Goodbye To You
(Ok we're at the end-thanks to everyone for their kind reviews. I really hope you've enjoyed my little story. I was on a bit of a Kate Bush 'trip' while I wrote this chapter, as you'll probably be able to tell, LOL. Song credits go to appropriate parties. Credit must also go to Joss Whedon, as I stole a line from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, 'Prophecy Girl', and changed it around a little.)
"Let me be the only one to keep you from the cold;
Now the floor of Hell is laid with stars of brightest gold.
They shine for you, they shine for you-they burn for all to see.
Come into these arms again, and set this spirit free..."
-Annie Lennox, 'Love Song For A Vampire'
"...If I only could, I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places..."
-Kate Bush, 'Running Up That Hill'
"...Hopelessly fighting the devil futility,
Feeling the monster climb deeper inside of me,
Feeling him gnawing my heart away hungrily.
I'll never lose this pain,
Never dream of you again..."
-The Cure, 'Untitled'
Saul stepped forward, standing between the two women, looking at the demon standing in the doorway. The priest had already hightailed it for cover, unsurprisingly. "So," Saul muttered. "Anybody not ready for this?"
"Go." Joey and Saul turned to Nadine when she spoke, and simultaneously, they chorused, "What?" "It's me he wants." Nadine said firmly, never taking her eyes off the demon. "And it's me he's going to get. There should be a back door out of here, or a fire exit. Take it. Go. Now."
"No fucking way!" Saul exclaimed. "I'm not leaving you here, so you can play the hero." "Saul's right, Nadine." Joey agreed. "This is our fight, too."
"This isn't up for debate!" Nadine hissed, growing impatient. "He wants my soul. It's the only way. Go!"
Her tone of voice permitted no argument, and Saul glared at her, before grabbing Joey's arm. "We won't be far away." He told her. "First sign of trouble, I'm coming right back in here."
As soon as they disappeared from sight, Nadine faced the demon and took the box out of her pocket. If her heart could still beat, she was pretty sure it would be pounding by now. As soon as she did this, the demon started walking towards her, and Nadine gasped, throwing her arms over her head, as every window in the place exploded inwards with every step he took in his approach, sending multi-coloured stained glass flying everywhere. He was smiling calmly, almost angelic-looking. Well, as angelic as a leather-clad demon with pins in his head could look.
Finally, the tumult ceased, and Nadine was able to lift her head and look at him. The church was littered with broken glass, that crunched under the demon's feet as he took one final step, then two, then stopped, standing only about a hundred yards away from her. "You face me alone, child." He sounded both curious and amused. "You are either incredibly brave, or appallingly foolish."
"I'm neither, actually." Nadine replied, holding up the box. "This is what you wanted, remember?" The demon held out his hand. "Give me the box." He said, voice deceptively gentle. "And I promise you, your end will be quick."
The demon frowned, expression darkening, when Nadine burst out laughing. "Do you honestly think I'm going to make it easy for you? I didn't come here, so you could destroy me instead of Joey-I came here to put you back in your fucking box!"
He flung his head back and shouted laughter. "You think you can stop me? You?" His humour vanished, and he growled, "You can't stop me, girl. Nobody can. You have no idea what you're dealing with!"
"Actually," a familiar voice called out. "I think she has a fairly good idea. After all, I don't think anybody knows me better." Suddenly, their surroundings started to change, morph, the demon looking bewildered and angry, Nadine triumphant.
She knew what was happening.
It seemed like they were standing in a darkened hut now, and Nadine smiled sadly. It was Elliot's Quansett, appropriately enough; after all, this was where his first journey to Hell had taken place.
Even as she thought it, Elliot emerged from the shadows, no longer wearing his cap or jacket, face set. "It had to be her, didn't it?" He snapped. "You had to set out to destroy the one thing in this world I still care about." Clenching his fists, he shook his head, and added, "But now, you're in my dominion. And now, we're going to Hell."
The demon seemed to forget about Nadine for now; he walked towards Elliot, looking highly amused again. "You think you can defeat me, boy?" He called out. "I am eternal. I..."
"Elliot!" Nadine called out, and Elliot looked at her, his expression becoming one of exquisite tenderness, and his eyes widened as she held up the box, before enquiring, "How exactly do you open this thing?" The demon began to laugh again, whirling around to face Nadine as she held up the box, as if in supplication, and Elliot pushed past him. "Nadine, don't." He pleaded. "Don't do this. Not you. Please."
"You should listen to him, Nadine." The demon mocked her, and Nadine looked from that sneering, pin-studded face, to the stricken face of the man she loved.
As the demon came closer, Nadine's fingers began to work the box, gliding over its smooth sides and contours. Immediately, Elliot tried to rush to her, but stilled when she held up a commanding hand, the other still stroking the box. "At ease, Captain." She said quietly. "I know what I'm doing, alright? Trust me."
"Did you hear that, Spenser?" The demon seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself now. "She knows what she's doing. Does she also know that if she opens the box, her soul will be destroyed completely? Over and over and..."
He had been staring at Elliot as he said this; now, he turned sharply at the sound of Nadine's laughter. "My soul." She chuckled. "It's my soul you want." The demon smiled. "Yours, and only yours." He replied. Nadine grinned. "You see," she told him, still working on the box, not even looking at it now. "That's going to be a problem."
As the demon faltered, suddenly looking uncertain, Nadine continued, "Vampires are made, not born. In that sense, I suppose I'm not all that different from you. But you see, as far as I can tell, Cenobites retain the human soul they acquire when they are...transformed. To became a vampire, the possessing demon takes over the person's whole being. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still Nadine Jones in every essential way. Except one." Smiling now, beaming, beatific, she added, "When I get this thing open, they won't come for my soul. Because I don't have one." As the demon roared with rage, Nadine gazed at Elliot, who smiled at her gently. A look of tacit understanding between them, and Nadine concluded softly, never taking her eyes off of Elliot, "But you do."
At first, Nadine wasn't quite sure what was happening; the demon seemed to lunge towards her, and then froze in position, eyes wide, obviously with murderous intent. And then, she realized there was nothing at all moving, except her-even the air was still.
Oh, wait-there was movement now.
Nadine smiled when Elliot came towards her, and she walked past the demon's static form to approach him. "So, you can stop time now?" She joked, and Elliot returned her smile, albeit slightly. "I have power here." He replied. "He was about to attack you, and I couldn't ...it won't last long, though."
She turned to look at the demon, and murmured, "Well, I can say one thing with absolute certainty-that thing definitely is not you." "Oh?" Elliot's beautiful blue eyes twinkled as he bestowed an affectionate and amused look on her. "And why do you say that?" "Well, I'm fairly sure you never talked that much!" Nadine responded.
Elliot began to laugh, and Nadine again felt that familiar ache in her heart. She loved him so much, and of course, she knew that their absolute final farewell would soon be taking place. However, despite her hurt, Nadine felt a grin tug at her lips in response to Elliot's mirth.
Still chuckling, he told her, "Well, I probably would have-if you'd let me!" "Oi!" Nadine poked him in the ribs. "Behave, you!" She was suddenly filled with a surge of love so strong, it was almost overwhelming. It had been far too long since they'd engaged in horseplay like this, and it had been a rare enough occurrence when they'd both been alive.
Elliot coughed out the last remnants of his laughter, then much more seriously, he said, "We don't have much time, darling. I need you to know something before..."
"Elliot," Nadine cut in impatiently. "I sincerely hope you're not going to say goodbye again. We've already been through that, remember?"
Elliot shook his head. "It's not that." He retorted. "It's just..." He pointed to his demonic counterpart, then continued, "He said I didn't care about you. As a matter of fact, so did Saul."
"Ah." Nadine was nodding, trying to keep her face straight, and not quite succeeding. "Is that why you punched his face in, then?"
"I didn't!" Elliot looked indignant for a moment, then sighed, and smiled sheepishly "I only hit him because he was right, Nadine." He admitted. "I did abandon you. I did treat you appallingly. I..." He stopped short, eyes widening, when Nadine lifted her fingers to his lips, her eyes brimming with tears, and said gently, "Stop it. Please, Elliot, just stop it. I already told you, it's too late for placing blame. And I don't care what that thing said, or what Saul said. I know you cared about me."
"You just never knew how much." Elliot's voice was cracking with emotion, and Nadine was astonished when he began to weep silently. "I spent all that time, looking for pleasure, for sensation," he said brokenly. "And I couldn't let it rest, I had to open that bloody thing. And leave you behind. Nothing was enough for me, Nadine. Not even love. Yours, or mine."
Nadine stared at him uncomprehendingly, the magnitude of what he had just said not quite sinking in just yet, and he continued, "I should have stayed with you. I should never have...searched for anything. All I needed was in my arms, and I never even appreciated it. Or you. I kept telling myself you weren't enough. That no matter how much I loved you, it still wasn't enough."
There were tears streaming down Elliot's face now; he looked utterly broken, but for a moment, Nadine couldn't react at all, because all she could hear in her head were seven words Elliot had just uttered, repeating themselves, over and over:
"...no matter how much I loved you..."
He couldn't have...all these years, she had been convinced that Elliot had never loved her, that he simply hadn't been capable of it. But now...
When her mouth dropped open, eyes growing wide as saucers, Elliot nodded. "I did love you, darling." He choked. "But I was never able to tell you, because I never allowed myself to feel it. I simply bottled it up, told myself that love was worthless. And so was I." Cupping her face in his hands, as Nadine began to cry as well, he whispered, "I need you to know that, before I have to leave you. I love you, Nadine. And I'm so sorry."
Nadine leaned her head into his chest, her tears soaking his khaki shirt, as he put his arms around her. "Well," her voice trembled, and was muffled against Elliot's chest. "It's only taken you seventy years to admit it!"
Elliot chuckled through his tears, then gently caught her arms and held her back. "I have to go now, my love." He told her, and Nadine shook her head and clung to him desperately. "How am I supposed to let you leave me again?" She sobbed.
Elliot's lower lip quivered, and fresh tears flowed down his cheeks. "Because you have to." He replied. "I can't stay, you know that." Using his thumbs, he wiped away her tears, pressed his lips to hers, and whispered passionately, "I'll love you forever, Nadine Jones. Don't forget me."
And then, everything came to life at once, including the demon, but before he could react, Elliot tore himself away from Nadine and launched himself at his other half. "Think it's about time we went back amongst the damned, old boy." He growled. "Don't you?"
Nadine, with shaking hands, started to work the box again, but almost dropped it with shock when, before her very eyes, Elliot and the demon seemed to merge together. "Foolish girl." The demon cried out to her. "It is desire that opens the box-what desire could you possibly have?"
Elliot screamed as his face began to enmesh with that of his demon other, but he managed to catch Nadine's eye, and he tried to smile at the love shining from her eyes. "We all have desires." He muttered. "Even after we die."
The words had barely left his lips when the box suddenly jerked in Nadine's hands, emitting a crackling noise, and she gasped, dropping it on the floor, watching as it began to change shape. When she glanced up, she saw with horror that Elliot was gone. Only the demon remained.
"Now," he said softly, though his eyes were glinting with anger. "Where were we?"
"Elliot?" Nadine whispered, and the demon smirked. "He's in here-" he tapped his chest-"weeping for you. It seems he did love you, after all. Now, he can watch me destroy you."
Hurriedly, Nadine picked up the box; it was still changing, and she let out a cry of pain when a corner stabbed itself into and through her hand. Glancing down, she saw it no longer resembled a box at all, but had transfigured into a diamond shape.
"It seems that nobody is coming, Nadine." The demon was close now, and getting ever closer, and she pulled the sharp edge out of her hand and gripped the diamond shape tightly, eyes closed.
She would only get one shot at this.
"What will become of you when I create my own Hell, here on Earth?" The demon demanded, obviously believing he was back in full control. Lifting her head, Nadine looked straight at him, smiling, and replied, "If you're that enthusiastic about Hell, why don't you do me a favour-Pinhead?"
She gave him no chance to react; eyes flying open, she leapt up, and grabbed him by the front of his armour, shoved her face against his, and hissed, "Go there!", before shoving the configurated box full force into his chest.
The demon staggered back, screaming, white light pouring from his body as he seemed to elongate, then shrink, in front of Nadine's eyes. And, just for a moment, gentle blue eyes stared back at her, full of understanding and gratitude. "I love you." She whispered, and then, in one single blinding flash of light, he was gone, and the box clattered to the floor, back to its original shape.
Moments later, there was the sound of a slamming door, and Joey and Saul rushed in from around the back of the church. "We couldn't get in." Saul said. "We tried to open the door, but it just wouldn't.." He trailed off when he found Nadine sitting on the floor, the box in her lap.
"It's gone!" Joey realized, then whooped with joy, flinging her arms around Saul. "We did it! We won!"
"Did we?" Saul couldn't take his eyes off Nadine. She was sitting there, just staring at the box. She looked utterly empty.
Joey extricated herself from Saul and then looked at Nadine, her expression suddenly sorrowful, and slowly, they approached her.
"Typical." As was usually the case with Saul, he tried to add levity to proceedings, gesturing to the box. "I was just starting to like the son of a bitch!"
He was referring to Elliot, and Nadine knew this, and she offered him a watery smile, before turning her attention to Joey, pushing the box into her hands. "Take it." She said firmly. "Burn it, bury it-I don't much care."
Joey nodded solemnly, and Saul piped up, "We'd better haul ass-the sun's about to come up." Turning to Joey, he quipped, "Unless you want to see a Kentucky Fried Vampire."
They turned to leave, but Saul turned back when he realized that Nadine wasn't following them. She remained seated on the floor, obviously with no intention of moving. "Nadine," Saul said slowly, anxiety creeping into his voice. "What the Hell are you doing?"
"Waiting." The simple response seemed to throw Saul and Joey completely, and Joey asked, "Waiting for what?"
This time, Nadine did not reply, but tossed her head back, staring up at the ceiling, where, through the skylight, the first fingers of dawn were reddening the sky.
And just like that, Joey and Saul understood.
"No!" Saul lunged forward to grab her shoulders, horrified, and Joey exclaimed, "You'll die!" Nadine sighed. "I'm already dead." She retorted. "And I think it's about time I started acting like it."
Joey shook her head, tears filling her eyes, while Saul, his voice cracking, insisted, "Elliot wouldn't want this. And it won't bring him back."
"Nothing will bring Elliot back, Saul." She shot back, her voice sharp now. "He's gone." A pause, and then she added, more softly, "The demon was right about one thing-it is desire that opens the box. I had to know. I had to know what happened to him. I had to know how he really felt about me." Smiling at a tearful Joey, she said, "And now, thanks to you, Joey, I do. Now, I can go."
"He did love you, didn't he?" Usually the calm, collected voice of sarcasm, Saul seemed to be having real trouble holding it together. He was crying openly, and trembling like a leaf. "Yes, he did." Nadine affirmed, then took her old friend's hand. "Please, try to understand." She said gently. "I know what it's like, to be stuck in Limbo. I've been stuck there for seventy years. I want peace, Saul. Or, at the very least, oblivion."
Saul nodded his head, tears still flowing freely. "I get it." He choked out. "That doesn't mean I like it."
Impulsively, Joey hugged Nadine. "Thank you." She said quiveringly. "Thank you for everything." Then, as she pulled away, Nadine turned to Saul. "Go." She commanded. "Go now. Before it's too late."
It was Joey who dragged a reluctant Saul to the door of the church, and then, with one backwards glance, they were gone.
As soon as they'd left, Nadine tilted her head back, as sunlight began to fill the church, and she murmured, "So, what do you think, Elliot? Is there hope of heaven for me?"
And right before the sun's rays consumed her completely, Nadine could have sworn she heard him say, "Anything is possible, darling."
Anything is possible...
"…And everytime it rains, you're here in my head,
Like the sun coming out;
I just know that something good is gonna happen…"
-Kate Bush, 'Cloudbusting'
THE END.
(Okay, I know it's not the happy ending you may have been expecting, but please R&R-and don't lynch me, LOL! Ellen. )
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