lesson."
"But I don't want to learn a lesson!"
"Too bad. You got yourself into this mess, and now you have to kiss Russia." England looked at the three men and Russia staring at America's unconscious body. "Oh, and it looks like the Wesley person is going to record this," he stated pointing at the bartender's phone.
"That totally makes Wesley not a American! True Americans don't-"
"Wesley is a American," the Englishman corrected eating some of his cereal. "Stop trying to find a way out of this. Speaking of a way out, how does this out of body experience thing end?"
"I don't know," the American answered. "In the movies the dude just wakes up. But, this isn't exactly like the movies 'cause in the movies the people are still moving when the dude is knocked out. Russia, Rufus, Wesley, and Rufus's boss guy aren't moving."
"Good observation, America. Maybe you aren't that dumb. So, we just need to figure out why time isn't moving around us."
"Do you think time stopped because the world would be forever damaged if I kissed Russia?"
"No. The only thing that would be damaged would be your pride. You're not going to burst into flames, or drop dead or anything. But, you might receive a black eye from Russia."
"Dude, this is so unfair! I really don't want to kiss that commie!"
"He's not a commie anymore. You really need to stop calling him a commie," England lectured. "And besides if this strange out of body experience doesn't end, then we might be stuck-" The Englishman cut himself off when he noticed Rufus' hand move slightly. "Oh..."
"Huh?"
"Time hasn't stopped moving around us. It's just moving really slowly."
"I don't get it."
"You're probably just going to be passed out in real time for a few seconds or so, then you're going to wake up and live up to your promise. Time is just moving slowly in this out of body experience you're having for you can talk to me. Because apparently I'm your voice of reason, and I need to lecture you before you go off and make another promise that's going to embarrass you."
"Why the hell would you be my voice of reason?"
England sighed and ate some more of his cereal. "I don't know. Its probably the contract you made me sign a year ago." He blushed. "I probably shouldn't have sighed that thing with one of my magic pens," he mumbled upset.
"I don't want this out of body experience to end! The second it ends I'm going to have to-"
"Well, I do! I got France over at my place. And this little faint of yours has me passed out with my face in a bowl of cereal. Do you have any idea what France can possibly be doing right now?"
"But time isn't moving around us-"
"No! Time is moving slowly around us! And France could be using this slowly around us time to slowly move his hand towards my-"
Everything went black before the Englishman could finish. The out of body experience was now over.
Now America just had to wake up, swat that phone out of Wesley's hand, and live up to his promise. Then after that he should get some sleep. Sleep is recommend for people after they pass out.
A/N
I really wanted America to have an out of body experience. I also wanted England to lecture him while eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.
Sorry, if you wanted England's reaction to be USUK instead of laughing.
Anyway, about Rufus, two of y'all want to marry him. The logically answer would be to let Japanese Sinister marry him 'cause she asked first. But, I don't like logical answers. So, Rufus is going to be on the Bachelor.
I'll start handing out roses in the next chapter.
Notice a grammar mistake + pointing it out in a review = this story becoming better and me being happy.
