Disclaimer: Only the original characters and plot elements are mine. Everything else belongs to the mouse.

AN: Okay, I am having way too much fun with this story. Hope you enjoy. By the way, I did not mean to insult any Dancing with the Stars fans. Just not my cup of tea!


"Don't worry sweetie. It happens to all men at one time or another."

Jack was so frustrated that he literally snarled at the prostitute. Apparently all traces of his usual charm had fled along with his libido. Angrily yanking his clothes back on he coldly informed her. "It doesn't happen to Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy? Where is my damn hat?" He searched the room and when he finally found it he jammed it on his head. Throwing a pocketful of coins on the bed he warned "And don't you be telling tales out of school luv or I'll be back to cut out your tongue."

The door reverberated from his slamming it behind him. Shrugging philosophically Marissa picked up the coins. Men were so sensitive when it came to performance issues. What did she care if he couldn't get it up? She got paid all the same. But it was a little bit surprising to realize that that had been the great Jack Sparrow she had heard so much about. Evidently his skills had been vastly overrated.

Jack stormed from the house of ill repute back to the Blue Diamond stopping only long enough to purchase a bottle of rum. Locking the cabin door behind him, he flung himself into a chair. He was planning on getting thoroughly pissed tonight and he didn't want any interruptions. Of late, Gibbs had taken to stopping by each evening to talk and to proffer what could only be termed as fatherly advice. Jack cared enough about the older man to suffer through these well meant but misguided chats but tonight he was in no mood for it. Tonight he wanted to wallow in the wellspring of self pity that had risen since his encounter in the stable.

Christ, Tia Dalma had nothing on that black haired grey eyed witch Valentine. It had been three weeks, three bloody weeks, since he had watched her skin flush and eyes darken to the color of storm clouds while she made those whimpering mewls of need and passion. Three blasted weeks in which he woke every morning with a raging hard on that could only be relieved by closing his eyes and recalling the moment when Valentine had reached her own pinnacle of release. After the first few days of this he had grown tired of his own hand. Since his fiancée was not very accommodating in the physical arena, he had sought out companionship of a paid variety. The selection of whores in Port Royal was not as varied or fine as that in Tortuga but there were still enough beauties to choose from. At first he had perversely chosen women who were the physical opposite of Valentine. When two of those failed to do the trick, he had given in and taken Marissa to bed. She was as close a physical approximation to Valentine to be found. And bugger it all, it still hadn't done damn bit of good!

Morosely Jack contemplated that it just hadn't been the same. She hadn't smelled the same and her touch had been different. Even closing his eyes hadn't helped. The bloody harpy had somehow gotten into his blood and he knew only one way to exercise the demons. Unfortunately he was marrying Millicent in two days and he absolutely refused to back out and thereby admit that particular decision had been a colossal mistake. He would find a way to slake this particular thirst. After all, regardless of what occurred between him and Millicent, he and Valentine would still be technically married and that entitled him to the rights of a husband. Rights he fully intended to exercise in the not too distant future. A smile, the first in several days, crept onto his face as he began to plot and scheme.


Val let out a long sigh and lazily continued to bathe herself. As she ran the sponge over her arm, she noted yet again how sensitized her skin seemed to have become since her encounter with Jack. She had never considered herself an overly carnal person but lately her whole being seemed to constantly thrum at a low level of excitement. It was frustrating and fascinating all at the same time. Val had not seen Jack again since 'the stable incident' as she had come to call it in her mind.

Stepping out of the tub, Val began to slowly dry herself off. She had dismissed Mary Jane for the evening because she wanted time by herself to think about tomorrow's events. In the morning Jack and Millicent were getting married. Val pushed away the flare of melancholy this thought caused. She was being absurd. Of course she was relieved that Jack was marrying. Finally, he would be out of her life for good. Their marriage had been a momentary aberration best forgotten. As for what happened in the stable, that was best forgotten as well. It had merely been the result of an experienced man's pique at being rejected. Jack had purposefully set out to seduce her to pay her back for her slight to his ego. Surely any man with Jack's degree of sexual expertise would have wrung the same response from her?

Even the soft towel felt abrasive against her tingling skin. Glancing down Val noted how her nipples were tightly furled as if anticipation. Dropping the towel she stood in front of her dressing mirror and took a long look at her naked body. It occurred to her that she had never so closely examined her body before. It had not been modesty that kept her from doing so, though such actions were not considered at all ladylike. Rather, she had always just taken her body for granted. What she saw now was not displeasing. For a woman of three and thirty she still had a slim taut figure even she was a tiny bit full about the hips and bosom. Certainly her waist nipped in nicely and that without the benefit of a corset. She considered her long pitch black hair one of her best features but did note ruefully that it seemed as if each week there were more and more strands of silver woven in. Her hand reached for the gold chain that she never took off. Panic had filled her when she had thought that Jack would see that she still wore his ring around her neck. Lord only knew what he would have made of that. He probably would have thought it declared an undying devotion on her part when in reality she knew differently. She merely wore the ring because it had become a habit, a sort of talisman that had been with her now for fifteen years.

Val reached behind her neck and began to unclasp the necklace but then stopped. No. Why should she dispose of a good luck trinket simply because Jack was getting married tomorrow? Jack's marital state had no bearing on her and she would not allow her actions to be dictated by his. Impatiently she drew on a nightgown, blew out her candle, and crawled into bed. As she fell asleep, it occurred to her that she no longer had any trouble thinking of him as Jack for the boy she had known as Jonathon was indeed long gone.


Val sat next to Katherine and James on the hard wooden pew. The service seemed interminably long. Val had not wanted to attend at all but her absence would have been noted and there had been no graceful excuse for her to offer. She felt a fraud sitting in a house of worship watching someone commit bigamy but she consoled herself with the knowledge that she and Jonathon had not had a church wedding. Their marriage had never even existed in the eyes of the church and since it was never consummated it was only a mere technicality in the eyes of the law. Yet Val felt vaguely uneasy and if Katherine's stiff posture was any indication she felt the same.

When Millicent had appeared at the entrance to the church nearly the whole congregation had let out a sigh of appreciation. Val had to acknowledge that the young woman looked stunningly beautiful. With her fair coloring and frothy dress, she looked like an angel. As Val's eyes had followed Millicent down the aisle, they momentarily collided with the groom's. Jack had looked straight at Val and then smirked and audaciously winked at her. Really the man was the limit.

Shifting uncomfortably, Val wondered if the ceremony was ever going to end. Then she heard the droning voice say the words, "If any one present knows of any reason why this man and this woman may not be joined in holy matrimony let him speak now or forever hold his peace."

Val ignored the sharp elbow in her ribs courtesy of Katherine. The moment seemed to stretch on forever then the reverend drew a breath to continue. Suddenly there was a shuffling sound as an elderly man towards the back drew himself up. In a tremulous but loud voice he said, "Excuse me sir but I know of a reason. Mr. Sparrow can't get married today. He's already married to that woman over there. Miss Valentine Hollingsworth or whatever name she goes by nowadays. Saw the entry in the registry myself I did."

The entire church went quiet and Val felt as if she were in a waking nightmare. All eyes were upon her and she had no idea of what to say or do. Then the eerie stillness of the moment was broken by Millicent's loud shriek and all hell broke loose.