Chapter 9

Hutch managed to get Starsky back to his apartment and into bed before the drug's effects kicked in fully. The brunette had been worn out in the car on the way home and Hutch didn't have the heart to tell him that the outcome of the meeting was much as he thought it would be. He helped his partner inside, stripped off his outdoor clothes and eased him into bed. Starsky's eyes fluttered open just long enough for him to mutter thank you. He slept for a full 24 hours.

Whilst he had the time, Hutch made final arrangements for their trip. Waiting for an appropriate time, he rang England. As he dialled the international number and waited, he wondered what his partner would make of the place.

The telephone picked up at the other end. 'Hello?'

'Sam? It's Hutch, how are you?'

'Hutch? Its been too long. Good to hear you. Hey, this is a surprise. I'm fine. How are you?'

He smiled at her familiar tones. 'I'm good. Erm……Sam, I wonder if I can come and visit with you……..and bring a friend?'

There was the briefest of pauses. 'Course you can. What a treat. Is your friend as cute as you? No don't answer that, let me wait to find out. When are you coming? Where are you staying? Do you want to stay with me? It'll be a bit crowded, but we'll manage'.

Sam's enthusiasm was infectious. 'Is next week too soon? I've got flight tickets. We land next Monday at Manchester. I've got a hire car. How far is your house from the airport?'

'About an hour. Have you got a pen there, I'll give you directions. Oo I'm so excited!' so Hutch had taken down the details and rung off.

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Starsky was dreaming. In his dream he was back in the hospital room with Terry. The familiar pale walls, the cabinet with the lamp on it, and his lady, pale in the bed, a bullet in her head. He knew she was dying. They'd talked about it. About how she'd wanted to ride a big slide and really live the life she had left. What was it she was saying to him? He was sitting at her bedside, holding her hand. He'd told her he was thinking about life without her. She'd turned away and said 'Don't kid yourself. I'll always be there…….. when you're scared or all alone………… Just close your eyes and try to remember me'. He was trying to remember her now because he could never remember being so scared or so alone.

And her beautiful, familiar face came to him. Her sparkling blue eyes filled with love. 'Its OK best friend' she said softly. 'You'll get over this. Just be brave. Talk to Hutch and look after Ollie. I'm still here'.

He smiled in his sleep and moved his arm as if to give her a cuddle, but met with empty space. She wasn't really there after all. He woke, still with the dream in his head, and felt a little better. The ache was still there. The feeling of betrayal, which he thought would never go away again, but he felt calmer, warm and relaxed. He looked at his watch. 3.30. Was that afternoon? Must be, the sun was shining through the curtains. But he'd got home from the hospital later than that!

Starsky got out of bed, feeling the stiffness of the last few days slipping away a little. He padded barefoot into the lounge, looking for his partner. Hutch was sitting reading and looked up as the brunette appeared.

'Hey, if it isn't Rip Van Winkle. How ya feeling buddy? Do you want a drink?'

Starsky headed for the kitchen. 'I can manage. I feel like I've slept for a week'.

He heard a snort. 'Well its been nearly 24 hours. Do you feel any better?'

He paused and thought about it. Did he feel better? 'Yeah, a little, I think' he said. 'I had a dream about Terry'. He smiled at the memory. 'She said I had to talk to you and cuddle Ollie'.

'Well, that was one wise lady ya had there, buddy. You can talk to me all you like. Especially on the plane. Its an eleven hour flight!'

'Yeah? Eleven hours! Just where exactly are we going?'

Lancashire, England, Gordo. We fly to Manchester on Monday, then a friend is letting us stay at her's for a while. Nothing but moorland, hills, lakes and walks'.

Starsky snuffed 'yeah, and wind and rain. I've seen those black and white films. It's never sunny an' everyone goes round with a permanent head cold. Some vacation!'

'It's the end of May, dummy. The weather'll be………well, like ya say, it's England. But you'll be away from here and you can forget everything for a while and take time to heal'.

The brunette admitted defeat. 'whatever you say, Blintz. Anything has got to be better than this'.

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The next few days were taken up with packing, shopping and organising people to water Hutch's plants. On the Monday, Huggy Bear took them to LAX and stayed as their official 'sending off' committee. The occasion was, however, marred by a phone call Starsky had had that morning.

He had just come from the shower and was packing his shaving stuff away in his flight bag when the phone rang. He picked it up and heard a voice at the other end saying it was Cabrillo State and that there was a doctor wanted to speak to him.

'Hello, Mr Starsky. This is Dr, Michaels. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Are you sitting down? There is no easy way to say this. Ross passed away this morning, I'm sorry'.

Starsky stared at the telephone receiver as if it would bite him. 'Ross is dead?' he clarified. 'How?'

'I know this must come as a great shock to you. Unbeknown to us, she had stored her medication away without taking it. She waited till the early hours of this morning, then overdosed on the pills she had collected. There was nothing we could do. She was dead when the nursing staff found her at 7.30 this morning. She left a note'.

Starsky heaved a sigh. 'Go on'.

'To my darling David. I'm sorry. Are you happy now?'.

'That was it?' the brunette asked.

Dr Michaels went on. 'There was another note saying that she wanted a very private funeral. No mourners. Not even family. I am very sorry. If there's anything I can do?'

Starsky paused, letting the news sink in. 'Ah, no. No……thank you. Nothing. Em, thank you for ringing'. He put the phone down.

Hutch came into the room, took one look at his partner's face and asked 'What?'

The brunette turned to look at him. 'Ross killed herself this morning'. He looked down at the ground, then straightened. 'Well, I said I wanted closure. It don't come more final than that!' he moved away into the bedroom. Hutch let him go, knowing his friend needed time to assimilate this new situation.

Starsky packed the rest of his stuff mechanically, his mind thrown back into confusion. A part of him was happy that at least Ross had now found some rest, and that there was some end to this nightmare. He had dreaded coming back from England and having to face it all over again. Another little area of his tired brain; the bit he wanted to keep well hidden, felt it was a sort of divine retribution for all she'd put him through. He kept that thought well bottled up. He thought about the good times they had had. And there were good times, no doubt about that. But he couldn't shake that last vision of her, screaming and crying and cursing him as the nurses dragged her away from him.

He sat down and put his head in his hands. 'She hated me. She said she hated me'. All the good feeling he had had that morning fled away. The last woman he'd loved hated him. When Hutch finally came into the room, Starsky hadn't moved. He just sat and stared into space.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Huggy brought the car round to pick them up and he and Hutch loaded the bags into the trunk. Huggy kept looking furtively at the brunette, who had wordlessly got into the back seat and was staring into middle space. 'Is he OK?' he asked Hutch.

The blond shrugged and said quietly 'Ross killed herself this morning. I haven't been able to speak to him about it properly. He's taken it really hard. I just hope this vacation will help. I don't know what else to do'.

Huggy placed a hand on the big man's arm. 'If anyone can help him you can. Just take it easy my man'.

They both got into the car and drove through the morning traffic towards the airport. Huggy tried false joviality, but Starsky answered in monosyllables, his eyes never leaving the floor. As they got to the airport terminal, Huggy leaned over and quietly asked 'You sure about this. He needs real help man'.

Hutch smiled. 'We'll be OK. He just needs time', hoping against hope that that was the case.