A/N: Might get some mixed reviews on this chapter. Some might feel it's too out of character, but others might love it. Don't know, let me know either way. :)
"Okay, I'm so getting these."
"Castle, what are you going to do with glow-in-the-dark snow shoes with headlights on them?"
"What am I not going to do with glow-in-the-dark snow shoes with headlights on them?" He asks, quirking his brow up to her, flipping through the SkyMall magazine with childlike wonderment and glee. She's missed this; his lighter, humorous, at times annoying side. Sometimes, it's this side of him she needs the most. To just be around him to make her life fun and joyful, which he is doing right now as she shakes her head despite herself and looks back out the window to the sun setting across the horizon.
It's another couple of minutes, sitting silently in first class, her hand softly wrapped in his, her soul being soothed by the feeling of his thumb brushing across the smooth slopes of her knuckles, before a light pair of rapid footsteps comes running down the aisle. It doesn't catch her full attention until she hears the loud thud of someone falling to the ground and a light grunt. "Whoa." Castle says next to her, a light lift in his voice. She turns and sees him quickly leaning forward to help the small boy up off the floor of the plane. "You alright there?" He asks, helping the boy up, leaning over the arm of his seat. The boy lets out a small grunt as he gets up off the floor of the plane, nodding somewhat nervously. "Alright, good. You should be more careful, you're gonna get yourself in trouble."
She smiles over to him, watching as Castle leans back in his seat. After a moment, the boy looks down and bends over, picking up a small action figure up off the floor, holding one piece in one hand, its arm in the other, a solemn, hurt look going across his face.
"Aww, that's no good." Castle starts again. "Mind if I…?" He asks, extending his hands.
"Sure." He answers smally, his short wavy brown hair drifting into his eyes. He can't be more than five or six.
Castle smiles and takes the pieces of the boy's broken toy, sticking out his tongue as he examines it, easily pushing the toy's arm back into place. "There we go, good as new." He says, his fatherly tone coming through in waves. "Transformers! Nice." He continues, handing the toy back to the little boy.
"Yeah, Optimus Prime's my favorite." The boy says, looking down at his newly repaired toy.
"Nah, Hotshot's better." Castle says back, waving his hand at the boy.
"Henry!" A female voice calls from down the aisle. All sets of eyes, including Kate's, goes to the woman coming down the aisle of the plane, looking between worried and frustrated. "What have I told you about wandering off?" The boy's mother scolds, coming up to him and bending over, putting her hands on her son's shoulders.
"Sorry, Mommy."
The boys mother let's out a breathy laugh and pets his hair, the looks over to them. "I'm sorry, was he bothering you?"
"Oh no, he's no trouble at all." Castle says with a bright smile. "My daughter could never sit still on a plane either."
"He fixed Optimus, Mommy." He says, looking up to his mother, presenting her the toy in his hand.
"Oh, well… did you thank... uh…" The mother starts, but stutters as she looks over to Castle again. After a few seconds, Castle looking up to her with an expectant smile, the mother grins and points a finger at him. "You wouldn't happen to be Richard Castle, would you?"
This might be the first time he's gotten recognized out of nowhere with her. Kate smiles agape and looks over to him. "Yeah, that's me."
The mother lets out a breath of delight as she smiles. "Oh, I'm reading Heat Rises now. It's so good."
"I'm glad you like it." He says simply with a nod.
"Well, we're going to go back to our seats. It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Castle." She says, extending a hand for a light handshake. "Say thank you, Henry." She says, giving her son's shoulders a quick shake.
"Thank you." The boy says, beginning to hide himself in his mother's pant leg.
Castle just brightens his smile and waves as they move up the aisle back to their seats. Once his smile softens, she reaches over with a hand, softly touching his chin and drawing him to her for a soft, light kiss, lasting for longer than she intended it to. She pulls back after a few seconds of lingering and opens her eyes, seeing his soft smile still plastered across his face. "What was that for?" He asks.
She shrugs her shoulders and smiles. "You've just always been good at that."
"What, kissing?"
She scoffs and rolls her eyes, "No, kids." His smiles brightens as he chuckles, his eyes lighting up even more than they already are. "I mean…" She shakes her head, a tug at her heart wanting to get into this discussion. "The way you are with Alexis was the first thing that made me think there was more there under all that… bravado. You being a father was the first thing that made me start seeing you a different way."
His smile softens, but warms. "You know, when Meredith first told me she was pregnant, she thought she was giving me bad news."
Her brow scrunches together. "Really? You guys didn't plan to have kids?"
"Oh, of course not. I mean, I hinted at it a few times when we first got married, but she always just shrugged it off. She never really gave it any serious thought, but… when it happened… she thought she was giving me bad news, but there's nothing she could have said that would have made me any happier." He says, his voice quickly softening as he dives into his memory.
She just looks upon with loving reverence, letting him continue.
"It took me weeks to convince her that her being pregnant was a blessing, but… she had her doubts up until she went into labor. Meredith never had any interest in being a parent. She never wanted that kind of responsibility. But, you know, I've always wanted to, so…" He drifts off, his eyes bright and lost in memory. "You know, you hear people say that their lives changed the instant they first held their child, but… I was in love with Alexis the instant I saw her on the first ultrasound."
She feels her words rise up to her throat, but stop short, her nervousness getting to her. "So…" She starts, catching his attention as his smile softens, "would you do it again?" Her heart stops, nervous about getting into this with him. She's never even been willing to consider it with anyone else besides him.
"You really want to talk about this so soon?" He asks, his voice lifting in hesitant concern for pushing too far.
But it somehow relaxes her. At least he's nervous about it too. She shrugs her shoulders and awkwardly turns her body toward him, tucking her hands between her legs. "Well, when I asked where we were going, this was part of what I was asking, so… would you?"
"Would you?"
She chuckles and shakes her head. "I asked you first."
"I don't want what I have to say to influence you're decision." He says, his tone dropping and expression hardening.
She nods, accepting it, and thinks. "Well… I… never really gave it much thought… to be honest. I always thought I would end up with someone who didn't want that, but…" She drifts off, trying her hardest to give him an honest answer. "Putting the doubts I have on my mothering abilities aside for now… I'm pretty sure I'd want kids, yeah." She looks back up to him, seeing him smiling warmly over to her, casting away her nervousness about the ordeal. "So… what about you?"
He lets out a short sigh and looks down to his lap. "You know, the second I had Alexis in my arms for the first time after the doctor handed her to me, I knew then that I would gladly do anything to make sure she was safe. I knew in that instant… that I would do anything to make sure that I was always there if she ever needed me, and… if I were to do that again," He says, looking over to her, seriousness exuding from him, "then I would have to know that you would do the same thing."
She gulps, feeling a heavy brunt of his words hit her. "What do you mean?" She asks, words tight as they get squeezed out her throat.
"Kate… as hard as it is for me to cope with the thought of you running off after something, whatever that may be, and having you stolen from me because of it, I absolutely refuse to put my child through having their mother stolen from them. And… if anyone should understand that better than anyone else, I think it would be you."
She swallows past the lump in her throat and looks down, nodding. She knows what it's like to be robbed of her mother, and wouldn't wish that on anyone… especially not her own child. She can feel her heart quiver as he finally lets his point show itself.
"Being a father has been the best experience of my life, and if there's one person I could choose to share that experience with again, it would be you, Kate. Because despite what you tell yourself, I think you would be a terrific mother, and… that change that happens is something you can't control, but… I have to know if you would be willing to accept it."
She feels her doubts, her need to shell up and hide start to quickly wall herself in, but she's brought out of it by him lifting his hand, his palm facing her, silently asking for her hand. Without a sound, she pulls her hand out and places it in his, feeling put back together by his wrapping his strong fingers around hers.
"I'm not trying to accuse you of anything," He starts softly, slightly leaning forward to capture her eyes, as they look down shamefully at their enjoined hands, "nor am I trying to cast doubts on your abilities of being a mother, because I think you'd be a great mother. Because the truth is if it were given to me, I'd jump at the chance to be a father again, and I'd jump a lot harder if it were with you. I'm just trying to get you to understand that I will not let my child be robbed of their mother."
She finally gives in and finds his eyes, surprising herself in finding nothing but love and comfort radiating from them. She expected him to be glaring at her, but he's not. He's trying to comfort her, ease her doubts. And she understands what he's saying. She knows that if she were to have a child with him, it would change her. And he's asking if she'd be willing to let that change happen. So, she nods slowly, acceptingly. "Okay."
"And…" He says, his tone shifting out of seriousness, "it would be totally worth it just to see you try and feed mushed carrots to a baby who's just as stubborn as you are."
With that, a smile erupts onto her face, her silent laughter quickly overtaking her as she doubles over her arm rest, her head falling down onto his shoulder. "Yeah, well, we'll see who's going the target for whenever he decides to spit it up." She smirks. He chuckles under his breath and squeezes her hand again, and the light, joking air between them fades, leaving her to feel… confident. She pulls his hand over to her and puts her other hand against his, sandwiching it between hers in a gesture of wanting him to accept her. "I understand, Castle."
He smiles softly and answers with a small nod.
"I wouldn't put any child through what I went through… least of all ours. And… you're right, if I can do anything to make sure I'm there for our kids, when the time comes… I, at the very least, am willing to let that change happen." His smile widens to both sides of his lips and she leans down, pressing a quick kiss to his knuckles before she brushes it off with her thumb. "I'm guessing you didn't ask any of this from Meredith." She says, eyes still on their hands.
"I didn't have a choice with Meredith. It was a…" He says, shaking his head, "take what you can get situation with her. But… that's why I'm asking you. I got very lucky with Alexis, in that she turned out far better than I thought she would whenever Meredith finally started to realize that she had no real interest in being a mother, and that Meredith decided to do that to her own daughter at the age when she wouldn't be too emotionally affected by it. Meredith leaving when she did was probably the best thing that could have happened to Alexis, if I'm being honest, but… you're not Meredith."
She pushes out a chuckle, rolling her eyes to herself.
"Having a family was never in Meredith's interests, so I never expected Meredith to be that much of a mother, looking back on it, but… if having a family is what you want, then," He pauses again, his voice softening, and she squeezes his hand again, silently wanting him to continue, "then I would want it to be something you wouldn't give up for the world."
She smiles softly again, opening her mouth to tell him that he's right, and that she agrees, but a ringing over their heads stops her, the stewardess announcing they're landing, leaving her to her thoughts. If she is ready to pledge not to give him up by marrying him, then she should be ready not to give their family up.
A/N: Another little short chapter, but wanted to just dedicate one chapter to this one issue. Felt it to be bigger than what most others perceived it as.
