A/N Thank you for all the love and support. Sorry it's been a bit. Trying to tie this story up as well as my other story, "Now". I'm taking suggestions for AU stories. Between mine and the few that I've gotten, I'm working on outlines. In the future, I will be working on only one story at a time.
As always, please review! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.
Chapter 9
Peeta POV
The past month has gone by so quickly. Katniss and I have been doing well enough with each other. Sometimes I think that she's holding back in our conversations, still leery about opening up to me but I take whatever she is willing to give.
Our days are pretty uneventful. I bake or paint, she hunts. Haymitch drinks. Her mother and Prim heal others. Even Buttercup has his own small routine of begging. There's not much excitement for us. Ever since my mother went ape shit about Katniss, we both have avoided the bakery. My father has made no attempt to reach out to me and neither have my brothers. I am really at a loss for words to explain their fucked up behavior. Even if they are afraid of my mother's wrath.
Katniss and I have not made love yet and there are many reasons for that. I know that I'm in love with her. I'm stupid and I always let my heart rule where matters concern her. Katniss on the other hand, has kept her emotions in check since revealing that she was crazy about me. Hearing those words come out of her mouth, intended or not, tossed my world upside down.
The problem is that I still feel like I'm in the Hunger Games this time. Only surviving is not the prize, winning Katniss's love is. If I had to guess, I would say that she semi- trusts me. That's an improvement from thinking that my love for her was strategic. I want Katniss to want to be with me, to miss me. Although she's with me from dusk to dawn now, I want more.
I want to be whatever she needs but at the same time, I don't want to be used because of her neediness. I know that we both have nightmares and sleeping in the same bed provides human comfort, helps relieve those terrors. But that's still not normal. There is nothing normal about us. We're two hormonal sixteen years old killers sleeping in the same bed, unmarried. It should be frowned upon and I'm sure the town folk are just chugging up the rumor mill with what's going on between us in Victors Village.
I'm tired of feeling like an abnormality. I want to feel my age again. I know that I'm rich now. I know that I can bake all day and give it all away. I know that I can do these things. The problem is that I want to spend my days, not just my nights, with Katniss. I'm lonely without her.
There isn't much to do here in District 12. How am I going to function for the remainder of my life like this? I used to tell myself that if I had Katniss, it would be enough. Will it be? I know that she doesn't want to get married or have children. Could I really go my entire life without children for her? I probably could. In fact I know that I would. But marriage? I want to marry her. I don't want to take that last step of intimacy without having a legal tie to her. It's not right and it's disrespectful to a woman. Even if the woman says it's just fine.
I keep having all of these random thoughts roll through my head throughout the day when I'm void of Katniss' company. Eventually I start thinking again about my days and how to fill them. It's only then that I contemplate going back to school. I know that I don't have to, being a Victor and all, but school might bring me some sense of teenage normalcy. I know that it would take time to readjust. I might never be accepted again. I was a popular guy and well liked. I wouldn't take it all for granted again. School was the easiest that it would ever be.
I don't work at the bakery anymore. Maybe I could teach or make lunches at the school? I need to find something to do. Yes, I think I'm going to try going back to school. If it works, then it will fill up the next two years of my time. If it doesn't, then I can just stay home. Nobody is going to come knocking on a Victors door to go to school. I have nothing going on at the moment so I don my jacket and make my way to the school to speak to Principle Daniels. It couldn't hurt.
Two hours later, I am back in my house and am now enrolled at school. Principle Daniels understood where I was coming from and agreed to let me at least try to reengage with my fellow peers. The hardest part now is going to be telling Katniss. I know she spends her entire day elsewhere and could care less about school, but I still have to tell her.
I start making a stew with the leftover game from yesterday's hunting and add a few vegetables that we have left. Having money has afforded me the opportunity to buy produce from the Grocer instead of having a garden. It's getting colder now anyway so a garden is going to have to wait anyway. I'm just about done with dinner and am setting the table when Katniss makes her way through the door.
She takes off her hunting jacket and her boots and joins me in the kitchen. I'm stirring the stew on the stove when she places her arms around my midsection and gives me a squeeze. "Hey you." She greets me. "Hey yourself." I respond back. "How was hunting today?" I inquire. Katniss smiles and opens her hands like she caught nothing. "Only a few rabbits. I gave two to Sae and the other to my mother. She's having Haymitch over for dinner too. I skinned it for her, that's why I'm late." I smile and then reach around to envelope her in a hug. "You're not late. I'd wait all night for you." I say into her dark hair.
I take in the scent of her escapades in the woods and tuck a strand behind her ear. I may as well get my announcement over with and gauge her reaction. We sit down and start eating our food. Katniss keeps looking at me and then finally she says, "Out with it Peeta. I can hear the wheels turning in your head!" She laughs and then I grab her hand and hold it in my own. I take a deep breath and hope for the best. I'm actually hoping that she'll go back to school with me but I have a better chance of lightning striking me twice in the same spot.
I sigh. "Well, I've really been thinking Katniss and the truth is, after you leave me in the morning to start your day, I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm not welcome at the bakery because of my mother. I bake and give it away. I paint when inspired. I read, I watch television. But the truth is, I'm bored and I'm lonely. I was always the guy that had lots of friends. Now I know that I can't spend every waking minute with you so I've been trying to think of constructive things to do in the meantime."
I continue. "I've got all this money but I don't know what to do for a trade. If I opened a bakery, I know that I would put my family out of business. There's no need for art here. Even with our winnings and the extra riches for the District, it only slightly takes the load off of families. I've gone so far as to consider being a teacher at the school or opening up some kind of shop. The truth is, I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. And being that I'm so lonely during the day, I figured that I would go back to school in the meantime. I enrolled today. I start tomorrow."
Katniss continues to hold my hand in hers and she looks like she's carefully processing everything that I've said before she speaks. "Are you sure you want to do that Peeta? I mean, we've been home for a while and hardly anyone has bothered with us. Won't you feel out of place, still?" She asks.
I nod. "Probably, at least for a little bit. But I mean, it can't be worse than sitting here watching paint dry. You get antsy when you're in the house a couple of days. It's the same for me. Even if it doesn't go well in the beginning, I'll have you to comfort me at night. I figure that I started school, I may as well finish. And besides, no matter what shop I eventually open, I'll need customers. They're not going to spend their money in my store if they feel uncomfortable around me. I have to show them that despite the Hunger Games, I'm still me. I did what I had to do to survive and be with the girl I love. Any guy in my position would have done the exact same thing.
Katniss takes a very deep breath and keeps looking into my eyes and then down at the table. "You know you suck Peeta. You really suck. Ugh!" She says and taps her hand on the table. I can hear her knee jerking under it too. I smile. "You're taking this way better than I thought you would. Thank you."
Katniss stops fidgeting. "You know why you suck Peeta? Because I like not going to school but I'm going to go with you. You're not doing this without me. We have to stick together. And besides, what the hell am I gonna do in the house when it rains or snows? I don't paint or read or watch television! I screw around with you all day, literally. So I may as well go to school with you so we're on the same schedule. Damn it you suck." Katniss laughs and gets up to put her plate in the sink.
I laugh and I'm sure I have the dumbest grin on my face. "You would really go back to school just to be my wing man? That's probably one of the sweetest things you've ever done for me." I tell her. Katniss rolls her eyes. "Peeta, I saved you in the Hunger Games. I kill the little squirrels you love so much so you can eat them. I get you off every night. School is a walk in the park, trust me." I blush at the way she just summed it up. I'm flattered that she would even consider going with me. I sigh.
"Well Miss Everdeen, I think I'll be heading up to bed now. Big, big day at school tomorrow. You coming?" I ask and extend my hand.
Katniss winks at me and puts her hand in mine. "You bet your ass I'm coming."
Needless to say, come she does.
When we get to the school in the morning, we hesitate before stepping onto the actual grounds. Katniss and I are holding hands and Prim is holding Katniss's other hand. Prim leans up to give us each a kiss and a hug and then dashes off to join her friends. Katniss and I exchange a nervous glance before simultaneously taking a step towards the building. It doesn't take long before students start to notice us. As if on cue, Delly and Madge eventually discover that we are there and they walk over to us.
"Hey Peeta, Katniss. Glad to see you both back at school!" She says with too much enthusiasm. Madge smiles at Katniss. "I'm glad you're back Katniss. It's been lonely at lunch without you." Katniss smiles and I feel some peace in knowing that we are not alone. Everyone knows who we were before the games. Everyone saw who we had to become to survive the games. Everyone knows that we've hidden away and not answered any questions since we've returned from the games.
Katniss and I walk into the building with Delly and Madge in tow towards Principle Daniels office. When we open the door, he damn near passes out at the site of Katniss. She always hated school. "One more to enroll sir. Same schedule as mine." I say. Principle Daniels draws up her schedule and when we exit the office Katniss puts her arms around my neck and pulls me into a kiss as the bell rings.
"Same schedule as you huh? What would you have done if he said no?" She inquires. I nuzzle her neck as privately as I can. " I would have marched out the doors. I'd rather spend all day AND night with you. Didn't I say that at the house? This is a double treat for me." Katniss rolls her eyes. "Look at you, Peeta Mellark, you get to have your cake and eat it too."
I smile wide at her and then kiss the corner of her mouth before whispering into her ear.
"It's not cake I want to eat." Katniss giggles and then smacks my arm playfully. "Come on. You're gonna make us late for our first class. I'll die for you but I draw the line at detention." She says. I take her hand and walk us down the hall to an infamous class for us, History.
The whispers and stares continue all morning. Katniss and I sit next to each other in every class and we pass notes half the time. We're not accomplishing anything with one another other than flirting relentlessly. It feels kind of nice though. Like we're real teenagers and not Victors. When lunch rolls around, Delly and Madge sit with us. We fall into a normal banter and they fill us in on all the things that we missed, such as, all the gossip. Katniss and I really aren't interested in it but we play along to fit in and smooth the transition.
After lunch, Katniss and I have gym. We get changed in the respective locker rooms and then join our opposite sex teams on each side of the gymnasium. The boys are warming up for bench pressing when I hear the scuffle begin. Some girl is ragging on Katniss about something. I start to excuse myself with the coach when Katniss punches her in the face. I don't wait for permission anymore and sprint over there, picking Katniss up in my arms, therefore preventing her from continuing the altercation. She's kicking and screaming, trying to reach the blonde merchant girl.
I carry her, legs in the air out the door and put her down next to the wall. I block her escape and then grab her face with my hand to make her look at me. "Katniss, focus. Look at me. What happened? What did she say to you?" I plead.
Katniss stops struggling and looks at me. "She called me a Seam slut Peeta. Said it was a sin that I live with you outside of marriage in a house all alone. That the only reason you want me is because I'm easy. She fucking called me a Seam slut Peeta! I won the fucking Hunger Games and that piece of shit merchant twat called ME a Seam slut! I want to put an arrow in her ass! I'm so pissed off! How could she say that to me Peeta? How? How?"
I exhale. I don't know what to say. Even if Katniss agreed to marry me and we were engaged, it still wouldn't erase the rumors. How we live is not normal, by any standards. I am so sick of this shit. I grab Katniss's hand and drag her back into the gym. I clear my throat, Katniss's hand in mine and yell out. "Excuse me! I have something to say!" That gets everyone's attention.
I look at Katniss and then back at the class. "First of all, today has not been easy for us, trying to transition back into our former routines. For those of you that were kind to us today, thank you. It seems there are some misconceptions about Katniss and I and I'm gonna clear them all up right now.
Number One: The Hunger Games is absolutely terrifying. You're hunted like a fucking animal in the woods. I was in love with Katniss going into the games and she didn't know it. Imagine standing on the reaping stage and knowing that you're going to die to save the girl you love. It was surreal. It was a fluke that we both made it and we all know that.
Number Two: When you get home, your whole life is upside down and you're not the same person as before. You've had to kill to survive and you have to live with the consequences of your actions. The nightmares are horrendous. We hardly sleep. It's because of the nightmares that Katniss and I live together. Not that it's any of your damn business, but we wake each other up when we thrash about and comfort each other. It's how we manage to get through our days and nights.
Number Three: Katniss and I are just like any respectable couple here in District 12. Yes, we live with each other because of our shared sleeping experiences, but we respect the boundaries and sanctity of marriage. There hasn't been, nor will there be, a crossing of that boundary until we have a toasting. If I ever hear anyone ever call Katniss a Seam slut again, I'm gonna break their fucking nose.
Does anyone else have something they would like to say to Katniss or myself? Questions, comments? Speak now or forever hold your peace! No? Well then, thank you for your time." I conclude.
I look at Katniss, her mouth hanging open. "Get your stuff. We're out of here."
A/N: Review and get a special bonus outtake!
